Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 43
Disassociation DisorderPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)

One, was said that she gave up a six figure job to take care of this guy...
Next its said that the least amount of stress can "set her off" ....

Have you the remotest clue what it's like to be the primary caregiver of a loved one suffering from a dementia condition that only gets worse as time goes on? It's not at all unknown for that stress and fatigue to all but DESTROY the caregiver.

I'm wondering what would have happened had the bf's kid posted a topic about how Dad's gf walked out on him the minute he was diagnosed...would we be ripping HER apart for being a shallow,uncaring self-serving witch(with a B)?

it does not add up to me....you can't get someone out of a house and everything sold in a week..well, you can but she could have stayed and fought then. and the business of getting legal advice?

Yep, that's exactly WHY I recommended legal advice,this woman may be the victim of a crime or an actionable offense against civil or probate statutes. People bully and bluster all the time to get away with exploitation of the vulnerable. And the money issue is why I suggested Legal Aid and/or any Pro Bono service that might be available in that state.

I just wonder why someone would let themselves get in this situation...

So do I, but I have actually seen very similar things happen to people who did what they felt to be right,out of the love in their heart.(have any clue about that?) At any rate, in the situation outlined here in this thread, what's DONE is DONE, and what we have is a genuine friend(have any clue about that?) trying to help someone they care about. It's a damn shame that people who take any kind of risk to help anybody else, to behave out of kindness and love, are so frequently screwed over that standard advice seems to be "don't get involved".
No, I stand by what I say. While conceding that somehow or other this deal of the caregiver getting the bums' rush, and instantaneous sale of his home before the man was even cold in his grave,smacks of something rotten in Denmark-which is precisely WHY I suggested seeking legal advice.
Or are some psters here recommending that the OP just toss her friend out in the street, calling NMP(not my problem) "sink or swim", "tough love" "well if she survives she'll know damn well that love, caring, trust, kindness and compassion have no value in todays world"....?
Actually, if at all possible, I think the OP should accompany/assist her friend in seeking legal counsel...that way she's on top of any possible "scam" her longtime friend just might be running on her.
Cindy O
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 48
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 8:20:40 AM
I think it's probably rare enough that you're unlikely to find anyone here who's dealt with this clinical diagnosis.

A mental health forum is a better bet-a mental health professional even better.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 49
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 9:34:03 AM

OH PLEASE
Nobody forced her to be a caregiver ... but it is one way to keep a boyfriend isn't it ?
She wanted to be a saint to his "martyr"
People don't do this for someone they are even related to
She was a fool and always will be a fool and people should learn something from this
Heartless people at least have some common sense
And being a caregiver should never mean caring less for oneself in the process


What everyone is overlooking, is what happened to her as a child....living with her Aunt and Uncle....

I mean the woman no disrespect, but is it realistic to think that she would be "normal"? You are judging her in terms of being "normal".

If you want to educate yourself on how this happens, look up....dependent (him) and co-dependent (her) personalities.

Dependent has problems making decisions, taking responsibility etc. Co-Dependent is a nurturer, and care giver etc. There's lots more to it than that.

I think that being a "fool" would be much simpler.......
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 50
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 10:32:52 AM

Professionals generally are not trained to be supportive while you howl your pain out. They generally won't be very responsive at all. They can be very detached and distant emotionally. I understand they have to guard against compassion fatigue but that's a very cold response to someone in deep emotional pain. What they need is love not just cold rational analysis is all I'm saying.


This is absolutely false! Therapists, like anyone else, have individual personalities, but as a profession are not taught or expected to be detached or emotionally distant. Quite the opposite, in fact. And, FYI, long-term psychotherapy is extremely rare in practice today. While crying is very healthy and can be an effective coping skill, it WILL NOT cure DID or any other mental illness.

OP, there is a difference between having a dissociative, or dissociative-like episode and having DID. Extreme stress, fatigue, etc can cause a person to experience this kind of episode. Encourage your friend to speak to mental health professional, and by all means accompany her there for support.


We talk a lot, which really seems to help. Usually once a week we get together with three other friends & let her talk & cry it out, this seems to be real affective for her.


Keep doing this. As her friend, this is the best thing you can do for her!


