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 BCF_Girl
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 231
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?Page 8 of 18    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18)
I can't see an issue with it as I am one myself and people always ask don't you regret etc and I am nearly 48!!!
The way I see it.......is you will have more to cherish on that person when you finally conquer them!!!
Keep searching honey as I believe there is someone out there for every one!!!
 DomG79
Joined: 3/12/2011
Msg: 232
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 1:58:54 AM

I'm 45 and have never married and never had kids.
Things just never worked out for me in this matter.
So why is it, when this info is revealed a red flag goes up?
I use to think this would play to my advantage, but after turning 40 I could see the table had been turned.
Any thoughts?


I'm 33 and it is to my disadvantage.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 233
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:16:38 AM
I think the major point here is lifestyle choices. I am not judging anyone who is older, not married and doesn't have kids. I am not saying that everyone should have kids. If you don't want children, then of course you shouldn't have them. Blueceleste, you are completely right and children are not a commodity and many people who have them should not. But that is not the issue here, for me it is my personal experience with men in my age group that don't have kids and their lack of understanding of what parenting is all about. And I again will emphasize that is my bias based on my personal experience. I know that not all men/women without children behave the same way but I would always be cautious of someone who doesn't have kids.
 Confuzzled4ever
Joined: 6/9/2005
Msg: 234
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:06:28 AM
~~~~~~~~~~~
@confuzzeled4ever...yes i am a felon,i stole candy from my neice.
~~~~~~~~~~~

Damn! I hope it was a t least Snickers or something worthy! LOL

I agree. Being married multiple times is more of a red flag then not being married period.. I was saying more having never been in a LTR and being older. The kids factor i'd say is only a red flag if there are multiple kids with multiple partners and i'm not talking kids from 2 or even 3 long term failed marriages.. Really it's all personal, once again.. a preference..
 QueenBeeSweetness
Joined: 9/23/2011
Msg: 235
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 11:51:01 AM
Nope, not at all.

I would be MORE leary of someone with divorces under their belt, or children that they dont give a second thought about.

I married & had kids young, (had first baby at 19, married at 23, had second baby at 25), & i love my life-path.
Most men i have dated have been bachelors with no kids, & I respected their path, they respected mine.

My Husband had no kids, had only been married once when he was young & fresh out of college, but it was very brief & did not work out well at all, spent most of his life focused on career & travels, he ended up being my dream man, & he was an amazing Husband & Father when we married & had a child. After his divorce (and he really considered himself more of a single than a divorcee because they had not made a home & family together, so the divorce wasnt really any big thing), he waited until he found the right person instead of jumping into marriages/relationships left & right.

Plenty men that are never married no kids can make great companions, friends, lovers, & even future spouses/LTR partners & fathers if they so desire to venture down that path when they meet the right woman.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 236
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 12:48:12 PM
@confufuzzeled4ever......No there wasn,t any snickers invovled but there was a lot of candy,i will share if you don,t tell.The preference part i get ,everyone has them but no one should judge the path someone takes in their life just becouse one doesn,t agree with it,We are all differnt. Just becouse a person does not marry and have kids by a certain age ,like society says we should doesn,t make us bad people.
 playfulpete
Joined: 2/23/2007
Msg: 237
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 6:29:37 PM
I agree with message 296 and 300.....so true
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 238
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/16/2012 8:40:45 PM
Some people will see it as a red flag and some won't, those that do well thats their preference, don't let it bother you.
I remember this guy I started dating, he decided that he would tell me all about my red flags, you know the never married, no kids ect.. and how I was lucky that he was giving me a chance, this was from a man who had no contact with his kid and his so-called marriage lasted less than two years and I was the one with the problems, laughable.
You will find that certain people just have to fit you some kind of convenient catagory and if you don't fit they label you as being defective or a relationship phobe, which is nonsense since we are all individuals who have made different life choices and sometimes it's just luck when you find the right one, aslong as you do want makes you happy don't worry about other opinions, just because you are married or have kids doesn't mean you are happy with your life either, find what relationship fits you best.
 johndaluvr
Joined: 12/30/2011
Msg: 239
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/18/2012 8:34:03 AM
Sheez I'd luv to be Married..N call some one my wife..commitment is easy..when in love...and when things are finacially sound...it's just those dang wedding cost so dang much..the ring ,cake,rehearsal dinner..seen alot of newlyweds do bankruptcy after thier wedding..notta good start to a marrige..could always do the Vegas or justice of peace marriage..but gosh..that seems so tacky..n people would talk the newlywed cheapskates...
 halo70
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 240
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:35:31 PM
Well said! That's exactly my ? It isn't a red flag but it is a good question.
 halo70
Joined: 5/20/2012
Msg: 241
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/18/2012 2:39:59 PM
Wow really? Is it all about a big wedding that's holding you back or something else? Sorry, this is just lame! If you're truly concerned about what people may think about YOUR wedding it's no wonder you're single!
 tensail
Joined: 10/15/2009
Msg: 242
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:48:27 PM
ur joking- feminists stufed up resl 40 yrs ago n were still trying to rtecover- its v norm these days not a red flag, ur living in v past, most people i know r single childless n ovr 40! including me.
 Hamilton12345
Joined: 3/29/2012
Msg: 243
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/18/2012 5:53:43 PM
Maybe in your circle, most ppl are single and childless over 40, but in mine they are mostly married with kids, or divorced with kids. Again let's place the blame squarely on the shoulders of the women.

