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 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 5
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lonelinessPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I do not have a problem saying that I feel lonely. I guess some people's pride gets hurt when they have to admit that they feel lonely and they seem to think it is being desperate to let people know this. Admitting to this does not mean you will take the first person that shows an interest. It just is admitting to the reality. It is normal to feel alone when you are alone.... God usually takes alot of the feeling away....This is the time to get involved and volunteer and then networking happens.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 8
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loneliness
Posted: 3/27/2010 12:14:18 PM

Unless you're in a Latino population or similar gregarious cultural setting you fall into this category. So why is it we don't hear the words 'I'm lonely' as often as I think we should. Am I missing something here? Are we in denile about it? Are we ashamed perhaps? What are your thoughts?
HUH??? I'm not Latino...and, I don't see my family on a daily basis. LOL! In fact....when I got divorced and people asked me why I moved 50 miles away from work.....my reply was... "Because it's also 50 miles away from my Mother!"

So, basically....what? You want me to LIE to you and say "I'm lonely"....so that YOU don't feel "alone"?

My daughter does call me the World's Biggest Hermit....but honestly, when I feel like hanging out with people....I call someone...and go hang out. I guess I've attributed my comfort at being able to be alone to the fact that I was an only child, and as such, I learned to entertain myself. I'm very outgoing, I make friends easily...and I'm never bored....I just don't have the need to be entertained by someone else constantly.
loneliness
Posted: 3/27/2010 12:19:09 PM
Some, if not most people are lonely now & then. There is a big difference however between being alone and being lonely. On many days I enjoy the peace and solitude of being alone, and if I not on a given day I go out amongst the other humans, sometimes friends and family, sometimes just a place where I can hang out and talk to strangers should I choose.

But yes, it can get lonely at times, and I miss sharing an intimate connection, and no, I don't mean that solely in a sexual context. Yes, some people would consider it a weakness to admit loneliness, but to me its a sign of a person who is truly in touch with their feelings to recognize it as such, and self-confident enough to reveal it. The next step along that road though is doing something about the loneliness; sitting around constantly moping and bemoaning your situation IS a weakness. So hey, we're here on POF, at least trying to alleviate it, right!? Cheers to us then!
 tinkerbellcgy
Joined: 9/17/2005
Msg: 13
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loneliness
Posted: 3/27/2010 3:39:57 PM
An excellent and timely topic, OP. I have just finished reading a new book entitled "Lonely: Learning to Live with Solitude" authored by Canadian author, Emily White. The book is also available in the US.

The book is an excellent read and it dispels a lot of gray area surrounding loneliness and solitude. Society as a whole tends to shun people who have admitted, for whatever reason, that they are lonely because it all too often equates to the myth that those that are lonely are very needy people.

I have spent the better part of the last 18 months in solitude recuperating from an illness and I felt throughout much of that time that there was something terribly wrong with me because I succumbed to loneliness. Reading this new book has helped me come to terms with solitude and loneliness.

For anyone who wants to explore the world of solitude and loneliness, I would recommend reading this publication.
 WalksOnWater2
Joined: 5/19/2009
Msg: 19
loneliness
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:13:12 PM

So why is it we don't hear the words 'I'm lonely' as often as I think we should.

We don't hear the words 'I'm lonely', because there's nobody here to say it.
And we don't say 'I'm lonely', because there's nobody here to hear it.

If there's someone around, then we are not lonely.

 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 20
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loneliness
Posted: 3/27/2010 11:17:02 PM
I didn't know it was something people were ashamed of. I am rarely lonely because I very much enjoy my own company, like being alone most the time and am not alone out of failure to find anyone. I have been lonely, but at those times I never had a problem saying I was.


I know....if you'd asked in this post who's lonely, you'd mostly get a ton of replies from people who aren't lonely at all. Sorta with a tone of superiority and smugness. Why the hell they feel the need to come and trumpet how above feeling lonely they are is sorta telling.