Her biggest concern right now is getting a job, however she is concerned & very worried she may have an episode while at work. Right now she can control her episodes by avoiding places & people that she knows will trigger stress. But it isn't logical to assume she can continue doing this, especially if she goes back to work.


This is what the professional can also help her with. They can teach her coping skills so that she can successfully function in a job.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 51
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 11:44:43 AM

So why would an extremely educated woman sit back & let a 30 year old crack head sell her home & all the belongings? I don't know. The only thing I can say is she was totally beat down mentally & physically.

If the son truly is a a deadbeat crackhead, he probably threatened her.

but she would not allow me to pursue it. We have to pick our battles & she chose her health.
Sounds more and more like the son threatened her. As a completely practical matter, I agree, the only thing she can do is recover her own health and move on with her life. Civil litigation is for disagreements/disputes/financial wrong doing by CIVILized people. Crackheads and lowlife bullies aren't civilized.

But this thread can be of real value to mature people who are cohabiting couples. If marriage is not an option/not advisable, then they should be creating documentation to get out ahead of exactly this kind of situation.

but as I have said SO often in these forums, unless one sees a significant discrepancy,contradiction,change of story,whatever-we can only respond to the information we are given.


Noootttt quite. Professional (not crazy) scammers rely on people wanting to help out.

But I'm talking about the tendency of some posters on some threads to go WAY out in left field,pulling possible scenarios out of their ASSES,based on NOTHING indicated, discussed, mentioned in the OT. Did you not catch the places where the OP mentions having known this person since their college days?
I know it's difficult for people to grasp when all they ever care about is their weiners and their wallets...but there is such a thing as loving someone and being committed to making their end-of-life experience be in the comfort and security of familiar surroundings and the presence of loved ones.Yes, even if it interrupts/interferes with their own career progress, family life, or the pursuit of their own happiness.
Cindy O
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 53
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 12:18:03 PM
Imsa, you too are probably a good person, and I do understand that people need to look out for themselves these days. But perhaps you need to go back and re-read the OT. Because the way I read it, this woman had an excellent, high paying career, AND a longterm relationship with a man who unfortunately became terminally ill with a dementia illness,and she chose to put his wellbeing ahead of her own concerns( and yes, believe it or not people do this every day-not everyone abandons their spouse, SO,parent or other loved one when they become seriously/terminally ill.)
If the only family he had was a crackhead son, what SHOULD she have done? Walked away and HOPED some concerned person or entity stepped in before he died of starvation or grievous injury?
Anyway, I do not read it that the caregiving ended 3 years ago and that she returned to work. What I read was she cared for this man for 6 years, and is now,due to some kind of machination by the man's family, homeless, jobless, exhausted and stressed to the point where she's having dissociative episodes.
Cindy O
 Mericat
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 55
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/16/2010 6:35:32 PM
Wow..I was shocked to find this in the Relationships section but I have a few words to say
I have suffered from Derealization which is used interchangeably with Depersonalization and Disassociation.....they are similar yet subtly different...
For the past 4 years I have struggled with these episodes 3 times a year seeking medical advice....everything from CT scans, MRIs, ECG, EEG, countless blood tests..etc...I also dealt with 3 neurologists ....
I want to say that experiencing DP/DR or disassociation is in NO WAY anyones fault and is much more common than people think ..It is NOT a mental disorder, although for a very long time I thought I was going crazy..
They thought I was epileptic at first....
anyway long story short I am experiencing a migraine that manifests itself differently...classical visual aura disturbances as well as post migraine aura and associated vertigo
I have 3 episodes a year lasting from 10 to 21 days and during this time I have no pain but experience a 'dream like state' or 'out of body' experience that renders me incapable of driving, working and generally doing anything productive.
Pinpointing this has been tiring yet eyeopening.
This is NOT a mental disorder but creates panic and anxiety in the person as they have no idea what has happened to them, if they will ever feel 'normal' again, and wondering if they have something severely wrong with them (tumours etc). It is very important that the person have a support system in place during this time where they do not feel added stress to drive themselves around or deal with things that require much cognitive function. They need to relax and be with people who will listen to them and tell them they are NOT crazy. It will pass. The important part is to pin point WHAT is causing it and perhaps if it is recurring finding a support network of people who deal with the same thing so they can feel understood.
 arlam3
Joined: 5/1/2008
Msg: 58
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:51:02 AM
dont worry, you are not crazzy....and you are not alone....childhood trauma is something no child should have to endure, regardless of its nature...i myself have not been diagnosed yet...but im on meds (cymbalta 60mg per day) for anxiety and depression....i also had childhood trauma....did some reading on google about d.i.d...and some of the "symptoms" fit, i dont have alters with names, but i feel as though i dont know who or what i am, and who or what im suppoesed to be, i feel separate from things...i give life to inanimate objects, which i talk to...well i used to...like a kid would have a doll or a car or a good luck charm...i dont have black outs...i think i sleep walk...from what i have read, the only treatment is psycoanalysis...drugs dont work, other than for the anxiety and depression...apparently, INTERGRATING all the alters, so they are all present together at the same time, is the first step to "recovery"

