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 AUTHOR
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 32
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 2 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I bet it's less of a red flag than my being married 5 times. There are reasons for every situation. If a person can't listen to those reasons and appreciate them, then they aren't the person for you. It wouldn't bother me if I met a man who had never been married and had no kids. If anything, there maybe a lot less problems and drama.

BTW, most men don't find my multiple marriages a problems. They just think I'm optimistic!
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 33
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 12:42:39 PM

i love it when divorced people find reason to suspect the unmarried. apparently lack of broken commitments is a dealbreaker.

Yes, we're now in the same league as terrorists at the airport: we're suspicious because we don't have enough baggage.
 forums1
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 34
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 12:43:25 PM
I think its funny really in ways, and sad because generalizing groups of people only limits you from people's uniqueness - but especially when I hear people saying "I dated 2 guys/women who were... (whatever generalized reason) ... and I'll *never* do it again, they're *all* like that!"

To put it in perspective, consider the following:

"I've dated two hot, athletic, hispanic women, and both of them wound up getting cancer, and the strain of that broke up the relationship later... all hot, athletic hispanic women get cancer, and I'll never date one again!"

Doesn't that sound like a stupid generalization? The "luck of the draw" ending up badly (especially for the women) - but to generalize like that from*two* dates? There's what, 300million people in the US, lets say 20million each sex are 'never married, no kids' - you dated *2* (1/10millionth of them) and you "know" they're all the same? And who exactly does that "limit" except the person doing the generalizing? I mean, I don't care, you're welcome to think whatever you want - but it seems rather ludicrous to me.

FF said: "There are reasons for every situation. If a person can't listen to those reasons and appreciate them, then they aren't the person for you. " - yeah, if you treat everyone as unique, with their own experiences, and get to know them... and decide based on the person, rather than their 'history', it leaves more opportunities doesn't it FF?
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 35
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 1:17:43 PM

LuckyHot77, I noticed the same thing in the wording from the OP.


Yep, it can very well be to as I said in reference that there are those who got married and made a mistake in the person they chose.....that maybe this person chose to stay single till the right one came along, and they didn't come along.

Who really knows.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 36
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 1:25:05 PM
So why is it, when this info is revealed a red flag goes up?
I use to think this would play to my advantage, but after turning 40 I could see the table had been turned.
Any thoughts?


I wouldn't see this as a flag, but the only thing I can assume about the person in question could see it as "we" are so screwed up nobody wanted to deal with us. I guess.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 37
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 2:11:27 PM
Growing up in the Northeast, many of my friends did not get married until their late 30's but I know in other parts of the country it is considered odd. Most women with kids cannot afford to live the 4 wheeling, jet skiing, traveling at the drop of a hat life style. I would be curious to see if you could slow down long enough to have a commitment to anything. My life would seem very boring to a guy like that.
 packagedealx3
Joined: 2/4/2006
Msg: 38
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 2:27:57 PM

sorry but i feel totally different on this matter. i run like hell if i see a man has kids but was NEVER married. i don't believe in having illegitimate children probably because that's the way i was raised. and that seems to me like someone who doesn't want to commit. seems like someone who is irresponsible.

This could very well be the opposite. Birth control isn't 100% effective so he may have been responsible and may have wanted to marry the woman but if she didn't want to marry him? It would be better if he just ditched the kid, I would respect someone that stuck around to be a dad even if the circumstances weren't ideal.
 love friends
Joined: 8/19/2008
Msg: 40
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 3:10:55 PM
YES, BIG RED FLAG!

if never married, never engaged, never had a long term relashionship, something is wrong with this guy/girl

 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 42
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 4:13:34 PM
Co. Native1966


So, would you see that as it only happened once and may never happen again? Or, that since it's happened 100% of the time for you, it's more than likely going to happen again.


