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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot      Home login  
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 BlueTaurus
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 26
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes potPage 2 of 6    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6)
My ex from on here smoked pot to my disbelief and I ran!!! So, RUN! RUN! RUN!

 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 27
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 9:33:12 PM
If her smoking pot is a deal breaker for you (and it would be for me too) then you were right in telling her to quit or the relationship is over. She said she has to think it over. So let her think. If she decides she'd rather get high than be with you, then you know that you didn't mean that much to her. If she decides that your relationship is more important than getting a buzz, then give her a chance.

Personally, I'd be more concerned about her wanting to move herself and her 'few' kids in with me. How long have you known each other? Is she self-sufficient or is she looking for someone to support her and her kids? You really need to rethink this whole situation. You maybe getting in over your head even if she does quit smoking.
 KillingForCupcakes
Joined: 1/27/2010
Msg: 28
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:17:04 PM
Ultimatums are not a good idea for many reasons. I think the main reason is that too many people issue ultimatums for all the wrong reasons (usually very selfish ones) and they don't leave room for ADULT CONVERSATION. I am not 10 years old, my SO is not my father and as such, should not be issuing DEMANDS of me. We should discuss things that we have problems with and arrive at a mutually agreed upon solution.

There is a difference between stating the rules and the consequences of breaking those rules and setting an ultimatum:

Rule: You may not cheat on me and I may not cheat on you. The consequences of infidelity is that the relationship will be over. I'm not asking someone to change...I'm asking them to HONOR and RESPECT a commitment to an exclusive relationship. If a man is a pot smoker, I don't get involved with him to begin with so I don't have to issue any sort of ultimatum. If I choose to get involved with someone who smokes pot, it's sort of ridiculous to demand that they stop doing it now that we're already involved. We can discuss my issues with it and MY choice at this point, if I am the one who has issues is to be the one to walk away. It is not up to me to demand that this person stop "if they really love me" since I'm the one with the issue, not them. The only person who has to change is ME...if this is something I don't want in my life, then I need to change who I want to be with.

In fact, if a person was interested in dating me and they knew that I don't date pot smokers and told me that they would give up pot in order to date me...I would still turn them down. I don't want people to change who they are and what they do FOR ME...if it's not for yourself then the odds are it won't stick, you'll fall off the wagon OR you'll grow to resent me because it wasn't something YOU wanted in the first place. Part of being in a relationship is accepting people for who they are flaws and all. If that person wants to change something about their life then you can be supportive of it...but demanding someone change to fit your wants and ideals rarely works, that is why ultimatums are a bad idea.
 Hippiekinkster
Joined: 1/7/2010
Msg: 29
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:42:45 PM
I dunno, man. I've heard that chicks who walk with Bob Marley are really special in bed. They have all these exotic massage oils in all kinds of scents and flavors (even patchouli!!!) and know how to give backrubs and snuggle and rent chick flix. They usually have some very cool snacks and ice creams around. You, dude, appear to be very deficient in the caloric intake department, so you need to stay with this chick.

I've read that second-hand MJ smoke won't harm your brain cell. You'll be OK.

Mind you, I don't have any first-hand experience with stoned wimmens and sex/ice cream.
 Miss_Placed
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 30
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:54:41 PM
I don't think ultimatums work - if it's something that bugs you know it'll bug you even more later - and when it comes right down to it - to quit anything - you need to do it for yourself - not for them :-)
 Miss_Placed
Joined: 12/26/2006
Msg: 31
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:58:08 PM
I don't think ultimatums work - if it's something that bugs you know it'll bug you even more later - and when it comes right down to it - to quit anything - you need to do it for yourself - not for them :-)
 winteragain
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 32
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/11/2010 11:59:30 PM
does anyone even care about the fact that this pothead has kids? yea you argue how harmless pot is, why don't you just light one up and pass it to the kids then. but we never do that crap because it's a waste of good weed for god's sake if you have kids around, don't do drugs period
 8soldierfalcon8
Joined: 2/16/2009
Msg: 33
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 1:22:46 AM
You'd let a chick who smokes pot and has kids that you're just dating move in with you?

Wow dude. I know you can do better than that.

