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 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 76
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?Page 4 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

The guy in the relationship is getting support, companionship and friendship in addition to lots of sex. The only thing the FB gets is sporadic sex. If a guy felt like he had to "put up with" the other stuff in order to get the sex, then he wouldn't be the sort of guy I'd want to be in a relationship with.


Fair enough----possibly an attractive thing to some guys BUT in another thread its speculated and questioned how do we keep the sex drive for each other alive over time. All the above presupposes a guy is looking for more than "sporadic" sex with a FB and perhaps he's not. Its a bit over reaching saying this relationship stuff is all that appealing to some people. If it were the FB's would never have become the phenomenon they are today. (FWIW back in pre-historic times of the 40's, 50's etc they were known as relationships of convenience!)

Who's to say such a guy looking only for the FB doesn't have a similar arrangement with more than one woman thereby enjoying it far more often then "sporadically"?? Women so hell bent on being in nothing BUT a "relationship" seem to forget its not the be all end all for everyone----the huge number of single people says some might not be driven like lemmings to acheive such a thing.

There's also another thread running here courtesy of one Ms Kaliecat how longer term co-habitating couples lose that desire for one another in the physical sense, how hot sex fades over time. We all know this happens quite often and a guy or gal looking to NOT suffer that might instead opt for the FB---I'll trade "sporadic" great sex for perfunctory "do me quick and get it over with...." any day of the week. Sound familar?

The things SOME women hold up as important just doesn't translate to those ranking the same for SOME men. Hopefully those with similar views and interests find one another!
 MySpoonIsTooBig!
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 77
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 5:18:06 AM

Weirdly in my understanding a FWB is often pretty much like a relationship.the only difference is-Commitment.
And even then people can be in relationships and cheat on their partners.

Not so weird at all, IMO, although I might be approaching "commitment" from a different angle. Hard to tell what you mean, but I'll explain the way I see things.

I think being FWBs IS a relationship, just not a serious one built on love. Mutual affection & caring, sure, but not that all-consuming passion that comes from being with someone you want to spend the rest of your life with. To me, being FWBs is like being in a relationship, only it's been dialed-back a notch or two & you're not making future plans with that person (moving in together, marriage, kids, etc). But it's not necessarily monogamy that you're avoiding.

IMO, the FWB relationship isn't so much about avoiding commitment in the "monogamy" sense where you want to see multiple people at once (although that may be the case). An FWB relationship is more about simply enjoying someone's company without ever having to wonder, "Where is this relationship going?" All the good stuff, only without feeling like your lives are inextricably tied together. No torturing yourself with questions like, "When is he/she ever gonna finally propose?" or "What if I get a job in another city?" - not even "What if they meet someone else?" This last part is important...

Not concerning yourself with the "happily ever after" part of the equation means that it's often easy to simply take a step back & just keep things at a platonic level if your (suddenly former) FWB pursues a career or an education elsewhere, or if he/she really clicks with someone else & wants to take that other relationship to the next level. If everything between you & your FWB is working well, you're friends first & foremost, & you're happy when they're happy. Therefore, the end of a good FWB relationship is far less traumatic than the end of a serious relationship, since there's usually no hard feelings. Most of my FWB relationships ended when the woman met someone who gave them the relationship & future that they were always looking for, & the fact that I was only Mr Right Now until they eventually met Mr Right is perfectly fine with me.
 christ on a crutch
Joined: 2/1/2009
Msg: 78
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 4:12:10 PM

FWBs are no different than LTR, dating, committments, and any other term you want to throw out there.

yep. so much of this debate is just the hot air of nomenclature. how many people would happily accept interactional terms they thought of as 'relationship,' but reject them in horror is they somehow fell under the 'FWB' label.

i'm reminded of the thread title in which she asks if 'players' ever do 'relationships.'
 MySpoonIsTooBig!
Joined: 2/20/2010
Msg: 79
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/15/2010 8:16:17 PM

When you have feelings for that person...thats where FWB can be ..not so beneficial.

Yeah, if only one of you starts falling for the other & the feelings aren't reciprocated, it can get messy in a real hurry.
 wcis4u
Joined: 9/7/2009
Msg: 80
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 5:31:37 PM
what happened to respecting women is the same thing that happened to respecting men. Respect is not given.It is earned and I for one have a hard time respecting people who lie,are selfish and who don't keep their word.Women expect honesty and respect,but they lie about themselves,only care about their own feelings and tell a guy they want to spend time with him and then never do it. Would you respect people who act that way ?
 34realwoman
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 81
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:08:08 PM

It could be possible that these men you "speak" of, OP, are strictly seeking FWB relationships and aren't interested in pursuing women romantically. Oh well. It's their thing and their life.


I agree. Also the OP has looking for "friends" on her profile. The men who read her profile and contact her may think she is also not interested in a serious relationship at the moment.
 GQSunset
Joined: 2/28/2009
Msg: 82
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:34:10 PM
OP it's very simple,

The better you look the more a man will want to have a relationship with you. ( because if you look that good he'll want to have sex more than once with you )

The heavier you are and the less you have to offer the more likely it is that FWB is all you will find in men.

Don't worry about not finding the guy who wants a relationship, WORRY about having something to offer a good man OTHER THAN sex and you have a row of good men lining up at your door to go out with you.
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 83
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:21:13 PM
"... no strings attatched, no pressure and no questions asked.
.... no judgement from me but they should at least be upfront about it.

"IMO some won't tell you they only want that because they might be afraid if they did tell you that you wouldn't be interested, they will have no chance so the sneaky slimeballs that some are will lead you on and make you think they care and you mean a lot to them. The ones of us that are trusting and naive fall for the bs hook line and sinker and then they bail.. "

}{ A fine line : being trusting enough to actually care about another, and not use a year in administering litmus tests ..vs .. getting took, always }{

"Once you see enough of it you'll learn to spot it much quicker and kick them to the curb."

I'm fairly judgemental. I guess lying is the worst in my list. Then ppl ready to ditch on a moment's notice, meaning IMO they have no hopes for the long-view. Or for depths of feeling. I've had good luck so far in spotting people who misrepresent themselves.

Maybe some men, certainly no more than 1/4 of those on POF, are lost causes and are career philanderer/wolves. They spend time, real time, maybe for decades, filling up the space of POF etc. They learn the ropes, learn skills at seeming sincere.

But I think they can be spotted.

The % insincere women, I mean ones actually able 2B harmful, I think less
javascript:smilie('')
 Gershwin-2
Joined: 1/10/2010
Msg: 84
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:30:42 PM
"I don't think that there is a difference of between a sex buddies and a girlfriends,
I would rather be in a Higher Rank Fiancee... "

Agree, agree. :)

Some of us still feel idealistically; and from same-sex friendships know the long-term diad (duo) is possible. And we think logically : about having a steady supply, no off-seasons, as an exciting idea.

Thanks Vannili , javascript:smilie('')
 SJBoxing408
Joined: 2/16/2010
Msg: 85
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:24:22 AM
i would love to have a gf. why i cant get one is beyond my imagination
 mogrl42
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 86
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 6:44:26 AM

I find that Long Term on here (POF)-often means-long term sex buddy as in more than once.

I guess it all depends on what your expectations are of a long term relationship.
Maybe some people only look for companionship,however, to make a long term relationship work the sex has to be there.Just my opinon
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 87
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:34:31 AM
FourmProfile:

Except for a guy's wallet and a sperm donation why does a woman need a man? To annoy the crap out of her for inappropriate ignorant behavior?
 Sirenbliss
Joined: 3/13/2010
Msg: 88
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 11:38:11 AM
It is what it is unfortunately... some men (and women) just want sex without complication; but its much easier for the man to dabble loosely with sex than most women as we all know... its genetic and the men are basically acting out their baser genetic " have sex with as many women as possible" coding.

However self-awareness is what has brought most of mankind to rising above the animal instinct in order to create a higher level of societal interaction-- try to find a man who demonstrates awareness --- perhaps someone with a higher intellect or a strong spiritual or moral upbringing... and keep doing what you do-- weeding out the thorns!
Hang tough!
 cdnfinanceman
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 89
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 12:18:25 PM
Its like a fat kid in a candy store, why have one when you can sample everything, some guys have that mentality , if thats not your bag baby, just let them know in your profile and let them know right away, the guys who want a little leg will see that and be gone faster than fat kid at a jenny craig information session
 jldude
Joined: 12/25/2005
Msg: 90
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 3:49:22 PM
Cuz a lot of guys aren't interested in putting in the emotion and effort to a relationship when it will usually fail. Guys don't need that blow to our self image.
 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 91
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 3:52:05 PM
Umm, because that is what they want.
Or what they want from you. Just because he wants a FWB with you doesn't mean he wont change his mind as soon as he meets what he thinks is the 'one'.

And really sex buddies only require condoms, a girlfriend takes effort and interest.

It has nothing to do with thinking women are disposable or being disrespectful. I expect sex to become a topic of conversation at some point and the second date wouldn't bother me. Just because someone mentions something sexual doesn't mean he only wants to get you in the sack, it may just mean a healthy sexual relationship is vital to him and he wants to know what you think.

 wikedman
Joined: 10/14/2007
Msg: 92
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 7:03:26 PM
I have found life is not candy floss - its visceral - people often have mixed motives and are unaware of it, things happen on the spur of the moment, good things, and sometimes good people blunder. People often meet because they are comfortable with how a person looks and so meetings often start with an element of sexual attraction to them.

If you repeatedly choose dates where you get unwanted advances this suggests you need to revise your criteria or take more time beforehand to understand the prospective dates motives. That never hurts and sifts out the opportunists.

