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 ARIESLOOKING192150
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 321
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 11 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)

I don't totally see the connection to not being married and being bad at relationships. I am great at relationships if the relationship is a healthy one where both are into each other, etc. Finding that relationship seems impossible these days, especially these days of online meetings and instant chemistry or move on to number 200 or whatever.


Dead on it here. Personally, I think people in general have gone nuts. Most of them don't seem to have any idea how to date.
Now, It's like, When she meets you for the first time, If she doesn't get instantly wet between the legs, It ain't gonna happen.
Just the time she looks at you she is ready, Or not, To go to bed with you. Now, It's like, Take no time to get to know the
person as an individual. Find something about that person that's attractive to you. It's all about the looks now. There was
a time when people in general would give another person time to show who they are inside where it counts. Now, Shallowness
abounds.
Being single for a long period of time with no kids has nothing to do with how good you are in a relationship. What I think
screws up a lot of people now with their relationships is there screwed up way of thinking. One of the main things that has
kept me single all these yrs is the fact that most are so selfish now. All they can think about is themselves. The great majority
now have no idea how to put someone else first. Women in general, They seem to be able to think about themselves and there
kids. But the man who helped make them is on the bottom of the totum pole. Most of the time forgotten about. I've noticed
how a lot of them can think about their jobs,kids,mom,dad,friends and everything else. But their man is forgotten. He's
nothing better than taking up space.

There are a lot of men and women out there including myself that would love to find that perfect person for them.
I fear though,for most, It's never gonna happen. Men and women now are the farthest apart they have ever been. I
don't see it changing. Women in general don't need a man. They have a good job and BOB. Men, I think a lot of them
have decided they are better off alone. For lots of different reasons. And none of them being a red flag.
 pipedreams1111
Joined: 2/17/2012
Msg: 322
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:30:52 AM
I'm over 45 and I have never been married and I don't have kids. I was steadily broke working at probably twenty to thirty different jobs and always thinking that I didn't want a relationship or kids without money. I don't see it as a red flag at all. Some people don't make money till late in life and I still think in the back of my mind that I will start making money. I don't know of any women that I can't get a date with. I know a lot of women that I haven't tried to get a date with but for me if theres a red flag it's because I put it there. I put up a big stop sign that may very well take me to my grave. I am happy being free to do things I like to do with the money that I do have, but if I ever have any money, enough that I don't have to worry about kids having food to eat and a roof over their head, then I may end up getting married. If my money problems continue till death, please put 65 red flags around my grave.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 323
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:46:00 AM
I am kind of loving how so many assume that the no marriage/ no kids is a CHOICE. So many people I know have been passed up for marriage because they were physically unable (through no fault of their own, unless being responsible is a fault), to have children. So many seem to assume the lack of marriage (and the resulting divorce that made them single to date) is a fault of the single person's.

And the lack of having children is not always a FAULT of someone, it's a physical impossibility. So in a sense some are finding red flags for something that is beyond some people's control. Finding someone that is willing to be with/marry you when you are unable to physically have children is even more difficult than regular dating. But hey, at least those that can't and know why know their limitations. which is more than I could say about many single parents if I wanted to throw stones.
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 324
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 7:52:44 AM
I'm not sure why this ia red flag at all. Myself, married and divorced..no kids.. I always have someone asking me why I never had kids, and it seems like (some) women want to delve into it like it's a critical flaw in my character. Their loss, I was military for 24 years, and my ex-wife didn't want kids. What do you do, dump her her because she would be a risky pregnancy and she was scared? Afterwards, I felt the window had closed for me on kids. I was finishing my career and hadn't met the right woman to settle down with and I wasn't rushing into a military wedding where I've seen guys get married too soon. The thing people fail to realize at times, is that by not having 2-3 ex wives and child support payments and alimony payments etc.. Some men in this category are catches, my ex is my friend, I don't lose 50% of my pay to her or child support, and no struggles with time between whom I'm dating and kids. Men and women without kids equal less drama...or at the very least less headaches or challenges, I'm not being rude, just stating a fact gleaned from life and reading the hundreds of posts on here..
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 325
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:00:47 AM
I have found that the never been married state totally weirds a lot of men out, they are okay with me never having kids. I could have 5 kids with 5 different fathers and not been married to any of them, but if I was married to someone at one time that would be okay compared to me never been married it seems. I think people want someone with the same life experiences because it is more comfortable then dating outside their comfort zone perhaps?
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 326
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:11:51 AM
What some people consider logic on POF really amazes me. Some people consider dating a bitter single parent who is permanently attached by an umbilical cord to their ex because of having a kid together is better than dating someone who has no ties to an ex and is free to do what they want, when they want without hesitation and without baggage. It's the old saying: Misery loves company.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 327
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:27:54 AM
well im 32 have no children an have never been married an yes im a black woman wow..

