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 Canadian Ink
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 4
Why do people search for The One?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
Anyone who is looing for the the "perfect" person is delusional. I would like to think that not everyone is looking for the perfect person, only the perfect person for themselves.
 HuluAddicted
Joined: 12/16/2009
Msg: 9
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 12:22:47 AM
What profiles are you reading? Sure I come across a few seeking their prince/princess but they're rare. People want what they want.


I just think that people should stop writing lists of things that their "perfect" person should match up to and dropping them when something goes wrong; especially when no one can measure up to perfection


I don't see it as these people wanting perfection by having a list. I see it as them knowing what they can and can't deal with in another person.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 25
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:43:54 AM
Some people have way too many 'requirements' - but in the long run who are they really hurting but themselves, in that they'll never find a person to fill them all?

I'm looking for "the one" in a way:

The "one" I'm attracted to even if she isn't our current societal "fashion model" standards of beauty. The "one" I'm comfortable around, and her with me, and we can talk about anything and everything - and who actually communicates if there's something wrong, and forgive each other for "stupid mistakes". The "one" I can look at and say "in 20 years, I'll still think she's 'beautiful' to me, no matter what age has changed...

My list has nothing to do with 'perfection' - I'm not perfect, and she I'm sure isn't either. Its about a person who you feel comfortable enough with to be open and honest with and communicate and work through things with. I don't want a princess, I want a partner. I won't be looking for "someone that may compliment me better" if who I have compliments me well... I don't live in a "the grass looks greener over there" mentality (its usually greener over the septic tank ).

There is no perfection. There are though, those pesky 'red flags' - If she tells me she does drugs, its a deal breaker. If she cheats, well.. there's a dealbreaker. I do have a 'list', but its a list of things I won't even want to work through - everything outside of that list is up to compromise & communication.

Who knows, there might be 1000's of "the one" out there for me... I only need (cough cough)... *one*.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 26
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Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:53:41 AM
I think you need to look at this from a different perspective: TIME.
There are people who from the start make a fantastic list of demands and expectations for their proposed mates, but they are actually in the minority in the long run. After one has been through some things in life, particularly after some very painful and/or expensive experiences, anyone who can, tries to avoid repeating their mistakes. They get more selective .
Your OPINION that they are seeking perfection is often as not simply the fact that from YOUR point of view, their requirements are unrealistic (i.e. YOU can't live up to them), but from theirs, they are practical, and seem to be achievable. Finally, they may even fully realize that they are asking for the moon, but feel that based on their previous hurts, that anything less than the moon would be yet another painful mess for them.
Yes, you are quite right, that many of us who think we have figured out what we need to find in a mate, are actually either partially wrong, or even are overlooking something perfect for us that we haven't recognized yet. That's the burden we must all bear in the search for companionship and joy in the world. For some who recognize this, however, it just makes their life worse: either they keep going into relationships that are unhealthy for them thinking "maybe I was wrong before, and THIS time it will be right," or they go the other way, and dive instead into situations where they have NO logical reason to go, putting blinders on, and making an even bigger mess for themselves.
So I say, let them be. Their search for companionship is THEIR journey, THEIR set of lessons to be learned; you need to get on with your own.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 29
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 11:29:38 AM

Because my fiance won't let me have Two?


Hahaha.. yeah, as long as she's not looking for me to the "the one" of 2...3... 4... its all good.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 30
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 11:42:17 AM
Sure, people change. A little. With a longer perspective, you might be surprised at how little. . . . My sons are in their forties, and react to the world pretty much the exact same way they did when they were two. . . . One's very patient, and willing to see what the world will offer; the other's a gimme, yesterday, dammit!!!! guy.

Looking for THE ONE, means searching through possibilities till one stumbles over a THE ONE that matches them. Damned if I can see why that's not a worthy quest.

 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 33
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 1:04:54 PM

Why do people search for "The One"?


Because it's easier than searching for "The Two." or "The Three."
 Ender330
Joined: 4/23/2006
Msg: 38
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Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:29:26 PM
Because searching for the "Three" or "Four" usually does not turn out so well for the searcher nor the searchee!!!
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 39
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Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 7:45:06 AM

Why do people search for The One?

Because people of late have gravitated towards a “soul mate” model of relationships and marriage, one that privileges commonality of interests, emotional intimacy, and personal growth -- often at the expense of other goods long associated with these things, such as permanency, childrearing, and economic cooperation.

Online sites encourage the notion that "The One" is out there somewhere on the planet by giving one the opportunity to fill out a wish list of what they imagine to be their ideal, kinda like writing to Santa.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 40
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Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 7:56:42 AM
They watched too many Disney movies growing up, read too many fairy tales, mix in some 70's ideology combined with the new age millennium of never settling for less than you deserve combined with red flag, deal breakers and he/she ain't into you and the general population are all bonkers.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 42
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 8:57:22 AM
What I find funny are people who put in their profile: "I'm not looking for someone who is perfect. I'm looking for someone who is perfect for me." The translation of this is: "I'm looking for someone who is perfect." Somehow, they think putting in the "for me" part totally changes everything. Guess what. It doesn't change anything. Keep searching for that perfect person-for you.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 43
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 10:43:23 AM
I'm monogamous - so when I'm with someone she's "the one"... for as long as it lasts.

