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 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 126
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 5 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
Blondie- Unfortunately, distance prevents me from taking you up on that!
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 128
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:45:22 AM
OP; For me it is not a RED FLAG. If I had a choice, it would be ideal scenario! However, not too many people at our age are without children/without at least one divorce under their belt.

Now if the person never had a LTR, I'd question that more.
 zangie
Joined: 5/30/2007
Msg: 129
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/10/2010 8:03:54 AM
It's not necessarily a red flag...like anything else, for some it is an indication of issues, for some it is not...

I have met both men who have never been married because they basically just don't want to be, for whatever reason, and men who have never been married because they haven't found anyone worth marrying in their eyes, and men who obviously haven't been married because of their own issues.....

I have been married, but, have no children..and am way past the point where I am interested in raising any..so, I actually select for the no children ( unless they are grown up) variety...and being as I have questioned lately whether I would even get married again, mabye someone who doesn't care for it would fit me better...Doesn't necessarily mean they can't commit...

As a woman, I know I get a lot of raised eyebrows for not ever having children..like I must lack in the caring/empathy/nurturing traits because I never had children...they always want to know why..though it also works to my advantage with men who aren't interested in women with children...

Like everything in dating...there are no absolutes...lol..gee, I wish there was...lol...life would be so much easier..

Personally, I never rule out anyone based on preconceptions about marital status, parenthood, etc...I talk to them first..doesn't take long to notice any immediate compatibility issues, or, lingering issues beyond choice....then, as others have said...if that seems ok and we continue..like anyone else I choose to date...I have one eye open for any possible future problems...

I am so a "give someone the benefit of the doubt till they show otherwise" kind of person...
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 130
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/10/2010 8:41:05 AM

Personally, I never rule out anyone based on preconceptions about marital status, parenthood, etc...I talk to them first..doesn't take long to notice any immediate compatibility issues, or, lingering issues beyond choice....then, as others have said...if that seems ok and we continue..like anyone else I choose to date...I have one eye open for any possible future problems...

I am so a "give someone the benefit of the doubt till they show otherwise" kind of person...


+1

That's the way I see things. Why not try to understand someone rather than judge them on preconceived notions? Judging ones lifestyles, personality and committedness based on one thing is turning them into a characature of a person. Cartoons are fun but sorry folks- they 're not real and mostly for kids.
 MillingtonMom
Joined: 10/27/2009
Msg: 132
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/11/2010 8:28:37 PM
Big red flag in my book. I just recently ended a relationship with a man that was 54, never married, and no kids. I was a bit apprehensive about that when I first met him but decided to give him a chance. I even asked him why it was he had never been married or had children. His response was that he was holding on to an idea that he had to be perfect before making that kind of commitment. That he wanted to be financially stable, have a house, a good job, yada yada yada. The fact was, he had a house that had been paid for since he was in his 20's, he had a job that allowed him much freedom and he had no financial burdens what so ever. I was with him for 3 years and the only thing keeping him from being committed to a relationship was himself. The only time he could say how he felt was after we broke up. It became very clear that a 'lifetime' commitment was never going to happen.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 133
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/11/2010 10:00:45 PM
Quick do any of the never married men want to have a quickie wedding followed by a quickie divorce?
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 134
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:24:42 AM
Ray: I'll do it. Just a warning though. You won't be getting too much in the settlement. lol.
 ausirish
Joined: 1/23/2010
Msg: 135
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:21:30 AM
I must admit until I dated a guy on and off for the past 3 years who had never married, had kids (or even ever lived with a girl) that now the red flag goes up when i see a profile as you describe. Why? Bcoz tho i loved this man like iv never loved b4, he was very selfish (his own family agreed with that). And its bcoz he never had to share his life with anyone only himself (hes been on his own since 17 and now 42). I think its quitge tragic coz i gave him everything and it still wasnt enough
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 136
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:35:57 AM
I must admit until I dated a guy on and off for the past 3 years who had never married, had kids (or even ever lived with a girl) that now the red flag goes up when i see a profile as you describe. Why? Bcoz tho i loved this man like iv never loved b4, he was very selfish (his own family agreed with that). And its bcoz he never had to share his life with anyone only himself (hes been on his own since 17 and now 42). I think its quitge tragic coz i gave him everything and it still wasnt enough


So based on a sample size of one, you now stereotype all men who check the "single, no kids" box?

I've dated a few divorced women who weren't what I was looking for. Based on that, would you recommend that I steer clear of divorced women?

