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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?      Home login  
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 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 251
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 11 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
*Perhaps I'm alone in this. Never been married- sensible! No kids- wise! But the indication of lack of commited relationships in general is big RED FLAG territory. *

And that's retarded. What if the lack of a committed relationship is only due to the fact that I don't want to deal with someone else's kids, and refuse to take a relationship to that level, if they have kids? The poster above makes one of my points. Her kid comes first. Her kid is not my kid, so I couldn't care less. I'm gonna be second place, I'll put her second place as well...to my dog, car, buddies, or whatever. THEN, we'd be even. But, obviously we wouldn't get anywhere.

Hmmm. So I could tell a FWB, 'lets make it serious' and technically I've had a relationship. I could also get a FWB pregnant, then technically I've had a kid. Those will make me dateable, right?

Also, I'm not offended, I just fail to see the logic that baggage is better.
 VTECturbo
Joined: 3/11/2009
Msg: 252
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:35:46 PM
Kids were mentioned, because they are my reason for never having been in an LTR. Overwhelming amount of women have them, and I don't date them.

Me being second place isn't a problem. its part of the basis of a FWB relationship; things happen when you make time, everything else takes precedence, on either side.

Trying to have a real relationship with women who is going to expect for me to put her first, while she does not, is a clear double standard.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 253
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 5:42:38 PM
~~~~~~~~~
Kids were mentioned, because they are my reason for never having been in an LTR. Overwhelming amount of women have them, and I don't date them.
~~~~~~~~

So,.. you don't date single mothers.. ok.. so how are they then the reason for YOU not having a LTR? If you don't date them.. and you date.. then we can only surmise that the reason you don't have a LTR has something to do with yourself. Unless of course you just don't date period, which one can surmise many things from that statement as well. but as you posted.. you do date..soooo.. it comes back to YOU.

To to answer OP: No.. not being married and being child-free is not a red flag.. having never had a long term, committed relationship is.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 254
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:02:49 PM
What does being in a serious relationship mean? Does it mean you can,t commit NOT.I know people who have been in commited relationships before and they have been married two and three times...real mature.I am not afraid to commit to a relationship at all.If i get labeled a bad person for not ever being married or forhildre not having kids so be it.Being married to me means forever,thick or thin,good and bad.Just becouse a person has been married doesn,tmake them a better person and anyone can have kids
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 255
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:17:59 PM
Thats right who are we to judge a person who has been in a few relationships but people don,t seem to mind judging people who have never lived together or been married or have kids so maam please don,t judge me for not having a child or lived with anyone or married.Who are you or any one else here to say waht kind of person i am or anyone else that has,t been married
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 256
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:20:44 PM
I never really lived with someone either.. but was with a man for 4 years and another for 3.. the first guy did sorta live with me.. at my mothers for a short while.. but he's also the reason for most of things on my "red flag" list. lol..

Playful pete don't worry.. maybe you're my prince? you're not a felon are ya?? lol
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 257
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:31:07 PM
@confuzzeled4ever...yes i am a felon,i stole candy from my neice.She didn,t need the candy...LOL.Just like people put up red flags for people who have never been married and no kids.There are people who will say that being married multipal times is a sign of not being commited
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 258
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 6:31:37 PM

Hmmm. So I could tell a FWB, 'lets make it serious' and technically I've had a relationship. I could also get a FWB pregnant, then technically I've had a kid. Those will make me dateable, right?


Overall, it's my position that each and every person has the entitlement to make their own decisions about what constitutes a "red flag".

However, there are people in this world-IMO- that "becoming dateable" would require passing from this plane and being re-incarnated as a waterlily... or something.
Cindy O
 Bazinga_42
Joined: 1/10/2012
Msg: 259
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 7:43:00 PM

I'm 45 and have never married and never had kids.
Things just never worked out for me in this matter.
So why is it, when this info is revealed a red flag goes up?
I use to think this would play to my advantage, but after turning 40 I could see the table had been turned.
Any thoughts?


I don't understand how this would be a red flag either. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion though. I personally feel like if you are over 40, never married, and without children, that would show that you are a true romantic that will not settle. It shows that you have been waiting for the perfect person to experience these things with. I am only 28 and a lot of girls my age have already been divorced with kids. I think too many people rush into having a family. I am not saying I won't date a women that has been in a failed marriage or has kids from a previous relationship. If we connect and see a future together, I will completely disregard their history. I do look at women that have never been married without kids first though, because I feel as though they may have a similar look at marriage and kids as I do, in that we would both feel that we want to be very, very, very sure we will be together for the long haul.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 260
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/14/2012 8:03:43 PM

The poster above makes one of my points. Her kid comes first. Her kid is not my kid, so I couldn't care less. I'm gonna be second place, I'll put her second place as well...to my dog, car, buddies, or whatever. THEN, we'd be even. But, obviously we wouldn't get anywhere.