What? Stop projecting, and stop reading pop psychology. What a bunch of bull.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 22
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loneliness
Posted: 8/27/2011 10:06:38 AM
I didn't know people were ashamed of admitting they were lonely. I see thousands of people right here on this site, pictures and all to reveal that they are lonely and looking. Not everyone is lonely, I'm not, but I'm a bit of a hermit too and I'm not the norm. I don't think there is anything in the American culture that requires one to pretend they aren't lonely.
 Molly Maude
Joined: 9/11/2008
Msg: 24
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loneliness
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:36:34 AM
WAY BACK ... when I was married, I was "lonely." I was in what I considered to be a "marriage" where I was invisible ...

there's nothing more lonely than being with people who don't see you, consider you or your feelings at all ... I was ignored ... I was alone and lonely ...

on one of our daughter's birthdays, I told my husband (who was "between jobs" ... he was usually "between jobs" ... except when I was paying his way through various college courses that he then wouldn't get a job to match the degree or credential) ... that I'd be home early so we could take our daughter to the County Fair for her birthday ... I went to work before the family was up ... and arrived back home at 3:00 p.m. ... no one was there ...

back then, I had no way to contact him to find out where he'd gone ... I kept thinking maybe he thought I'd be home by 4:00 and ran to the store ... maybe he'd be back at 5:00 ... maybe ... maybe ... so I sat there, alone, until after 11:00 p.m. when he brought the kids back home from our daughter's birthday outing ... they were all laughing about what a great time they'd had ...

I now live alone and am rarely lonely ... if I want to do something, I call one of my friends ... or maybe several of my friends ...

wow ... did not realize how bitter I still am about that ... surprise!
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 25
loneliness
Posted: 8/27/2011 11:57:06 AM
Loneliness make good country songs however I blame loneliness for the existence of emos and
...............Twilight.



*croons a country ballad*
 SunnyBlueSkies23
Joined: 5/16/2011
Msg: 26
loneliness
Posted: 8/28/2011 5:38:37 AM
Yes, I agree......admiting to being lonely can be a sign of weakness.........OR, a source of strength,if you allow it to be. (Denial.... NOT just a river in Egypt!! ) It's all in your perspective. Also, I agree.......there's a WORLD of difference between being alone and being lonely. Again,it's a matter of perspective.For instance, when my beloved Mom died,I remember being in the church in Woodstock for her funeral with at least 300 other people.......yet feeling so desperately lonely,it wasn't even funny.There were people everywhere,and yet I felt like I was awash,drifting aimlessly.....everything seemed surreal. When I spoke at her burial that Spring, for a few moments I did again feel that aimless,sad feeling,but this time,my perspective had altered.... just a little. A little shift INSIDE me made all the difference in the world for me on the OUTSIDE! I felt a lot of love surrounding me,enveloping me..........I was still pretty sad, but I didn't feel quite so all alone anymore.It was as if Mom had reached down into my heart,gave me a HUGE hug,and said,"It's okay to feel happy again,sweetie." I still have that feeling...........it's never going to leave me. Now,usually when I think of my Mom,though I still do cry at times,my heart overflows with a lot of love,and joy at being her daughter and all the fun we shared. I'm not lonely anymore because I keep her with me in my heart,right where she belongs. As far as alone goes,I don't need someone to entertain me all the time.I thank God everyday my parents taught me the value of entertaining myself......scrapbooking,reading,watching t.v.. going on P.O.F. forums,,or calling friends. When I'm feeling"social butterfly"-ish I call up friends and we go off and do something fun. But,there are times when I need "down-time",and I opt to stay home,pop popcorn,& watch movies all day long.From MY perspective,it's good for me to take that time to recharge my batteries.....hey,even the Energizer Bunny needs time to reflect,right?!
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 28
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Loneliness
Posted: 8/30/2011 3:10:37 PM
Denial is worse than admission of nearly any feelings we might have.
 junipermoon
Joined: 3/1/2006
Msg: 29
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Loneliness
Posted: 8/31/2011 4:13:42 AM
i've always craved solitude. i cherish every second i can get when i don't have people around me. a full-time job in an office full of people, my own business on the side, membership in the local bird club, the pa native plant society and a book group give me little time to even think about loneliness. and now i have people contacting me for tarot readings, festivals and more gardening. that leaves me little time for friends and family get-togethers. i guess i mainly have a problem with time management.

i used to think that everyone's ultimate goal was to be left alone. but, as people have stated here, that's not the case.

so, tell me: what does it feel like to not have people demanding your attention 24/7?
 CharminC
Joined: 2/19/2011
Msg: 30
Loneliness
Posted: 8/31/2011 9:54:11 AM

so, tell me: what does it feel like to not have people demanding your attention 24/7?