I have noticed that most of the posts saying that it is not or should not be a red flag are from ppl who are single with no kids, guess what, you don't get to decide what is a red flag for me until you walk a mile in my shoes.
 Cailin_alainn
Joined: 6/12/2012
Msg: 244
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 6/20/2012 6:07:32 AM
Jerseygirl2008, I can relate to you , Anger and alcohol issues, that is not the heart of the matter for me. I have been been a Mom for 27 years and taken it very seriously putting my kids before work etc, I like to date men with the same values as me. It changes you when you have children. Not for the better or worse just different, a red flag goes up for me with men who are not fathers in some regard, unless you have done it you can't say you ave experienced that level of sacrifice.
 naturalhappygal
Joined: 1/14/2012
Msg: 245
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:44:17 PM
I totally agree with you. I just ended a 3 year relationship with someone who didnt like commitment because it required things of him. We are both 54, and we dated in high school. He has had long term relationships, but even he admits they were not "meaningful" because if they got serious then they expected him to meet their needs and if he didnt they would get "mad" at him, and he "doesnt need that", so happy hour, movies, going to dinner, hanging out, for 1, 3,5,10 years, as long as the woman doesnt need or want more, he'll stick around!

Regardless of the reasons, fears etc, it still boils down to being self centered and selfish, like you said, never emotionally developed out of the "me" stage!
 Thomas_Andronicus
Joined: 6/17/2012
Msg: 246
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/14/2012 10:55:36 PM
Only if he likes Barbara Streisand.
 Zero_patience9000
Joined: 7/8/2012
Msg: 247
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/14/2012 11:38:13 PM
Never married and no kids. Thats not a red flag thats smart. Good job man, you suceeded where everyone else has failed especially at your age.

Dont get married or have kids. Its a trap
 basschops
Joined: 5/2/2012
Msg: 248
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 4:52:05 AM
I think its natural that one wonders but I dont think its a negative. Use it to your advantage. Your body is probably in great shape too
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 249
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 5:32:40 AM

Never married and no kids. Thats not a red flag thats smart. Good job man, you suceeded where everyone else has failed especially at your age.

Dont get married or have kids. Its a trap


Lol, I read a post from another poster and he wrote " A wise man learns from his mistakes, A wiser man learns from "others" mistakes". I was like yep, after growing up with people who had kids they didn't want or people with 3 and 4 failed "unions", I was like I'm not going down that road. It' pays to be "observant".
 Deleted1a2b3c4d5e
Joined: 10/24/2011
Msg: 250
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:34:38 AM
I suppose it depends on the person viewing it sees it as a red flag or not. Not sure that's something anyone can control. I'm not sure not having "something" is a red flag. I'm pretty sure though looking a prospective mate and judging them for what would be considered a non toxic type behavior would be a red flag to me though ( i.e. I can see if someone was concerned about drinking or poor finances or desire to have children, I can't see just not being married and just not having children alone as these huge problems)

In the end, my personal viewpoint, is no matter what I do or say, most women will never be satisfied with something or other. Hell, if I had two divorces and 15 kids in tow, like that wouldn't be a red flag to the same women where no kids and no marriage were a red flag?

The age 40 is probably a much bigger issue than to why a man has never had kids or been married before. Once a man crosses 40, statistically speaking, he is less likely to ever be married, dramatically so, and less likely to ever have kids, dramatically so. Well it's a bigger issue if a woman wants to have children and be married to that man.
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 251
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 6:40:20 AM

Regardless of the reasons, fears etc, it still boils down to being self centered and selfish, like you said, never emotionally developed out of the "me" stage!


Let me get this straight. The one who is demanding that the other change his life and expects him to meet her needs is not the selfish one? Um, hello, McFly! The person with all the needs is the one being selfish.
 abmccray
Joined: 8/3/2008
Msg: 252
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Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:00:45 AM
Sure, as long as the red flag says, "Smart enough not to make really bad, life altering mistakes and able to think through gut emotion, and the observational ability to learn from others' dumb mistakes."
 MrVirgo
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 253
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:40:46 AM
I find that those who raise the red flag might due it wishing they were in your shoes perhaps.
Thinking perhaps they might have gotten married to the wrong person & not wishing to deal
with the responsobilities of raising their kids.

All I can say is just do you @ don't stress yourself about. In due time anything can happen.
 MrVirgo
Joined: 5/19/2010
Msg: 254
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:46:53 AM
Maybe he's picky @ 40 as well, no?
 Paderic
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 255
Never been married, no kids. Is this a red flag?
Posted: 7/15/2012 7:56:59 AM

I know Im single because Im too picky and wont get strapped down to a man I have no attraction to whatsoever just so I can fit the norm/


Forty may seem a long way off right now, but it'll be on you before you know it.

If someone doesn't want to date someone just because they haven't been married or had children, fine. I don't have an issue with that. But the insulting pop psychology diagnoses and insulting stereotypes are out of line. Suffice it to say the two people are not compatible and move on. No need to bash.
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