And this makes my point, never ever said that the man was going to be second, said the man needed to understand that he couldn't always be in first place and in my experience men in my age range without kids, don't undertand that. It is not a competition where only one person can win but I guess to some it seems that way.

My job is also going to come first sometimes, it is all a matter of priorties. I am not saying that it is a red flag or that I am judging other because of lifestyle choices, just saying that I would be a little more cautious of a man with no kids.
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 261
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 2:55:18 AM
i never understood if an older adult never been married/had kids is a commitment issue. it may be in some cases, but lets say if the person is not right mentally and they are 44, isn't it a good thing the person doesn't have kids? older adults with no kids i always see that as a good thing because (depending who i'd be talking to) it shows if they dont want kids ever they dont let society tell them what 2 do. i have met older adults online who never had kids or married i asked why is that? they told me career minded, always traveling, doesn't like kids, some said i like kids and dont want responsibility because of their careers or other commitment activities, etc.

ppl need to get off their high horse not everybody wants kids! there are some who dont want marriage for many reasons some like long term/common law and others like to be single for life. if i was single again and met someone who was never married or had kids, i would first ask why is that. if they more goal oriented not listening to the dogma out there that people spout about how everybody should want kids, id be way more incline to date that person. if the person has commitment issues and cant hold onto a relationship, then i would write that person off and not want to date that person.

anyway, i wouldnt worry too much about never being married or kids. explain to ur dates your real reasons and be honest about it. if these women have an issue, oh well, move on keep fishing. if u like ur life the way it is, i wouldnt change it for anybody! ppl are not always made to be marriage material or made to be parent. im nowhere near your age im under 30 over 21, zero kids and dont like kids. i got to the point where i stopped caring what ppl thought of my lifestyle if i needed to improve i would do it for me not 4 them.
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 262
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 3:35:01 AM
I like the way you think Blueceleste,
That's exactly what I'm working on in my life, is improving it for me. Don't know why society thinks just because we're over 25 years old or so ( just guessing here ) Society says go out get married, and have kids. Yes I would like to marry someday and maybe even have kids. But right now is not that time, I am concentrating on a possible career change and improving my lifestyle. And I would rather be happily single and dating or in a relationship. Than miserable and UNHAPPY in a marriage that was not meant to be.
 100percentPURE
Joined: 6/6/2012
Msg: 263
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 4:03:49 AM
Well, topic creator...

Maybe you just fell for all the propaganda suggesting that marriage is old fashioned, too many kids are bad for the worlds carbon footprint etc... Sorry guy, but I can't say I did the same...
 TheOrator
Joined: 4/18/2012
Msg: 264
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 11:10:03 AM
I've spent most of my adult life getting a college education, working my way up the corporate ladder, living a minimalist lifestyle so I can save for the future, and making lifestyle choices to keep both my body and mind healthy. Except for bills I currently have no needs and if I were to start a family in the next 3 - 5 years I would have no problem keeping our children clothed, fed, and educated up into adulthood, even on a single income.

If what the masses are saying is true I've squandered my 32 years, as I'm clearly not the type that would "commit." You would think that someone who has set goals for himself, achieves them and plans ahead for the future would be the ideal mate, but I guess not. It appears as though I'm doomed to be single for the rest of my life, wallowing in the obscurity of my thinking ahead and seeing the big picture :)
 Capn_America
Joined: 10/6/2011
Msg: 265
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 11:15:46 AM
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 12 of 12 (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)


Huge red flag. He's a demon toad from Hell that dates women and chops their bodies to pieces.
Life experience and different choices, not to mention simply luck, or lack of finding sane partners (probably because he was dating on POF...) makes someone like this someone to avoird like the Plague.....

...
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 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 266
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:22:53 PM

If what the masses are saying is true I've squandered my 32 years, as I'm clearly not the type that would "commit."


You are still young. There is a big difference between a 32-yr-old who had focussed on his education and career and 45-yr-old who is still not married and has no children.

Again like many other things, these are not judgments just personal choices.
 Lionesse19
Joined: 3/30/2012
Msg: 267
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 6:51:14 PM
Some people choose not to have children or it just doesnt happen. Should be no stigma there. Better than having children you dont want. As for not being married, again it is a choice usually. If a person has had other long term relationships then there should be no red flag.
 LiterateHiker
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 268
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 9:13:51 PM
In my experience, never married with no kids = commitment phobic. It's not a red flag; it's a STOP SIGN.