the only time i would see it as a red flag is if,,

the guy had never been or wanted to be in a serious relationship or any kind of relationship ever that lasted over a month in his life an was always constantly avoiding anything that had to do with commitment an only wanted to live the rest of his life jumping from bed to bed..

YES that would be a smoke signal in the sky

as well either if a guy is in his 50s 60s or 70s now wanting to all of a sudden settle down an be a new dad for the first time ever...FAIL!


hell ive been chatting with a guy on here for a few days who list himself as 29yr divorced an has 7 kids that the kids i just found out this morning..I'm LIKE gawddddd DAM you need to be looking for a nanny an maid in the yellow pages not a date or lover i didnt say that but i will,,next question i gotta ask is how many women i wonder are there just 1 or 7 different ones? an is he actually taking care of any of them yes this is very important to me even if i dont have kids somebody that age an that many obviously the dots are not connected with him completly..
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 328
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:30:50 AM
^^^^Why wouldn't a man over 50 want to get married who has not been married? Could be that he finally met his match. I will be 55 next week and would get married at my age possibly if the fit was good. 29 and 7 kids is a bit scary.
 That_girl*
Joined: 9/29/2008
Msg: 329
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 8:38:48 AM
@ Fifi47 yes it is scary but just think there are many men out here who have multiple kids with multiple women area code to area code an state to state..never ever caring about the woman/women or kids..because in their book everything is FUN an if they run away far enough or avoid certain situations an people they think these things will never find them or come back to haunt them...

i guess i could specify if the person HAD NEVER BEEN married like myself would be different..

but im talking about the men who purposly avoid dating marriage an kids an want to be mr world wide player running from woman to woman..or the ones who had a good woman but never settled down with her or ever married her so she left him..now when he sees that clock running out an is feeling sorry for himself because he lost a good woman or women an hes now all alone in his game playing field because everyone around him is enjoying thier senior years...

thats more so what i mean about all of a sudden now they want to settle down..
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 330
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 1:52:55 PM

What some people consider logic on POF really amazes me. Some people consider dating a bitter single parent who is permanently attached by an umbilical cord to their ex because of having a kid together is better than dating someone who has no ties to an ex and is free to do what they want, when they want without hesitation and without baggage. It's the old saying: Misery loves company.


I have noticed on this thread that while many of the single parents, divorced etc. have commented that never married no kids raises a red flag for them, they are not the ones making the comments such as stupid choices, bitter singles parents etc. Let not forget misery loves company. We have not judged lifestyle etc, merely said not for us.

Wow it would be so easy to say bitter old men/women regretting the things they didn't do and the grandchildren they will never have! But that is not true. It is a choice and no one had judged you on that or called you names etc. Many of the singles however sure are quick to judge those of who married and had children. Why is that?

This prevelant attitude about wrong choices, bitter, miserable etc. only serve to reinforce the feeling of a red flag for me. If you so truly think that my life was a mistake, I really am not interested and judging by many of the responses here that seems to be a quite popular opinion among the older singles.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 331
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/1/2012 2:09:20 PM
The deal is with so many divorced men I have met is that it is okay for them to tell me that I have not been able to committ to someone or am too picky or selfish for not having kids when they know NOTHING about who I have dated or how much when i was younger really wanted children and a husband, just did not happen. If I were to say anything about how they seemed to either hate their exes or were still in love with them or seemed to have children with drug and alcohol problems that could not be resolved then I am a bitter witch who regrets the things I did not do or the grandchildren I may have not had. Yeah, right.
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 332
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/2/2012 10:29:20 AM
You hit it on the nose..why is it a red flag to be single, and not have kids..but ok to have kids by several different women or men. I think we all have life choices and experiences, forget the flags and look for the person that takes care of you and is good to you and your children if you have any.
 FisherMane2012
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 333
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/2/2012 3:33:43 PM
I'm a 31 year old black man with no kids. I've also never been married. Guys like me seem to be a dying breed.
It's not an accident that I haven't been married and have no children. I don't see how having been in a previous relationship that ended/failed for some reason (like the majority of people have - with the exception of it being legally bound), would raise concern. Maybe they haven't met the one - their "soulmate for life", if you believe in such things. In hindsight, that would be true for EVERYONE that is now divorced and has move on with their life. As far a not having children is concerned, I think everyone in the world needs to have fewer babies. There are also plenty of people that just don't want children. Or they didn't want them at the time. Maybe they were just trying to save some money. Then there are others that were/are physically unable to have children. I'm not sure why red flags would be raised their either.