Lonely?
buahahhaaaa!
*wipes a tear*
 kari135
Joined: 9/1/2009
Msg: 32
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Loneliness
Posted: 9/12/2011 6:55:11 AM

so, tell me: what does it feel like to not have people demanding your attention 24/7?

It really depends on which people and how much time each one wants. My close family and friends - any time of the day or night. Not so close, but still close - try not to wake me at 3 AM, please. Both categories, if you need someone to bail you out of jail no matter what the time of day or night, you'd better be able to repay me immediately when the bank opens.

Being on call 24/7 for extended periods was part of my job description for 10 years. That is so not fun!

Being constantly in demand over a long period becomes a habit. It's one I'm still trying to deal with not having anymore.
 DudeOfManyTalents
Joined: 9/3/2011
Msg: 37
loneliness
Posted: 9/13/2011 6:49:48 PM
What I'll never understand is why just about everyone is so mean to lonely people.

Will you feel happy and proud if your meanness drives a lonely person to suicide???

Buncha sickos.
 bamagrl68
Joined: 11/14/2010
Msg: 42
loneliness
Posted: 9/14/2011 4:22:32 PM
loneliness- I don't think it's a weakness to admit to being lonely.
Everyone experiences it at some point.
There is a way out of it. You have to get to the point where you are happy with your own company. You also have a choice to get out and experience life.
Find an activity that makes you happy, reach out to others, be open.
It's possible to be lonely in a room full of people if you close yourself off.
There are circumstances where loneliness is beyond someones control. If they are elderly and shut in or disabled and can't get out. Otherwise, it's up to each of us to find a way to not be lonely.
You can not control what other people do, you can only control how you react.
 licoricecat_1
Joined: 11/23/2008
Msg: 43
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Loneliness
Posted: 3/26/2012 11:36:29 AM
Loneliness is when you do not feel connected to anyone in your spirit. I could go out and have a conversation with a stranger and not feel lonely. I could also go to a party with alot of people and feel lonely if I am not connecting emotionally with anyone. We all feel lonely at times when we want to connect with another person of opposite sex or same sex who could just connect with me emotionally or just to even laugh together with someone.
 onlydateIF
Joined: 11/15/2011
Msg: 45
Loneliness
Posted: 4/6/2012 9:03:47 PM
I think loneliness is part of the human condition. What cured it for me was losing loved ones back to back during a tough year. I was grieving, some I had thought were true friends were not there to deal with the truth of my reality, so I let go of the fairweather friendships. That was new for me bc I had always been a bit of a social butterfly. Through the whole thing I turned more towards God and got through. Sometimes, I humbly confess I had left God last and done it all on my own, predictably making mistakes. Well, here I am single lol. This time I ask God to send just the right one for me. Now, I actually value my solitude and find myself in the position of setting boundaries over my 'me-time' with friends and family, though I still love them and make a point of seeing them. I have a career that gives me shedule change passes that anyone who knows me is aware of, but I never use it as an excuse either. I just move more to my own rhythm.
 Kings_Knight
Joined: 1/20/2009
Msg: 46
loneliness
Posted: 4/7/2012 7:08:13 AM
@ Nr 1 ...


" ... Could someone explain this to me. Why is it shameful in the American culture to admit to loneliness? It's natural to me when we don't live among a clan whether it be family or friends, we naturally feel lonely. ... "


There's a distinct difference between being 'alone' and feeling 'lonely' ... We spend the majority of our life alone. That reality usually becomes clear sometime in early childhood. The entirely separate concept and emotion of 'lonely' is something that generally manifests after the loss of someone with whom we've become accustomed to having in our life on a close and regular basis. If people don't learn to be 'their own best company' during childhood, they'll learn from life that they won't always have someone else to play with.

Now for the 'Big Question' ... Why is the gratuitous comment about Latino populations necessary? Is there some special form of 'aloneness' or 'loneliness' which can be experienced only by that particular group? Do other ethnicities not experience the emotion(-s) you ask about here? This is a needless and pointless distinction.
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