But other than that, I have a few things I know I *don't* want (high maintenance, demanding, addict/alcoholic, etc - some of those have come with experience ), but not some 'fantasy' image of "the one" in my head.
 ColonelIngus
Joined: 9/16/2007
Msg: 44
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Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 10:46:54 AM

What I find funny are people who put in their profile: "I'm not looking for someone who is perfect. I'm looking for someone who is perfect for me." The translation of this is: "I'm looking for someone who is perfect." Somehow, they think putting in the "for me" part totally changes everything. Guess what. It doesn't change anything. Keep searching for that perfect person-for you.

Actually, the "perfect for me" people are way worse, since they're looking for custom made perfection, rather than the mass-produced, generic variety.
 bananadancing
Joined: 11/20/2009
Msg: 45
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 11:03:32 AM
People grow up on fairy tales, the perfect wedding with a picket fence and 2.5 kids but the reality is that the "one" should be yourself. In my experiences women that are the opposite of what I'm looking for usually make me laugh more anyways.[\i]

Actually, women grow up on fairy tales. Happily ever after, prince charming sweeping them off their feet. Too many love novels and romantic movies for women to realize the reality of life. It doesn't always end up the way you want it.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 48
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/7/2010 1:53:57 PM
Well, I think the point you're trying to make Ronnica is what I see a lot on here... they're looking for the "perfect 10" in looks, personality, intelligence, etc (or what they "perceive" as perfect)... naturally that limits their options in the first place to "1 in a million"...

.. and then, of course, you have to ask - what do they have to *offer* in a relationship... then you'll get the "nice guy/girl" thing going... they have "so much" to offer.

And if, by some chance of luck they meet someone they "perceive" to be that "perfect 10" all around - gasp! At some point, they'll realize they *aren't* perfect... and they're disappointed, and they go back to searching for their 'fantasy "one"'.

Some people need to come down to reality. I'm not perfect, and I highly doubt 'she' is either... I don't believe in "magical happily ever after", any relationship has its ups and downs (life happens), and sometimes it seems easy, and sometimes it (horrors!) takes *work*... things like communication, compromise, compatibility, honesty, and commitment.

Reality is, you find the guy that seems like Prince Charming - and he might just be a frog. And you kiss Sleeping Beauty, and she wakes up and says "Who the hell are you, and why are you kissing me?". And then, disappointment - "I have the worst luck", "this site doesn't work"... w/o realizing its your own fantasy that is letting you down.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 52
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/8/2010 5:33:10 AM

So.... if it's really as simple as just accepting anyone who expresses an interest in you, why are you still here after three weeks and not off compromising happily ever after with someone? Surely you must've received your first e-mail by now?


I left last year because I got tired of the forums, and it sucked me back in
But, only here for the forums really, already met a 'fish' (haha, she's a pisces too) on here, we're both here on the forums.
 bcsofnc57
Joined: 11/20/2007
Msg: 55
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:24:07 PM

Because they are idiots who have impossible standards and believe there is only one perfect person meant for them, when in reality there are a good deal of very compatible people they could happily settle with and be happy. These people will never eat, because they throw every fish they ever catch back in the sea. All fish have a little slime, its the way they were made.
...and that's all I have to say about that.


I do agree that for every person there are a good deal of people that they would be comatible with, and while that is fine for just dating, it is not enough to marry and become a family with someone.

If you can find one person that you truly love and that truly loves you, you are lucky beyond words. I have only seen this happen a few times. Would not need both hands to count them.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 56
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:56:03 PM
Want to hear the real fantasy??? The idea that the person you marry can be turned into the person you really want. It is like buying a house and flip it. All you end up doing it cause resentment and anger. If you dont love the way he farts the day you say I do. You will hate the way he breaths in a years time. It may sound funny but it better to be alone then with a man you want to smother in his sleep.

Allow me to tell you. YOU will need that passion the deep moving love to carry you throught the days his b of a mother visits. Or you will jump at her. I promise you I could have taken her if he hadnt gotten in the way. You will need the kind of love that moves the earth the days you have to WATCH one more football game. YOU will need the kind of love that carries you throught day to day life. Without it you will end up in divorce court. So settle so you can have a man. And that is all you will end up with.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 57
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/8/2010 9:59:09 PM
And divorce papers.
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 59
Why do people search for The One?
Posted: 3/9/2010 11:30:59 AM
I've never met a perfect woman, but I've met a few who were pretty darn close (for me).

The problem is that I am such an eccentric person that finding women like that is difficult, and they're usually a large distance away.

My x wife before she went crazy was an incredible woman, and not many women can compare. After being divorced, I am not going to "trade down"... lol

While I have met some gals who are at least the equal to my x or superior, many of them tend to be taken. It's supply and demand, and strangely enough there seem to be a lot of other men out to date beautiful, intelligent women who don't want to squirt out babies....

lol

-8sf8
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