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 Chill Pill
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 112
Apparently Im too hairy!Page 5 of 11    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11)
Well gentleman I have to admit that when or if a man ignored me after a first date I would not chase after him. I let the men do the calling and pursuing for the first few dates. If they don't come around again I don't look for them or a reason why. There are to many fish in the sea to worry about one flounder.

What I do not understand is the kissy face first date if a man has these insecurities about hair. NOW.
I would follow your logic magic but the guy when he is doing his inspection asks a few strange questions about hair. RIGHT?
He asks about her pits and her privates. THAT would have been a red flag for me right there. I would never have KISSED him after that. I don't expect to go out with a grown man on a first date to get "aquainted" and have to tell him if their is carpeting on the ground level or bare floors. I like a man that is gentleman enough to reserve those questions for when we know each other better and their has been some mutual suggested inuendo.

ANYWAY.. to get back to my point. IF the guy indeed had a HAIR issue, then would NOT that have been the FIRST thing he would have NOTICED.. about the OP.
I mean it's his preference. SO... wouldn't you expect that on first site and his stand up inspection the OP describes that the guy would have LOOKED for said intrusive and hideous looking HAIRS ON HER CHIN????
Please.
I think that is logic.

I KNOW if before I go on a first meet. BEFORE I go if I have any real preference I ASK.
Like ... Are you married? seperated? Since when? breakfast? or Are you really 45, not 65 becuase your pic looks like it's from the 1980's.
I ASK.. and if I go on a first date I am on guard for the mental preferences I have, be they there or not.

If I find out a man is married, let's say. I DO NOT proceed to play kissy face games with him. If he looks like he is 70 and posted he is 45. I DO NOT proceed to play kissy face games with him. If he had HAIRS growing out his EYEBALLS and that is a deal breaker for me..... I DO NOT proceed to play kissy face games with him.

The OP. says he realized this WHEN HE KISSED HER... How many times did he have to kiss her to get a feel for the facial hair? ONCE MAYBE?????? You think?

I don't look for the REASON... really, who cares, who needs to know EXACTLY why and who ever really gets the TRUTH... I don't think the hair was the only issue the guy had but I think it was the one he was willing to give up. WHO KNOWS? Not a soul but him and I think that guessing or trying to figure it out is foolish.
In the end you still don't have a date and you still haven't found the ONE. Knowing that you are NOT one mans cup of tea doesn't mean you aren't very sippable to another.
Yum.. yum.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 113
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:02:35 PM
Well OP you did ask!!! He was honest and told you.

I personally dont' like body hair on a "woman". I believe in Waxing and keeping things waxed... I am a woman and that is my preference for personal hygiene he could have felt the same way. I recently offered to pay for my daughter to have a spa day if she included waxing as part of it. She was also offended til I told her in my opinion her chin hair and forearm hair belonged on a guy. What one gets comfortable with is a huge turn off to others. She came back and felt totally awesome and couldn't believe how silky her skin felt.

If you are happy with who and what you are, then let it go and well find someone that doesn't mind a bit of body hair.


<div class="quote">I thought it really shallow of him to say that.
May have been in your mind, in his he was being honest.

I guess this comes down to be careful what you ask for.


EDIT...
In all fairness to the guy since he isn't here to defend himself, maybe he didn't get poked by a stray hair till the end, then it bothered him.

Come on what would have been worse he date her, then try to change her and her body style. That would have made him a cad instead the guy was upfront and honest. Isn't that something we all say we want.
 ManicMelanie
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 115
view profile
History
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:23:32 PM


We met at a pub, he held my hand straightaway, we had flirted on the phone every night and he was a cheeky chappie and full of laughter. He stared into my eyes all night, stroked my hair, massaged my shoulders and back in public, kissed me an awful lot in public, proper full snogs and everything, he was not shy at all. He asked me to stand up and turn round so he could see my figure and how slim i was and he commented i was just like the photos on pof. He asked me whether i shaved under my arms, then told me he did not like coming into contact with 'down there hair'.


