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Joined: 2/27/2010
Msg: 57
Is It A Deal Breaker?Page 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I don't know if it's a deal breaker... Does he have a beer belly?
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 58
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 12:38:30 AM
longhairbadass wrote [I think you should marry him

wow....i know you are being sarcastic.
you usually write the right stuff.
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 59
view profile
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 4:27:09 AM
yes it's a definite deal breaker....

and it probably wasn't him shining, but the alcohol giving him an artificial coating of appearing brighter than the others....

has he shown you his alcohol-free side yet? or shared the reasons why he drinks and can't stop?

sincerely wish him well and move on.....unless you want to 'help' him remain an alcoholic....

(also please take a look within...check you don't have a part of you that thinks you can save him)

ahh..edit to add...seems the op was only on pof a week, started three threads, and is now gone....wonder if she chose the alcoholic after all....
or perhaps this was a fake thread...or maybe it was actually herself she was talking about, for her apparent naivety was a little alarming....well, guess we'll never know...
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 60
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 7:15:38 AM

Alcoholism is a choice. quit lying and negating his personal responsibility in the matter. Every dipshiat in my family has booze issues. I could have stepped in that trap, I could have ended up with multible DUI's, flunked rehabs, a criminal record, abusive drunk infused relationships, bar fights.....etc

Nope, I chose to get out. Its a personal choice. and every time he tilts the bottle he is making a choice. And it is addictive, sure, but nobody put a gun to his head and forced him to drink.

valenciacityx...i just had to repeat this as you said it so well...

it's an addiction...but it's the addict's choice as to whether or not he will sustain or imbide.

I have a friend couldn't quit...even though he tried, knew the addiction was screwing up his life, was in and out of rehab and AA, numerous DUI's, divorces, etc...for decades, until he ended up seeing the white light after surgury. Then he quit...because finally he knew it's either quit or die. He had to actually be declared dead on the operating table and revive before he got it. He would tell anyone, anytime, he made a choice.
Joined: 7/23/2009
Msg: 61
view profile
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 7:21:26 AM
It is a deal-breaker, BIG TIME, for me.
Joined: 8/20/2008
Msg: 63
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:39:22 AM
wow. a guys says something like that. opens himself up to you. look how many women would want nothing to do with him. is there any harm in staying in touch. mabey not tommorow but in a year or two he might just be the guy for you.

boy I sure hope some of the people on this site never go through any hard times trials or tribulation in their lives.

give the guy a break and watch.
Joined: 9/28/2007
Msg: 64
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:47:14 AM
He came to you with added baggage, and that alone makes you wanna run in the other directions. It wouldnt hurt to continue to talk to the guy, and if he ever turned around and you were still available than it wouldnt hurt, but he could have a fallback and you shouldnt have to be apart of that. But he does derserve credit for being honest with you.

I tend to think he's looking for someone to rescue/enable him and being open about his problem to weed the one's who won't ahead of time. He may deserve credit for being upfront about being needy, but he certainly doesn't deserve credit for being someone who can't even make a committment to his own recovery.

Even those 12-steppers who go out/come back repeatedly can make some progress and if he's been to even one open AA meeting - let alone actually working a program - he know that it's not a good idea to date without some time in sobriety first so by dating he's submarining his own progress.

OP, it really is your choice if you want to enable this guy or not. But to me it would be a deal breaker if he hadn't had a year or more in sobriety. If I liked him as a person, however, I'd be his friend.
Joined: 8/30/2008
Msg: 67
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 3:29:05 PM

Whatever the truth is about his addiction, this may be his way of saying he doesn't want a second date.

good reasoning lol
Joined: 7/16/2009
Msg: 68
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/13/2010 3:38:34 PM
It's only a deal breaker because he has to fix himself before he can hope to have a relationship. Just the way it is. You'd be better for him as a friend at this point in his life. It's simply not possible to go through the introspection, catharsis, and changed required to turn this around while you are in a relationship (especially a new one). Just my opinion.
Joined: 6/20/2007
Msg: 69
Is It A Deal Breaker?
Posted: 3/19/2010 4:58:21 PM
My advice to you is. . . Run Forest!
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