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 Tomahawk52
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 41
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about itPage 2 of 5    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5)
fitnessfirst1,

she is probably sleeping around with these other guys because you made it apparent to her, that you have no balls.

Seriously, dude. How in the heck can you forgive a girl for cheating on you?
Once a cheater, always a cheater.

Learn from this bad experience and move on. You need to change yourself, and improve your maculinity.

Don't ever tell a girl to do things for you (aka promise you won't call him) - that kind of crap is controlling. Let your girlfriend do what she wants to do. But of course, she should know that if she cheats on you, she's a done deal.

And when you want sex from your girlfriend, she should be willing to put out. If she doesn't then it's apparent she doesn't hold enough interest or attraction to screw you.

#1 reason why girls cheat on their guys - because those guys aren't 'men'. They're wussies.
 ~Azul Ojos~
Joined: 7/2/2008
Msg: 44
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:23:49 PM
I agree with message No. 28. Kissing another person who is not your SO is cheating. I also agree that if a person wants to spend a lot of time with someone other than their SO via phone calls, texting, emails (whatever) they are also cheating.


I agree, it basically means they are not that into you, and are looking for something you aren't giving or can't give them.

It is time to move on and find someone who won't disrespect you in this way. There are loads of women who would not treat you this badly.
 Walts
Joined: 5/7/2005
Msg: 45
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 3:41:23 PM
If you don't trust her,,,doesn't matter one bit what we think. No trust,,,ya better just let her go where she wants,,,,and it shouldn't be anywhere near you. Simple basics physics.Anything else ya here is horse caca,,,,including it "must be you" BS. If anybody is in a relationship which includes doing the deed,,,and she/he can't talk to the other partner involved about problems that arise,,, I define them as chicken shiat. There is no excuse, or mistake or whatever ya wanna call it.

None. Zilch. Nada. Zippo. As in,,,nil.
 Stray__Cat
Joined: 7/12/2006
Msg: 47
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 4:51:14 PM
OK, seeing your previous posts on this girl.
I'd say she not ready to be totally monogomous with you and
is seeking thrills eslewhere...
but she probably does love you and doesn't want to give you up.

I would say it's time for a non accusatory heart to heart.
Accept that things are not as either of you would like.
and set her free.
Don't do the cheating~w_hore~liar drama scene.
You are both young and this is how it often goes.
Say your piece.
don't blame her and rub it in.
accept your loss and let her know it.

If you're noble about this she may come around.
If not, you're better off.

Breaking up the right way is less painful then
going down the gutter rout.
Trust me on that.
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 50
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 9:57:19 PM
So in other words you like the drama and want to be used!
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 51
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 10:01:04 PM
Dang bro- don't worry.

you will get laid again if you break up with this girl...


i can't very well walk up to her and say 'hey, we're done cya later' without a valid reason


yes you can.

guess what? if she wasn't that into you- she won't pursue you.

if she is really into you.

she will pursue you and then decide to perhaps change her behavior.

that's how it is done bro.
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 53
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 11:12:26 PM
Hi OP --

The way to approach her is to tell her that you have so many doubts about your entire relationship and tell her that you have the evidence that you mention. That you love/really like her and you want to be exclusive with her. Talking with the other guy to you means that you are not exclusive. And then ask her what does she think? Then shut up -- you want her to do all the talking then.

Her reaction will tell you what to do. Let her talk and get it all out. If you like the answers and she addresses the evidence and your exclusivity to your satisfaction, then be happy and have make up sex.

If she's got nothing to say then you know you were right thinking she was lying and cheating.

If she avoids the evidence or the exclusivity, or blames you for being a jerk, then you should end it.

If she puts any of these issues back on you, attacks you, or generally avoids your questions by talking about you, then thats it. too.

Personally, this girl does not have your best interests at heart. If she loves you, she would not be insisting to keep contact with hot lips. She's decided that he is a great option to you. You wanna be an option?

Look at it this way, where do you want to be with this girl in a year? Will it be ok if she's sexting other guys then? Nope...and it doesn't sound like she's making any changes for you. She's making other plans----
 inbruges
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 54
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 11:19:35 PM
BoonDockSaint's right, too...

You won't know how important you are to her until you break up with her. No its not easy but if you take her shyt now all you have to expect is much more shyt.

