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 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 1
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Romantic or StalkerishPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Many of us here on POF have had first dates. Did a guy or girl do something on that date you felt was Romantic or Stalkerish

Example:

After going back and forth in emails, text messages and phone calls a first date was made. After the date was over as they walked back to her car she found 3 dozen nicely arranged yellow roses on her car. She drove a yellow VW Bug so he figured Yellow was her color and he was right. Romantic or Stalkerish

Now keep in mind had the date not went so well...all he had to do was send a Text message saying NO to his friends and the flowers would have never been delivered. Also she had a photo of her and her Yellow VW on her profile.

My point of this story is that I have been told the flowers would have been a Red Flag for most women not seen as Romantic.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 2
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 9:12:39 AM
It's only romantic if a guy does that I've never met and probably won't ever see (or I meet and he's overly pleasant to discover - which is rare), OR if it's from a guy I've been dating a while that wanted to surprise me. Anything in the middle is kind of strange.
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 3
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 9:12:42 AM
I'm guessing the guy would have been considered a cliche and presumptive.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 4
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 9:18:35 AM
THREE dozen? What would one do with that many flowers? ONE yellow rose would have been sort of cool, or even a dozen roses because they come in bunches like that.

The difference between "romance" and "stalker" is the DEGREE.
 cookie22222
Joined: 8/4/2007
Msg: 5
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 10:17:19 AM
I agree the 3 dozen - WAY too much...couldn't you have just handed her one when you met? THAT I would have thought sweet and romantic.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 6
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 10:24:40 AM
ForumFlounder

I said had the date not went so well. The date was great so that is why it was topped off with the flowers. My thoughts on flowers...really they die in a week or so. So I don't think much in giving them.

ali-g fan
Um...yea...the date was $60 total with the flowers...Giant Eagle's floral department is good to me...

9035768

(pofer) Romantic: A gift bag of promotional(free from misc establishments) pens he collected during the day because when I was on the phone with him the night before I was at a friend's house, I had run out of purse pens AND could not find a functioning pen in her house.


Wow...I can already hear the pocket protector jokes from her friends a mile away. I am going to try that one next just so I can see the crazy looks i get. I am sure her Red Flag will be...this guy is a klepto...he stole all these pens and gave them to me. She won't take into thought that they were all promotional pens

So from what I see so far:

Too much too soon = Fail because: You come across as a fake romantic
Offering to pay for dinner = Fail because: You should not offer just do it
Not offering to pay for dinner = Fail because: You should offer but let her say no.
Showing up with nothing at all = Fail because: Then you are just like all the other guys

Showing up with something small that may be the way to go? Candy maybe? or a Toy from a McD's Happy meal? Hmm...
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 7
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 10:54:40 AM
^^^
I guess I am different because my dates are REAL dates not just meet and greets. The dates I go on are with people I have taken the time to know over emails and phone. I know about their kids...their parents their family.

We spend and take real time to get to know each other as people before we make that date...so I guess maybe after you have spent sometime chatting on the phone and learning about that person...leaving them some simple roses on their car out of showing appreciation for who they are and the time you have spent with them...ain't all that bad...

Please keep in mind...my dates are not with people I just met 3 days ago and decided to meet. These are with people I have know for at least 2 months online and on the phone.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 8
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:17:33 PM
I'm refraining until you get some more responses before explaining where the red flag came into play in the other thread. But I wanted to comment on a few posts:


So from what I see so far:

Too much too soon = Fail because: You come across as a fake romantic
Offering to pay for dinner = Fail because: You should not offer just do it
Not offering to pay for dinner = Fail because: You should offer but let her say no.
Showing up with nothing at all = Fail because: Then you are just like all the other guys

I don't know where you saw any of those things aside from #1 in this thread. And you'd only hear #4 from 60-year-old women and princess types-- it's definitely not a modern mentality.


My thoughts on flowers...really they die in a week or so. So I don't think much in giving them.

And that's why a few people thought the bag of pens was such a cute gift. He DID put thought into giving it to her. He paid attention to something she said and then he used his imagination to give her a gift she won't forget (and that she can actually use)! I know you guys think women are all money grubbers but you don't realize how much this sort of gesture can make a girl melt.


So for all the women who say its too much or too flashy, you really have no idea what you are talking about.

The women are stating how they feel about the behavior so yeah, they do know what they're talking about. Nobody has said this applies to all women but when only one woman has said that she'd like receiving three dozen roses from a guy she just met, then it would seem to be a gamble to pull this move on any random woman.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 9
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:20:11 PM
I vote for creepy. Why? Because it now puts undue expectation on what A first date should be.
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 10
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:37:44 PM
Hmm...ok so then...if we are talking on the phone and I over hear her talking to her friend and how this girl at work got this great bouquet of flowers and how no one has ever gotten her flowers(this did not happen just hypothetical) . Then if I did the whole flower thing...then I would not be out of place? Right?