You want to know what raises red flags to me?

Profiles of divorcees in their 20's with 3+ children.
Dudes living in their parent's basement.
No pictures.
Grown women still waiting for their knight to carry them to their dream wedding.
20 year old pregnant women looking for dates.
18 and 19 year olds with online dating profiles.
Profiles that explicitly state "Don't contact me if you are a liar, cheater, or doucher.
People with children that list student or stay at home parent as their profession.
Headlines that say "Are there any REAL men/women left".
Women that go on about being "old fashioned".
Ridiculous deal breakers.
Racism.
A pissed off profile.
A pity party profile.
 ARIESLOOKING192150
Joined: 3/21/2012
Msg: 334
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/2/2012 6:44:01 PM
@ FisherMane2011

You forgot some. In one sense of the word I understand someone feeling this way. But at the same time it sends up a bad vibe/red flag if I see it on the profile. "Don't contact me if you don't have a house or a job." Like I said, In one sense of the word I understand. But on the other hand it makes the woman sound like she is after what you have. She isn't interested in you as a person. She is interested in what you can give her. And yes, I'll say it. I'm very old fashion in my beliefs. The first thing I am looking for is she going to accept me for me.

Even though I am working and own my own home I notice things like this. If I see it in a profile or any of the other things you posted,I move right on to the next one. One of the main things I've noticed on dating sites is as far as the women I've met so far, It's always the mans fault. Every woman I've come across so far blame the man with everything. That sends up an even bigger red flag to me.
So far, With most women I have met, They all have the same mentality, "It's always a "Man thing" They have done nothing wrong. RED FLAG! I'm sure a lot of them have been cheated on and not treated right. But out of all the women I've met on here since I first started in 2005, Not one has ever said she played a part in her divorce. I've dated and just talked to many here. Out of the 200 or so that I either dated or made friends with, None ever did or admitted to any wrong with the demise of their marriage. To me, That's a way bigger red flag than a man or woman in there 40's or 50's, Never married, Never no kids.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 335
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/2/2012 7:02:40 PM
I have found the red flag for never married/no kids to be because I cannot relate to their life's experiences ( they also cannot relate to mine, but I am not eliminating divorced or widowed men due to this fact), they feel as if I am undateable as no one has wanted to marry me ( not true), one man I talked with online wanted a sexual reference before he met me (his wife had cheated on him supposedly, when I semi-jokingly said that I might need a sexual reference for him he called me a witch) I doubt that all divorced women gained a lot of weight and did not like sex. Sure, some women gain weight and sex drive changes between ages 25-50 or whatever. I hear only his side of the story, but they all seem to read thet same chapter in the same book.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 336
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/5/2012 7:36:59 PM
The "Never been married" status covers a very broad spectrum of meanings. I'm assuming people are looking at the status section of a profile and it says Single. Single, or never been married, can mean the person was in a committed relationship, living as husband and wife for many years, maybe decades, can be co-parenting the partner's kids from a previous relationship, etc., and the only difference from married is they decided not to get a piece of paper to make it legit to please the government. Is this more of a red flag than someone who is divorced, especially if divorced multiple times?

What about someone who was engaged, but never got to the fairy tale wedding stage for whatever reason? There might be a good reason for that-one of them died before getting married, one of them got cold feet 5 minute before the wedding and took off with the pool boy or maid, etc.

Never been married does NOT mean never loved anyone and doesn't know what love is. And No Kids means the person isn't killing the planet by adding to over-population and the drying up the earth of its limited resources and the slaughter and disappearance of other forms of life to make room for too many people. No kids is a good thing.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 337
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/5/2012 8:33:34 PM

Never been married does NOT mean never loved anyone and doesn't know what love is.


