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 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 26
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is it a sickness?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
OP: you've posted two entries on your question, but have not elucidated further. Yours is the kind of question which really begs, nay REQUIRES that you explain WHY you ask what you do? In other words, are you asking, so that you can direct the unnamed person to the correct medical facility? Are you perhaps prepared to TOLERATE this behavior IF the person is officially "mentally ill?"
The point of MY questions is to both get them answered, so that we can help more accurately, and to point out that the action you do take in response to this guy might already have been determined by THE REASON you asked what you did.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 27
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/9/2010 11:23:09 PM

So why you are making such a big point of it's a he/she, I just don't get.


Because you said people weren't hearing what she said in your response...then you fell into the assumption trap, like others. Sure it's very possible she's referring to some dumb ass guy. When I said look at both sides I meant I'm one of those women who take up the female cause right away. Too many times on the fora women will go yeah, he's an ahole, dump him...and then we get more of the story. I just chose your quote because you kinda jumped someone else for stating their opinion. LOL.

Sickness? No. Character flaw or lack of morals? More than likely. And OP, if you are willing to deal with this person who consistenly does this stuff, my question is why?
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 28
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 12:05:41 AM
double up on head and roll out the kinky things you been holding back on.... you know exactly what I am talking about.
He will quit roamin.

guys are pretty much lazy, if there are donuts in the kitchen, we are not going to get dressed and drive to Dunkin and Donets for a fix.....

(you may think your results vary, but if you are honest with yourself, you know they dont)
 shomesomethin
Joined: 5/4/2007
Msg: 29
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 5:46:44 AM
It is an addiction, and you are the enabler, break it off unless you like being a doormat!

 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 30
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 10:57:30 AM
afashionlady

You see, you admit to taking the female cause right away since that will be the side that is close to your heart but for me, I always choose to look at the whole picture and react to that and not just one side.

So yes, I assumed it was a “he” but, I still fail to see what difference it would make even if it was a she. What is actually important here is not wither or not we are talking about a he or a she but rather, understanding why they did it. Now, if you are so trapped and stuck on knowing if it was a he or a she, thinking that will actually make a difference then, so be it, you keep on believing that and more power to you. “I” will just focus on the matter at hand which was answering her original question which NOW, seems to has eluded to seemingly explaining myself in trying to help the OP.

But if that's the direction you wish to head in then obviously I can't and won't stop you.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 31
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 10:57:51 AM
Bipolarintense

Thanks for the explanation of what Analyze is, I wasn't sure what it meant. And of course, people can analyze all they want but “I” will always opt for hearing what it is I hear. If doing that brings it very close to analyzing things then so be it, that's fine. For me, when I choose to render assistance to someone in whatever capacity I can, I will do just that and if others feel the need to focus on the help someone else is trying to give then there too, I choose to take it all in stride!

I know that for many people, the difference between listening and hearing is rather confusing and difficult to decipher but let me try again to explain it bu giving and example:

If your partner always comes home late, has not been sharing very much with you as they may just say that there are too tired to go into it, no longer gives you any attention or affection, is rather distant etc... do you HEAR anything?

Do you hear that they are not pleased or happy with the relationship? Do you hear that there is something wrong? Do you hear that they may have another partner? Do you hear that your time with them is running short and is about to end? Or do you choose to think that they are simply going through a rough patch?


What common sense. You said nothing different than anyone else. You just used words and phrases you hoped would give you an air of superiority. The OP asked four questions. In order to take it serious you should have at least tried answering all four instead of just one


Her four questions were not the right questions so, there would have been no need to answer them. Hence why I chose to answer what I perceived as the correct question. If I've said nothing different than anyone else, I wonder why it is then that you only seem to be jumping down MY throat. I of course do not mind as I just find it interesting. I'm simply curious to know what nerve I touched inside of you that seems to have sparked so much annoyance with ME.

Yes, many people have mentioned a medical condition EXCEPT the OP. Without a medical condition being a fact or determined to be the reason for his/her doing what the OP says, “I” still won't even go anywhere near that possibility but again, if many people choose to then, more power to them. If you even want to go so far as showing me a very good way of analyzing something all the while forgetting that the reason why he/she may be doing what the OP said, then by all means... the floor is yours.

