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 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 3
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I have three friends that are physically unable to have children, they've undergone extensive testing and procedures including surgery to try to correct the problem as well as having spent thousands of dollars on failed in vitro sessions. I would be livid if someone said something like that to one of them since it's a point of hurt for each of them that they cannot have biological children.

Basically, things like this are none of anyone else's damned business... to comment on it doesn't even deserve a response.
 earthlingsRevenge
Joined: 10/30/2009
Msg: 4
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 3:21:50 PM
Children are great, great to play with.
But

very quickly they grow up and turn into arrogant meat heads or b*tches.

Wish they always remain as cute little innocent children.

Yes, I'm talking from my experience at what happened to myself.
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 5
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 4:18:04 PM
I don't feel a need to pass on my genes either. Don't worry about what your "friend" has to say about it. Do your own thing. If you DO have kids, I doubt you will come any closer to that Caddy, lol.


Ugh.

If you want some maternal instinct you're welcome to have mine. Having a maternal instinct, no kids and a decreasing likelihood of them is the pits.

Judgmental people suck.


It's okay, there are balances. For all those people who ask "Why DON'T you have kids yet?!" there are people like me who wonder what kind of person would want a kid anyways.
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 6
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 4:58:24 PM
I like Cadillacs but I don't have any. I left feeling like I was some type of freak. Is this what society believes - if you don't have children there is something wrong with you? I never had that maternal instinct.


it's not something everyone is going to feel. I don't want children or marriage. To me the world has enough marriages and children, it's not going to matter if a few of us decide not to have offspring. screw em.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 7
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 6:57:38 PM
My ex used to make fun of his own nephew and wife. They didn't have children and he would tease his nephew about not being able to father a child. One day his wife took me aside and told me that it was all very hurtful since they wanted children ... told me that they were going to start keeping their distance from us if he kept up the teasing.

Instead of telling him what she said, I asked him how he would feel if we desperately wanted children and couldn't have any and others were to make fun of us. (They were not the only couple we knew who did not have children and he never did figure it out.) I basically just told him to cool it when it came to people/couples who did not have children.

I was pregnant 6 times, had two miscarriages and four children. After my divorce, I relocated to a different area of our town. One of my neighbors was a young married couple who wanted children and just could not get pregnant. By then, I had had a hysterectomy but I swear, if that had not been the case ... I would have gladly had a baby or even more and given it to them. They could have used artificial insemination with his sperm ... and it would have been their baby.

My two oldest daughters have no desire to have children and I never say a word to them about it. My third daughter has a little boy and my son never had any children before he passed away.

I've always told my children that they don't need to have any babies for me ... I had mine and they're all big now. I love my little grandson an thoroughly enjoy taking care of him whenever I have him. But if my daughter and her husband had not wanted children, I never would have said a word to them.
 PittsburghVixen
Joined: 6/27/2009
Msg: 8
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 7:11:33 PM
I'm 51 and never felt it at all. You're not a freak. You're just more in tune with yourself than people who do something simply because they are expected to, whether or not it is right for them.

Another good answer for those types of questions is "Why do you need to know?"
 JWG86
Joined: 7/5/2008
Msg: 9
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/6/2010 9:43:47 PM
Meh. People who want others to have kids like them so that they have someone else to whine to about how bad having kids sucks. Just my .02.

No more:

Loud sex
Vacations on a whim
Going out without planning
Spending as much as you used to on things
Watching adult content containing movies whenever you want

SO MUCH to sacrifice, and that's if your kid doesn't turn out to be a drug-dealer, or have a kid of their own while under-age and then you are stuck caring for both of them. Just so much fail-potential.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 11
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/7/2010 2:23:36 PM

the women who come to her to be sterilized, who don't have children, are usually teachers or the eldest daughter of a large family. They know firsthand what it's like to raise children or spend a lot of time with them.

I think I was ambivalent about having kids until my sister had her first child. She lives out of town so my visits usually last several days. It didn't take long for me to think, "Why on earth would I want to do this on a daily basis???" As an aunt I feel I get to enjoy the best that kids have to offer without all the headaches. I think if all people spent extended periods caring for kids there would be a lot more childless couples.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 12
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/7/2010 3:26:59 PM
I didn't have an inkling of maternal instinct. I answered inquiries into my childless state with "I don't know that I will ever want children".

And then I became pregnant. I worried I wouldn't be a good mum. I calmed myself with the thought that I would be "good enough" and decided I could declare myself successful if she only needed a decade of therapy to undo everything I would do to her.

In the instant of her birth all of my life priorities instantly and effortlessly reordered themselves.
Weird, eh?
 Casper66
Joined: 3/2/2007
Msg: 13
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/7/2010 3:30:26 PM
Alooo, I'm the same way, I love my nephew and would do anything for him, but it just re-enforced my decision not to have kids. It's been great being an aunt, I got to take him to various entertainment places, buy the fun toys for him and just spoil him, thou he was a good kid so it made it that much easier. A friend on mine worked in a daycare and has now decided not to have kids, she said it was an eye-opener to the reality of raising kids.
 Fort Garry Dark
Joined: 11/25/2005
Msg: 14
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/7/2010 3:31:14 PM

if you don't have children there is something wrong with you?


Nothing wrong at all. I have really liked having children in my life. They are teenagers now and fine people.

Don't let other people judge you in a negative way.
 nipoleon
Joined: 12/27/2005
Msg: 15
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/8/2010 10:10:13 AM
If somebody parks their Ferrari outside, I'm going to go look at it.
Ferrari's are beautiful cars.
But, that doesn't mean I want to own one.