-8sf8
 mickeymowss
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 34
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:12:01 AM
if drugs are more important, insist they are not
be consistent

if love is more important, let nature take its course

Don't even TRY changing her, she has to change all by herself, maybe she just needs someone there to listen to her, an ear until everything is cleared up. We all go through sh*t, sometimes it's too late, sometimes it's the perfect time to make something happen. the key thing in my mind is to just stick to your word, be consistent and Don't Give up!
 WeAre1
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 35
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just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:36:51 AM
Oh oh...here we go again.
OP, did you do a search before starting this thread? There have been at least two other long threads on this subject in the last couple of years that got so bad and insulting, the moderators had to intervene time and time again.
Here's a reminder of the ending of the last one, closed with that moderator's last post....the only thing I've left out is they wrote the links to the forum rules and regulations at the bottom of it.
Why did those threads became such a problem? Because this subject seems to always get polarized and people are very strong about their beliefs on both sides of the fence with no one seeming to be able to see the other's point of view.
Anyway, please read what's been written on this topic before and then decide for yourself. My thoughts - as with all relationships, don't stay in it if you are depending on the other person to change. And, as you probably know, one can never force another to change. It always has to be one's own choice.

Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?
Posted: 5/31/2008 623 PM

And this is where it ends.

Should marijuana use be a deal breaker?

For some it is, for some it isn't. - Thread Closed

We have little time to monitor this thread on an ongoing basis - for the ones that resort to childish insults and off topic banter - we'll see you in due time.
 sargon2010
Joined: 2/19/2010
Msg: 36
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:02:10 AM
FWIW - I've read that more than half of the inhabitants of the US prison system ( the biggest in the world ) are there because of smoking pot. Don't need any other crime conviction. Don't know about the female side, but the male side is skewed along these lines.
Also - drugs (pot) give the feds a reason to seize an entire apartment building ( and any other possessions the owner has as well ) and auction it off. Probably auction it off to themselves during an auction held at 11:00 (PM!!!). Lots of stuff changes hands due to pot/drugs. Better use one LLC/apt building if you are an owner.
Drugs are bad news in this USA society. Don't even think of getting near them.
Stick with good looking women or video games or hobbies or enjoying nature as your distraction from the humdrum world.
 stone-1
Joined: 3/26/2009
Msg: 37
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just told the girlfriend I won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:13:24 AM
It also sounds like you really did not present this well - "If you loved me, you'd __________" is just blackmail.

you do have every right to refuse to be around marijuana smoking and to refuse to have illegal substances where you live.

why not try again, and present it to her as being in her interest, since it is? Then give her a little while to think about it and see if she quits.

I don't think this argument would work with a cigarette smoker or a beer drinker...

Habits are tough to break...

It's much easier to defend our habits, and minimize, insisting that they don't affect our lives and everyone around us...

While Ace prolly should have said something sooner about wanting someone that was "clean", I think it's a very good thing indeed that he did speak up b4 letting this woman move in with her kids.... I do hope that he learns from this and warns future potential mates.

Ace, I really wouldn't expect anyone to stop using drugs out of love... Hide the evidence of use... sure... but not stop.
 calibersmom
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 38
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:19:43 AM
There isn't anything wrong with what she is doing as long as it doesn't become a problem. There is alot worse things that she could be doing. Maybe you can come to an agreement maybe where she doesn't do it when your around. If she's a great gal and that's the only fault you can find, I would let it go and let her be herself.
 calibersmom
Joined: 6/25/2008
Msg: 39
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 8:20:14 AM
Pop Tarts rock when you got the munchies!!! haha
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 40
just told the girlfriend I won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:07:18 AM

I don't think this argument would work with a cigarette smoker or a beer drinker...

Probably not, but those are both physically addictive, and legal. Marijuana is neither. So they're not comparable in any way except that none of the three is good for her children.
 DebiDuzDishes
Joined: 4/9/2009
Msg: 41
just told the girlfriend I won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 10:25:19 AM
My problem is.. i have a 14 yr old son.

and the last thing i want him to do is smoke pot. So therefore.. i will not do it.. nor will i condone anyone i date to do it.

Now, if my kids were 30.. and i didnt have to maintain a job that did drug testing.. who knows.. ill never smoke it (nor cigarettes) again. But it would be less of an issue when im retired.

we teach our kids by being examples.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 42
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:24:59 PM
I crack up that pot of all things still has that stigma of being so crazy, and yet, most people here will have a glass of wine with dinner, almost EVERY single night.


