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 Mannnishboy
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 26
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a datePage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
I've been on more than a few dates in the past year with some being very successful and leading to other dates, while others did not go as well. Some of those failures I know were due to the woman not being particularly attracted to me, whether that's physically or from a personality standpoint I really don't have a clue, which brings me to the question I have:

Why is it that most women will either ignore follow-up phone calls/texts or make excuses as to why they can't go out for an additional date rather than just being honest and telling me that they're not interested?

I've had about seven or eight experiences where I've gone out on a date and at some point during the outing, I could tell that I wasn't going to get another date with the woman after the night was over (even though I was attracted to them). Even though I pretty much know I'm not going to be scheduling anything else with the particular girl, I still like to think that I might be wrong, and I'll call or text just to see if she is interested.

I'll usually do three or four text messages or phone calls in a two week span and one of two things either happen:

A) I never get called or text messaged back.

or

B) I'll get really weak excuses as to why they we can't get together, or talk on the phone (already made plans, sick, family problems ect).

After I know for sure they aren't interested I'll usually do one last phone call or text message and just say, "Hey it's no problem if you're not interested, should I stop texting or calling? Just let me know, I'm just curious as to what the situation is." This NEVER changes anything.

I basically say this to coax out any type of response that will give me at least some idea as to why things didn't work out. Even if it's a lie, why not just shut the door completely if you're not interested in someone (moving away, want to stay single, found someone else ect.)?

For me, If I'm not interested in a girl, I'm usually just straight up with them and try to be respectful enough and let them know thanks aren't going any further.

Mate.... It's called Saturday Night Fever... the gal is all over you saturday night and wakes up sunday morning in Shock that she has ' feelings' yes feelings... and panics and thinks jesus I like a " man' oh no I want a wimp who i can control not someone who makes my knees shake...... Hence the response... ' my considered opinion' Cheersn
 Mannnishboy
Joined: 4/10/2009
Msg: 27
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 3/28/2010 4:05:10 AM
Urban Candy...
writes First of all, stop all the texting crap. Just call the person. For me if I am not attracted or not interested I will tell people RIGHT AWAY. That is why first meets should be kept very short and simple to see if there is even attraction!!!!!!! People men and women need to just say how they feel! I have NO PROBLEM doing so either.

You are unique darlin and pleased Iam to hear that you want to voice your opinion.
I have the sat nite fever firmly as a rule... ( allover me sat nite.. rejection on monday) not all but most.. so you are definitely unique.
Give that females are socialised by their mothers to in a very different way than male children, I was allowed to run around unchecked as a child but I cannot remember any girls having the same freedom. My girls on the other hand had the freedom I had as a child.
 LG2727
Joined: 1/20/2010
Msg: 28
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Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 3/28/2010 9:10:10 PM
Maybe some woman should write a book for men called "she's just not into you"
 stephaniezowie
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 29
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Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 3/29/2010 12:42:17 AM
First of all let me say thanks for being one of those ppl who can honestly tell the other one it's just not working. Being honest may seem kind of cold but I'd much rather take the 1 cold hit than the other hundreds that go along with trying to spare feelings.
Second of all. I don't think all of them meant to blow you off. This is internet dating and so many of us are confused and scared and just don't know what to do!
I'd say you should maybe just try relaxing a little more. Let her call you. Don't expect a relationship to materialize out of each date either. I go into this dating thing with the idea that I'm not looking for love and all that but I am definitely going to make a new long term friend. No sense in being angry at each other. Sometimes friends are just what you need with no static or deep thinking!
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 30
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 3/29/2010 7:13:19 AM
1. Keep all first "meets" short and inexpensive if you feel you're investing too much. Trying to get appreciated for spending more time and money is less realistic - just don't go there in the first place.

2. A woman MAY have interest and want to meet you again while on a meet but then go home and go over it again and decide not to. It's a good reason why the first meeting should be short and the second one should be more involved - that time to walk away and assess the whole thing is crucial and saves a lot of time.

3. A woman who's not excited about meeting with a response to your call or e-mail isn't interested. Anything less than an enthusiastic second meeting that's followed thru on is a no. I suspect you already know this. In all my years I may have gotten a handful of guys who actually thank me for being honest and move on - a majority of them have a kneejerk response to make them feel like they had some control over it.