Marry a liar and you're in for a world of hurt...
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 56
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/13/2010 11:28:27 PM

but of course i did find something, and all im looking for is how to approach her about it! plain and simple.

You've gotta come clean IMO. Tell her you looked and what you found.

You want to forgive her, you want to trust her - but she isn't behaving in a trustworthy manner and at this point neither are you. I understand that your behavior is in reaction, but that doesn't negate that you're hiding things from her. This isn't helping anything.

If you want to begin a healthier cycle, of honesty and trust, one of you has to start. And the only one whose behavior you get to actively choose is you.

I think you should tell her how you feel about the rough sex while you're at it. Might as well get everything on the table.

I get it that this is scary. And it might very well end things between you, and you're not ready for that. It's hard! But if you want her to be up-front with you, you have to be up-front with her.

Editing to add, I like this approach to it:

The way to approach her is to tell her that you have so many doubts about your entire relationship and tell her that you have the evidence that you mention. That you love/really like her and you want to be exclusive with her. Talking with the other guy to you means that you are not exclusive. And then ask her what does she think? Then shut up -- you want her to do all the talking then.

Sounds like a reasonable start to me.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 59
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 5:15:41 AM

if theres one thing i HATE its regrets.


see bro you got it all wrong. you are a man. you have no timetable.

you are not working against a clock at all. so there should be no regrets.

you are a man. you act with integrity, character, etc with a woman. when she does not reciprocate these things it means she is not into you.

so you cut her loose- she wants to act a fool...fine...let her...she IS working on a timetable...

she can act a fool for only so long then she's gotta tighten her sh1t up.

but as the man- when you cut 'em loose all you're telling her is "look baby -- sorry but I can do better han you"



the role of man/women in relationships would be far better as a rule, if/when men act more like men and do the breaking up with women...not waiting around for the women to break up with the man....

its just the way it is and as it is written.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 63
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 10:24:24 AM
OK, you want to know how o deal with it. Sit her down and say:

"I was leery about trusting you after you made a date with another man and confessed. So I have had a hard time trusting you. You text, and chat with a guy named BLANK and you deny it. I know this because I snooped on your computer and your phone. I also beleive because they share the same name that you have continued contact with the guy from the club"

Now its her turn
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 64
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 11:27:09 AM
funtalk: So you actually think that it's CONTROLLING to expect someone who's supposedly serious about you to not kiss people??! Nice try. Sounds like something said by someone who's unfaithful a lot to try to turn their sleazy behavior around and blame the victim. IT'S CHEATING. No amount of smoke and mirrors or excuses makes it anything less than that. Next time you're dating someone start flirting with someone else and making out with them behind the person's back and see what she says. The only people that would make excuses for this crap are people who aren't trustworthy in a long term relationship in my opinion. Not only that, there is no such thing as "one time" with people that do this. You'd be fooling yourself to think otherwise.
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 65
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 12:13:01 PM

The way to approach her is to tell her that you have so many doubts about your entire relationship and tell her that you have the evidence that you mention. That you love/really like her and you want to be exclusive with her. Talking with the other guy to you means that you are not exclusive. And then ask her what does she think? Then shut up -- you want her to do all the talking then.


i agree with above statement made by poster.
you just come clean with her and tell her.
let her do the talking.
it may feel uncomfortable to admit that you looked at her things, but once it is out in the open i think you will feel better.
without trust there is no going on.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 67
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 12:36:50 PM

i agree with above statement made by poster.
you just come clean with her and tell her.
let her do the talking.
it may feel uncomfortable to admit that you looked at her things, but once it is out in the open i think you will feel better.
without trust there is no going on.


this topic is getting way too much attention I agree with cdnfinanceman, we all now the moment he confronts her he's as good as dumped

if any one has to come clean it's her obviously she won't because she's a scrut.

scrut definition: half slut half scumbag.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 68
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 1:57:33 PM

however, there was one glaring red flag. she wanted to be me with me, she knew this, but she also wanted to keep talking to this guy, purely on a friends basis and have my consent to do so.

More than a red flag. That's not a flag -- that's a huge problem. It wasn't a mistake on her part, it was pre-meditated. You can trust that she has feelings for you -- that's great when you begin a relationship... but when your relationship has been established and another guy is in the pic, that doesn't mean she's not going to cheat.

Many people who cheat have feelings for the one they're with. Again, many people who cheat have feelings for the one they're with.

