Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
i wonder if it's really entertaining for a lot of women to see the shoe on the other foot like this. do you feel an overwhelming need to reorder her tchotchke collection, leave a stack of toiletries in her bathroom and get rid of the nasty old sheets on her bed?

exactly what benefits do you think she is expecting without having to 'pay' for them? is she pressuring you for sex?

you're sounding like a college freshman girl whose mind is stuffed with cosmo articles. you hardly know this woman and you want to give her the co-pilot's seat in your life. why don't you take things day-to-day, enjoy the process of getting to know her, and leave yourself a graceful escape hatch if she turns out to a criminal psychotic under that shiny veneer of perfection?
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 4
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 9:52:23 AM
OP- Wow, you sound like the woman in the relationship.

Let things be, enjoy the time you are spending with her right now. Be certain she is completely over her EX and give her time.

You are the man and if you start acting clingy and demanding her to "commit" to you she'll be seriously turned off...

Perhaps you should go for the "exclusive" talk before asking her to commit to being your gf...

Have you spoken to her about this? What exactly has she told you?


As is right now, unless both of yall were completely enthralled with each other IMO its too soon...
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 9:56:09 AM

You may have meant, you aren't getting any YOUNGER.

Maybe he's Benjamin Button...
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 9
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benefits without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 10:55:54 AM
Personally, anyone who was trying to make a commitment with me after only a month would make me not trust their sanity or their honesty. People who jump into commitments simply because there is a warm body in the bed make me wonder how many other people they have been committed to (like so many old toys left in a box in the back of the closet) and just what they really thought love & commitment mean. A month, I would run for the hills from someone who thought they knew a thing about me or wanting to be with me in a month's time.
 goodkindacrazy
Joined: 3/3/2009
Msg: 10
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benefits without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 11:05:45 AM
You say she just got out of an eight year relationship. I am assuming that she lived with that person for a good bit of that eight years. She is just getting used to being on her own again and it may feel weird for her right now. She is most likely not ready for a committed relationship but misses the companionship of living with someone, hence wanting the girlfriend benefits without making the commitment. That being said a month is too short a time to start talking commitment.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 11
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benefits without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 11:14:13 AM
MSG 20, I think DreamerZZZ (sorry if I have the username wrong) meant that he was married and didn't move further with his marriage yet thinks her relationship before him not leading to marriage is some big red flag. He did no better in his marriage, both relationships failed at some point.

I could be wrong but that was my understanding of her post.
 dub08
Joined: 4/28/2007
Msg: 12
Wants girlfriend benefits without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 11:18:40 AM
Op you have been seeing her for a month. What do you want her to do? Move in with you? Marry you? What kind of committment do you want from her after a month? Stick with the dating and have a good time.
 CallmeKen
Joined: 9/4/2009
Msg: 14
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 11:22:15 AM

Maybe I am just gun shy and tired of getting envolved in long term relationships that go no where and have all that time wasted.


If you enjoy her company, and she enjoys yours, that is hardly time wasted. Enjoy the journey. The destination will take care of itself.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 16
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 1:20:36 PM
First you need to define what you mean by girlfriend. Are you sleeping with each other? Are you exclusive or have the exclusive talk? Are you also dating others or leaving that option open?
 Tomahawk52
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 17
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 1:37:34 PM
Dating her for only a month and you want to rush into a relationship?

Why don't you settle down and relax? Be laid back and don't be so desperate? Maybe that's why she's pulling away, because you're pushing her too hard and too fast!

Just keep dating and have good times together.
 You_are_not_alone
Joined: 3/10/2010
Msg: 18
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 10:09:57 PM
This reminds me of the movie 500 Days of Summer...male lead was subjected to the same ambiguous crap, got fed up, and angrily corrected her when she insisted they were only friends after clearly being in a relationship for quite some time. It may have worked for him there, but this isn't a movie.

I've dated a girl like that before, OP, and continuing to put yourself out there just gives her the green light to keep taking you for granted. If she's not ready to commit, then back off, give her some space, and put the ball in her court. She'll either chase you or back off all the same, at which point you'll know whether or not she was serious enough to really even be with you.

Either way, this is NOT a healthy relationship, no matter how long it's been going on. Don't even fool yourself into thinking it is. Gf benefits without being the gf? Give me a break.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 19
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/6/2010 10:57:53 PM
Well, are you dating her to get to know her better, be there for her, love her, live new experiences life has to offer or, are you simply insisting to be called her boyfriend?

All that is really important today, is to be with someone with who you share the same goal for spending the time you spend together, no? Don't get me wrong, I fully understand you really identify yourself with the beginning of my first sentence but don't for get, what I hear from you is that it is not to be called a boyfriend you seek at all but rather, you seek the heart felt commitment from her to build something meaningful with her. That in itself has no barring what so ever on what she may call you, yes it may feel like it does wonders but, in reality if you think about it...
 leanco
Joined: 12/7/2006
Msg: 20
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/7/2010 12:01:31 AM

but what throughs a curve ball into things is that she pursued me, I wasn't the one that pursued her and she is constently telling how she misses me when I am not around and how she hates living my house to go back to hers.


To me, this is the biggest clue.

My suspicion is that she is having a tough time adjusting to being single again. For 8 years, she had someone to go home to. Now that that relationship is over, there is a big void in her life and she is trying hard to fill that void. So she rushes out to find the next available guy to date, and to do "everything that a normal boyfriend/girlfriend do" in order to avoid being alone. Her actions are understandable, but I would be very wary of how much she really misses you (especially only after one month of dating). It's not that she deliberately lies to you, but perhaps what she really feels is that she misses being in a relationship - and "how she hates leaving your house to go back to hers" is yet the clearest telltale sign.


how much time should I give her to feel comfortable enough to make a commitment to our relationship?


There is no hard and fast rule on how long that will take. One thing for sure though, is that things you have no control of rarely happens at the rate you like them to. You obviously are interested in this woman and you obviously want the dating part to progress into a relationship, but it's really not your call. My guess is, despite of the apparent interests shown on her part, deep down inside she's probably "not that into you." Best to keep your emotion in check, and enjoy and savor the intimacy and companionship that are on offer. And remember the old saying, "you can't hurry love". If you try to force the issue, in the end you most likely will end up ruining any chances you may have in getting what you really want. Your timetable is only relevant to you, and no one else.
 bikeman1467
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 22
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/7/2010 6:47:56 PM
After one month of dating, if I were in a "bf/gf" type of relationship, all I'd be wondering is if my gf was sexing someone else. I wouldn't be asking for nor expecting a commitment.

Question is, after a month of dating, and it's a good scenario, when would I expect commitment? No time frame, but I won't hesitate on discussing it when I felt it was a relevant topic. When all four levels of intimacy--physical, emotional, spiritual, intellectual--were all strong and close to being equal--trust is well-built, and I feel comfortable with our future. Maybe after a few months, maybe half a year--it depends on the situation.
 Strider886
Joined: 3/28/2006
Msg: 23
view profile
History
Wants girlfriend benifites without being the girlfriend?
Posted: 4/9/2010 2:31:29 AM
Isn't this like a "im so great, please shower me with gifts.... but don't expect anything in return!"
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  >