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 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 11
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Post Divorce Last NamesPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I went back to my maiden name because I always preferred it but the Ex used to hound me to change it because I was not worthy of his family name any longer. Can you say psycho-man?
 Butterfly~Effect
Joined: 12/12/2008
Msg: 12
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:12:51 AM
As a guy the last thing I want is to be constantly reminded of her ex husband


Then you are a very insecure man.

Sometimes changing the name is that difficult...especially, if the children are all under the same name.

Personally, I kept mine.....it's easier than my maiden (my maiden was long, ukrainian and hard to pronounce). Also, I don't have a bad relationship with my ex....we get along fine and because of the kids, will be in my life.

If a man is that insecure about my being friends with the ex....or insists I change my name (without giving me his) then why would I want to be with him?? Someone else's insecurity is not my problem....and I wouldn't make it one.
 myblueshadow
Joined: 11/11/2009
Msg: 13
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:30:18 AM
What I find ironic are the men who adamantly insist that a woman will take his last name when they marry, but then insist just as adamantly that she change it back when they divorce. I don't see many men so willing to change their last names, but want women to do it several times.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 14
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:36:40 AM
I use the last name I was born with, I also changed my kids' last name to mine as their father's last name is actually his step-father's and that guy was a known pedophile whose last name I didn't want. I'm keeping my maiden name, I see no reason to change my last name to someone else's if I were to marry again, I like my last name.
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 15
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:47:24 AM
I took back my maiden name QUICKLY and HAPPILY!

I did talk it over with my sons' and they didn't mind at all.
 Red Fish GF
Joined: 12/3/2009
Msg: 16
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/9/2010 12:31:22 PM

What would make you change it, if anything?



I wish I would of changed it during the divorce but now it would be too confusing changing my name every where. I've had the same last name as my kids for so long they would wonder why the sudden change back to my maiden name. If I ever get married again I would change it then.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 17
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/10/2010 8:14:05 AM
It is too much effort to change everything. My son told me I would always be related to a _____ even if I did change my last name.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 18
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/10/2010 11:58:47 AM
Changed mine back to my maiden name and also changed my daughter's name to my maiden name.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 19
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:33:13 PM
It was definitely worth the cost and the hassle to change back to my maiden name. It was an incredibly happy and meaningful moment to get that married last name forever off my ID! I did it on the advice of my young children who thought it made sense "to be who you were born as" (out of the mouths of babes). They didn't care at all that we had different last names, which had been my biggest worry for them at the time.

Since remarrying, I now use my new husband's name on most things but haven't gotten around to the health card or drivers license because these things cost money and time off work to get done. It will happen eventually though. However, my professional email has my maiden name and that wont be changing because it is just too hard to do after working under that name for 10 years... It does feel really weird doing this, like I have 2 different identities LOL.
 ForRumOnly
Joined: 3/16/2009
Msg: 20
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/12/2010 1:57:48 PM
I'm happy my ex reverted to her maiden name - the less I have in common with that nut case the better!

If my SO and I marry, she'll probably keep her ex's name, to have the same last name as her kids. It doesn't bother me in the slightest - I would think keeping it would bother her more since he was a piece of work, too.

However, the cost of changing isn't insignificant. We looked into it out of curiosity, and the various documents, her multiple passports, green card, licenses, certifications, etc., etc., would cost nearly $1000 and 6 to 12 months of time to change - not to mention loss of professional name recognition. It's simply not worth it.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 21
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/13/2010 5:54:18 AM

How many divorced women out there still use there ex husbands last name?
*raises hand*


Why would you still want to use their name after the divorce is finalized?
Um... because it would cost me a ton of money to switch it back to my hyphenated maiden name, it wouldn't be the same as my children's last name, and it's not really that important to me. I know who I am and who I'm not.


What would make you change it, if anything?

Funny how I don't remember it costing me anything to change it to the married name when I got married, but changing it back to my maiden name will??? What would make me change it?? If someone else footed the bill.

And it's a big giant pain in the ass.
 thatusernameistaken
Joined: 5/4/2009
Msg: 22
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:24:15 PM
Just to let you all in on why I first posed the question.

My ex has kept using my last name since we separated a year and a half ago, then when the divorce finalized in January I thought she would change it but she didn't. I recently saw some school forms where she was still using my last name so I figured I'd ask her what her plans were. She said she wasn't changing it for similar reasons to what some have said here, money and kids. I told her that as far as I am aware the costs are negligible (as pointed out by other posters as well).

She then went on to say she is never changing her last name again. Which prompted me to go "huh?" as she is getting married this summer. Turns out she plans on still using my last name even when she marries this new guy.

I thought that was wacky so came to PoF for some colourful input, and once again, you have not failed me.
 SweetnessInFlorida
Joined: 6/26/2008
Msg: 23
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:26:14 PM
My name change when i married cost all of 15 Bucks for the new drivers license, social security doesnt charge for the new card with the new name. Im considering going back to my maiden. I think it might help me move on. I am no longer a 'mistress of', which is what Mrs. Means, all i need is 15 Bucks and my birth cert and the husbands death cert. If it had been a divorce i would have changed it right away. Im ok with having different names than the kids. Some dont like to roll like that but it doesnt bother me.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 24
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/8/2010 1:31:55 PM

She then went on to say she is never changing her last name again. Which prompted me to go "huh?" as she is getting married this summer. Turns out she plans on still using my last name even when she marries this new guy.
Are you sure she's not just saying that to mess with her head, since she's probably offended that you're pushing the issue? I can't imagine a woman wanting to carry one man's name while she's married to another.


I kept mine after the divorce, to match the kids. We never discussed it, it was never an issue between the ex and I, although I planned to have it changed after my youngest graduated. Had the paperwork and everything, but then one day, out of the blue, the new gf called me ranting and raving, and demanded that I stop using it immediately, out of 'respect' for her, and to 'honor' their relationship, and because it was 'hers' now ~ even though they aren't married, and he tells me it's unlikely they ever will be (For the record, he was appalled to learn she took that liberty)

Guess what? Now I won't be changing it until next year, after my wedding.
 sosdd
Joined: 12/14/2009
Msg: 25
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/9/2010 8:57:59 AM
It cost me to get my permission paper for my name change! It was about $15. Not real expensive, it was notary and filing fees. But then you must add in the numerous copies of the paper, the envelopes, and stamps to inform everyone under the sun about the name change. Purchased a car and they used my former name! So now I have to get that corrected and shell out more notary fees...ugh... pain in the butt.

I felt pushed to do it when my ex had the child support lowered. He even had his salary decrease by $100! Yeah, it is nice working for yourself. You can lie about how much you earn. I really felt a need to separate myself from being related ever to him.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 26
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/16/2010 6:38:46 PM
Well, I am finally all changed over to the new hubby's name. Now in Ontario you can change your driver's license AND health card free of charge all at the MTO office! I knew I was waiting for SOMETHING lol! (Mostly I changed it b/c my insurance company got on my case even though all my insurance and license stuff was in the same name but not my new one).

I am still messed up for work, though. My business card has my new name but my email addy is set up with my old name and changing it would fry too many brains...
 06mc69
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 27
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/16/2010 7:42:39 PM
Too much hassle, too much money. To each his own.. I didnt like my maiden name anyway!! Got teased about it too much in school..
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 28
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 7/17/2010 9:38:24 AM
I've kept mine. Mostly because I couldn't stand my maiden name.
 faoiltiamaTX
Joined: 7/26/2010
Msg: 29
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 8/1/2010 10:55:42 AM
Same as the others: because of my child. But I will admit that now, years later, I kind of wished I'd gone back to my maiden name, just to distance myself from him. I don't really like being called Mrs. T - especially since he's remarried, and I wouldn't want to be mistaken for her for all the money in the world.
 ~*Isabel Kitty*~
Joined: 7/6/2009
Msg: 30
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Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 8/10/2010 12:55:23 PM
My married name is shorter, faster to write, my son's last name, my initials are better, and frankly I just like it more. Has nothing to do with my ex. If I get married again it'll depend on what his last name is to decide if I am keeping this name or switching.
 daydreamin_honey
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 31
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 8/30/2010 7:43:59 AM
When my parents divorced, I asked my mom that very question. She said it was because she wanted people to know she was my mother and wanted us to have the same last name. I actually asked in my divorce to take my maiden name back but my lazy lawyer failed and I can't afford to go back to court over something as trivial so I just "go" by my maiden name but legally I still go by his...which is the same as my son's.
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 32
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 8/30/2010 9:24:45 AM
This was interesting to read, especially about the part of "I can't stand/couldn't stand my maiden name."

Personally, if I ever walk the plank that is marriage, I'd suggest, or insist, that she keep her own name after we don each other's rings. It would seem to me that it helps her and I keep some of our personal identity by having the names we've always had. For example, my gf is from another country and culture and loves her name, from beginning to end. I wouldn't want her to change that for me or anyone else.

Just my opinion, maybe I favor the feminists or what ever, but the biggest thing that scares me (and my gf) about marriage is the lost sense of personal identity. Her name stays, my name stays, or marriage wouldn't take place.
 Frau Chilliknickers
Joined: 12/5/2008
Msg: 33
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 8/30/2010 7:26:17 PM
One of the first things I did when my divorce was finalised was change my name back to my maiden name. It was extremely important to have my own idenity back. IF I were to ever re-marry I would still keep my name..its who I am.
 Dare to
Joined: 2/11/2009
Msg: 34
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 9/1/2010 2:34:11 AM
I changed my name back to my maiden name about a week after i left the marriage. I knew i wasn't going back and i could see no reason to keep his name when i wasn't his wife anymore. My kids still have his name, they have no problem with me using mine and neither should they, after all it is MY name.... I was Mrs..... only when i was his wife....
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 35
Post Divorce Last Names
Posted: 9/10/2010 3:11:27 PM
I really really wanted to change it back to my maiden name when we separated/divorced - wanted to have as little as possible of him in my life and would have done if it was just me who'd be affected, however, my kids have the same last name as my ex and for their sake I decided it'd be less confusing to keep *their* last name - that's how I got through the initial feelings of disgust at having to keep the name - considering it my childrens' rather than my ex's.
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