4. Why someone isn't interested isn't relevant. You're looking for matches here, not self worth transformations. It's your job to figure out why, or realize it was just not a match. If you're putting much of an effort in (or way way too much) then its probably you. If you are presenting yourself well and things seem ok - then it's probably them.
 lorenskye
Joined: 5/24/2008
Msg: 31
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/5/2010 3:13:29 AM
It's so hard to be honest with people, especially if you think you're going to hurt their feelings. If someone can't be direct with you, they usually give excuses or just stop communication.
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 32
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/5/2010 8:49:10 AM
A lot of women have a hard time being firm with men. Many of them have been raised to be people pleasers and rejecting someone, even in a nice way, is difficult for them to do. That probably covers most of the situations you are talking about and then you have the women that don't say an outright no to any reasonably attactive eligible man even if he is not really her type because she is keeping him in "reserve" in case nothing better comes along. Those are the "don't burn your bridges" type of women. I know more than a few men who play that game too. They have a hard time letting go of all the Miss Wrongs when there is no Miss Right around to fill in. It may not be right, or particularly fair but, it is extremely typical human behaviour.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 33
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/7/2010 3:36:17 AM
^^^Good point. It's true that some of the same men who advocate honesty cannot, in fact, handle it. However in my case personally I don't care if they can't - so long as they don't bother me about it.

But I just wanted to add...try not to tell a guy during the meet you're not interested. It doesn't go over real well. I've done that - but they DID ask, and so I told them. It's never gone smoothly, and one of the times it happened - yes, I feared for my safety.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 34
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/7/2010 9:36:00 AM
Ok so what is the solution for this guy. He seems to be a decent guy putting in the effort that women claim most men dont put in these days. Yet women arent putting in the effort to return a simple call.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 35
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/9/2010 12:07:26 AM
just text them that you won the lottery

I am betting you get a response...... do with it what you will.
 Rarebird76
Joined: 5/10/2009
Msg: 36
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/9/2010 9:16:25 AM

just text them that you won the lottery

I am betting you get a response...... do with it what you will.
*attraction meter pegs* 'hay i herd u won tha loltery wanna get 2gether *kisses* I'm a cynical **stard.
 Vannili
Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/9/2010 10:28:16 PM
Move on, and take the hint ,you don't need to hear why there is no second date..
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 38
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 12:15:31 AM
Here's a fair solution.

The IRS should let men write off any dates that dont lead to marriage. Men would stop caring if a women called us back or not with a refund check to look forward to.
 Penda3
Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 39
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:38:14 AM
try this next time. after you've gone on a date with a girl, no matter how it went, let one full day go by before you call her back. even if while you were on the date you told her you had absolutely nothing to do the next day. if she asks say something came up. if she calls you first great. if not, when you call or text don't mention any future dates or how great of a time you had. wait atleast 3 more days and if she still doesn't respond, it's because she doesn't want to feel bad about turning you down. so what do you do? make her feel bad about not responding. when you call or text this time. tell her something that says she's been disrespectful for not responding in almost a week, and that you are no longer interested in her. i know i know logically at this point she shouldn't care that you're not interested but they've always responded back. reverse psychology works like a mother f... this atleast gives you 2nd hope but if she's not interested you don't want to force her, move on. hope this helps
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 40
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:58:37 AM

tell her something that says she's been disrespectful for not responding in almost a week, and that you are no longer interested in her. i know i know logically at this point she shouldn't care that you're not interested but they've always responded back.

You'll be lucky if she knows who's leaving the text/message, and if she does know who it is if she felt bad about it you'd have been contacted in the first place. This makes you feel better more than anything. Which is fine as long as you know it.
 cenomeno
Joined: 4/21/2010
Msg: 41
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:14:05 AM
There are like bajillion women out there, why would you want to waste any time on her? Move on to the next one...
My experience if a woman really likes you, she waits by the phone. If you don't contact her, she finds an excuse to contact you. Anything less than that means lack of interest, why even bother ?
 lostcause321
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 42
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Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 2:38:20 PM
a girl ignoring a guy cuz she doesnt know what he will say is a lame experience to avoiding real life...
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 43
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 2:43:34 PM
so what do you do? make her feel bad about not responding. when you call or text this time. tell her something that says she's been disrespectful for not responding in almost a week, and that you are no longer interested in her. i know i know logically at this point she shouldn't care that you're not interested but they've always responded back. reverse psychology works like a mother f... this atleast gives you 2nd hope

I don't think it gives one 2nd hope, really. By a slim, slim margin, I guess. The only increase of 'hope' is her calling back again -- that's ABOUT it. Maybe a pity date. Do you really want a gal who's not into you? Why?

I don't think anyone should spend their time by the phone waiting for it to ring. If they don't call you, that's a HELL of a lot better than them calling you belatedly each time with just a strand of potential hard-to-read-interest, and it FINALLY coming to a close with obvious writing on the wall.

I don't think it's disrespectful to not call someone back at that stage in the game, if all you had was a just a date -- especially if you didn't know them at all beforehand (like meeting from an online place). Situations differ where it should be done out of courtesy, but apart from that, I say don't sweat it. Them not calling back says it loud and clear.