d.i.d. is just a coping mechanism, and some d.i.d people end up living quite fine with their alter egos...its just a questrion of understanding whats going on...

a good shrink, who speacialises is a good thing...but you cant go just once...you have to be patient and realise that there in nothing "wrong" with you...just the things you had to go thru...

you tube can be a good sourse of info...

theres nothing wrong with YOU!!! you are you...and you are NOT crazzy....
 Mericat
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 59
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 4:58:53 AM
No...nothing at all...
I had no results that showed anything which was extremely frustrating but I have been able to avoid them by avoiding certain triggers (red wine was a big one) as well as a certain type of lighting in stores can start to bring it on. I am not sure of all the triggers yet though so I am still trying to pinpoint what I can and can't eat/do etc.

It's not a mental disorder because when this 'fog' lifts.....I am completely back to normal.

But yea..Pretty much..stare into space...it sounds funny but it's true...certain people who know me enough can tell just by looking at my face I am having one. I can carry on as if I am in a dream....like I go about acting like everything is normal but I forget things..where I put things so cooking on a stove is not a good thing and try not to be too hard on myself when it happens.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 62
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 8:17:44 AM

You have my sympathy! It sounds awful.
Are you on any type of medication for anything?

Using any substance?

Diagnostic techniques are not perfect. It does sound like a form of
epilipsy. Have you tried a trial period of epilipsy medication such as
Tagamet? Might be worth trying...


Tagamet is a prescription medication used for severe heartburn and ulcers...not epilepsy.

My ex-husband used to have what was diagnosed as "migraine equivalent"....where his right side would become paralyzed and he would go blind. No joke....he had been in a fairly severe car accident about 10 years earlier, and the Drs thought that his injuries could have contributed...these equivalents would usually happen after a long drive.

Back to OP's friend...because of her childhood, and the current level of trauma, I don't think that an organic reason for what's happening to her will be found.....although ruling out organic reasons first, is always the way to go.
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 63
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 9:28:14 AM
These states of fog, fugue,fatigue...whatever way you want to characterize them, can also be part of a larger syndrome-in fibromyalgia it's actually often referred to as "fibro fog"-, it can also be part of Chronic Fatigue/Chronic Fatigue Immune Disorder and some other non-apparent/intermittent disorders,and I agree, this is NOT a mental illness...it's most likely neurological.

And while a support system is a HUGE help, lots of people who have bouts with this particular symptom have learned to manage their lives and work around it,without needing to be in an ongoing custodial or caregiver situation.

Anyway, I have absolutely no doubt that the stress of caring for someone you love, while you watch them deteriorate before your eyes, could cause a person to go into a state of physical, mental and emotional exhaustion that can manifest in MANY ways.
Cindy O
 Mericat
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 64
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 6:25:25 PM
No..after the first time I gave up pot, drinking and basically anything that could alter my state..I am pretty sure you could understand why! When you feel like you are drunk/drugged for no reason the last thing you want is to change your state when you feel normal!

I have been diagnosed with migraines but I have yet to pinpoint all the triggers..it's been a long road but this is as close I have come to answers!