I'm curious if he tried to get you to/convince you to have sex with him. He was VERY forward. The last line (above) is obviously a sexual reference. He was extremely attracted to you physically. I'm not buying the "facial hair" comment. Sounds like an excuse. While it appears that he might have a bit of a (no) hair fetish, it might just be curiosity because he was thinking of what it would be like for you to be naked (and have sex with him). He was clearly coming on to you, BIG time.

Did you have a conversation about sex? Did you happen to explain to him that you don't have one-night stands and that you wait awhile to have sex? If so, that would explain his "excuse". He saw no "future" with you because he was hoping to get lucky. . .



 Abbicci
Joined: 11/17/2008
Msg: 116
view profile
History
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:24:53 PM
There was this guy I worked with years ago who let me in on his break up technique.
Anytime he wanted to stop seeing a woman, rather than falling off the face of the earth he would tell her he no longer wanted to see her because of something about her appearance.

He would say they were overweight, too short, too tall, weren't pretty enough, had funny teeth or horrible breath or something else that fit the bill. He did this so they could call him an asshat and he got to go right out the door without worrying about her ever calling him again or even saying hello to him if they ran into him somewhere. He also felt it gave them something to rant about, and after they got over the initial shock they wouldn't spend anytime being heart broken over such a tool.

I don't think it's any worst than falling off the face of the earth or even finding out the real reason, because sometimes the real reasons are much more horrible.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 117
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 12:56:09 PM
Finally the comments are getting a little more balanced.
I have noticed the OP has avoided my question of how hard did she push for a cause.....That alone speaks volumes!!!

Ms Cheevious.....Sasquatch hiding in your bloomers.....Again that is funny I don't care who you are!!!

I know some think I have been harsh on this thread. However even a murder suspect caught on video gets a trial if they want one. This poor guy was blindsided without any recourse.
I felt the need to try and shine a light on his side of the problem.

Op you are a attractive lady and I am sure have no trouble dating. However in the future you might want to take criticism with a grain of salt.
I took a class once for my job that said if 10 customers were dissatisfied only one would complain to you the rest would tell everybody else!!!
Criticism is a chance to look at ourselves through the eyes of others. Even hurtful things can bring a positive change if we think about what is said and not dwell on HOW it was said.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 120
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 1:18:00 PM
excuse me but they are not noticeable, they were very short when we were kissing, i had removed them. Why on earth would friends/family say something????


According to your above post they were not noticeable....However he noticed them?!?!?!?

It can't be both ways!!! This is exactly why I have been so hard on this.
you slant the facts and twist them to fit your agenda!!!

Now either they were noticeable or not.
One statement is the truth the other has to be a lie!

All you are doing is showing your true colors!!!

So he messaged you on Facebook hummmm When you text or message someone it is impossible to know if they are saying it with compassion or not.
So now that that is out in the open how do you know he was trying to be hurtful?
YOU ASKED HE ANSWERED!!!

So now fellow posters what do you think of the facts now? She has clearly contradicted herself in saying they were noticeable in one post and that changed it not noticeable in another.
The scalding statement turns out to be a message on facebook!!!!

I think that it is plain to see her intent now!!!
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 121
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 1:39:10 PM
Frankly.. I am surprised to see this thread go on for so long...

 nosho2010
Joined: 3/7/2010
Msg: 122
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 1:58:06 PM
This is what happens when you ask for an opinion. Instead of asking if chin hairs are a turn-off, maybe it should have said "this guy didn't like my chin hairs, but I'm still lovely, right? Aren't I pretty?" I'm old school....ask me a direct question, you'll generally get a direct answer. Nobody is saying you're unattractive, Tracey (quite the contrary), but finding hair on a woman's face would be tantamount to finding man boobs or body odor. Not something you expect to find, and when you do....whoa! Just how it is. Try tweezers. It'll probably hurt like hell, but whatever. Forget the eyebrow thing, unless a woman has a uni-brow, it's not anything to worry about.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 124
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 2:03:14 PM
Two. every day they are not noticeable because i remove them


Huh? You remove the hairs every day? They must grow back at a tremendous rate for you to be able to remove them EACH day!

FFS!!

Something wrong with THAT picture...
 Lovinlifeat44
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 125
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:06:23 PM
Okay, okay, I have been reading this thread all weekend. And, yes, Irish Eyez, they do grow back at a "tremendous rate. "

Where are the women who will actually admit to having this same problem? I will. I am also fair skinned and blonde hair, but I have the same issues. It is a great source of embarassment for me at times, but I do everything in my power to keep my face and certain parts of my body, completely hairless.

I guess what has bothered me the most were the posts that said "Ewwwwww, a woman with hair on their face?" It's more common than women let on. And if a man is so shallow that he would break up with a woman because of this, I wouldn't give him a second thought either.

I am proud of the OP for posting this. Many women wouldn't dare.

Oh, and I have yet to find the "perfect man" without a flaw of some kind.
 Chill Pill
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 126
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:13:29 PM
""Criticism is a chance to look at ourselves through the eyes of others. Even hurtful things can bring a positive change if we think about what is said and not dwell on HOW it was said.""

Okay. Now we are on the same page! Yes...This is what I am trying to say about being rejected.

You can almost find a way to be grateful about it.

Because if you are HONEST with yourself and he really has got UNDER YOUR SKIN
then you can find your weakness. You can realize that something like hairs on your chin or stretch marks or dark eyes or some other feature about yourself is a sore spot.

If you can be honest and admit that your feelings are hurt you can improve upon those buttons. He found your button. A weak spot. So GOOD. Now you know where it is too.
If you please:

I accentuate the positive about myself to the best of my ability for a woman my age.
Most of what I do is for health, flexibility, agility, stamina and strength. So I can do my JOB and provide for my family. The rest of my efforts are for YES, vanity. I will grow old
gracefully.

So if a man discredits me for some aspect of my looks. I pay attention to whether or not that bothers me and I DO something about it or I EMBRACE that thing about myself and
ACCEPT it. That is me at 52 and God has still indeed blessed me, and given me a wonderful life no matter who accepts me the way I look, or who or what I am.

When I feel rejected I do far from dwell in any kind of self pity about it. It's nonscence. It's part of dating. It's the reality of putting yourself out here. NOT everyone is going to think you are all that and a bag of chips. SO WHAT! SO.. who cares?

When I feel rejected I surround myself with the people that love me and I tell myself I'm allright anyway and MEH- ITS HIS LOSS. The end.

I think OP you maybe want to "devillify" ( my word) this man, adress any issues you have about your appearance. ANY THING that makes you feel less attractive or that YOU feel could be improved upon and let your weakness be your virtue.

BUT..... first you do have to admit that you ALLOWED this guy to offset you , albeit his actions or his words and then you can get over it. You can contact him a hundred times or block him and you still have to figure out why you let him matter.
 Lovinlifeat44
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 127
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:18:54 PM
Chill Pill, you are an exceptional woman and I love your posts!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 128
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:19:44 PM

Oh, and I have yet to find the "perfect man" without a flaw of some kind.


Ok Lovinglifeat44
You say you haven't found the perfect guy I am sure that is true as no one is perfect.
Lets say you meet a nice guy good looking and wonderful personality. You go out with him a couple of times and really like him.
You are invited to his house for a pool party with a few of his friends.
You now see for the first time he is like a grizzly bear!!! Enough hair on his back to weave about 4 blankets!!!
You don't want to embarrass him in front of his friends but you are now just grossed out at his hairy body.
What do you do?

To below post he doesn't want to shave he wants someone to love him just as he is!
There was soooo many post saying this guy was a Azzhat for not wanting to be with the OP just as she is. That he shouldn't try to change her. Why now is the first suggestion to change him?!?!?!?
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 129
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:25:11 PM

You don't want to embarrass him in front of his friends but you are now just grossed out at his hairy body.
What do you do?

Gee I hope anyone can answer this question. This is what I would do.
I would wait til the pool party was over, then sit down with him and very gently offer to use Veet on his back if he isn't into the Waxing idea. Since if he was all that, I would want to keep him and me happy. I would offer to keep it up and use the creams to slow hair regrowth.

If and when down the road, it became co habitation I would offer lazer surgery.

Facial hair or for that matter body hair is something that can be taken care in a few short mintures.