That was a one time occurrence, this does not mean that it would happen again.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 43
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 4:50:06 PM

Makes me wonder if he has the no one is good enough syndrome or the dreaded grass is greener. Makes me wonder if he just stays with one woman because she is better than being alone. Makes me wonder if he is a player. Makes me wonder if he is hard to get along with, hard to please, unable to go with the flow. Makes me wonder if he is incapable of making a decision. Makes me wonder what priorities were more important than finding true love, marrying her & having babies.


A divorced person apparently found true love, married, and had babies... and THEN found a priority that caused them to bail on that. I guess that makes them a more desirable partner for the post child rearing years.

It's really quite simple to me. If someone won't date me because I'm single and childless, I won't date them because they're ignorant and prone to stereotyping.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 44
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 4:53:04 PM
There's one word that describes people who would raise a red flag in this case-JEALOUSY. Too many people get a severe case of baby rabies when they're very young and expect to be living in fairytale land after they breed. Then when reality sinks in after the kid is born, they're thinking "What did I do? Where's my castle and maids and knights? How come my kid is not acting like the kids I see in Hollywood TV shows and movies-well behaved very mature miniature adults who are full of wisdom and are always well mannered and have all the answers to life's problems? I better get the kid tested for ADD and whatever else. There's got to be a pill that will turn this kid into a 'normal' kid. How come my life changed so much? In the movies, people who have kids continue partying all the time and keep up the wild sex and never have money problems. How come my life isn't like that? I thought all movies were based on true stories. I think it's all my SO's fault that I'm not floating in air with joy and euphoria." Then they get a case of "misery loves company", where they expect everyone else to copy their lifestyle and experience all the same problems they have.
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 45
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 5:04:44 PM
As I don't want children and have never been married it would not be a red flag to me, but others maybe different, people outside the norm can make some people feel uneasy. It would also depend if you still wanted children, if not, there are women who want families/children so you wouldn't be a match for them. Just keep looking and hopefully you will find a suitable match.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 46
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 6:28:30 PM
I guess women think that no one wanted to marry you for a reason and that's what sends up the red flag. I know, I know it's stupid. When I married my ex who had never been married and had no kids even his own family figured it would never happen for him. So go figure. Not everyone gets married or have kids for various reasons: timing, career goals, shyness, or just plain bad luck in not meeting the right women. I don't think it's a red flag in my opinion.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 47
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 6:41:02 PM
morth74:
If he's never had a LTR by 45, I'd run for the hills!


I agree. Who cares about marriage or kids, the fact that a guy hasn't had a LTR by the age of 45 is a definite red flag. It signals that all he has had are ONS and booty calls. Why pursue a man who only has that to offer. Some people just don't want marriage and I can respect that, but they are capable of having LTRs.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 49
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:17:29 PM

Once people have been married and had children they learn to be less selfish and more patient.

You know, I hear this a lot but I honestly don't think it's true. Ok, they do become less selfish in the sense that they're looking out for their kids. But are they less selfish in regard to the world in general? NO WAY. They're still looking out for their own interest, which now includes themselves AND their kids.

And they don't become more patient, they just become slower. The tortoise that waits for the other tortoise isn't really being patient. It's the hare that has to wait for the tortoise that is forced to be patient.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 51
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:29:15 PM
"Once people have been married and had children they learn to be less selfish and more patient. So many women will look at a single man over 40 as a possible drama waiting to happen."

What a total load of BS. Your "reasoning" is totally azz-backwards. From what I've seen on here and IRL, the most bitter, venom filled, vengeful people are usually people who have kids. How is having so much built up hatred being less selfish and more patient? There's a million times more drama waiting to happen with people with kids than with childfree people. Childfree people are not at war with an ex fighting over custody of the kids or the amount of child support or amount of visitation. There's no reason to deal with an ex if there are no kids involved and therefore, there''s no drama. When you breed, there will never be a clean break with the ex and there will always be contact with the ex forever because of the kids. That can cause a lot of drama. How many people want to have their spouse's ex forever involved in their life?
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 52
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:44:48 PM

^^^And since you've been married and had children you would know this for sure................interesting!