And thank you everyone for sharing those tips....
Vodka thing is especially interesting..I haven't heard that one yet. Thanks!
 Mericat
Joined: 10/25/2008
Msg: 65
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/17/2010 6:29:56 PM
OH and I should add that I always have the episodes around the middle/end of November, Christmas and Valentines day...which lead me to believe chocolate, citrus (a big trigger of migraines and also I am a big fan of those little clementine cases that come out after Thanksgiving), and red wine (with special meals during the holidays)
Took the doctors and I long enough to finally start drawing conclusions..and you know..mostly it was from talking to a lot of people and people saying 'hey..I know so and so that had this'
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 67
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/18/2010 8:43:33 AM
Here's a story that I once heard that I've told a couple of times....it has nothing to do with OP, or her friend....it has to do with "coping"

"Flighty" and "Judgmental" were two sisters...about two years apart in age.

Flighty was an easygoing type of gal, she forgot to pay her bills on time every now and then, and got married, and divorced...had a couple of questionable boyfriends...judgmental would hear of these things and say "Flighty, you have to be less Flighty you get yourself in trouble with your Flighty ways. Flighty would agree, and continue along her Flighty path.....

Judgmental had her life arranged....married for 30 years...house was paid for, she worked full time at a high paying job....2.5 children in college.....

Here's the true part....this is an actual story. One of the sisters posted on a health forum...

Her sister was put into a nursing home....she was only 55 but she was in such bad shape she wasn't expected to recover....she didn't talk much, she would shuffle up and down the halls of the home, she didn't eat much...and she didn't really appear to be too aware of what was going on around her.

The sister writing on the health forum asked what she could do for her sister?

Which sister do you think is in the home?

It was Judgmental. Her husband had left her for a younger woman, shortly after that, she was forced into retirement from her job...the house was being sold as part of the divorce settlement...the kids were busy in college. Judgmental couldn't cope with all the loss.

Flighty was writing to ask how SHE could help....the answer.....SUPPORT...

Moral of the story.....In life, anything can happen, to anyone, at any time....and does.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 68
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 4:01:22 PM
The symptoms you’ve described can be present in many mental illnesses including Schizophrenia.


She had spent the last six years taking care of him. He had Alzheimer's & was unable to work or even cope with everyday life.
They lived for years on savings, but the house payments, utilities & just basic living, not to mention his outrageously ridiculous medical bills drained them.


There really are not huge medical bills associated with Alzheimer’s until one goes into a nursing home or has a home health care worker. There is not much that can be done medically for an at home patient with this devastating illness.
Since he was collecting disability he would have been eligible for Medicare which would cover almost all his medical bills while in his home.


All along she thought the sale of the house would be her financial security.

When a neurologist makes the diagnosis of this mental disease they advise the caregivers to get all their financial affairs in order. They also have you contact the support groups in order to learn how to care for and what to expect from the patient. They are a wealth of information including legal advice. The home would have been put in both their names with right of survivorship


They had been living off her savings & his Social Security Disability checks.
a helpless individual with the mental capacity of a five year old

Since he would not have been capable of signing/cashing checks how did she get access to his money without some legalities already in place?


When he passed his family threw her out & sold their belongings & the house.
The son sold the house & all of the belongings in less than a week & has spent every penny.

Impossible; the death certificate would have taken a week. Probate, much longer.
The house obviously belonged to the son. Even a cash sale would take longer than a week.

How would she know he spent “every penny”.


So why would an extremely educated woman sit back & let a 30 year old crack head sell her home & all the belongings?

She wouldn’t. None of what you have stated here is logical; it does not make sense.
And if it does not make sense, it is not true.
Anyone with any experience with either Alzheimer’s disease or the legal system knows this tale, as you have stated it here, is simply not true.

What probably happened is that this woman lived off this man for six years, tried to get him to sign over to her his life savings, including his home, but his family protected him and their inheritance.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 69
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 5:37:00 PM

She wouldn’t. None of what you have stated here is logical; it does not make sense.
And if it does not make sense, it is not true.


Wow, there's some illogical stuff that I've done that I gotta go back and tell people "isn't true", because it doesn't make sense.....

Are you a decendant of Mr. Spock, Ailliss?
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 71
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:03:39 PM
In this context, yes, if it does not add up, it is not true.

You, may believe otherwise; such as a house belonging to a deceased person can be sold and disposed of in a week. That is fodder for the naïve and inexperienced in legal matters.


Are you a decendant of Mr. Spock, Ailliss?