I think this points out the biggest flaw with the "never married" red flag. Too many ASSUME that "never married" means no relationship EVER, no clue how to stay with some one EVER, no ability to commit EVER. Just because some one hasn't made a trip to the church does not mean they are dysfunctional in a relationship. Just like having a failed marriage does not make some one an expert on them.


You want to know what raises red flags to me?

Profiles of divorcees in their 20's with 3+ children.
Dudes living in their parent's basement.
No pictures.
Grown women still waiting for their knight to carry them to their dream wedding.
20 year old pregnant women looking for dates.
18 and 19 year olds with online dating profiles.
Profiles that explicitly state "Don't contact me if you are a liar, cheater, or doucher.
People with children that list student or stay at home parent as their profession.
Headlines that say "Are there any REAL men/women left".
Women that go on about being "old fashioned".
Ridiculous deal breakers.
Racism.
A pissed off profile.
A pity party profile.


Change the some of the female pronouns to male, and that is how I look at things. Add in "nice/good guy" and a few other cliches, and you have my recipe for clicking NEXT.
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 338
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/5/2012 8:48:51 PM
Profiles of divorcees in their 20's with 3+ children.
Dudes living in their parent's basement.
No pictures.
Grown women still waiting for their knight to carry them to their dream wedding.
20 year old pregnant women looking for dates.
18 and 19 year olds with online dating profiles.
Profiles that explicitly state "Don't contact me if you are a liar, cheater, or doucher.
People with children that list student or stay at home parent as their profession.
Headlines that say "Are there any REAL men/women left".
Women that go on about being "old fashioned".
Ridiculous deal breakers.
Racism.
A pissed off profile.
A pity party profile.


All of above, haha!

For me, it would be a red flag if they were divorced and with or without children. I am surprised how many people are alright with those conditions.
It just seems if they have gone that far with a person, to the point where they considered each other love of their lives, and announced a marriage. Then are they really going to be able to love another person that much again? Are they really able to restart from the beginning after all that? I feel that it won't be the same again.

Thing happens for reasons, people don't just get divorced because of nothing; there must be something in them to trigger another person to not be able to continue their commitment. (I understand it could had been their spouse that was causing the problem.)
 Choporis
Joined: 6/25/2012
Msg: 339
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/5/2012 11:14:54 PM

Situations are different; people are different - I certainly hope no one misses an opportunity by merely misjudging a red flag.


That's very true! :)
 Greg19899
Joined: 10/10/2011
Msg: 340
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 7:53:47 AM
Great post on that forums issue concerning red flags. You articulated my points before I could get them down on paper. I would like to add, angry, pissed off Btches..:) Sorry for the profanity. This site is a collection of angry women who post one thing and act entirely different. The part about stay at home mom/student/(drain on my tax dollars)..awesome.
 drewcornwall
Joined: 5/31/2010
Msg: 341
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 8:40:46 AM
45, never married, no kids,

Can we have a George Clooney room then..? Just for us singletons.! free bar at the end too!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 342
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 8:50:54 AM
I have often said that same thing...or a site for never married but there might be one and I have not found it yet.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 343
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 9:52:26 AM
I recently went for dinner with an out of town friend who is also on here. He told me that one woman refused to date him because he had never been married. He's 63 and also has no children.
Curious I looked at his profile later and saw his longest relationship was 7 years. While I wouldn't rule out someone like him I would wonder why at his age his longest relationship was only 7 years. Seems to be pretty stable/intelligent/courteous with no addictions.
Unfortunately we've tried so hard to learn from our mistakes that we now see problems where none exist. While I would wonder about him I also know he'd probably worry about my being divorced twice.
Isn't much that isn't considered a red flag in here. That's why we're still single, we're just too smart to let anyone pull the wool over our eyes!
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 344
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 9:56:44 AM
^^^I wonder why he had a relationship that lasted 7 years without it resulting in marriage. We all look at things differently for sure. I have not had long relationships because the men either wanted to marry me after a few months and I knew it was not going in that direction or I wanted to get serious with them and they did not feel the same way.
 five-marie
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 345
view profile
History
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 8/6/2012 10:01:28 AM
Not sure, I didn't want to pry. I've also dated a few men who never had children, all said their wives didn't want any. Sure made it easier for me when dating them! Sadly they did regret never having children and I know they would have been wonderful fathers.
I never should have married either of my husbands, if I had known better than I guess I'd be never married/no kids.
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