As for the comment about shaving one day and stubble the next..There is a problem with someones razor or their hair growth... Just wax it be done with it and one thing I am getting here many woman may not get is the more you wax the less regrowth you have.
 Lovinlifeat44
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 130
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:36:13 PM
MJyawn67, I AM dating him!!! And, yes, he has enough hair to weave 5 blankets from his back, but none of it on his head.

And I get such a kick out of his 14 year old daughter when he has several long gray hairs growing out of his very dark eyebrows. She says "Lorraine, quick, get the tweezers! We need to get those out!" Funny, though, every time I pluck one of his, I get one too."

Did I mention? I think he is the sexiest, most handsome man I've ever seen.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 131
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:38:49 PM
Ok that may be acceptable to you but I am sure you have quit seeing someone in your 44 years that had a quirk you could not live with.
So how is that different from this?

JROD I couldn't agree more!!!! The idea that men only want sex is laughable. There are just as many women out there that think with their Va-jj.....Where did the term COUGAR come from?!?!?!?
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 132
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:43:13 PM
Men think with their penises till they cum...then their heads take over again


This is ridiculous, and idiotic to say the least. Youve taken this simple thread about chin hairs, and sky rocketed it to this nonsense?


Just because I, or any other guy, and everyone else have preferences in terms of what we find attractive, it does not mean we're thinking with our penises. Get the hell outta here with that nonsense.
 Lovinlifeat44
Joined: 9/22/2007
Msg: 133
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 3:52:46 PM
Quirk? Maybe. Hmmmm....have to think about that one.

The alcoholic guy. Yep, dumped his butt. That was his choice.

Guy with the extremely small penis. Nope, he was awesome...we just grew apart and I was very young.

The one who preferred women's clothes? Nope, not my type either. Also a choice.

The guy with the nasty looking feet? Dealt with that too. He wore socks and hated his feet. Actually, they weren't as bad as he thought they were.

What I'm trying to say is, if you find someone absolutely wonderful and there is just one small flaw, can't you overlook that? No one is perfect and as we get older, your body changes. Either we learn to accept those changes and love them for who they are, or we don't. I also think I would grow to be a very lonely old woman if I couldn't accept a man for his few physical flaws.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 134
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 4:07:47 PM
I see where you are going with this and agree to a point. I dated a lady that had Cystic Fibrosis. We really loved one another in the end we were unable to marry because of the Insurance problems. She was allowed to stay on her ex's policy. If we had married she would have lost that. My insurance would not cover her and her bills were to say the least high.
I remember at night having to gently beat her back so she could cough up the Flem.
So yes I know more than most about over looking stuff.

However to label a person a azzhat just because of a preference is unacceptable.

It has come out that she twisted and changed the facts as this thread has progressed and I really think a lot of people on here owe this guy an apology!!!
Maybe this was just one of the reasons he gave her for not wanting to see her again?
I am sure there are others around where she lives that can figure out whom she is speaking of.
I personally think she did it just to cause him grief!!!
Btw I am glad you and your guy are happy hard to find the right one as we can see here!!!
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 135
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 5:09:00 PM
Oh yeah, the hits keep on coming, gawd, I'm amazed some of these women are even ON a dating site. "Men think with their penises", yeah what comes next, they don't ask directions, or some other horsesh1t sterotype?

First is the OP attractive, yeah I looked so I would agree. Next is this guy entitled to his opinion or preference, yeah, oh wait I forgot in the 'world of women' no, he should just be grateful and kiss your azz.

By now I would also have hoped this thread would die. But the emotionally damaged who wish to spit on men, just keep it alive. Some of you need therapy, BADLY!! Gee I wish they still had the last 5 posts on your profile, so guys would at least be forewarned.

Again, if the OP didn't want the answer, DON'T ask the question! Could the guy have toned the answer down, sure, still doesn't make him wrong for him.
 Amillio-Bello
Joined: 3/23/2010
Msg: 136
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 7:41:57 PM

Quirk? Maybe. Hmmmm....have to think about that one.


The alcoholic guy. Yep, dumped his butt. That was his choice.

