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Joined: 11/19/2008
Msg: 19
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Any Good Bar Jokes?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .
An alien, a psychic, and a time traveler walk into a bar . . .

. . . The psychic turns to the time traveler and says, "QUIT IT!"
Joined: 2/6/2010
Msg: 20
Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 4/7/2010 4:47:14 PM
A lady walks into a bar and says,
"Barkeep, gimme a martooni." The bartender goes back and fixes her a martini. She downs it and says, "Barkeep, gimme another martooni."

So he goes back and fixes her another martini. She downs that, and just sits there and doesn't say anything. Finally after about 10 minutes bartender says, "Would you like another?"

She says, "Oh, no, I got this terrible heartburn."

The bartender says, "Okay, there are three things wrong here:

Number 1: It's martini, not martooni.

Number 2: It's bartender, not barkeep, and

Number 3: You're not having heartburn, your boob's in the ash tray."

Joined: 6/5/2005
Msg: 22
Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 8/15/2010 9:43:03 PM
A tired looking disheveled guy walks into a bar with a steel box about 1 foot high with a strong Chain & shackle around his arm...he sits down on the stool and has to put the box on the bar top...he then asks the bartender for a beer, and gets it...but as soon as he is tipping it back to drink...a little man jumps outta the steel box and kicks the beer right outta his hands, starts laffing and jumps back into the box with great speed......the tired guy asks for another beer, and the same thing happens............the bartender looking very upset having to clean the mess up, yells at this man...and asks him what this is all about!

This tired guy starts crying and says: ........"man, i was walking in the desert and i found a lamp...i rubbed it and a genie came out....he said he would grant me 1 wish, once i returned him to his master...........i did just that and upon doing so i BOLDLY asked for a 12 inch PR1CK!!
Joined: 9/27/2005
Msg: 23
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Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 8/24/2010 8:50:53 AM
A guy walks into a bar, says to the bartender 'Give me 6 shots of tequila, just had my first blowjob'. The bartender says "Hey congrats, here is another one on the house'. The guys then says 'Thank you but let me say this... if 6 shots of tequila can't get this taste out of my mouth, then nothing will!'.

A guy walks into a bar in a frantic state and says to the bartender 'Give me 5 double vodka's!' Bartender looks at him and says 'You ok pal?' he responds 'I just found out my older brother is gay!'. He slams back the drinks and exits out the bar, the next week he comes in and asks for another 5 double vodka's, bartender says 'What happen this time?'. The guy replies 'I just found out my younger brother is gay!'. Slams back his drinks and exits out of the bar. The next week he comes back and orders another 5 double vodka's, the bartender says 'Hold on a minute, first your older brother turns gay and then your second brother turns gay... doesn't anyone in your family like women?' then the guy replies 'Yeah.... my wife!'.

A guy walks into a bar, goes over to the bar and has a seat beside a beautiful woman and order himself a drink. Liking the woman, he asks her ' Would you mind if I buy you a drink?'. She then yells out 'I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU!'. Confused and very embarrassed the guy goes over to the other side of the bar with his head down thinking about what he did wrong. Everyone is now looking at the poor fellow, and as they are the same woman goes over to him and says "Hi, I am a student in university doing a study for my psychology PHD that deals with heterosexual males in a casual environment that deals with awkward social settings and their reactions. Would you mind if I ask you a couple questions?'. The guy raises his eyebrows, thinks for a moment and has a sip of his beer and then replies 'WHAT DO YOU MEAN $200?'.
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 24
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Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 8/26/2010 3:17:48 AM
I was told to "watch my drinking", so now I go to bars with mirrors so I can "watch my drinking."
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 25
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Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 9/3/2010 10:49:09 PM
A penguin walks into a bar. He orders a drink and says to the barmaid..'Have you seen my brother?' Barmaid says 'Ummm... what does he look like?'
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 26
Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 11/29/2010 12:41:52 PM
So three drunks walk into a bar and they're telling stories.

The first says, Man, I got so hammered last night, after I woke up, I realized that I blew chunks in the bathroom, blew chunks on the sofa, and even blew chunks in bed.

The second says, that's nothing, I brought someone home from the bar, and when I rolled over and woke up in the morning, I realized it was my cousin. It was horrible.

The third says, I woke up in jail. With no pants on.

The second looks at the ground. That's o.k., dude. My cousin used to be a man.

The first starts sobbing. The other two look at him, dude, it's o.k., whatever it is.

The first says quietly. Chunks is my dog's name.
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 27
Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 1/14/2011 1:42:29 PM
A man walks into a fancy bar at the top of skyscraper. he sits down beside another man and proceeds do drink heavily, talk loudly and basically annoy everyone in the bar. Suddenly the man beside him stands up and says
"I can't take it anymore" and runs and jumps through a window, much to everyone's suprise. about 10 seconds later the man comes back in through the window, to increasing suprise. The first guy says
"Wow, how'd you do that?"
Second man replies
"The up draft is just right, so that when you jump out the window, it blows you right back in"
Incredulous, the first man responds by running and jumping right out the same window, where he falls to a brutal death.
the Bartender turns to the second guy and says
"you know Super Man, you can be a real A$$hole when you drink"
Joined: 11/3/2005
Msg: 28
Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 1/23/2011 10:21:15 AM
It takes 7 secs for food to go from mouth to stomach. A human hair can hold 3kg. The penis is 3X the length of a man's thumb. A femur is hard as concrete. A woman's heart beats faster than a man's. Women blink twice as much as men. Humans use 300 muscles just to balance while standing. Women will read this entire post. Men are staring @ their thumbs. Steal this if it made you smile!
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 29
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Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 1/23/2011 11:42:42 AM
^^^^^^^How many muscles do we use to fall over?
 eddee shaw
Joined: 7/24/2007
Msg: 30
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Any Good Bar Jokes?
Posted: 1/23/2011 8:05:38 PM
This guy walks into a bar and sees this chines guy sitting there
so he walks over and punches him in the face and says
The Chines guys says to him hey the chines didn't bomb pearl harbor
that was the Japanese
So this Jewish guy walks in and the Chinese guy punches him
and the Jewish guy say hey what you do that for?
and the Chinese guy says that's for sinking the titanic
The Jewish guy says hey that was an Ice berg that sank the titanic
Chines guy look at he Jewish guy and say's Ice berg green berg Steinberg
its all the same.
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