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 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 8
i cant get over himPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
you shouldnt have allowed him to kiss you, he's just another ***hole in your life. trust me, time and distance is the best medicine of all. good luck.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 9
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i cant get over him
Posted: 3/22/2010 3:30:06 PM
Yeah. You're young. You never saw a flaw in him, because you never LOOKED at him. You just looked at the picture you painted of him on the inside of your own eyes. Right now, you are mooning over the IDEA of a lost "true love," and not over THAT GUY, though I know you don't realize that yet.
The reason you are using that guy to stop yourself from getting into new guys, is that you want to preserve that fantasy of "True Love Meant to be" for as long as you can. It's a common foible of youth, sorry. I went through it too, probably most of us have.
Since what you are trying to escape is actually a fantasy of your own making, you are the one who needs to write a new storyline. Write that new story. It would be best if you wrote one made from real life, and not another made-up world. As others have said, start by erasing THIS fantasy as thoroughly as you can. Ditch the phone number, the pictures, the emails, the facebook entries, the address, the old gifts, the dumb poetry, everything. Repaint your room if you have to, to change your view of the world.
 That Handy Man
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 10
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/22/2010 5:53:46 PM
Realize, quite clearly that you're not being able to get over him is a DISORDER in your own mind, and has NOTHING to do with him!

Seek therapy!

Find out what's REALLY going on in your own mind to create this PERCEIVED state!

It's painful, debilitating and robs you of life! I know, I've been there!

Obsessing on another is truly mental health issue!

Besides, We are born alone and we die alone! What's this neediness in between all about anyway? lol
 mickeymowss
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 11
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/22/2010 10:49:06 PM
Don't let your desires and wants consume you.
You want him, I'm assuming you are Christian, so what does Psalm 23 say?
And let me ask you this, is man more than flesh, blood and bones?
If you see something greater than God in this "guy", you are only deceiving yourself.
If love was meant to be, then it will be between you 2, if you love him, don't doubt him, but first, don't doubt yourself. Men are men, and will do what men have always done, even the greatest men had their flaws. If your thinking "how do I let him go", I suggest you change that to "how do I seek something greater". Many of you reading so far, are probably snaring, laughing, saying "I hate jesus types", but you know what? The Lord changes for no one, not for me and not for you. If this man left you, it happened for a reason, enjoy the memories, but don't let them fog you up. If you really love this guy, you would "let it be".
Now I might be a young person, but if what I'm saying makes no sense, then discard it! But if it helps, then nothing should get in your way. Be patient!
 mickeymowss
Joined: 9/18/2009
Msg: 12
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/22/2010 11:03:58 PM
Don't let some guy get in the way of your dreams and your goals!
You like action? make a movie!
You love tattoos? Why not make a movie about some laid back tattered up dude who goes around bars in his Hog, starting fights listening to "if you like pina colada" Every single time he fights.


You're a people person:
(because your Profile says so)
"I love making people happy"

Managers and CEOs are People persons!

Now are these things any of my business?
NO!
but I am quick to tell people the good things I see in them.

Follow your dreams, keep God in your heart [or whatever higher power you believe in], make life happen, and all the rest will fall into place!

Why am I telling you this? Because I have found what I'm looking for, and I didn't have to search for it, I wasn't looking for love, love found me silly!

Take my words however you want, but know this sammy, most guys look for one thing, few guys look for something greater, but only the best guys aren't searching for anything at all!

You have a wonderful day!!! God is with you, Jesus loves you becwuase He died for you. Honestly.
 jakeya9999
Joined: 2/15/2010
Msg: 13
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/23/2010 4:41:19 AM

even though we broke up over a year and a half ago, and the last time he held and kissed me was 2 months ago.


uh huh. I'm no Sherlock, but I see the problem in these words above. If it's over... then it's OVER. No hanging on.... no sleeping with him w/o a committed relationship... no kissing. It's over. What he's doing is what guys do with their ex's when their ex's have low self esteem: Take advantage of them. I'm betting $1000 you'd sleep with him tomorrow, even if he was with somebody.

Let him go. Believe me, you'll wonder why you liked him so much soon enough. The key is no contact. Pretend he's passed away.
 matthew.leo
Joined: 7/20/2009
Msg: 14
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i cant get over him
Posted: 3/23/2010 9:21:59 AM
The universal question for all at some point I guess. The woman I love is so close yet so far. I have never stayed friends with an ex; however, when my ex and I broke up, it was not this terrible thing and it did not end poorly. We stayed friends and we both still see each other all the time because of our church activities. We still talk all the time and it was the most difficult thing in the world for me when she moved on to a new guy. Its been 2 years since we stopped dating and she has been seeing this new guy for almost a year now and its been a difficult thing to bear. Myself, I have tried dating various women, but like you I have constantly compared them to the one I felt was “The One.” It’s not fair to them, me or my ex that I would set this crazy expectation.
At some point I had to let her go. I still see her all the time and we still talk all the time; however, I have let the idea of us go. I still love her with every fiber of my being but I can not hold on to the idea of us anymore. Life has a weird way of putting people in your path who need to be in your life and when that role is finished, the remove them or the role changes. For the woman I love…her role has changed…and so has mine. I will always love her…
 Profile-Writer
Joined: 11/13/2009
Msg: 15
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/24/2010 7:43:10 PM
Ms Sammy, a friend recently gave this advice to me...