Here's a thought. The overwhelming majority of relationships end with the two parties going their separate ways. Even those that get to the point of marriage only have about a 50/50 shot of lasting until death do us part. The only way to be certain that you won't wind up in a relationship that ends is to stay out of relationships altogether.
 sargon2010
Joined: 2/19/2010
Msg: 137
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:48:07 AM
For a woman - you most likely will have to explain, probably by the third date. Just be ready for it. Any answer works.
For a man - The woman obviously will have to work on his hygiene and dress. Just be ready for it. A little tougher problem here. Depends how intractable he is.
And, with all the chemicals and GMO's in the environment it is all too easy to have screwups in the procreation arena. Just look at the honeybees and birds. (Notice the big falloff in bird populaton lately ??)
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 138
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:11:59 AM
Here's another spin on the red flag issue. Is a person more likely to have a major mid-life crisis if they have been married and have kids or never married and no kids. Where we have been in the past does not necessarily reflect where we are headed.
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 139
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 11:41:35 AM
actually YES
there is a man who hovers over me at singles dances.

he is 53 and looks 40... acts geeky..

NeVER married.. nor any kids..

Now.. i touched his arm and told him.. no dating for me.

EVEN were i ready to date..never married is scary for me.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 140
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 11:47:42 AM
EVEN were i ready to date..never married is scary for me.


Why is it scary? Because it's different?

I hope you don't mind that I took a peek at your profile. I find it intriguing that you would say this:


Being Such great friends takes acceptance of the others flaws.. and the willingness to work around them. Focusing on what good is between you. Instead of looking for red flags.. and ditching and running before anything good happens.

They always say.. good things come to those who wait.


That seems to me a contradiction to what you said in your post. Do good things come to those that wait, or do those that waited just become scary?

All the stereotyping that's going on in this thread is pretty scary. I'll tell ya that for nothing!
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 141
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:01:41 PM
At the risk of being roasted alive, I have to say I prefer a man who has never been married and has no kids. I haven't been married, but I do have 2 children. Does this make me a hypocrite? Perhaps. Do I care? Nope.

Why do I prefer this? There are a few reasons, not the least of which is their lack of baggage. Again, perhaps hypocritical, but again, I don't care. I've dealt with my baggage, and in no way expect anyone else to. My kids Dad isn't really in their lives, he sees them maybe twice a year. I am fully capable of supporting myself and my children, I do not look to a man for that.

For a divorced man or even a never married with kids, it's generally a different story. Most of the time the kids live with their mother, and as such she tends to be very much in the picture.

Don't get me wrong, I will date a man who's divorced and has kids, provided everything clicks between us. I just seem to attract never marrieds/no kids a lot more.

~shrugs~


Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?


Definitely not a red flag for me.

 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 144
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:01:43 PM
Some of us have been wise to not commit to the people who wanted to commit to us. So it is better to commit to a relationship with someone knowing that it is not a good thing just to say that we do not have commitment issues? I think people who have a series of long relationships have commitment issues sometimes, as they did not marry any of the people they supposedly cared enough about to live with and/or commit to for years. Depends on the situation and the people involved. It is difficult to commit to someone if people will not date you since you have not been married or have kids.
 Iwant2beewithYou
Joined: 2/26/2009
Msg: 145
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:07:23 PM
red flag may go because some people are very bad news. Over 40 and never married could mean that the person is the type that is very undesirable. Of course over 40 and never married could mean the person is uncommitting. The person could be a great date, friend, hangout, etc., but not long term material. Over 40 and never married could mean that the person has been looking but hasn't found the right one yet. Over 40 and never married could mean a person who has seen friends or family get burned, and the person is very careful. Over 40 and never married could mean the person is very considerate and wants to be sure that he or she is good for long term with their someone. Some overly committed people just jump in one disasterous relationship after another. As I remember in college, there is a saying about marriage "It's better to be out and wanting to get in, than in wanting to get out". Just because someone is over 40 and never married should not mean no hope.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 146
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:19:00 PM
My opinion is, I prefer a man who has no kids and never was married. That fact shows better judgement than people who WERE married and have kids. Those married with children and now divorced shows inability to have a real relationship, with real responsibility, most times, unless they are just a victum of bad luck.
I personally don't have kids and I do not want kids and I do NOT want someone with kids because your kids are interference in developing a real relationship with me.
Summary: The Red Flag goes on when people are divorced with kids.
The Red Flag goes on especially if you have kids. I do not have that baggage and I do not want that baggage of kids.
To the OP, I do not think the fact, you were never married and have no kids is THE real reason you are not having any luck. It definely is not the reason I am not having any luck either.
 Maleman999
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 147
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:48:47 PM
What a joke: People who are a failure at relationships and marriage red flagging people who have NOT made mistakes in the marriage and kids (in many cases, unplanned and unwanted children) department. They think finding someone else who is also a failure in marriage and commitment who probably has a lot of baggage in comparison is a better catch
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 148
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:58:35 PM

What a joke: People who are a failure at relationships and marriage red flagging people who have NOT made mistakes in the marriage and kids (in many cases, unplanned and unwanted children) department. They think finding someone else who is also a failure in marriage and commitment who probably has a lot of baggage in comparison is a better catch


Yeah - I am one of those failures too. Never married. No kids.
Im a big ole honkin red flag just waving away.

