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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 43
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a datePage 4 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
so what do you do? make her feel bad about not responding. when you call or text this time. tell her something that says she's been disrespectful for not responding in almost a week, and that you are no longer interested in her. i know i know logically at this point she shouldn't care that you're not interested but they've always responded back. reverse psychology works like a mother f... this atleast gives you 2nd hope

I don't think it gives one 2nd hope, really. By a slim, slim margin, I guess. The only increase of 'hope' is her calling back again -- that's ABOUT it. Maybe a pity date. Do you really want a gal who's not into you? Why?

I don't think anyone should spend their time by the phone waiting for it to ring. If they don't call you, that's a HELL of a lot better than them calling you belatedly each time with just a strand of potential hard-to-read-interest, and it FINALLY coming to a close with obvious writing on the wall.

I don't think it's disrespectful to not call someone back at that stage in the game, if all you had was a just a date -- especially if you didn't know them at all beforehand (like meeting from an online place). Situations differ where it should be done out of courtesy, but apart from that, I say don't sweat it. Them not calling back says it loud and clear.

In the end, that strategy will only bring "uggh" feelings and the cost of a slim chance of a pity date (more waste of time), in order for that slim, slim chance of arousing a bit of real interest to actually see you again (but not too far from a pity date). Not worth it.
 Penda3
Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 44
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:25:45 PM
i agree with what you're saying, but in defence of my argument first impressions don't always go as planned. Maybe you took her to a place she wasn't comfortable in, or you took her to see a movie and she didn't get a good chance to know you better etc. If you feel as though you can still work it out why not give yourself a 2nd chance. But i also said you cannot force it. Maybe it's not disrespectful to you,but if i call a date after we've shared an evening together, ignoring it is discourteous. I once had a girl not respond to me for a week after I asked her out. I emailed her and told her how disrespectful it was and I would never talk to her again (in somewhat of a nice way). As ironic as it sounds, long story short she replied, we got to know eachother and ended up dating for 2 years. I think it was worth the "pity" date
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 45
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 5:41:54 PM

a girl ignoring a guy cuz she doesnt know what he will say is a lame experience to avoiding real life...


Okay now you have crossed the line from "curious about opinions" to just being a jerk.

Women have told you in no uncertain terms that men can react badly to rejection and subsequently harass them with abusive phone calls and texts. The easiest way to avoid an angry rejected man is to avoid contact with him. Since they can't know who will freak out, some women just stop all contact. I think that's a plan that works.

If women don't call you back, that's a message like a church bell ringing loud and clear: NO MATCH. Again, the reasons are unimportant. The lesson you need to take is simple - Go away and leave that woman alone.

If you can't handle rejection, maybe you should stay out of the game.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 46
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 7:57:48 PM
"let one full day go by before you call her back"
"wait atleast 3 more days"
"make her feel bad about not responding"
"tell her something that says she's been disrespectful"
Wow. Just wow. Did I miss the punch line or is this the worst advice I have read on handling the aftermath of a first date? Those of us who are not interested in low self-esteem women who need to be manipulated this way don't play the game that way...
 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 47
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 8:42:22 PM

Those of us who are not interested in low self-esteem women who need to be manipulated this way don't play the game that way...
And part of the problem, is it isn't a game. If someone isn't interested, let them go. If you call and they give an excuse it could be legit, try again or tell them to call you when they are available. Otherwise, no response is a response.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 48
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 9:27:23 PM
"is it isn't a game"
And yet you lay out rules right after that quote. I didn't mean it in a bad way, and serious games can be played with good sportsmanship. The NFL is a serious game, too. Most everything is.

Look at it this way:
You place a wager on a first date (in terms of time and effort, possibly some money). Your goal is to find somebody good. You play by rules (be yourself, don't mention sex/religion/politics, no sex on the 1st date, etc.). You even take turns (talking, asking questions). If it turns out well and your heart is happy, you - both - win. Otherwise you play again. These are not dating rules but a description of parallels between games and dating.

I just think that guy put too much emphasis on the strategy and not the goal. Plus, his strategy may hook him up with a less desirable companion, if such treatment ignites the spark.
 beachdancer
Joined: 6/5/2007
Msg: 49
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/10/2010 10:50:38 PM
Well now, since you like directness, why would continue to be interested in a girl who isn't direct. It seems to me that would be a turn off. Furthermore you say you perceived disinterest on the date, why do you need closure from someone you barely know?
However, to answer your question. (I didn't check your age, but for your reference, I am over 50.) We women have had to deal with men who don't take honesty well. And who also don't deal with the word no. I was talking to someone just yesterday, about my recent breakup. My statement was, "There does not have to be a reason." (He was insulting and there was no need to be.) Nonattraction is nonattraction. We don't say directly because we also perceive you are attracted and don't want 20 questions as to why we don't feel the same way. Even I struggle with maturity on the issue. " Gosh, I think he is great why doesn't he like me?" He just doesn't. My daughter, at age 26,sagely said, "We can't help how we feel." I have met a lot of very nice guys who think I am wonderful. I just don't feel the same about them. Their are times I wish I could make myself, but it doesn't work. What is nice is the occasional mature person who understands that. I said to one fellow, who said he could not stop thinking about me, "I feel your pain, because I feel that way about someone else who doesn't return my affection." Generally men are more direct than women. We are taught to be nice. It most likely is not personal. Men generally take it as a challenge, so we just try to ease away. You guys have it rougher than us, because generally you make the first move, so rejection is something you deal with more than us. We girls have it rougher because men generally make the first move and we have to deal with saying no without pissing him off.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 50
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 12:32:11 AM
At what point is the guy some potential "psycho" who cant accept rejection..before or after the check comes? Why would a woman even bother going on a date with a guy if there's potential he's not going to accept her rejecting him?

So he's good enough to pay for an evening but not good enough to return a phone call to. That's a shitty way to treat another human being.
 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 51
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 4:36:33 AM
What you call rules, I call common sense.

I don't treat my love life like a game. I don't wager or play odds. I do try to enjoy myself the best I can and live my life. If it doesn't work out with someone, it doesn't. Some times you gain friends, some times you don't care for someone, some times you meet someone that holds your heart until they crush it.
 Penda3
Joined: 9/6/2010
Msg: 52
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 10:15:54 AM
I hate to break it to you 4ums but dating is a game whether you treat it like one or not. A game is a structured activity. Your profile is structured, the way you search for matches and communicate is all structured on POF. Key components of games are goals, rules, challenge, and interaction. Games generally involve mental or physical stimulation, and often both. Your goal is to meet someone ot whatever you put as your intent.
I just think that guy put too much emphasis on the strategy and not the goal. Plus, his strategy may hook him up with a less desirable companion, if such treatment ignites the spark.
If you're good at something or serious about finding your soulmate you aim high and don't settle for that. If my strategy gets me a 2nd chance I have enough confidence that I'll overcome what ever I did or didn't do in the first date. I'm not saying my strategy is the best, but you can't knock something that's worked for me unless you've tried it. Otherwise you're just speculating.
 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 53
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 10:39:23 AM
Some may treat dating as a game. I don't. It is reality. It is part of life or not part of life depending on where you are at in it. Structuring is not a game. Goals in life are not part of a game, they are reality. If you have none, it is still life. Some people have no goals, no future plans and live for only today. They aren't playing a game. Some of these people that only try to get through today are depressed, again no game. Just trying to survive.

Someone that treats life as a game, in my opinion would not be someone I would like to meet. Someone that treats dating as a game, is not someone that I would continue dating.

I don't find meeting someone with similar interests a game in any manner.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 54
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 11:23:25 AM
"you can't knock something that's worked for me unless you've tried it."
I am not disputing that it works for you. My issue is that either she is disrespectful (then I don't want her) or she is not (then I'd be lying). For ME it does not work.

"Some may treat dating as a game. I don't."
So are you disputing all elements of luck, chance, rules and strategy? Game theory is a big chapter in math and it's taught at leading business schools. It entails more than pat-a-cake in the sandbox. You would probably also shudder at the thought of being an item in a catalog, but we all are. The unique thing about dating is that you are the merchandise and the buyer at the same time. How you manage to make things work is your choice. Interestingly the rules of the dating GAME are neither disclosed nor the same for everyone. I just lost my turn and sit out for a while, but I am sure to play again in the future. Playing this game does not make me a player, much like living my life does not make me a liver. It's just a similar word with a bad connotation.
 LongLensman
Joined: 9/7/2010
Msg: 55
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/11/2010 8:28:31 PM
What you are expecting from your date is to have the common decency to let you know they don't feel there is a basis to continue the relationship. Some people are either too immature or have some sort of phobia about doing anything that might provoke an unwanted response so they avoid those situations at all cost. On your next date let the woman know that you would appreciate any type of polite notice if she isn't into you for whatever reason.
Common Decency suffers from the same problem as Common Sense... it's not common enough
 kenfla38
Joined: 1/31/2006
Msg: 56
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/12/2010 6:38:53 AM
Some interesting responses.

When it comes right down to it, "ACTIONS speak louder than words".

Many women (and guy) have had bad experiences when they've rejected someone, and simply DON'T WANT THE CONFRONTATION (whether in person or on the phone). While most of us guys can take a hint, other guys don't take the hint so well (and we all know a few of them). They can become very defensive, aggressive, and "stalker-like" when a date doesn't go the way they planned, or when a date seemed to go well, but they're not getting their calls returned...