I gather you mean some of your star trek stuff; no, I am not a fan of anything even remotely associated with that. But, do not waste your time on these silly allegations, instead learn about, “Power of Attorney” or “Talking Will” and more. It is easy to be taken advantage of when you’ve not the knowledge to take care of necessary matters.

I am not surprised at how easily most are mislead.


Wow, there's some illogical stuff that I've done

Doing something illogical is not the same as attempting to convince others that a fallacy is true. This is when our ability to reason comes into play. We think logically using (good or rational reasoning). Another example, “insurmountable doctor bills” regarding an in home Alzheimer’s patient on Medicare and disability. Educate yourself on Alzheimer disease; you’ll see that unless they are in a facility there is not a great deal of expense for there is almost nothing that can be done for them in the way of drugs or anything else.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 72
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 6:14:24 PM

How sad! It seems like there is always one in the bunch that sees all negative, people just can't be good, not possible, they must be liars, thieves, & users. I truly hope I never get so bitter that I think everyone has ulterior self serving motives. I feel sorry for you hon, life must have dealt you a bad hand.


Hon;
you and your friend are the ones seeking ulterior motives to questionable behavior. You, and anyone, with even a modicum of intellect and experience know that what I have stated is more true and reasonable than anything you’ve said.

You evaded the legal aspect of this matter because what you stated is not possible.

Aren’t you the one crying over, “Life dealing you a bad hand”.

Your attack of my logic and rational post is proof that you are seeking sympathy and wanting to pull the wool over other’s eyes.

Prove to me that a house, in a decedent’s name only, can be sold before even a death certificate is issued. The home was, more than likely, in the son’s name in order to protect him from grasping individuals.
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 73
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 7:16:14 PM

Prove to me that a house, in a decedent’s name only, can be sold before even a death certificate is issued. The home was, more than likely, in the son’s name in order to protect him from grasping individuals.


Just adding a little grain of salt with what OP said about the house being sold in a week....I don't believe that she stated that the house was sold within a week of the "boyfriend's" death....I took it as being sold within a week of being put up for sale.....


The son sold the house & all of the belongings in less than a week & has spent every penny.


Where does it say the son sold the house within a week of his father's death? It doesn't...you assumed....you've heard about assumptions, haven't you?


They lived for years on savings, but the house payments, utilities & just basic living, not to mention his outrageously ridiculous medical bills drained them.


OP's first post, stated that they were living on HER savings, and his SSD checks...that leads me to believe that she was contributing monetarily to the relationship, and wasn't in fact a "grasping individual".

Having administered two POA's myself, I know that the individual has to be "competent" to award POA. Sometimes, things happen that the POA doesn't get put in place in time (denial that there is anything wrong, is a big contributor to this)....had OP's friend taken the boyfriend to the bank, I'm sure that the SSD checks may have been cashed based on visual and other pieces of ID.

Have I convinced you at all, that "shit happens", and not all of us are perfect?
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 74
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 10:52:53 PM
I understand that you are purposefully being obtuse.
The OP’s story has more holes in it than Swiss cheese.
It is you who are making assumptions in order to accommodate your opinion.


All along she thought the sale of the house would be her financial security. So why would an extremely educated woman sit back & let a 30 year old crack head sell her home & all the belongings? I don't know.


In this statement, regarding the “friend”, the home is HERS! So now the OP escalated this into a more implausible situation. How did a “crackhead” acquire the legitimacy to sell HER home? I’d really like to know given that I’ve rental properties and there are those “Crackheads” that can sell real estate without proof of ownership. Pfffffhhhttt


I took it as being sold within a week of being put up for sale..…

That is clearly an assumption of yours as it was more indicative that
the OP implied the sale was immediately after the lover’s death:


When he passed his family threw her out & sold their belongings & the house.

the money situation is done & over, end of story! The son sold the house & all of the belongings in less than a week & has spent every penny.


She gives the implication that within a week of his death the friend was booted out and the home sold. Additionally, and even more implausible, she infers that all the money acquired from the sale of the home was “spent” within that same week. The more I rehash this scenario the more nonsensical it becomes.