But the thing is...i know for sure she would like the flowers. 100% positive even though I know it was our first meet. I can read and feel people very very well...

Ok like one girl I met on here...she lived maybe 2 hours away. We had emailed and spoke on the phone. I had made a comment about finding a way to give a women the world.

Anyway she showed me some photos of her on her job website. The sight also had the address on it. So I got on ebay and found this beautiful crystal globe earth. Cost me like 19.99 or something it was a paper weight. 3 Days later I got an email message of how it was beautiful and that no one has ever given her the world(our little joke). Anyway to this day she still has the 19.99 paper weight sitting on her desk at work. And actually the GLOBE was the catalyst in us meeting. The women invited me to her house...sooo I am positive that me sending the paper weight to her at work...was not stalkerish to her...but I am sure to most women here...it would be...
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 11
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:42:30 PM
^^^^
Had it not worked...I have 2 sisters and a mother who had not gotten flowers in sometime...I am sure they would have appreciated it...
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 12
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 12:57:44 PM
jrodriguez81

I can understand how some people who don't know me on here can take it. But your are 100...I like to do things for women I am into...I don't do big outrageous things but things that I am sure they will get a kick out of and remember for sure...even if we never get together...they will remember. I delivered flowers to a girl I grew up with...this was when we were in our early 20's...I sent them anonymous....it took her 3 years to figure out who sent them...and we talked like everyday as friends for years.

We are in our 30's now and she still brings up how I sent her those flowers and how she didn't know It was me for 3 years.

I don't know...I guess I just like seeing smiles
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 13
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 4:15:39 PM
brneyegrl[\b]

I say BRAVO! It was sweet and thoughtful. What did your date say????


Ha ha she liked it...and it actually actually convinced one of her friends to give P.O.F. a try.

mermaid140

Yea people still give and send flowers...open doors and pull out chairs...hold open umbrellas for strangers in the rain and help lil old ladies cross the street.

BigDaddyJinx

Yea...your right...there was some effort but behind it...I remember a commercial...maybe the ladies can help me out. Something like: Flowers....blah blah blah... Flowers everday, now that takes Finesse.... It was a shampoo/conditioner commercial
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 14
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/5/2010 11:29:59 PM
I would love it.....but not on the first date.
 4408joseph
Joined: 1/10/2008
Msg: 15
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:46:45 AM
Okay anyone who thinks this is "stalkerish" is just another idiot that has no clue what a realstalker is...

A word/phrase that wasn't even around 20 years ago..It's so SOO! over used.

I can tell ya for a fact anyone that thinks this was stalkerish is not for me... You have your panties wrapped a little to tight in paranoia for me.

Funny how what was impressive 25 years ago, now all the sudden makes you a stalker or nut case..

Stuffed bear on a car, something(flowers/balloons/candy sent to her WORK), card and balloons on her mailbox,even to a girl you had never been on a date with was your best shot when I first started dating. That pretty much got you a date if she was 1/2 interested.

That was back when you had to find out where they lived or worked, not like today with a click click of the mouse and all that info is right there.

I even started a thread "Staker or Impressed" a couple years ago, and ended up deleted from the flaming.

I say you did fine OP... You had convos and had a better idea then anyone here...

The real world and Cyber dating are worlds apartliterally



I think there are too many d@mn ‘red flags’. That’s why so many people are on here. H@ll, half the people have to come on and get verification if it is a ‘red flag’. They can’t even figure out on their own, if something is acceptable to them or not.


Amazed at the people that think it was so much money..They weren't boxed/arranged/and delivered.

Heck most of the year,especially the summer, The chain grocery stores here have the 12 or more bunched smaller ones in paper wrap for like 6.99. They have the big bunch of 'other" flowers for 3 bucks.



 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 16
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/6/2010 3:31:37 PM
4408joseph

Amazed at the people that think it was so much money..They weren't boxed/arranged/and delivered.

Heck most of the year,especially the summer, The chain grocery stores here have the 12 or more bunched smaller ones in paper wrap for like 6.99. They have the big bunch of 'other" flowers for 3 bucks.


That was one of the points I tried to bring out...the cost of flowers at GIANT EAGLE are pretty cheap. They weren't beautiful long stemmed boxed up roses that cost $30 = $40 for a dozen with delivery.