In my experience, there are many women (particularly younger girls (under 30ish) who just don't know how to be friendly/pleasant while also making it clear that they're not interested in more (I'M SURE the same is true for guys as well). Some will even go as far as to drop hints about "the next time we get together" or "our next date", when that's just their "defense mechanism" to avoid a confrontation they'd rather not have. This being the case, while none of us may like it, these factors make it often very tough to get an accurate read on how a "first date" is going.

We've all had dates we thought went well, only to not get our calls returned... SUCH IS LIFE. It could be any number of things... back with an X, met someone else, or just "not interested"... There's never a reason for a mature adult to call 20 times, leave a nasty notes, etc... Just TAKE THE HINT AND MOVE ON.

 4ums
Joined: 6/7/2010
Msg: 57
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/12/2010 8:18:53 AM
Yes, I dispute rules. Always. Rules were meant to be broken or they would not have been made. So rules and strategy are utter bs.

Game theory is part of math, math is not love or dating. Love is not taught in school, it should be taught in the home. Has everyone been taught real love? No. Some people will never know it and its rewards. Some guard their heart, feelings and emotions. They run and hide from it. They don't want to be hurt. They don't feel they deserve a real life.

No one is perfect. I'm not an item in a catalog. I am a human. I am a woman with wants, needs, desires and love to give. I can be happy with some people and not others.

How things work are not always your choice. Because this is life and with life are feelings, wants, needs, desires and love. We don't choose who we fall in love with or who we are attracted to. Your life isn't a game, novel, movie, etc. etc. Who you are and how you perceive things makes a world of difference.

If a game is working for you, go for it. But I am of the opinion that those who have good and lasting relationships don't treat or have treated their love lives like games. They knew it was real.

As far as rebuttal, further debate, argument, whatever, go for it...it is only a game to you. I just played the river.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 58
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/12/2010 11:11:40 AM
If you feel as though you can still work it out why not give yourself a 2nd chance.

Well, why would you think you can still work it out if she hasn't called you back? Chances are slim. Yes, mixed the melting pot can only increase your chances, technically, yes. And yes, there are some situations where you're like "She was digging ME more than I was showing interest, and was all excited. Hmmm...," but:
a) If they don't call you back after many days, that DEFINES lack of interest. Sometimes when they did seem to show solid interest, it wasn't solid but an in-the-moment thing but they have a lot of emotional stuff going on in their lives and you caught an illusion to some degree where it was only mild... or if you showed any interest, they flakily lose interest just by that.... or their recent ex got back into the picture... or got more excited about another date. Bottom line: It IS lack of interest.

b) If you are going to hit it up, going off on them about being disrespectful for not returning a call is only going to increase your chance, if anything, of it turning into a pity date... which is worse than continuing. THAT is what you have to lose, and it's often ignored. And it will also decrease your chance of anything if they did have some mild interest lingering (which if turning into anything, more often than not I'd say, would be a pity date and not a revived interest -> genuine date).

c) It's best just to send a text, IF it's an UNCOMMON situation just saying something like "Hey, didn't hear back from you... hit me up if you'd like to go out again." It's non-intrusive, comfortable, etc.

I once had a girl not respond to me for a week after I asked her out. I emailed her and told her how disrespectful it was and I would never talk to her again

Oddly enough, even though that's NOT that disrespectful in that situation, I could see playing the "I don't like you anymore" card working, before ever going on a first date. Play that card well in that situation, I agree with ya... although you do run the risk of getting a pity first date.

But AFTER a date and they don't respond for many days, I think their interest level is more solidified, negatively or positively. You were an option that she didn't really know before, then someone she did some. In those instances, I would say it'd be less effective.

Many women (and guy) have had bad experiences when they've rejected someone, and simply DON'T WANT THE CONFRONTATION (whether in person or on the phone).

Exactly! I totally understand at first glance, yeah, not returning a call is "rude". However, look at the flip side. People take it as "rude" in a different way if you tell them directly and spell it out that you're not interested in them, too.

What I see as something to be upset AT the person about, is if they showed a lot of obvious, outward interest, were visibly excited about you, looked forward to seeing you again sometime soon, etc. -- then not returning your call.

But again, that would make a "Yeah, sorry, I'm not interested in you" said outright after that -- be even more 'rude'. Again, either way, them not having interest is the rude part that hits us... whether it be not returning your call after several days (writing's on the wall), or calling you back to spell it out.
 tallblonde7
Joined: 9/5/2010
Msg: 59
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/14/2010 8:16:31 PM
I think it is good manners to be upfront. Especially if you claimed to be interested at the end of the previous date. I realize people can change their mind due to any number of possible reasons. But when you're upfront, at least the other person will know sooner and can move on sooner.

I will usually let the other person know by email or text if this was after just a few dates. Yes some men have sent me a "why not" or rude message in response. I would block them in that case. But the majority of men would either send me a "Thanks for being upfront" message or not send any type of response. Also ignoring someone doesn't always prevent rude emails. Some people can get mad that you ignored them and send you a rude email because of that.

Having said that, I wouldn't call a person more than twice. I might call a man a second time a few days after the first call. But if I don't hear back from him within a week of the first call, then I would move on.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 60
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/16/2010 12:38:26 AM
"Why is it that most women will either ignore follow-up phone calls/texts or make excuses as to why they can't go out for an additional date rather than just being honest and telling me that they're not interested?"

What I run into repeatedly is similar, but a little different. I can respect a woman who just did not care for me when we went out together, but time and time again they tell me repeatedly that they are still interested, yet are never again available, so that I have kept spending time trying to connect with them instead of being able to move on. I have now learned to quit playing that game. I ask them for another date one time and if I do not get a positive response, I am done.
 fashiongal2
Joined: 9/15/2010
Msg: 61
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 9/19/2010 8:36:31 PM

I think it is good manners to be upfront. Especially if you claimed to be interested at the end of the previous date. I realize people can change their mind due to any number of possible reasons. But when you're upfront, at least the other person will know sooner and can move on sooner.

I will usually let the other person know by email or text if this was after just a few dates. Yes some men have sent me a "why not" or rude message in response. I would block them in that case. But the majority of men would either send me a "Thanks for being upfront" message or not send any type of response. Also ignoring someone doesn't always prevent rude emails. Some people can get mad that you ignored them and send you a rude email because of that.

Having said that, I wouldn't call a person more than twice. I might call a man a second time a few days after the first call. But if I don't hear back from him within a week of the first call, then I would move on.


I agree.
 sunbeach95
Joined: 9/27/2010
Msg: 62
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 10/5/2010 6:36:03 AM

i do this because some men wont accept it as a no and keep trying. sometimes you have to do these things so you dont start feeling guilt thats misplaced just because you didnt want to meet. It just means she didnt want to hurt your feelings


I think this is a misguided viewpoint. Ignoring someone doesn't eliminate hurt feelings. Like others have mentioned, it is common courtesy to be upfront. In particular when you had just recently shown clear signs of interest. When you are upfront, the other person will know and can move on quicker. If a man is unable to take no for an answer, then block him.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 63
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 10/5/2010 6:53:05 AM

Some of those failures I know were due to the woman not being particularly attracted to me, whether that's physically or from a personality standpoint


OP- ALL failures are because someone is no longer attracted to you physically or your personality...


you seem to be someone that has a very difficult time thinking that you are not "succeeding" with something...

when someone stops calling you or tells you they don't wanna do whatever with you...do yourself a favor...

let
it
go
 Haven_11
Joined: 5/11/2009
Msg: 64
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 11/6/2010 9:16:05 AM
Or how about this? A guy and i shared a few emails, I think it went around 8 days maybe? But, then he asked for my phone number, I gave him mine and he gave me his. But, then NOTHING. He never called or emailed me again. Now, when a guy asks for my number and we exchange, I believe he should call first or text first. Whichever! But, he didn't and I just let it go. I never emailed him to ask why or text him to ask why he even bothered?
I'm just glad he didn't text me to Sex-Text like this one guy did. But, I was also lucky that the sex-texter didn't continue when I told him I wasn't interested in helping him with his "needs". ANd that his "needs" weren't my problem. LOL!!

Just let it go. Don't fall into that trap that makes you feel like your begging for something. Its way too demeaning and a waste of your valuable time. You have great manners and a good heart. Don't let those no class women affect you.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 65
Women's responses after lack of attraction on a date
Posted: 11/6/2010 6:30:49 PM
One time I went out on a date on Saturday Night. At the end of the date, we agreed to go out on another date on the following Saturday night. He stated that he would call me either Wednesday or Thursday to set up a time and place to meet. I didn't hear from him. So I called him Friday. Then I called him again Saturday afternoon. He never returned my calls. I understand that people can change their mind due to any number of possible reasons. At least he could have been upfront and tell me this.

I think the disappearing act is rude in general. But it is especially rude when someone shows clear signs of interest right before doing it. As mentioned by others, end it by text or email. If the other person sends you a "why not" or a nasty response. Then block him or her. Simply ignoring a person doesn't always prevent nasty messages. Some people can get pissed off because you didn't respond to them. And send you a nasty email / text because of that.
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