Getting a plan together for your life, with or without him.

That means figuring out how to be happy as much of the time as possible - with him or without him.

~ ~ My friend did not intend this as anti-men and I think it's good advice.

Take care of you and be happy and the rest will eventually fall into place.
 SammyP20
Joined: 2/25/2010
Msg: 16
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/25/2010 9:36:39 PM
Thank you all for your advise, but un fortunitly its a little more complicated. After we broke up we stayed friends and stayed intamate. So january was also the last time we slept together. The reason we can not betogether now is since january he has stopped talking to me, with no explination or reason. When we had been broken up for 6 months he started seeing another girl while he and i were still friends and sleeping together. I tryed to make him end it with her but he wouldnt and we stopped talking for a couple months n then we started seeing each other again last august, and i find out they are engaged she knows that he cheated on her with me too. So even though i know it was wrong, i was in a very bad place in my life, i continued to see him because i decided if she is dumb enough to stay with n then agree to marry him after he cheated on then she deserves it. Since September I have been trying to get my life in order, by focusing on working, going to school, and trying to make my self be happy with my self( by seeing a counsler, getting on some meds, and doing things to improve my confidence). And at one time I tryed to walk away from him compleatly and i was miserable. I decide that even though i could not be with him all the time i rather be patient and wait for the little time i could see him then never get to see him at all.
you might ask with all this drama why would i put my self through all this, what reason did i have to stay. He still tells me that he loves me, and when we are together i can see that he does in his eyes. there is that same little flame in his eyes that was there when we first started dating. i might just see it while we r together, and then it disapears as quick as it appeared when his phone rings n its her. but its all worth it for thoese few minets when it feels like we are the only ones in the world.
 XXNXY
Joined: 9/11/2009
Msg: 17
i cant get over him
Posted: 3/28/2010 5:49:53 PM
Sammy,

At 41 I have asked myself the same question. I met a man who melts me everytime I see him. He holds the values, characteristics I desire and cherish in another. I had to realize however....he does have one major flaw...Not realizing he had me. He did not see the value of me...a person who loved him unconditionally. A person of honestly, kindness, virtue and compassion. This is what I hold onto. I want the person who values and loves me as well.
this is not to say my heart still does not hurt..it does. I just know I am worth the love of another and value myself enough to make the attempts at moving on in my life.
Should you find a cure-all...I'd be interested...

Christina
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 18
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i cant get over him
Posted: 3/28/2010 5:57:00 PM

what do you do when the only person you want to be with is with someone else, and there is no way you'll ever get him back again?

Well, first thing you do is stop thinking of him as the only person you want to be with. Why would you want to be with someone who doesn't want to be with you?

You'll love again. It will take time, but it will happen.


how will i ever be happy with someone else when i compare everyone with the one person that i never saw a flaw in?

That you never saw a flaw in him tells me you probably didn't know him all that well. And now you will be comparing everyone else you meet to a person who exists only in your mind.

Everyone has flaws, including this guy.


when will i be able to go through a day with out thinking of him?

Heck, I still think about my last girlfriend all the time. I may be over her, but that doesn't mean I can't still enjoy the memories she gave me.

The best thing you can do is to fully embrace being single and start doing all those things that can make you happy. And if your response to that is "he's the only thing that can make me happy" then we might be onto the reason he left in the first place...
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 19
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i cant get over him
Posted: 3/28/2010 6:01:41 PM

After we broke up we stayed friends and stayed intamate. ... When we had been broken up for 6 months he started seeing another girl while he and i were still friends and sleeping together. ... i find out they are engaged she knows that he cheated on her with me too.

And yet you say you don't see a flaw in him???


He still tells me that he loves me, and when we are together i can see that he does in his eyes. ... i might just see it while we r together, and then it disapears as quick as it appeared when his phone rings n its her.

Oh, come on... Wake up and smell the coffee! He doesn't love you, he just keeps saying to keep stringing you along!

You say you love him but you need to start learning how to truly love yourself. You're going to do that by cutting off all contact with this guy and making yourself the center of your attention for a while.
 DK_SD
Joined: 9/14/2010
Msg: 20
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i cant get over him
Posted: 9/7/2011 4:20:01 PM
igor....I like what you posted. Makes a lot of sense
 reallyenjoyinglife
Joined: 9/1/2011
Msg: 21
i cant get over him
Posted: 9/12/2011 2:50:28 AM
Hi, I'm not sure if you'll read this as it was an old post, but if you've got questions you want answered about the relationship, then write them down, invite him over to talk. Tell him you're having trouble getting closure and if he could answer the questions honestly. I find that men don't really talk about their emotions like women do, so when you give then a chance they really open up. Sometimes it's hard hearing the answers, but it is therapeutic.
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