Im commitiment phobic-I was in a relationship for 15 years .
I have no children - I was educated in birth control while single.
Yeah - big ole red flag here.

I think on any level we are ALL red flags. WE all have something that
makes someone run.

Hey so be it.
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 149
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 4:55:34 PM
This is absolutely true.. we ARE all red flags.

i just wonder why someone hasnt been married or has kids by 45.. i cant have anymore.. and i dont want to. why wouldnt someone WANT kids ever?

a man with no kids NEED a baby maker.. or need to make it clear they NEVER want any.

its not stereotyping.. its not me cutting anyone down!!.. its just scary .. that someone who has NEVER taken the leap.. (will they ever take a leap?)

im like this super easy going person.. who deserves a NICE Wonderful human with a good heart.. (though im not ready to date yet this round)

in the end.. i will expect mr good heart.. and if none appear.. i will skip skip skip
 Fifi47
Joined: 8/19/2004
Msg: 150
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 5:03:20 PM
Some people prefer to not marry, which does not make them selfish or freaks or anything. Everyone does not want children, I have a niece who is probably the most giving person I have ever met, and she and her kind hearted husband do not want to have children. I always wanted to have children, but did not want to be a single parent, so in my own way grieved when my child bearing days were over without having married or become a mother, but life goes on. Many of us who have not married and had children are nice, wonderful humans, we have just not met our matches, and have learned to accept that we may be single all our lives.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 151
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 5:26:38 PM
yes, 45 with no kids, and no marriage shows lack of commitment.




Sooooo 45 divorced,possibly multiple times and a slew of kids in their wake shows commitment!!?? Really? If anything divorced shows failure.You failed at your marriage because you are no longer married.



Ray: I'll do it. Just a warning though. You won't be getting too much in the settlement. lol.



Oh that doesn't matter. If we can have a divorce under our belts then people with the crazy notion of being divorced shows you are good at commitment, will put away those dang red flags. ;)
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 152
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 6:10:43 PM

i just wonder why someone hasnt been married or has kids by 45.. i cant have anymore.. and i dont want to. why wouldnt someone WANT kids ever?

a man with no kids NEED a baby maker.. or need to make it clear they NEVER want any.

its not stereotyping.. its not me cutting anyone down!!.. its just scary .. that someone who has NEVER taken the leap.. (will they ever take a leap?)


I don't understand. Are you afraid because you believe a man who hasn't had children is going to force you to have them against your will? Or are you afraid that someone who hasn't been married isn't going to want to marry you? On the one hand, you're worried that someone who hasn't had children is in a hurry to do it, and on the other you're worried that someone who hasn't been married will never do that. I don't understand what you base those conclusions on.


im like this super easy going person.. who deserves a NICE Wonderful human with a good heart.. (though im not ready to date yet this round)

in the end.. i will expect mr good heart.. and if none appear.. i will skip skip skip


I'm not sure what your sense of entitlement has to do with the topic. I am curious, though, how you know mr good heart won't skip skip skip...
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 153
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:12:56 PM
This thread continues to crack me up! So many people have a time line on being average they really hate it when others don't follow a time line too.

Married w/ kids by 20-something, divorced w/ kids by 30-something=dating gold mine? WTF?

It's a shame there aren't statistics on broken engagements. Or can we count broken engagements/LTRs as divorces? Will that help? "It wasn't a break up, it was a divorce without lawyers."

Can I claim I am "divorced" by claiming I have divorced myself from reality?

And anyone with working reproductive organs can have kids, it doesn't mean much. Giving birth isn't a special skill or ability to bring to a relationship. OI! Heck children in school can make babies, doesn't mean they understand commitment.

But I guess since marriage isn't a life long binding contract to many, the predetermined time period lease of a marriage is the better option. After all if you were married and have become divorced, you didn't buy the cow, you just leased it. Kinda like a car...
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 154
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 3/12/2010 9:48:09 PM

I'm thinking, cool! No alimony payments, no child support payments, his time is his own so he can be spontaneous, no crazy ex to deal with...JACKPOT!


Well there ya go! Brings a few good things to the table doesn't it? Not to mention a few extra $$ not spent on something futile. And you girls can do this too- its OK in these times of equality. lol

But hey- who would want some slacker that took the easy way out like that and saw some sense to not marry and have kids in an obviously bad situation. Such a coward is not worthy of respect.

To each their own - but not everyone's life turns out the same. Maybe some didn't make the leap when they were young and foolish because they knew they were- young and foolish. Others- the right opportunity didn't knock- yet. But since your still alive there's always a chance another will.
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