As far as what the women are saying about attraction...well um...how many men do you actually return their email if you don't find them attractive? Really...you must have some kind of attraction for them to not only get an email back from you...but a phone number as well...oh wait and then a date where they could actually meet with you and give you something as simple as flowers. Sooo...stop it with the "if I was attracted" cuz for me...I don't set dates up with women I have no attraction to. I just use the date to confirm if the attraction is enough to continue to get to know her with a romantic interest in mind. My Space is a place for friends...not POF!
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 17
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:13:04 PM
KillingForCupcakes^^^

oh oh...hmm...ok

Thank you....I know I know...women on here meet all kinds of creeps! Check it...the only time I run into women who are a little on the crazy...deranged, side is when I go for looks. Meaning the girl fits everything I find attractive...pretty smile, long dark hair...thick...big breasts...well...you get the point. It's like wow...and to top it off...she comes of as this great wonderful fabulous girl...win win right? ha ha Wrong...

She is crazy...deranged....

Sooo if that happens to me...I can imagine what happens to women. They love to be SOLD a DREAM. You don't think so? Women have this list(not all women)...things a men need to be for them to even think about him. Most if not every guy falls short of that list...there are those who don't care(me)about her list...love me or leave me...I am who I am...the photos you see are the photos you get. But there are other guys...who want to make this A list and know how to manipulate women so they can find out more about this list, most times without her even knowing that she exposed herself like that...so they sale the girl her own dream back to her at a discount of course ...starting with a fake or old azz photo. And...sorry to say...but most women fall for it.

"if you don't have a photo, I won't reply" ha ha ha ha...he will send you a photo alright...
 bananadancing
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 18
Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/7/2010 11:16:36 AM
I read a good quote a while back and I'll pass on the wisdom to you.

If they're hot, they're interested. If they're not, they're stalking.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 19
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/7/2010 12:47:44 PM
chivalry is dead because it is so rarely practiced.

and no one here has said they don't appreciate chivalry.

the majority of women said they felt that 3 dozen roses on the first date, mysteriously appearing on our car, if we had to choose, would come across more
as stalkerish than romantic....we simply answered the question honestly, given the two extreme choices we were offered.

if the op, or you, don't like our honest feelings, then there's no reason to get at us for the mis-treating or lack of treating we have become accustomed to.
 sharklover35
Joined: 11/28/2009
Msg: 20
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/7/2010 5:03:58 PM
I think it takes a lot to become a stalker. I would say that it really has to be an extreme amount of contact, whether by phone, email, or in person.

My idea of inappropriate behavior would be at least five emails without a response whereby three or four is questionable and whereby five or more (especially 10 or more) would be a stalking-like behavior. I think the same thing has to deal with phone calls. I think another thing would be following someone without their permission.

I do think if someone sent lets say 11 emails to another person's three, I would say that was questionable behavior and means he should probably hit the save button before sending it since that seems to be perfectionist like behavior. But if someone emails someone five or more times consecutively than it is highly inappropriate.
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 21
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/7/2010 5:41:39 PM
Actually, chivalry, or being chivalrous, or not, or why, are off topic to this thread....as the op only gave us the romantic or 'stalkerish' choices. :)

So, reading again the original post, I see actually most of us went off course with just responding to his example ....but the real point of this thread I think was supposed to be how he started the thread....

Many of us here on POF have had first dates. Did a guy or girl do something on that date you felt was Romantic or Stalkerish

Example:
After going back and forth in emails, text messages and phone calls a first date was made. After the date was over as they walked back to her car she found 3 dozen nicely arranged yellow roses on her car.......

Um....thinking back to a first date where something felt romantic or stalker'ish...
Oh yes.....it was early on in my on-line dating history....and it was on my birthday that we were going to meet. Towards the end of the date, he surprised me with a book, beautifully wrapped, with a lovely inscription written in it to me, as well as a really thoughtful card. In those days I would have more email and phone contact prior to meeting, so the book was one I really appreciated, and he knew I'd like it.
That, for me, was a lovely and romantic and unexpected gesture....without bringing in a third party to help create it. :)
 HarrNels
Joined: 12/18/2008
Msg: 22
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 3/7/2010 8:31:55 PM
One yellow rose is sweet - shows me you are thoughtful. 3 dozen would make me feel strange - like you were overthinking the date.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 23
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Romantic or Stalkerish
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:08:53 AM
Msg.1 :
I'll take my time to know if he is really in love with me and he feels romantic.. Giving me that 1 bouquet of roses or 1 rose is appropriate ,first meeting in my home to pick me up or in the restaurant, it will touch my heart,,,
but putting a 3 dozen roses outside my car ???????? The person should learn a conduct that is socially accepted ,so his effort and money is not wasted.


I don't know about STALKERISH, But I will consider him a hard core pursuer,like a salesman who doesn't take no for he is adamant to get his fat,fat profit...

In my life, I've meet people like that men and women and I call them con artist.. Their moves shows FLAGS..
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