I like children, I love children.
I also like, that they go home with their rightful parents.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 16
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 7:02:16 AM
I am very maternal-to my pets. If I ever feel the need to hear the pitter-patter of little feet, I'll buy my cat some shoes. But having kids isn't a priority for me. At most I can only stand to borrow one for a few hours before I am glad they have parents to return them to.

There are a number of snarky replies that can be made in response to those overly nosy inquiries about your childless state. I know, since I have said quite a few over the years, with various levels of poison/humor depending on who/how it was asked. Maybe it's not the most mature or polite thing, but neither is their nosy, intrusive, judgemental question.

It does not make you a freak to not have/not want kids. Or let's just say if you are a freak for not wanting/having kids, you have a lot of company in that particular freak show. Don't let others make you feel like less for not following their path, in the end it shows more about their mentality/issues than your own.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 17
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 8:59:37 AM
A lot of times it would make more sense to ask some people why they have kids because of the craptacular way they raise them.
 bucsgirl
Joined: 5/13/2006
Msg: 18
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 9:36:07 AM
To the OP - here's a comeback use it if you wish "my children are like your manners - nonexistent".
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 19
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 9:44:42 AM

There are a number of snarky replies that can be made in response to those overly nosy inquiries about your childless state.

I'm someone who can be very blunt with questions on issues that I don't understand. I'm not being judgmental or critical, just curious. But sometimes people get defensive just by the question. On this particular issue, MOST people do have kids so I don't think it's an unreasonable inquiry. If you're confident about a choice you've made, I don't see the necessity for a snarky response. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and save the snarky response for the point when they're very clearly deriding me for that choice.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 20
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 9:58:40 AM

I'm someone who can be very blunt with questions on issues that I don't understand. I'm not being judgmental or critical, just curious.

Why would you feel you need to understand someone else's reasons for not having a child? If it doesn't impact you personally, what's your need to know? I don't necessarily call it curious; it more borders on being nosey, particularly when there can be any number of "sensitive" reasons as to why a person doesn't have children.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 21
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 12:04:33 PM

Why would you feel you need to understand someone else's reasons for not having a child? If it doesn't impact you personally, what's your need to know? I don't necessarily call it curious; it more borders on being nosey, particularly when there can be any number of "sensitive" reasons as to why a person doesn't have children.

I agree, which is why I wouldn't ask somebody, "Why don't you have children?" but might ask, "Do you want children someday?" My blunt questions would usually be in response to information someone has volunteered and not of the prying sort. I was making the point that sometimes a person might say something that rubs you the wrong way but, depending on the relationship and circumstances, it might be worthwhile to withhold a snappy response until the other person's intentions are clear.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 23
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:37:04 PM

It's the opposite. People are selfish for having children. The earth is way
too overcrowded and we are destroying it with our numbers.
Probably best that you don't procreate with that kind of attitude.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 24
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:47:54 PM

You are absolutely wrong to tell me how I am being defensive when someone says "do you not like kids" or "would you might want kids someday" - are we not human because we have no kids?

You're free to get as defensive as you want to. But I don't think the question, "Would you like to have kids someday?" is any different than, "Would you like to get married someday?" or "Would you like to make partner at the firm someday?" or "Would you like to buy a house someday?" If you want to jump to the rash conclusion that the person asking about kids thinks you're inhuman for not wanting them, that's YOU projecting on them but it's not inherent in the question.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 25
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:01:50 AM
A lot of times it's not the words in the question per se, it's the tone/facial expression/attitude in how it is asked. If the tone/etc. is snotty, superior, or condesending, then the one asking shouldn't be surprised to receive a snarky reply-they are being nosy or rude. If the question is asked in a genuine, non-judgemental way, the response is more likely to be a respectful one.

The sad fact is many that ask about a person's childless state do so in a rude/nosy/obnoxious/superior manner and then blame the person answering for not taking that in a good way.

I honestly don't bother asking if people have kids or not in any way. My observation is that those with kids often mention them in conversation, and those without kids don't talk about it. So a few moments of observation/listening can answer the question without having to ask about it directly.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 27
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:18:12 PM

You must have a very sad and boring life if that seems like too much to sacrifice

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic. People should have kids because that's a lifestyle they *want* to live. It shouldn't be any sort of "sacrifice." Not everybody needs dirty diapers and screaming children to have a life that isn't "sad and boring."
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 28
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/13/2010 3:44:42 AM

Lint Spotter do you think the earth ISN'T too overcrowded?
Do you disagree with me that we are destroying the earth with
overpopulation?
Your statement began with people are selfish for having children. Not only is that ignorant, it's offensive. I simply stated that it is best that you personally do not procreate with the views you've expressed.

Global population is completely off topic...
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:21:35 PM
Some people do not have children cause now who could afford to? Day care alone costs as much as a mortgage, then clothing, education, food, along with other living expenses.

Maternal instinct for me didn't kick in till I had them. We have to watch them like a hawk with pervs lurking around every corner.

I'm crazy about my sons. 2 of my favorite people. Not bragging but they are good kids, not meat heads. It's all in how they are raised.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 30
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:34:56 PM
People can be so obnoxious. I've had friends who were infertile and it was really painful for them when some insensitive clod demanded to know why they didn't have children, as if it were their business. The decision to have children or not is a very personal one and it's nobody's business but your own. I used to have coworkers give me sh*t about not having kids. Is there a shortage of children in the world that I'm somehow causing other people distress by not having them? My ex husband was unreliable. Having children with him probably would have been a disaster. By the time I found a man with whom I felt good about having kids, it was no longer an option.

No, there is nothing wrong with you. Tell those folks to mind their own business.
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