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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?      Home login  
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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 26
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?Page 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
Your friend is using abortion as birth control. Pretty sickening.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 27
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 1:17:47 PM

I'd be so disgusted I'd start calling her the abortion queen of The United States of America.
Kitty, since the OP is Canadian, I would guess her friend is also. Therefore, she should be called 'The Abortion Queen of Canada'. Thank goodness this one is an American. We have enough morons.
 Live1983
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 28
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 1:41:53 PM
thanks guys, sorry the original post was so brief but as I was on my way out but needed a little in-put, her appointment in Thursday. I've been friends with this girl for going on 15 years, so I don't want you thinking she's dun this in the past two or three years. The first few times we where kids and I really think it was the best answer for everyone involved. About her boyfriend I've been friends with him for about 6 years so we're pretty close and he LOVES kids, he wants kids, and he hopes every girlfriend will lead to marriage and kids... I'm just confused on this, I want to be there for her she's a good person just makes stupid choices. I don't want to be a blabber mouth but I don't want to have him ask me about it in a few months and feel like I betrayed him.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 29
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 2:12:38 PM

Abortion is perfectly within her rights as a woman, how dare any of you judge her.
Would you rather she had six kids she couldn't care for? Or raised to becomes dregs on society most likely on our dime?


No, I rather they rip her fricking uterus out so abortion is no longer a birth control option.


Get real people.


We are real. Six abortions is a serious mental dysfunction and your rational of "her sticking to her conviction of not being a single mother" is a joke.

And OP, I'd squeal like a stuck pig to your male friend about her. I'd certainly would like to know if I was seeing a woman that had SIX ABORTIONS.
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 30
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 2:38:56 PM
Funny how those opposed to abortion speak so violently and would wish this girl harm. Speaks volumes.

You just can't pick and choose which kind of murder you all condone. We send our military all over the world to "spread" democracy all in the name of cheap oil and resources but you have a problem with a woman's legal right to abort a fetus?

Let me know which kind of murder is okay?

She most likely has become sociopolitical about abortion, blame the system not the person. If you don'y like it, get it changed and good luck with that.
 Indestructible23
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 31
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 4:35:02 PM

We send our military all over the world to "spread" democracy all in the name of cheap oil and resources but you have a problem with a woman's legal right to abort a fetus?


Seriously? WE send our military all over the world? This is a pretty outrageous statement and my response is obviously off -topic but I feel the urge to inform you that it's congress who grants our president the right to declare war and the citizens don't govern who goes where on a military basis. I certainly don't tell anyone that they have to go to North Korea for a preemptive strike for the sake of domestic security.
 SassySky
Joined: 9/26/2008
Msg: 32
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/30/2010 7:03:24 PM
I think the only way I would go with her is if she also made an appt to get her tubes not only tied but cut and burned and the final condition would be she would need to go into theraphy to understand this style of birth control isn't acceptable. For many reasons, Health, finances etc...


As far as telling your friend, personally why? What would be gained from it? Is this child his? If not I would probably wouldn't say anything til the right moment for example if she expected a lot of pity from him for what ever reason after the procedure I would tell her in front of him maybe next time you will use better birth control. You have heard that with each abortion the pain is a bit worse and since this is your 6th after all can you imagine what the 7th would be like? And take a quick exit stage left and let the chips fall where they may.

Bottmline if she didn't agree to my terms I wouldn't help her in anyway. period.
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 33
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 3/31/2010 5:44:48 AM

I've been friends with this girl for going on 15 years, so I don't want you thinking she's dun this in the past two or three years. The first few times we where kids and I really think it was the best answer for everyone involved.
OP, what do you consider 'the first few times? The first four? So you were kids. And having numerous abortions as a kid didn't bother her at all? They didn't inform her of various methods of birth control that would be effective? She hasn't had an abortion in 2 or 3 years. Whoo hoo!! Did she use birth control during that time or was she just lucky enough not to get knocked up? You are 26 so she is probably close to your age. Having one abortion at that age is sad, though possibly understandable. Having two by 26 is pushing it. Having 6 is beyond the pale and past the point of sheer irresponsibility. What is her problem that she refuses to use birth control and figures abortion is a better option? Tell her she needs to tell her boyfriend what her plans are or you will do so. Also, that unless she gets on a serious method of birth control, and stays on it, that you refuses to be a part of her irresponsible behavior and will not be there hold her hand.
 ~JustSimplyMe~
Joined: 8/18/2006
Msg: 34
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/1/2010 7:17:00 AM
It's really rather simple. If you are honestly looking for advice on how to tell her...if this was just a thread to get her slammed, you did well.
I'd tell her :
"I understand that it's a choice you are making...but I would rather not be a part of that decision. I love you, but personally can't support that choice."

You don't get between 2 friends. It really is her story to tell, and I am sure she will look at you telling him as a major stab in the back. If you had to choose between friends....would you pick him anyways?
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 35
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/1/2010 7:23:00 AM
C'mon people....if you are pro-choice, act like it.

