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Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > What would you do? Is she a drunk?      Home login  
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 Snotsure
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 36
What would you do? Is she a drunk?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
This brings to mind an expression I have heard many times.

Drunk words = Sober thoughts.

Do with that what you will.
 LoriIsLoLo
Joined: 7/12/2009
Msg: 37
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 3/21/2010 8:40:43 AM
Alcoholic or not she is definitely an abusive drunk!!! Do you really want to put up with that? Nobody should!
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 38
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 3/21/2010 10:06:55 AM
Nina,,,,,I did NOT write this down,,,,


3. Inform her you will work with her and suggest other drinks which are not as potent.


These words make you sound like a counsellor,,,,and not very good advice I might add. He need not "work with her" as you suggest. It's not something he will able to do,,,,correctly.


The only people who can truly relate to "drunks" are "drunks".


Ummmm,,,,actually,,,,completely false. Addictive personalities are not confined to booze alone. Because you "use to" have a drinking problem/situation does not make you an expert on addictive personalities. Drinking,,,,is not usually the "problem", but more,,,,a result of a "problem". If you think you got thru your own personal battles and did not come up with any of this along the way,,,,I may suggest your own personal battles are not done yet.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 39
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:09:52 PM
4 nights in a row of drinking shots, no hangover, berates you, compares you to her ex, hostile attitude, name calling. Yes she is an alcololic! All of the signs are right in front of you. And she's a mean drunk. Time to loose contact for another 30 years...
 Tremolux
Joined: 4/8/2011
Msg: 40
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:44:21 PM
When the sauce becomes the boss.......
 gentleplus
Joined: 9/8/2008
Msg: 41
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What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/30/2011 5:46:17 PM
Run Forrest RUN!!!
 addictedpoetess
Joined: 8/15/2011
Msg: 42
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/30/2011 6:13:40 PM
Just tell her she has to quit drinking... or wait for her head to get sore from beating it against a brick wall.

Alcoholics are hard to cure... they just want to party, and don't think of the consequences. I don't know how to fix them. Violent ones are the worst, especially if they are five eight and about one seventy five... seems like they just go off.

Shots are the worst... but it really doesn't matter. It's not being able to say no to the shots after four beers that makes you an alcoholic. Plus, it doesn't take much to get you going once you've been drinking a long time.

I warn men to stay away from me... but they press right on. I just have to quit someday. Definitely for this semester... too much work.
 Tim0066
Joined: 7/2/2007
Msg: 43
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/30/2011 6:16:35 PM
Now you see why she's going through a divorce.

I know a few girls who can drink beer or wine and hold their own... but add a few shots in the mix and they do that very same thing, Jekyl and Hyde... the evil woman emerges.

You are best to sit her down when she has had no drinks at all and just say "please listen for a few minutes then if you don't want to hear more I'll leave."

Explain to her that when she does shots and gets drunk she turns evil and cruel, she probably doesn't even know she's doing it. She needs to accept it and be aware of it and do something about it... if she refuses to then tell her you can't continue a relationship with her beyond casual friends from a distance. Leave her NO OPTION to change, you MUST stand your ground. She needs to address her drinking issues at AA meetings... maybe not do complete sobriety but she needs to control her level of drinking or else.

If she won't truly change her ways. leave. Period.

Don't make excuses for her... don't be a coward either, like she said you were... but not the way she thinks... be a man, stand up to her (when she's sober), be firm, be loving, be a friend.
 oompa-loompa
Joined: 7/15/2011
Msg: 44
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/31/2011 2:14:38 AM
She's using alcohol to cope with her stress, which leads to alcoholism. She could very well be on her way, so you've got to decide if you want to deal with being the knight in shining armor or whatever. Not your responsibility, and be wary of how dangerous a situation that is.
 unclezeus
Joined: 5/12/2011
Msg: 45
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:50:18 AM
Strike one: Single mom
Strike two: Alcoholic
Strike three: Too much emotional crap and its projected on to you....

Strike 3, you're out of there.

What do you do?
Do a one night stand with her and never speak to her again.

What should you have done?
Never make contact with her whatsoever.
 Bladesmith81801
Joined: 10/30/2010
Msg: 46
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/31/2011 3:14:38 PM
Flee! Run away!!

I'm with Gold...being a single mom isn't a deal breaker....the boozing however...
 LucyOnBlack
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 47
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 8/31/2011 7:57:03 PM
..... I was following this thread previous... march of 2010. When I saw it resurrected thought ..He's still seein her? ..... lol wonder if he is??
 AlphonseO
Joined: 9/6/2008
Msg: 48
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What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/7/2011 8:57:45 AM
No, I am NOT seeing her any longer. After reading alot about Boarderline personality Disorder it seemed the drinking was just a small part of a much bigger issue. Seemed everything I read on BPD, was writen by someone following us around. Add to that the drinking and it became quite a volatile mixture.
I love her dearly and always will, but cannot and will not have contact with her again. Took me several monthes to get my head straight after that.

It's true, anything that appears too good to be true most always is!

I am currently seeing someone from POF and trying to see where a LDR may lead.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 49
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:13:36 AM
^^^^^^^^^

Good luck op.

She had some serious issues. Hope you came out of it relatively unscathed.
I know it had to be hard.

2-3 drinks a week is all I can handle and that I feel it the next day.