What can get you around unwanted issues on a date is to talk about your concerns before the date. Ascertain their attitude - look for flaws or inconsistencies in what they say, dont leave an issue open if it matters to you, and especially dont leave sexual expectations unaddressed, if thats a concern.

After all we males are looking for someone compatible with similar expectations so it helps us make better choices too.
 umdlax2011
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 93
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/21/2010 9:04:08 PM
LMFAO thats the funniest thing ive read in weeks
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 94
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/22/2010 4:14:59 AM

- im sorry to say but most women that way inclined, can run rings round most wannabe Don Juans in the bat of an eyelid......


Don't be bashful or apologetic about this fact Sistah---shout it to the rafters! Its totally true and nothing here could say it better!! Women own that very thing guys chase for eternity therefore you control who "comes and goes" so to speak! Were I a woman with all that power I'd own the world............

Men might chase, pursue, beg, lie and anything else to get inside---women control it all completely!
 thegirl123
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 95
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/22/2010 10:12:18 PM
Cause online dating seems like an easy way for a man to get sex. I met soem major ass creep from here and awsnt just talking to him but like four of his friends. Didnt even realize they were friends until i saw his facebook friends list.

I tell u some guys are just scum. Good for you for turning it down. Im the same way if some slimey dude wants to talk about sex right off the bat he can go visit with his hand.
 uniquesoul1011
Joined: 3/18/2010
Msg: 96
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/22/2010 10:30:19 PM
What I don't understand is why so many women think guys SHOULD want relationships. Why? isn't it just because you want relationships?
They are entitled to want whatever they want as you are entitled to want whatever you want.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 97
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/23/2010 4:05:00 AM

Cause online dating seems like an easy way for a man to get sex. I met soem major ass creep from here and awsnt just talking to him but like four of his friends. Didnt even realize they were friends until i saw his facebook friends list.

I tell u some guys are just scum. Good for you for turning it down. Im the same way if some slimey dude wants to talk about sex right off the bat he can go visit with his hand.


Just when we think everything on the internerd is negative and downward looking an uplifting and wonderfully optimistic reply such at that crops up! How wonderful......

Truth is any guy looking for a quick hook up can and does find much easier ways for it---hitting a local hot spot bar/club is the first thought. Long, long before the 'net, Facebook, My Space and every other form of making social contact existed hooking up was in full swing---probably a whole lot easier too!

Online does seem to an almost instant cure for everything---EVERYTHING! Shopping, information, social contact---the possibilities are endless. Women looking for their ones and onlies, men looking for whatever----it's a feeding frenzy whose results entirely dependent upon what you're searching for.

Yeah tell guys to go visit their hands--and they will but soon after they'll be looking for another girl (not necessarily just for sex) but the point is they're moving on, not wasting time with The Sisters of the Huge Misconceptions!!
 superhotmama713
Joined: 4/15/2008
Msg: 98
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Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:13:47 AM
BECAUSE MEN ARE SWINE. THEY HAVE SEEN HOW EASY CASUAL SEX CAN BE AND THINK THAT WE ARE HERE TO ACCOMODATE THEM. THEY HAVE TO PAY ATTENTION TO THEIR GIRLFRIENDS, TAKE HER OUT, BUY HER THINGS, IN SHORT IT TAKES TIME, MONEY, INTEREST, COMPASSION THINGS MEN GENERALLY LACK. SO A RELATIONSHIP IS VERY CHALLENGING FOR THEM BECAUSE THEY'RE "SPECIAL" OF AT LEAST THATS WHAT THEY SAY WHEN THEY TRY TO CONVINCE YOU TO SLEEP WITH THEIR DEFECTIVE ASSES. ANY MAN THAT IS ONLY LOOKING FOR SEX IS NOT WORTHY OF HAVING SEX WITH A QUALITY WOMAN. AND WE KNOW THIS AND THAT IS WHY THERE ARE SO MANY OF THEM OUT THERE, BECAUSE LOOKING IS ALL THEY CAN DO.
 BentonHarbor
Joined: 3/2/2010
Msg: 99
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:20:44 AM
How does ANY of this ^^^ explain why women are also here??

Might wanna get that over assumption portion of life checked out Sweety---seems its running a bit overspeed----did Toyota buld it perhaps??

Funny how so much is "known" with so little to go on huh?? Maybe this is just a personal experience or frustration of not being successful here?

Sorry 'bout your luck............
 cdnfinanceman
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 100
Why are some men are all for sex buddies but not girlfriends?
Posted: 3/23/2010 5:21:24 AM
Wow, superhotmama tell us how much you hate men? good Lord, if you think all men are swine why are you even online looking? give me a break, for every " swine" out there looking to get a little leg there are women out there giving it up to them? ever thought it takes two to tango? yes some men are scum bags but so what its up to you to say NO and close your legs? no.

Bugs me to see Man haters like your self out there because you were obviously burned by a few, perhaps you need to re evaluate what it is youre doing to attract these " swines" in the first place?
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