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 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 19
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

There are a number of snarky replies that can be made in response to those overly nosy inquiries about your childless state.

I'm someone who can be very blunt with questions on issues that I don't understand. I'm not being judgmental or critical, just curious. But sometimes people get defensive just by the question. On this particular issue, MOST people do have kids so I don't think it's an unreasonable inquiry. If you're confident about a choice you've made, I don't see the necessity for a snarky response. I would give them the benefit of the doubt and save the snarky response for the point when they're very clearly deriding me for that choice.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 20
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 9:58:40 AM

I'm someone who can be very blunt with questions on issues that I don't understand. I'm not being judgmental or critical, just curious.

Why would you feel you need to understand someone else's reasons for not having a child? If it doesn't impact you personally, what's your need to know? I don't necessarily call it curious; it more borders on being nosey, particularly when there can be any number of "sensitive" reasons as to why a person doesn't have children.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 21
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/10/2010 12:04:33 PM

Why would you feel you need to understand someone else's reasons for not having a child? If it doesn't impact you personally, what's your need to know? I don't necessarily call it curious; it more borders on being nosey, particularly when there can be any number of "sensitive" reasons as to why a person doesn't have children.

I agree, which is why I wouldn't ask somebody, "Why don't you have children?" but might ask, "Do you want children someday?" My blunt questions would usually be in response to information someone has volunteered and not of the prying sort. I was making the point that sometimes a person might say something that rubs you the wrong way but, depending on the relationship and circumstances, it might be worthwhile to withhold a snappy response until the other person's intentions are clear.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 23
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:37:04 PM

It's the opposite. People are selfish for having children. The earth is way
too overcrowded and we are destroying it with our numbers.
Probably best that you don't procreate with that kind of attitude.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 24
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/11/2010 3:47:54 PM

You are absolutely wrong to tell me how I am being defensive when someone says "do you not like kids" or "would you might want kids someday" - are we not human because we have no kids?

You're free to get as defensive as you want to. But I don't think the question, "Would you like to have kids someday?" is any different than, "Would you like to get married someday?" or "Would you like to make partner at the firm someday?" or "Would you like to buy a house someday?" If you want to jump to the rash conclusion that the person asking about kids thinks you're inhuman for not wanting them, that's YOU projecting on them but it's not inherent in the question.
 EvilLolli
Joined: 12/7/2008
Msg: 25
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/12/2010 7:01:50 AM
A lot of times it's not the words in the question per se, it's the tone/facial expression/attitude in how it is asked. If the tone/etc. is snotty, superior, or condesending, then the one asking shouldn't be surprised to receive a snarky reply-they are being nosy or rude. If the question is asked in a genuine, non-judgemental way, the response is more likely to be a respectful one.

The sad fact is many that ask about a person's childless state do so in a rude/nosy/obnoxious/superior manner and then blame the person answering for not taking that in a good way.

I honestly don't bother asking if people have kids or not in any way. My observation is that those with kids often mention them in conversation, and those without kids don't talk about it. So a few moments of observation/listening can answer the question without having to ask about it directly.
 Delete_Me_Please
Joined: 11/10/2009
Msg: 27
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:18:12 PM

You must have a very sad and boring life if that seems like too much to sacrifice

I can't tell if you're being sarcastic. People should have kids because that's a lifestyle they *want* to live. It shouldn't be any sort of "sacrifice." Not everybody needs dirty diapers and screaming children to have a life that isn't "sad and boring."
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 28
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/13/2010 3:44:42 AM

Lint Spotter do you think the earth ISN'T too overcrowded?
Do you disagree with me that we are destroying the earth with
overpopulation?
Your statement began with people are selfish for having children. Not only is that ignorant, it's offensive. I simply stated that it is best that you personally do not procreate with the views you've expressed.

Global population is completely off topic...
 barbee1970
Joined: 12/29/2008
Msg: 29
Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:21:35 PM
Some people do not have children cause now who could afford to? Day care alone costs as much as a mortgage, then clothing, education, food, along with other living expenses.

Maternal instinct for me didn't kick in till I had them. We have to watch them like a hawk with pervs lurking around every corner.

I'm crazy about my sons. 2 of my favorite people. Not bragging but they are good kids, not meat heads. It's all in how they are raised.
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 30
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Still waiting for that maternal instinct **not feeling it**
Posted: 3/14/2010 9:34:56 PM
People can be so obnoxious. I've had friends who were infertile and it was really painful for them when some insensitive clod demanded to know why they didn't have children, as if it were their business. The decision to have children or not is a very personal one and it's nobody's business but your own. I used to have coworkers give me sh*t about not having kids. Is there a shortage of children in the world that I'm somehow causing other people distress by not having them? My ex husband was unreliable. Having children with him probably would have been a disaster. By the time I found a man with whom I felt good about having kids, it was no longer an option.

No, there is nothing wrong with you. Tell those folks to mind their own business.
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