In the end, that strategy will only bring "uggh" feelings and the cost of a slim chance of a pity date (more waste of time), in order for that slim, slim chance of arousing a bit of real interest to actually see you again (but not too far from a pity date). Not worth it.
 Penda3
Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 44
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:25:45 PM
i agree with what you're saying, but in defence of my argument first impressions don't always go as planned. Maybe you took her to a place she wasn't comfortable in, or you took her to see a movie and she didn't get a good chance to know you better etc. If you feel as though you can still work it out why not give yourself a 2nd chance. But i also said you cannot force it. Maybe it's not disrespectful to you,but if i call a date after we've shared an evening together, ignoring it is discourteous. I once had a girl not respond to me for a week after I asked her out. I emailed her and told her how disrespectful it was and I would never talk to her again (in somewhat of a nice way). As ironic as it sounds, long story short she replied, we got to know eachother and ended up dating for 2 years. I think it was worth the "pity" date
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 45
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:41:54 PM

a girl ignoring a guy cuz she doesnt know what he will say is a lame experience to avoiding real life...


Okay now you have crossed the line from "curious about opinions" to just being a jerk.

Women have told you in no uncertain terms that men can react badly to rejection and subsequently harass them with abusive phone calls and texts. The easiest way to avoid an angry rejected man is to avoid contact with him. Since they can't know who will freak out, some women just stop all contact. I think that's a plan that works.

If women don't call you back, that's a message like a church bell ringing loud and clear: NO MATCH. Again, the reasons are unimportant. The lesson you need to take is simple - Go away and leave that woman alone.

If you can't handle rejection, maybe you should stay out of the game.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 46
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 7:57:48 PM
"let one full day go by before you call her back"
"wait atleast 3 more days"
"make her feel bad about not responding"
"tell her something that says she's been disrespectful"
Wow. Just wow. Did I miss the punch line or is this the worst advice I have read on handling the aftermath of a first date? Those of us who are not interested in low self-esteem women who need to be manipulated this way don't play the game that way...
 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 47
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:42:22 PM

Those of us who are not interested in low self-esteem women who need to be manipulated this way don't play the game that way...
And part of the problem, is it isn't a game. If someone isn't interested, let them go. If you call and they give an excuse it could be legit, try again or tell them to call you when they are available. Otherwise, no response is a response.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 48
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:27:23 PM
"is it isn't a game"
And yet you lay out rules right after that quote. I didn't mean it in a bad way, and serious games can be played with good sportsmanship. The NFL is a serious game, too. Most everything is.

Look at it this way:
You place a wager on a first date (in terms of time and effort, possibly some money). Your goal is to find somebody good. You play by rules (be yourself, don't mention sex/religion/politics, no sex on the 1st date, etc.). You even take turns (talking, asking questions). If it turns out well and your heart is happy, you - both - win. Otherwise you play again. These are not dating rules but a description of parallels between games and dating.

I just think that guy put too much emphasis on the strategy and not the goal. Plus, his strategy may hook him up with a less desirable companion, if such treatment ignites the spark.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 49
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:50:38 PM
Well now, since you like directness, why would continue to be interested in a girl who isn't direct. It seems to me that would be a turn off. Furthermore you say you perceived disinterest on the date, why do you need closure from someone you barely know?
However, to answer your question. (I didn't check your age, but for your reference, I am over 50.) We women have had to deal with men who don't take honesty well. And who also don't deal with the word no. I was talking to someone just yesterday, about my recent breakup. My statement was, "There does not have to be a reason." (He was insulting and there was no need to be.) Nonattraction is nonattraction. We don't say directly because we also perceive you are attracted and don't want 20 questions as to why we don't feel the same way. Even I struggle with maturity on the issue. " Gosh, I think he is great why doesn't he like me?" He just doesn't. My daughter, at age 26,sagely said, "We can't help how we feel." I have met a lot of very nice guys who think I am wonderful. I just don't feel the same about them. Their are times I wish I could make myself, but it doesn't work. What is nice is the occasional mature person who understands that. I said to one fellow, who said he could not stop thinking about me, "I feel your pain, because I feel that way about someone else who doesn't return my affection." Generally men are more direct than women. We are taught to be nice. It most likely is not personal. Men generally take it as a challenge, so we just try to ease away. You guys have it rougher than us, because generally you make the first move, so rejection is something you deal with more than us. We girls have it rougher because men generally make the first move and we have to deal with saying no without pissing him off.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 50
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 12:32:11 AM
At what point is the guy some potential "psycho" who cant accept rejection..before or after the check comes? Why would a woman even bother going on a date with a guy if there's potential he's not going to accept her rejecting him?

So he's good enough to pay for an evening but not good enough to return a phone call to. That's a shitty way to treat another human being.
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