Guy with the extremely small penis. Nope, he was awesome...we just grew apart and I was very young.

The one who preferred women's clothes? Nope, not my type either. Also a choice.

The guy with the nasty looking feet? Dealt with that too. He wore socks and hated his feet. Actually, they weren't as bad as he thought they were.

What I'm trying to say is, if you find someone absolutely wonderful and there is just one small flaw, can't you overlook that? No one is perfect and as we get older, your body changes. Either we learn to accept those changes and love them for who they are, or we don't. I also think I would grow to be a very lonely old woman if I couldn't accept a man for his few physical flaws.


Unfortonately, it's not like that, you need to be without blemish to be liked and loved. Men with flaws get turned down all the time, no matter how kind they are controllable or not. Women with flaws are no exception. If you're not perfect outside you won't get a mate, and thats the fact. Now one can be a jerk inside or a **** inside and get all sorts of attention and action from the opposite sex.
 dawn1114
Joined: 2/27/2006
Msg: 137
view profile
History
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 8:38:05 PM

The OP. says he realized this WHEN HE KISSED HER... How many times did he have to kiss her to get a feel for the facial hair? ONCE MAYBE?????? You think?

No, I don't think. I've kissed at least one man in my life and then kissed him again, thinking, hoping, maybe, the next kiss would be more enjoyable. I did this because I LIKED the man, and I WANTED to enjoy kissing him. Sometimes it just doesn't work out.
The OP said:

He told me he could not stop thinking about the feel of the facial hair and that he prefer to enjoy kissing someone.

He tried. He liked some or many things about her. But the feel of the facial hair weighed on him in retrospect and made him realize (sooner rather than later) that he didn't want to kiss her again. She insisted on a specific reason (she admitted this on Page 1, I believe). He complied with her demand. She's pissed.

Now she's here repeatedly saying she looked "brilliant," that scads of other men have told her she's fabulous and gorgeous, and that no other man has ever been bothered by her "two or three blonde hairs" on her chin. So what's the issue? One guy who's extremely and unnaturally sensitive to "two or three" practically invisible and silky smooth hairs? Oh, the humanity!

There's more to this story, I'll guarantee it.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 138
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/28/2010 8:44:39 PM
Lovinlifeatat44 wrote:

I am proud of the OP for posting this. Many women wouldn't dare.


Ms Cheevious wrote:

Many women have more sense than to post something that was so obviously a mewling for attention, commiseration.... and an attempt to vilify the guy.

I don't give a flying rat's ass if she uses her whiskers as curb feelers.


OMG!
 Chill Pill
Joined: 11/19/2009
Msg: 140
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/29/2010 2:50:01 AM
If I would only date men that are 6' and taller, 10 years younger and very well endowed would that make me shallow? Or is that just my type?

If I was shallow I would reject men saying you are a midget with a weiner. That's shallow. I just don't make advances or engage with or play kissy face with very short men. I don't berate them, or hurt them. I just don't go there .

Nobody knows here how obvious the hair was at all. One post it's there the next it is removed. So what can we deduct about this mans behaviour.
He was asked a question and told her the answer. Perhaps if there was some communication and instead of insult taken the couple would be out schmooozing tonite and none of us would have wasted a weekend talking about shallow people, preferences, penis thoughts or chin hairs.

The OP's date was not shallow. It's not SHALLOW to have preferences. It is GOOD to know your preference. If you have ever been with someone that is wishy washy has no idea what they want and just picks at you randomly to discredit you.... then you KNOW. It is GOOD to know your preferences and WHAT YOU WANT.

I think we all have some preconceived notions about what we are looking for when we are single. I really like being single so it will perhaps take someone exceptional to change my mind about that and get into a relationship.

That doesn't make me shallow. I am just holding out for the best. If a man was wonderful and gracious and giving I may over look a few inches... in his height ONLY....
 brown_eyed_woman
Joined: 8/31/2008
Msg: 141
Apparently Im too hairy!
Posted: 3/29/2010 3:32:28 AM
People can accept all kinds of little things when they already know you, and care about you...so until that happens, pluck those little buggars and keep them at bay. lol
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