Another STOP SIGN is currently separated. "You're MARRIED," I reply.

"How long have you been divorced?" I ask. "Have you had a serious relationship since your divorce?" These are important questions. I'm not willing to be the rebound girlfriend dealing with crazy-making behavior.

Why waste my time?
 DallasSBF
Joined: 4/14/2012
Msg: 269
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 10:18:35 PM
Really IF you are your 40's never been married then I am not interested. I understand that stuff happens but I get the feeling they are looking for perfection and I can not live up to that. Waste of time and energy if you ask me.
 johndaluvr
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 270
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 11:15:34 PM
I never married and have no kids...first think one should think is..that person may have been careful when having sx with his or her partner(used protection)..or may have had abortions or gave to adoption ..if a woman..or they(guy or gal) just never ever had sex...about the marrige thin..coukd be many more reasons why a guy or gal never did marry..some just choose to live together ..for a long time and outlast some marriges..then end it..without a divorce..in my case....ehh...nevermind...point is..it shouldn' t be a red flag..more like a white or pink flag..cuz I've dated gals..with multille baby dadies..that's a red flag!!.although..some could have chosen to abort or give up to adoption..and continues getting pregnat..that's pretty sad..so are guys who recklessly impregnate women and disappear..so sad.:(
 wanted555
Joined: 2/18/2011
Msg: 271
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/15/2012 11:36:16 PM
what ? what did you say john? um sorry you lost me !! Dallas has a good point! funny john fit right into the space !lol! but really its hard to say im single and never been married but its cos i was shy and unconfident with the great guys and just let jerks in / but guys still ask me out im still shy / so no its not a red flag!! someones out there for you! just try not to attract the wierdos , they are too easy to find !! lol!
 blueceleste
Joined: 6/2/2005
Msg: 272
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 12:29:35 AM
i agree with msg 281 and thank you :). i used to get into arguments with my old female friens about this issue telling my life will fall apart if there's no kids and other stupid shit. i said its better if my life falls apart than to not love a kid i don't want. i told them we got too many nut jobs out there running around playing house with no responsibility, no anything, and have kids for the wrong reasons and too many of them dont even love the kids in the 1st place.

ppl can fulfill their lives with other types of enjoyment, children are not something that you can use to replace your happiness (yes, ladies that would be u or most of you) or replace the love you never got from ur parents/family. ppl are not baby making machines we got 2 many kids in foster care who are not loved and need someone who wants to love them. i got a lot personal issues of my own that should have been taken care of a long time ago and no way am i stable to have kids. i am still lookin for a job, attending job workshops hopefully the gov will for my certs using the stimulus money, needing a whole new everything for my life doesnt make sense for me to have kids since my priorities need to be taken care of 1st. a lot of ppl dont take care of their priorities first and end up popping kids making things even worse!

i dont like kids but i dont hate children. i see way too many misbehaved kids and very few behaved children. i cant stand them being so damn noisey its one thing if they are playing but noisey all the time (hyper on that crap sugar) is a big problem for me. there were plenty of other things i wanna do that my old friends never understood all they wanted was a baby for societal standards and for their own selfish reasons. i dont know ppl mostly women get upset with me about not wanting kids its not their body! shit, a lot of my 04 classmates have kids and very few of them like me dont have kids. too many young ppl have kids and kids should be wanted/loved not as a commodity for selfish reasons.
 BCF_Girl
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 273
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 12:47:47 AM
I can't see an issue with it as I am one myself and people always ask don't you regret etc and I am nearly 48!!!
The way I see it.......is you will have more to cherish on that person when you finally conquer them!!!
Keep searching honey as I believe there is someone out there for every one!!!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 274
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:58:54 AM

I'm 45 and have never married and never had kids.
Things just never worked out for me in this matter.
So why is it, when this info is revealed a red flag goes up?
I use to think this would play to my advantage, but after turning 40 I could see the table had been turned.
Any thoughts?


I'm 33 and it is to my disadvantage.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 275
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:16:38 AM
I think the major point here is lifestyle choices. I am not judging anyone who is older, not married and doesn't have kids. I am not saying that everyone should have kids. If you don't want children, then of course you shouldn't have them. Blueceleste, you are completely right and children are not a commodity and many people who have them should not. But that is not the issue here, for me it is my personal experience with men in my age group that don't have kids and their lack of understanding of what parenting is all about. And I again will emphasize that is my bias based on my personal experience. I know that not all men/women without children behave the same way but I would always be cautious of someone who doesn't have kids.
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