Like anything in life, wait until you've experienced something before pretending to understand.

Huh? I interact with people who are married with children all the time. I'm able to witness just how selfless and patient they are the same way I witness it with single people and like I said, I don't see evidence that the people with kids are any better in those regards.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 53
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:51:26 PM
^^^^Not pointing a finger at the OP, but just making a point that a man that can't commit to a LTR outside of marriage is a red flag.

I have met a couple of guys who were in their 40's who haven't been married, no kids and are fancy free in their lifestyle. They don't want either. Their choice. I found the first guy to be selfish. Can't specify as to the second as I don't know him well enough.
 LAgoodguy
Joined: 8/21/2008
Msg: 54
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:54:50 PM
Thats intresting. I never knew or even thought, that not having kids or ever being married is a red flag untill i started to read the forum on POF. If none of you would mind i would like to pick up a red flaged women that no one else wants. For me if she has no kids she moves to the front of the line thanks you very much. I guess its also where you live. Here in So CALI there are many single people in there 40s who never been married and no kids.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 55
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:05:10 PM
You would think that not having an ex husband/wife and not having kids hanging onto your legs would make you more dating desirable but apparently not. I guess people are looking for others who have made the same mistakes that they have so they can feel better about their own choices in life.

The fact that I did not marry the wrong man for me and went out and had kids with anyone just so I could have kids would make you think that me, and others who have made the same choice, would be considered smart. I guess not though. If I had been married a couple times already and had a few kids I would probably have better luck in the dating world because apparently that is what men want.
 farscapeprincess
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 56
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:15:50 PM
Hmmm....I don't think it's so much misery loves company but that who better to understand time constraints than another single parent. A childless man may or may not understand or a childless woman the same. I'm not talking about that old tired "my kid comes first" routine, but just time spent with the child.
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 57
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:16:13 PM
^^^^seems as if many people look at it as those of us who have not been married have not been asked, as I have had men tell me that they would date me if I have been engaged. Since I have been wise enough to not marry the men who wanted to marry me (could have been engaged), I am penalized for my wise choices. People seem to avoid others who have not been through the same things in life, and many seem to feel the need to put others down maybe in an effort to build themselves up?
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 58
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:40:48 PM

seems as if many people look at it as those of us who have not been married have not been asked,

yep. many people assume everyone desires marriage, therefore the only unmarried people are those who get no offers, or whose offers are rejected.

never mind that there are any number of reasons not to get married, such as believing meddlesome governments and religions should not be invited into their most personal relationships.
 LinuxD
Joined: 12/6/2008
Msg: 59
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:43:46 PM
OMG!!! Let me run out and get married so I won't have this HUGE HUGE red flag waving over my head! Then I can be more desirable. I mean hell what's the downside to having spent a decade or two being married and then have to pretty much lose my ass in a divorce? Just so I could be more desirable.
WTH?
Some peoples rationale is beyond comprehension.
For the record I've been engaged,had several LTR's,helped support with MY money and hard work ,other males children,because the one who is deemed "desirable" (divorced) was too busy off playing the field instead of taking care of his responsibilities. I didn't try to be the child's father. I tried to be a good example.
The two relationships I am talking about,both of them ended due to the mother bettering herself and having to move away for her job,while I was in my career AND pursuing further education. I was also engaged. I didn't end it. She got cold feet.

I am far from perfect. I openly admit that, I am not looking for perfection either. I looking for the one that is perfect for me,flaws and all. I won't settle just to be in a relationship. If women want to judge me by the fact that I've never been married.. that is fine with me. They just simplified my fishing trip a lot. I think I'll cast a line over here... A bad day fishing is better than toting needless baggage any day..
 Jewlsey*
Joined: 1/24/2009
Msg: 60
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/6/2010 8:49:00 PM
I don't think it's a red flag unless the person in question has never been in a long term relationship.
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