OP - you can tell her what I tell my children from time to time...I love you but I don't like what you are doing/how you are acting....

Your first responsibility is to yourself. Since you obviously don't want to go with her for whatever reason, you shouldn't.

She needs to accept responsibility for her actions.....perhaps by always being there for her when she goes for an abortion, you are enabling her. Let her go alone......
 Live1983
Joined: 4/11/2008
Msg: 36
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/1/2010 12:35:19 PM
Thank-you all who took the time to give advice and not just bash my friend for her poor choices. I went with her. I will never EVER go again and she knows this. I'll be going with her to the heath unit in a few weeks to get birth control. Thanks again. I really felt lost on this and really pissed off. I couldn't ask friends cause they'd just start a guessing war on who I was talking about.
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 37
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/8/2010 11:54:17 AM
What you have stated futureshock is the lie they like to tell themselves to justify their opinion. Watched a doc recently that if all humans could critically think about the actual truths when it comes to biology and reproduction they would see that eggs and sperm are just as sacred as embryos but will suffer many deaths due to just nature and the workings of birth control.
I have said this before but many couples never announce to the world at large that as a couple they are expecting because like you say many embryos never reach the second trimester.
Cold as that may be, it also has to be understood that the bond they speak of is chemically induced to ensure that a mother will do right by a child much like the short chemically induced urge to procreate. That urge may be stronger than the intellect in that one may be lax in their diligence in preventing an unwanted pregnancy.
Quite the conundrum but although I may be a man I can admire this girls conviction on not wanting to be a mother although I would prefer she just get her tubes tied because as has been witnessed in this thread opinions based on emotion and with little basis in truth can be a dangerous thing.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 38
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/8/2010 1:16:38 PM
they are not children, getting an abortion is a legal option , sometimes its the best option
as for telling the boyfriend of her past, that is just nuts, what past, you made your choice to be a single mother,a lot of people would feel sorry for your children, not having two parents
i would not, but a lot of people would,i will say this, it is none of your business to tell him
 NowSucksLess
Joined: 2/4/2010
Msg: 39
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/8/2010 3:52:41 PM
Blame the clinic and those punch-card promotions...you know, buy 5 abortions, get the 6th one for free.

What!?!
 CodeNameKitty
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 40
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/8/2010 8:44:34 PM
I think this has taken Pro-Choice to a whole other level.
It is so irresponsible to have 6 abortions.
It's like getting getting into accidents on purpose. Choosing to have drama instead of order. 6???

B I R T H C O N T R O L - it controls birth. Which also falls under the ProChoice umbrella.
A long time ago there was a kingdom where you couldn't CONTROL getting pregnant. But there was a bright person who figured out how to do it. So, now you can....! The End.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 41
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:21:02 PM

All fertile, sexually active women have caused the deaths of at least 6 embryos for each successful birth they've had. 60 to 80% of all embryos die before the pregnancy goes to term.


I'd like to see a source for this statistic!

That would mean I have "caused the death of" 12 possible lives! I don't friggin' think so!!! Show me the source!
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 42
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 5:47:50 AM
I think this has taken Pro-Choice to a whole other level.
It is so irresponsible to have 6 abortions.
It's like getting getting into accidents on purpose. Choosing to have drama instead of order. 6???

B I R T H C O N T R O L - it controls birth. Which also falls under the ProChoice umbrella.
A long time ago there was a kingdom where you couldn't CONTROL getting pregnant. But there was a bright person who figured out how to do it. So, now you can....! The End.
Codenamekitty

The end?????? Hardly. Apparently many women have had pregnancies while using birth control but is that just something they tell themselves and others when they forget a day but instead of refraining from sex or at least used a condom or spermicide just couldn't resist their man long enough to make sure.

I don't feel the girl in the op is any worse than those women who have used the weak excuse of my birth control failed when you state just how many options are there and how effective they can be.

Secondly, based on the fact that by now 50 million abortions ( U S of A - We're #1 ) have been performed since roe v wade that all of them necessary due to complications or rape or defects. Some were just plain an option of birth control.

Heard something that made a lot of the abortion debate clearer and how as we move away from religion might make the whole issue easier to actually discuss.
It's a numbers game. Way back when it was essential to all budding religions to increase their numbers, more money flowing in and a population willing to protect it's own interests. This mindset is still clouding the issue.
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 43
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:14:26 AM
Erasersedge...it is when you make comments like this that we end up in trouble....


Apparently many women have had pregnancies while using birth control but is that just something they tell themselves and others when they forget a day but instead of refraining from sex or at least used a condom or spermicide just couldn't resist their man long enough to make sure.


Women are not the ONLY ones who are responsible for preventing pregnancy. Men have responsibilities too...if you don't want to deal with a potential pregnancy, men should wrap it up or abstain, don't you think?