So I would ask you now, why do you get so irritated with what “I” say?
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 32
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 3:30:37 PM

It is an addiction, and you are the enabler, break it off unless you like being a doormat!


i agree^^^^
just stop seeing him.
he wont quit. does it matter if it is a sickness or not?
if it is a sickness are you willing to stay...
and help him because he is "sick"?

think of your own health...do you feel good being with such a man?
are you hurting inside because of his actions?
do what you need to for yourself.

IMO: he is not sick. he is doing what he wants to do.

there are ppl who do sabatoge every relationship...
maybe sick...but why would you want to be with that person?
 Arabianangel
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 33
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 4:19:11 PM

is it considered a sickness if someone does something on purpose to ruin their own relationship? they say they dont know why they do it they just do.
is it because they can not handle even the thought of having a successful relationship? are they too paranoid and think of pain and failing?
is there a medical term for this?



Why have most assumed it's about cheating?

Op..Stop looking for a medical term. Regardless if one is in a relationship or not, when there are voids in one's life, the constant search to fill that void will continue, the journey remains, until that void is filled or acknowledged.

Some take on new relationships in order to fill that void, only to realise that it's nothing more than a band aid solution. So, what may seem like sabotage could be nothing more than part of the journey this person needs to take in order to find the course of this emptiness.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 34
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 4:46:54 PM
No it's not a sickness at all and there is no medical term for it.

It's called being afraid of committing to a serious, monogamous(sp) relationship.

OP most here have been cheated on and it's a hard thing to go through and it takes time to get over but you do move on.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 35
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 4:51:35 PM
Happens all the time. Usually it's men that do it - although women are known to do it too.

Men can be very insecure with their relationships and will sabotage it subconsciously in an effort to protect themselves - causing the fulfillment of a self-fulfilling prophecy: "I knew it was going to happen sooner or later!"
 colt8301
Joined: 10/25/2006
Msg: 36
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 5:06:40 PM

is it considered a sickness if someone does something on purpose to ruin their own relationship? they say they dont know why they do it they just do.
is it because they can not handle even the thought of having a successful relationship? are they too paranoid and think of pain and failing?
is there a medical term for this?


The only thing I can think of is self-sabotage, and people in general do tons of things self-desructive, smoking, drugs, too much sex , overeating, etc i guess everything is a "sickness" in this day and age even "living".
 *MidniteBlue*
Joined: 2/28/2010
Msg: 37
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 5:08:34 PM
Medical term: N.P.D.
 afashionlady
Joined: 4/19/2008
Msg: 38
is it a sickness?
Posted: 4/10/2010 6:36:22 PM

You see, you admit to taking the female cause right away since that will be the side that is close to your heart but for me, I always choose to look at the whole picture and react to that and not just one side.


OOPS! I meant I'm NOT one of those women who take up the female cause right away. Missed a word didn't I? Changes the whole meaning of what I was trying to say. *I* am not one of those women who do the "dump him girl he's no good" thing. I don't agree with that type of thinking at all. There are many times, once the woman starts really revealing the whole story, that one realizes that she is the one who is wrong. I'm a firm believer that there are always 2 sides to every story.


Now, if you are so trapped and stuck on knowing if it was a he or a she, thinking that will actually make a difference then, so be it, you keep on believing that and more power to you


LOL...unruffle your panties son. It's not that serious--you were taking a high tone with folks so I was cracking your nuts. You can relax...really.

It doesn't matter to me if the person is male or female--really it doesn't. Women cheat jus as much as men do--the women who'll scream "no they don't" obviously don't read the threads with the guys who get sucker punched by some woman who is doing everyone BUT him.

As one guy said, if you stay around this person and allow he/she to continue to do what they want, you're the enabler and you're as bad off as they are.

I don't believe in cheating. If the relationship is that bad then LEAVE. Do yourself and the other person a favor and just slink off into the night or whatever. As I said in my last post...sickness, I don't think so. HUGE character flaw (and that's being nice), definitely.

Peace JP...you're not even a target so no worries k?
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 39
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is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/14/2010 9:04:23 PM

is it considered a sickness if someone does something on purpose to ruin their own relationship? they say they dont know why they do it they just do.
What one might call a "relationship"....someone else might just be thinking of it as "hanging out".


is it because they can not handle even the thought of having a successful relationship? are they too paranoid and think of pain and failing?
If they don't consider it a "relationship"....then why would they be paranoid or "in pain" if it ends?


is there a medical term for this?
There most certainly is. It's called OCD, or Obsessive/Compulsive Disorder...with some control issues thrown in. Unfortunately, it's the diagnosis of the OBSERVER....not the observed. All he is suffering from is an acute case of "just not that into you syndrome".
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 40
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 4:37:11 AM
could be a sex addict, might just be a self-destructive person. Either way, good person NOT to get involved with.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 41
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 7:53:00 AM

is it considered a sickness if someone does something on purpose to ruin their own relationship? they say they dont know why they do it they just do.
is it because they can not handle even the thought of having a successful relationship? are they too paranoid and think of pain and failing?
is there a medical term for this?


IMO; it's not a medical condition, but possibly afraid of a committed/monogamous relationship!
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 42
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 8:48:10 AM

I think a lot of women are TERRIFIED of losing their "freedom and independence" especially after a divorce. So they "freeroam" from man to man, bed to bed in an attempt to seek happiness and youth again. Thats why they deliberatley f*** things up when all is going well. Just an online opinion folks, n0 need for all the venom and vinegar lol!


I agree and thus the reason I will never marry again.

With divorce rates approaching 50% and between 70-80% of them being filed first by the ladies I can't see the outcome being rosie!

Before I am shouted down if it was a business investment and you saw these kind of facts no sane investor would put their money into that kind of investment!

And while I would like very much to find a life partner......I think it safer to be the male counter part of this equation.
 TerrieLynnC
Joined: 7/4/2007
Msg: 43
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:14:31 AM
I just re-read this thread.....

First, it doesn't matter if the person the OP is talking about is male or female. Men cheat. Women cheat. We can debate that all day long.

Point is, what the OP is referring to is a person who is afraid of commitment.
 albinosquirlz
Joined: 3/28/2010
Msg: 44
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is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:22:00 AM
Well, no dx "label" or "disorder" is based on a single trait. So he/she would need to qualify for many other traits to meet any "disorder" dx.

Is what the OP described a strong particular trait for a "disorder"? Possibly

It depends on how much distress it causes the person. If this person has an extreme fear of abandonment based on attachment issues from childhood, then they will have a low tolerance for intimacy. Like most people, they will crave it, yet when it happens it will trigger their off-the-scale emotional pain associated with abandonment, and will do whatever it takes to protect themselves from this pain. They will either leave you, or create a situation where you leave them. Rinse and repeat. What they are doing, is validating what they truly feel about themselves...they are not loveable. It is a self-fulfilling prophecy for them. They do not know why, so they go through this cycle time and time again.

This is a trait strongly associated with Borderline PD. As is promiscuity.

But as people have mentioned, putting a "label" on it doesn't change anything.
 wolftxusa
Joined: 5/6/2010
Msg: 45
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:46:17 AM
"I would classify compulsive cheating as a sickness."
I most certainly don't. When I was married I vowed to be there 'in sickness and in health'. If cheating qualified as a sickness, I would have to stand by a spouse who is clearly not standing by me. It would force me to condone such behavior. I made it very clear before the marriage that this behavior is an instant termination and a breach of the other vows ('forsake all others') in my book, and I followed through when it happened.

Do those people have a problem? Sure, but it's not mine after the split.
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 46
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:53:11 AM
I suppose if we sat here, and debated about it long enough, we could come up for a mental illness for everything out there. Isnt this why most of the known world is currently medicated as we speak?
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 47
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is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 10:06:18 AM

It is a typical guy move.


It's not strictly a guy thing. I've seen women do the same thing.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 48
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 2:35:16 PM
I suppose in some isolated cases it could be a sickness,however I am more inclined to believe that when people torpedo their relationships they just want out because they really don't want a long term committed relationship,but don't want the other person to know that.
 SilentInk
Joined: 3/20/2010
Msg: 49
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 2:43:04 PM
I don't like to put a label like 'sickness' on cheating, because then you are forced to feel sorry for them. You feel sorry for a sick person; you don't however feel sorry for a cheater. I am sure purposely sabotaging your relationship and then not being able to man up about it by giving some lame excuse like 'you don't know why you did it, you just did' classifies under some mental disorder though.
 anna107
Joined: 6/15/2010
Msg: 50
is it a sickness?
Posted: 9/15/2010 9:42:26 PM
You don't feel sorry for a person whose disorder affects them like that. You can't even call someone with a disorder sick. You expect them to be a grown up and get therapy and get their act together.
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