Anyone that has that level of tolerance with NO hangover is used to it and almost always has some underlying issues as to WHY they self medicate.

It can be heartbreaking to see otherwise fabulous minds..and hearts do that to themselves and the people they love when a trip to a doctor can often shed insight to what the real problem is and hopefully get the help they need to be functional on a daily basis and live a full life.
 LucyOnBlack
Joined: 6/27/2011
Msg: 50
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/7/2011 9:44:43 AM
Good for you! It was just an adventure, you added to her life and influenced her I'm sure. Good luck in your new escapade.
 ekw1234
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 51
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/7/2011 10:24:28 AM
Heck ya, She's got a problem with the booze. I think you gut is telling you the same. Try ttalking to her and see if she is aware of it. Plenty of times people know it but are in denial, or they know it and are ready for help. If you feel up to it and you really love her, seek help for her. substance abuse is a real medical problem and she needs medical and psychological help. This may also help her deal with the break up. You could also just leave her, if you don't feel up to embarking in an uphill battle. Bottom line, you can't just stay the same... It gets worse.
 1776or1984
Joined: 12/25/2009
Msg: 52
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/8/2011 9:59:56 PM
People with problems are a lot like a house that needs remodeling. It is hard to fix things with people living there, too many things in the way, too much to damage during a major remodel. No room to work, gotta keep things tidy during the process.

People are the same if they need work. As long as they are in a relationship trying to recreate the battles they lost in the past, they aren't concentrating on fixing themselves with solitude and reflection.

Get past the fact that she is a mean drunk and all that is left is that she is emotionally damaged. Had you not been smart enough to bail, you would have had a good shot and catching her disease.

There is an old saying for employers: Hire slowly and fire quickly.
 BrownInOrange
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 53
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/8/2011 10:10:09 PM
Glad to see you've moved on with your life, OP!
 Wrenchturner
Joined: 7/30/2011
Msg: 54
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/9/2011 4:29:59 AM
How do you know she does not drink like that every night? Before, you would go out, she would have a few and then you retired to your respecitve homes. She could have gone home and continued on drinking in private. Since she does not suffer from hangovers there is no way for you to know if she is tying one on every night of the week.

The fact that she gets verbally abusive when she drinks but, refuses to stop or even acknowledge that this is an impediment to your relationships is a strong indicator that the booze means more to her than you do. That is a very big sign that she has a dependency problem. Addictions ruin relationships and if she is not willing to stop drinking even though it is pushing you away despite the fact she claims to love you then it is probably because she CAN"T quit on her own.

I would leave and tell her that if she gets help you would consider seeing her again but, you won't live with an alcoholic. If alcholol is not a problem for her she will give it up. If she is addicted but, wants you more than she wants the bottle, she will get help with her addiction. If she blames it all on you and says she does not have a problem then she is not ready, willing or able to change at this time and you obviously cannot live with her the way she is so this relationship has hit a wall there is no overcoming under the present circumstances.
 Smarts and Heart
Joined: 12/15/2009
Msg: 55
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/9/2011 1:39:13 PM
Yes she is a drunk...and as you've surmised, a mean one at that.

When someone drinks and their inhabitions are lowered their true personality comes through. I'd really think twice and 3 times before continuing such relationship. She's outright told you that that's how she is, so beware! One divorce is enough, do you really want the drama of more? You're wise to walk away!

Good luck with your new one!
 TalllNDark
Joined: 8/28/2011
Msg: 56
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/9/2011 3:17:45 PM
As far the drinks talking talking, "in vino veritas"; in wine, the truth. Meaning people don't say stuff they don't think or believe just because they're drunk. Mel Gibson didn't just become a raving anti-Semite after pounding some tequila, thats his belief system and he lost the ability to filter and control that.

Drink + berating = abusive personality and probably an issue with alcohol.
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 57
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What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/10/2011 2:44:41 AM
I make it a practise to avoid regular drinkers to any degree. I admire strength, not someone seeking refuge. I've often wondered if peoples normal state of being was a staggering, loudmouth fool.....how much would they pay for a shot of sober?
 geoffonpof1
Joined: 7/9/2011
Msg: 58
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/10/2011 8:16:31 AM
From what you have mentioned I can relate with it in certain areas of your post.

What would you do?
Wouldn't stick around to be a verbally abused punching bag .
Is she a drunk?
She shown you that she is, by using the excuse of drinking to the point of not remembering.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 5/31/2011
Msg: 59
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/10/2011 9:39:16 AM
I didn't read all the responses......

OP, I think you BOTH need to finish your business with your ex's before pursuing being together. Whether or not this woman has a drinking problem, I cannot say because I don't know her and am not around her like you are. From your side of the story it sounds as if she might, but again I can't say.

You BOTH probably need to spend some time re-evaluating what you want from a relationship as well as yourselves.
 Sebastopol2011
Joined: 8/31/2011
Msg: 60
What would you do? Is she a drunk?
Posted: 9/11/2011 10:28:48 PM
It sounds like she is an active alcoholic to me; it’s up to you if you want to continue a relationship with this person or not. Have you considered going to al-anon, you can’t change her but you can learn how to deal with her behavior if you choose to be in her life? I have had many alcoholic partners and they all ended because I was not willing to deal with their bad behavior
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