As it has been relayed here this is a woman who spent six years of her life trying to convince a lover to leave his all, or even partial estate, to her……..and she failed. Had this man loved, appreciated her he would have taken care of her, provided for her as he acknowledged her as his care giver.


had OP's friend taken the boyfriend to the bank, I'm sure that the SSD checks may have been cashed based on visual and other pieces of ID.


You cannot be serious.

A bank customer presenting himself with the mentality of a five year old would be protected by his bank.

I don’t know what you think you are trying to prove here but your scenario is exactly what persons need to be aware of….and what law enforcement and banks are wary of.

You want the PoF community to believe that someone who is no longer cognizant, has the mentality of a five year old should be relied upon to lead another to deplete his bank accounts?

Fvcking unbelievable.
 majyk1
Joined: 4/26/2009
Msg: 75
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/19/2010 11:10:52 PM
OP after all your posts, It sounds like YOUR the one with a disorder!!
You outa check yourself in somewhere!
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 77
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:16:01 AM
OP...

If you would like to continue dealing with Ailliss, and the "speculation" of your friend's situation, feel free. I'm not addressing any more of her posts.

What I would like to know, is how is your friend doing now?
 Quazi 100
Joined: 3/2/2008
Msg: 79
view profile
History
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/20/2010 9:55:55 AM

She really is doing well. I told her what some of the posters said & we talked about it. We continue to have our weekly gurl friend sessions, this seems to help. She has gotten over the crying stage & has started working out & jogging, that's a great sign. We know it is going to be a long road for her, but I think she will again come out ahead. I have come to realize she is a much stronger person than I am.


I'm glad to hear that things are getting better.

I've found that I'm as strong as I need to be...a little less strong would suit me fine...
 ladyc4
Joined: 2/14/2006
Msg: 80
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/20/2010 10:35:56 AM

There really are not huge medical bills associated with Alzheimer’s until one goes into a nursing home or has a home health care worker. There is not much that can be done medically for an at home patient with this devastating illness.
Since he was collecting disability he would have been eligible for Medicare which would cover almost all his medical bills while in his home.

No, it would have covered 80% of them. There might have been considerable diagnostic work done to RULE OUT other dementia type conditions...certain forms of severe depression, Parkinson's, vascular-based dementia( TIAs, mini-strokes).20% can add up to quite a chunk of change if theres' no secondary insurance. Also, unless something has recently changed, one does not immediately become eligible for Medicare when one retires before 65 due to disability.COBRA can be very expensive, and if the man's employer had no retiree benefit package,there would have been a gap in insurance coverage.If he had significant assets, he would not be able to get MedicAid without doing a spend down.

The rat in the woodpile here MIGHT be the man himself and his family;they might have created a family trust to shelter his estate from probate or a forced MedicAid spend-down...and LIED to the OP's friend to get a free caregiver.Or the bf might have been so fearful of being left at the mercy of headf*cked adult children, that HE participated in misleadings and half truths while still cognizant enough to do so. People with Alzheimer'sgenerally don't go to bed one night and wake up in the morning with full-blown dementia...and a sharp person(or persons) might be quite secretive and manipulative. So let's NOT ascribe a bunch of devious machination to the OP's friend, when the skullduggery could very well have originated with the man and his family?
And if the man's assets were in a family trust,a scenario of accelerated liquidation is certainly NOT an impossibility.

When a neurologist makes the diagnosis of this mental disease they advise the caregivers to get all their financial affairs in order.

And sometimes that is arranged by family members suckerleading some fool into a caregiver role. This is where unmarried cohabitants NEED to be damn awful careful that they don't wind up working themselves half to death caring for their failing SO,and then being turfed out with nothing by greedy heirs. Yes there may very well BE "something rotten in Denmark" here, but it could very well be devious behavior on the part of the person faced with needing a caregiver, and their family.
Just offering up an alternate scenario that I've seen happen.
Cindy O
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 82
Disassociation Disorder
Posted: 3/20/2010 4:16:14 PM

since when are all these man made deseases comming to light?I like the old times. I stay as far away as I can from this kind of stuff.


This reminds me of something a woman once said to my best friend who is Gay, she said "I know that you have that sort of disease, maybe you have bad luck because you were born in this era" She equated 'gay' as being a disease...like homosexuality never existed hundreds of years ago lol.

Unfortunately there will always be those that resort to ignorance as their only means of feeling safe.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >