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Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 13
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Well, well...Fell for an FBPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Just use Homer Simpsons aadage:

"Alcohol, the cause of, and solution to all lifes problems" LOL

At least your not an Idiot, so thats a good thing LOL

Also agree with Aloooo, how dare you try to rob the mob of our good givin right to rip you apart.
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 15
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Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/13/2010 9:30:15 PM

LOL Worbug...maybe next time I can be MORE of an ass...I don't know if I can top this one tho...

Oh, wait! Yes, I can! Bring me my wine!

Well If I lived in Az I would say we could give the old college try, then you can come on here and whine about "On the Firts Date I ......." LOL

Never sell youself short, there is always room for improvement.
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 17
view profile
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/13/2010 10:10:59 PM
But I don't live in Edmonton. Oh, I am confused, or crushed, he!! I don't know, one or the other LOL
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 18
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:02:27 AM
I find your honesty so refreshing!
On here it's usually "a friend" that is posting for "their friend", but you, girlfriend, owned up to it!

Don't worry OP-you're not alone, I have made a fool of myself more than once, with the same man....and I don't drink, so can't even use that as an excuse.....
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 19
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/14/2010 6:12:56 AM
That's normal OP. What wouldn't be is not taking the initiative to have those kind of experiences to assist with maturity. That is how when you get to another relationship you know what to do. Also some people like to write it out. That assist with recovery from a traumatic experience. The more intense the feeling the more challenging it is to move on.
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 21
view profile
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/14/2010 7:56:01 AM
I agree, it sounds as though you've handled this didn't go stalker on him or ANYTHING like that.
I did hit a couple of confusion bumps in your narrative, for what it's worth: you said you had sex on the second date, thought about ditching things after the third.... but then you say "Then - it happened! We actually went out on a date!" A confusing contradiction, that, not very important in the larger scheme, but I'm picky.
As for this: "told him HE was an idiot if he lost me (I still think this is true! lol!), cited the fact that other guys were into me, why wasn't he?" it shows me you could have a lucrative career writing scripts for infomercials. (You recovered your sense of decorum by now on that too.)
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 25
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Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:44:36 AM
Hey OP, Stop beating yourself up!

looks to me the guy had a good time, you had a good time, ok it didn't end up the way your mind played it out. The sex was good, it will give you me time memories.

Heck, smile today and laugh at your PhooPaw, forgive yourself if you need to, I think you had fun and are feeling guilty about it.

Joined: 1/19/2009
Msg: 33
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 12:18:28 PM
It really sounds like he is married. From what I read it took several meetings to go "out" on a date. He told you from the start that he wasnt really sure about an exclusive relationship. When you start pressuring him, he starts moving further away.
Step back and think about it. The reluctancy to go out in public. Right from the start he is saying its a FB situation, and when you start pressuring him he is running for the hills. You have never been to his place, never been out in public in his "neighborhood", dont know his home phone, or he says he only uses his cell phone....He has a roommate, but in reality with guys if you have a roommate and want to bring someone home you tell the roomy to hit the bricks for the night....Sounds like he is fairly well experienced at this. Once the "other women" gets a little too close he vanishes.

Nothing you did or could have done different. You just werent aware of the game you were playing
Joined: 8/18/2008
Msg: 34
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 12:32:03 PM

I just can't be physical without SOME sort of committment, ya know? It brings out the worst in me. Just not made that way.

No, and you made yourself that way, which I think is commendable. I have not enjoyed FB situations that I have been in nor was I comfortable in relationships that were clearly going nowhere or had no potential. Now I would rather stick needles in my eye sockets than to enter into either again.

I hope you got some help venting about this and can avoid it in the future more successfully. We all make some poor decisions and/or don't have enough information to make any decision correctly sometimes. You look like a neat person and I think you'll get over this soon.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 35
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:19:08 PM
STOP beating yourself up and calling yourself an IDIOT!

Women don't make a choice as to whom they will be attracted to.

It's no surprise that men don't understand this, but I still haven't figured out why, by and large women don't understand this either?
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 36
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 1:55:35 PM

Also, to clarify - the first few times I "dated" him (beyond the 1st awkward restaurant meet), we hung out at my place. The "out" on a date was actually "out".

I hate to tell you this Miraval, but you set yourself up for what happened. If you had continued from the beginning to go OUT, instead of just go to your place and have sex, he would have had to invest more than his pecker in the relationship, even if you have had sex, or continued to have sex.

The other thing is that rather than give him some sort of ultimatum or either is a full relationship or nothing, perhaps it would have worked better to hold on the sex some and have more activities together. If he complained, you all you had to do is say, that you want more than just sex.
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 38
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Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 2:27:03 PM
Oh well, shit happens.

You learned some stuff about yourself - what you want and dont want so
not all was lost.

I look at it this way - if we can walk away and really really walk away with
something out of it - even if its knowing what we DON'T want - then all
is not lost.

YOU are what you are. YOU got something from it while it was going on.

So did he. Im not saying sex - Im saying other stuff like getting to know
Getting to know him and his likes and dislikes - finding that you can have
a genuine connection with someone outside the bedroom - and looking forward
to that connection - learning from it and applying it to someone who wants more
with you - and you with him.

So - lessons learned.
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 40
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 3:20:31 PM

Women don't make a choice as to whom they will be attracted to.

It's no surprise that men don't understand this, but I still haven't figured out why, by and large women don't understand this either?

So women get a free pass on responsibility? I find women very attractive that wouldn't be good for me AT ALL... so I don't pursue them. Easy enough.

OP, you weren't asking for too much AT ALL... the thing is... why OH WHY do women keep falling for the FB, FWB nebular status. Those things are inventions by men to get women who are NOT SPECIFICALLY looking for NSA sex to have NSA sex with them. If someone offers FB status I know a mile away there's no potential for a relationship there. People looking for something lasting don't spend their time/effort on temporary relationships, given that the difficulty of finding a long term partner is several magnitudes higher than a FB. It's just logic.

I'm sad things turned out the way they did for you... but as you recognize, you did that to yourself... there was no place for that fairy tale ending you wanted.

Learn and live - go forward.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 46
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 6:19:50 PM
So do women get a pass on responsibility? Do we excuse Moths from flying into the flame? I think the question to both has to be YES!

Some women claim they will keep their panties on, and such and such, but my take on it, is that they arn't exactly thrilled about that plan either! Age and whether a woman has had children does factor into this, in a big way (Obviously).

(I think) that when humans ignore nature and genetic programming, they are not aware of what forces are REALLY at work and are often just kidding themselves or trying to get by with wishful thinking, and we all know how that usually turns out!

I think the OP is a well put together individual that doesn't give herself nearly enough credit! See things for what they are. You can squarely accept responsibility and that is a wonderful if not uncommon trait (rather evolved) but there is no need what so ever to put yourself down!
Joined: 9/13/2008
Msg: 51
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/15/2010 11:39:46 PM

when humans ignore nature and genetic programming

I would say that that's EXACTLY what makes us human - the gift of being able to REASON and not give in to genetic programming and certain forces at work. That's why I don't start humping attractive (or otherwise, haha) ladies when I see them.

Women are not moths, and even though men accuse/observe women of being irrational, I give them the benefit of the doubt. I say people can LEARN not to go with instinct and make decisions that actually get them what they want. And I believe as women start to change their criteria, guess what - a lot less women will become bedpost notches for Mr. Exciting, "hot, cute, etc" will become less important criteria when searching for a man, the top 20% most attractive men will get to sleep with LESS than 80% of women, a lot more women will know when to recognize a guy who will make them happy and accept them, and as such a lot more men will find who they're looking for too. Result? More love, less frustration. Of course, too bad for the players, but the numbers are so skewed on that one even a 20% change leaves a LOT for them. Everyone wins.
Joined: 1/15/2010
Msg: 60
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/16/2010 10:54:24 PM

In other words he was saying younger women are helpless against their
biological urges and can't control themselves long enough to wait to have
sex. Makes me smile, the way the male mind works things out to
get the answer that agrees with their desires.

And yet, here we are...
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 61
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/17/2010 12:09:06 AM
honestly girl.... look at it this way... i have been in this situation and it really sucks. but the good thing that comes out of it is that you learn now to be more cautious of waiting to have sex until you know he wants things to be serious. after we get heart broken because we feel somewhat used, we then say "at least it was good sex" when we know pretty damn well that we would rather have him as a boyfriend than wasting time on him just for the sex when we wanted more :( i know you think you may have liked him.... but you probably didn't, and just think you did because of the sex. If a guy really likes you he wont care if you have had sex with him from the moment you meet him, nor will he even think about you guys having sex on the first date. If he really likes you for more than sex he will make you his girlfriend..... when a guy has sex and doesnt want to be in a relationship it just means he wants to keep looking for a girl that he likes :(((
Joined: 2/14/2010
Msg: 64
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/17/2010 3:43:35 PM
your welcome (: the true guy will come to us! have u found anyone on here????? have u had ne luck? lol all the guys ive met on here are weird :(
Joined: 2/26/2010
Msg: 66
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:08:37 PM
You said you had sex on the 2nd date but that you finally had a date with him? Which one was it? You are using sex to manipulate him to being your boyfriend. Stop using sex to be with him - he doesn't want what you want - move on. You make it sound like he screwed you over and he was nothing but honest with you. He did nothing wrong. I highly doubt you won't be with him again. Giving up men and dating is like a diet ... after awhile you get hungry and start rummaging to what is around.
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 73
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/18/2010 10:57:31 AM
Answer to the question, DONT BE SO G***DAM EAZY!!!!!
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 79
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:45:23 PM
Quiet YOU

(message too short)
(message too short)(message too short)
Delete if necessaray

FB's are usually ugly people, you're not ugly, why would you do something like this you little horn dog you?
Joined: 12/9/2007
Msg: 80
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:23:33 AM
Where the mind goes, the heart follows. I think it's when we let it happen in reverse - mind following heart - that the trouble begins.

I think it has to do with love style. And what type of person you are. You can try to be more practical with emotion it may not change how you feel. I like the mind to heart approach. In fact I really believe to actively date online shows some inclination to be rational with relationship choices. However once beyound the virtual a person again deals with the more emotional part of personal relationships.

I thought I was smarter than fact, I AM smarter than that...why get stuck?

The fun part about learning from relationships is that you become less inhibited with experience. And a good thing about dating online is you can navigate at least until you meet someone that is more compatible with how you are in a relationship.
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 94
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 4/3/2010 1:52:47 PM

Most of all - RESPECT the person you're with - BELIEVE what they say, and don't stay in a situation that could eventually cause emotional pain.

miraval: thankyou. your post was great.

also...someone on the forum who writes to me said:
listen to what they say...and then step back and HEAR it.
hear behind all the words.
see what they do.

you seem like a great gal
i didnt read yr profile so i dont know yr age...
i send my best to you.
good luck and i hope you meet the best guy for you.
Joined: 6/4/2009
Msg: 95
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 4/5/2010 7:23:51 PM

Your story and posts are amazing. You are able to deal with the disappointment and embarrassment with self awareness, intelligence and humor. It must still hurt, but it seems like you are getting past it so well. If he's read this, he must realize how very, very special you are. He's the IDIOT, not you! You are a special person.
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 97
Well, well...Fell for an FB
Posted: 4/7/2010 3:32:32 PM
learning about Adventures in Modern Dating is a process. One that I predict you will survive just fine, because of your sense of humor.
So you got overly attached to a FB/FwB. BFD. Sh*t happens. And I agree with you, people who are boinking one another should refrain from boinking other people,even if it is only a FwB or FB. No, one cannot DEMAND that their FB refrain from boinking other people, it's not a "rule". But boinking multiple people just seems so tacky.
As for your erstwhile FB, IMO, he not only missed the boat by losing you, he fell off the damn dock!
Live and learn, kiddo. Dating, romance and relationships cover a wide spectrum with many nuances these days...and quite often an involvement can't be easily categorized or labeled. As long as you respect yourself,mind your personal safety and behave in a sexually responsible manner, don't be jamming yourself into a pigeonhole that don't fit you just to conform with other people's "shoulds and oughtas".
Cindy O
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