FYI, the ONLY 100% reliable form of bc is absintence so while you may not believe a woman who says they were using bc when the pregnancy occurred, not ALL of them are lying.

I had two unplanned pregnancies resulting in birth....I make no excuses except to say WE were irresponsible. I don't fear the judgement that so many others might...I don't appreciate or like it much when it happens but I do know that some folks are just naturally judgemental and see it as their issue, not mine.
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 44
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 6:35:03 AM
Sure, it's so easy for any woman to say HE should wrap it but essentially are you implying that no man should ever trust a woman who says to go for it because she was told by her doctor that she infertile or she's on the pill.
The effectiveness ratings given out by the big pharm companies are fairly solid but the number one reason for failure is not the product but misuse. And according to many an informal study that women are just as apt as men to forego the use of a condom.
The rise in hpv and the simple fact of a large majority of people who have chlamydia
just shows it.

But then taken are you implying that women are just helpless in that they can't think for themselves when "conned " into sleeping with us ruthless men with hypnotic prowess?
 itsallinthesoul
Joined: 6/26/2009
Msg: 45
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 11:25:32 AM

essentially are you implying that no man should ever trust a woman who says to go for it


If you are comfortable trusting the woman with your reproductive rights, don't whine about it later. Do you think I've never been played? Trust me, I have but I don't blame them, I blame myself for ignoring the big red flags that were flying in the wind..... I might be mad at them but I blame myself for the choices I made because no man has ever threatened to kill me if I didn't have sex with him.

When it comes to what happens after a pregnancy, I do think that men should be given the option of not assuming responsibility for the child because women can choose to abort, men can't force a woman to abort. Just as a mother can choose not to inform the father and place the child up for adoption, the "father" could choose to allow the mom to assume 100% of the rights/responsibilities for a child they do not want, in essence, the mom adopts the child entirely and "dad" is let off the hook.


are you implying that women are just helpless in that they can't think for themselves when "conned " into sleeping with us ruthless men with hypnotic prowess?


fvck no, that is NOT what I am implying.....we are all responsible for the choices we make with our bodies. It is a little thing called personal accountability....tis a shame that so many these days lack it. I need no more protection under the law than you do.
 kissmyasthma
Joined: 12/4/2009
Msg: 46
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 12:25:34 PM
I don't feel the girl in the op is any worse than those women who have used the weak excuse of my birth control failed when you state just how many options are there and how effective they can be.

From my previous post.

A man who forgets a contraceptive once in awhile is so much different than a woman who is the one who desires a child. Not sure who the weaker sex is anymore.

It's like the old saying that all a man needs for sex is a place and a willing partner.
A woman needs a reason or does that apply to the "new" woman of today?
 cdnfinanceman
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 47
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 2:21:16 PM
Im shaking my head, you're telling me you're friends with a girl who has good qualities but she's had 6 abortions, you're saying 6 ?? and only now she's going to the health unit to get birth control? are you friggen kidding me with this?

She needs psychological help? or a shot in the head for being stupid, I thinking getting pregnant is the least of her concern, is she not worried about STD's? she sounds like a idiot, and you have a friend who is dating her? she should learn to keep her friggen legs closed for a bit and perhaps take a sex education class.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 48
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/12/2010 4:33:07 PM
Interesting info, futureshock, despite the digression from OP's original question. The same article also states "it is an oversimplification to merely quote overall percentages of lethality..." and that the statistics from the study also include "embryonic death due to contraception".

Viewed in this light, then I guess this stat would make sense and I apologize for my shocked reaction to your post. However, in my opinion, using birth control is not about killing embryos, but preventing potential pregnancies. I would much rather see OP's friend prevent potential pregnancies. Semantics and stats aside, preventative contraception is nowhere in the same league as abortion.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 49
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How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/13/2010 5:44:40 AM
I'm kind of surprised the clinic hasn't offered her birth control already.

How do you tell her?? You just do. Either tell her the truth, that you can't go and support her decision for aborting yet another child, or you lie and tell her you're busy that day.

Either way.. suggest she get on SOME form of birthcontrol. If she doesn't want children, she needs to find a doctor willing to perform a tubal for her. After having 6 abortions, that shouldn't be difficult.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 50
How do I tell a friend I cant go with her to kill another baby?
Posted: 4/16/2010 3:54:38 PM
To be honest, kind of a catch-22. A gal who is going on 6 abortions -- would you want that same woman instead raising 6 children in which she let develop to become so?

Either way, I don't think you have obligation to tell the guy that she's had x-amount of abortions, what her pro-life/pro-choice stance is, or any of that. I would say you only step in if she's lying about something significant (judgement call there) -- not to just throw skeletons out of the closet.

6... wow. Are you sure you're not counting the morning-after pill (that's not an abortion, but essentially a high-dose of the pill to 'catch up' by not having taken the pill to prevent a pregnancy, last-minute).
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