If its a question of it being legal, or illegal, then I wonder how you people would have felt during prohibition.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 43
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:43:59 PM
^^ Then I would've also felt like I might get arrested or risk loss of property if people brought illegal substances into my house.

I don't think marijuana should be illegal. But it is. And this woman shows a severe lack of foresight, particularly as a mother, in failing to consider that on her own.

Editing in response to #82: What's that got to do with the relationship problems of this man and woman in British Columbia? You're going way off-topic there.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 44
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:49:55 PM
Did you know, out here in california, you can walk into a "clinic" (they're everywhere) and buy yourself a medical marijuana card for X amount of dollars, and then smoke "legally?"


You can then buy pot, at several locations throughout the cities here, that actually sell weed.


Its all such nonsense.

I dont actually smoke pot. I might hit it once, or twice a YEAR if im feeling up to it....but other then that? Eh, I dont really smoke it regularly, it just doesnt do it for me. But I fail to see it as crazy just because its "illegal" ....with a quick hop skip and some money....its then "legal"
 213history
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 45
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:51:16 PM
I have to agree that this is not about pot, this is about control and second guessing.

OP's profile states does not want children, how does this relationship get to the point of moving in together? Nice car!

In my opinion, OP is looking for an easy out.
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 46
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just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 12:52:56 PM
in Canada:

Bill C-17.

If the bill passes, adults caught with less than 15 grams of pot could be fined up to $400, but wouldn't have a criminal record. But the bill doubles the length of prison sentences for marijuana growers and introduces four new offences for growers.
Since alcohol is directly contributed to more broken people and broken families than weed ever has.. I wonder why the $400.00 fine? Basically they're saying we (the gov't) want a piece of the growers profits. Non-the-less it's progress.

On edit:

Op is looking for an easy out
I second that.
 Lucky_57
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 47
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:18:54 PM
Regarding the legalities of marijuana use and cultivation, medical marijuana is entirely legal all throughout Canada, which is where the OP lives. In the US, medical marijuana is legal in 14 states with 13 states in the final stages of legalization. Further, there are 5 states where it is only a misdemeanor for possession.

As has been posted by many, this does not seem to an issue of well-defined preferences, but more of an issue of inappropriate controls and an underhanded endeavor of oppression.

 Telkwa
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 48
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just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 2:50:41 PM
Well I know a little about what you are probably going thru...

I just recently seperated from my fiance and pot was a big reason...

I was ok with the occasional social use of it but once we moved in I found that what I thought was occasional was chronic... and it can be as bad as alcoholism.

so word of advice... If you dont toke then you shouldnt have a girl friend that does... it is an addiction that can get out of control and if you arent comfortable with it move on and find a non toker
 Wishes Granted
Joined: 3/6/2008
Msg: 49
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just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:28:07 PM

Regarding the legalities of marijuana use and cultivation, medical marijuana is entirely legal all throughout Canada
yes, with a permit that can be shown to the police and a script from one's doctor. Not anyone who smokes weed can get permission just because they want it.

As has been posted by many, this does not seem to an issue of well-defined preferences, but more of an issue of inappropriate controls and an underhanded endeavor of oppression
Totally agree.
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 50
just told the girlfriend i won't stay if she smokes pot
Posted: 3/12/2010 3:42:55 PM

As has been posted by many, this does not seem to an issue of well-defined preferences, but more of an issue of inappropriate controls and an underhanded endeavor of oppression.

That's going much too far! (Although, it did have the nice effect of reminding me of some pretty great Monty Python bits. "I thought we were an autonomous collective!")

As stated in my first post on the topic, I don't like the way the OP presented this, and I don't think it's constructive - but it is absolutely his right to refuse to have illegal substances in his house. It's his place. He does have control over it. There's certainly nothing that rises (or sinks, if you prefer) to the level of oppression in that.

It is also not oppressive for him to refuse to continue to date her if he prefers not to date someone who smokes pot. That is his choice, as smoking is hers.

Now, if he were threatening to have her arrested unless she quit, that'd be oppressive! And manipulative, and controlling, and also just plain mean. But he isn't doing that. He's leaving it up to her. And if an ultimatum is the hot button for her that it appears to be for many posters, it is her free choice not to date him anymore.
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