Basically, it goes like this:
If you're really sorry about what you did, you'll do something to prevent the mistakes and send a message to me that you're serious. Asking to be in cahoots of a guy you recently met at a club and told me you kissed, is an insult. Clear line in the sand... you -completely- blow off any guys you talk with who are 'cute, but I'd never cheat' guys and that guy, too. If that's too much for you, we break up. If you have to think about it for too long, we break up, because it shows what you want. I don't want to be with someone who has to juggle guys who like them and who can make mistakes about. Yay or nay?

Problem is, I don't think YOU will want to break up with her if she's undecided, which by the way, would be a slap in the face to you.

Here's something important to remember: Many people "admit" only part of something to get the guilt of their chest... a feeling that they came clean. They admitted a wrong, and that's all that's needed for them... but in reality more has happened in that instance or possibly others in the past. A strong clue that THAT is the case, is when they still want to be in contact with that person. They're trying to give you peace of mind that they can be trusted -- "See? I tell you what goes on..." Many times, such people can be sweet people AND even have legit feelings for you. Some gals like both the alpha & beta male -- at the same time.

Since you're in no mode to leave her immediately, which would be the best option, you at least need to draw that line in the sand that she needs to cut off all ties to all guys she fraternizes with. If her wants & needs to go clubbin' without you, or talking even to the same boys supercede her understanding that she -should- be on probation after cheating, then I would say you need to run INSTANTLY.

You can't prove the extent of what she did. You weren't there. Many times it was more. But it all comes down to her feelings. If she tries to justify being able to hang with the same guy on any level she just met & kissed-at-least, and even hang out with "guy friends" after all that, and make you feel like you're just restricting her -- leave! Don't go into big talks about it -- you'll only come off as whiny, strict, overly-jealous in her mind, and you'll just be dragging things out -- she already knows whats up underneath it all.

Good Luck!
 Auburnred67
Joined: 5/31/2009
Msg: 72
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/14/2010 5:46:59 PM
Fitnessfirst1,

1) First of all....I can understand your concern...and jealousy etc.
2) Seems like OP's are suggesting THREATS, ULTIMATUMS etc. Always an OPTION.

***************************************************************************
Based on past-experience people don't usually respond well to EITHER of the above..
***************************************************************************
IF you feel the relationship with her is WORTH saving.......Please keep an OPEN MIND...to what I am suggesting and THINK about this OPTION.

You LIKE this girl right?

OK...Here's the thing..YOU CANNOT CONTROL HER

What you CAN do is GUIDE her through this...and not be CONTROLLING in the process

May I suggest an alternate STRATEGY?

1) KEEP YOUR COOL...even if you have to punch your pillow before talking to her ;)

2) Remind her that you need HONESTY and TRUST is everything.
If you haven't yet, THANK her for being "Honest" about the kissing....

3) Don't mention the other EVIDENCE

4) Remind her that you CARE for her.

5) Calmly suggest that "you and she" take SOME TIME OFF to see other people, say 4 weeks or so (NO contact-even by phone or text)

6) Tell her to let you know if she likes the guy and wants to keep seeing him.
____________________________________________________________

I REALIZE this may sound CRAZY....but if you give her the FREEDOM to investigate....she may not want him after all...

The "Forbidden Fruit" isn't nearly as appetizing if you give someone permission to taste it.
____________________________________________________________
See where I'm going with this ?

In the mean time, hang-out with your buddies or check out some other "hotties."

Best Wishes and Please post the RESULT.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 75
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/15/2010 4:16:14 PM
fun: You're a great liar (and a very bad speller). I don't see any mention of "holding something over someone's head for the rest of their life" written in my post. I couldn't hold it "over their head" because I wouldn't be seeing them after they did it so they could go date or have sex with all the people they wanted to after that. It's pretty sad to play fake psychiatrist with the whole "controlling" thing to try to justify cheating. Guess what? I DON'T CARE WHAT THEY DO IN EUROPE. That has no relevance to anything or what happens here. Two wrongs don't make a right. Flirting and kissing leads to sex eventually with that type of personality. Seen it MANY times. Even if there wasn't any kiss, she's sneaky and untrustworthy at the very least which shows great disrespect and insensitivity. You can sugarcoat it or use some weird rationalization that it's the other person's hang up (alcoholics do the same thing) but it's still being a disrespectful insensitive sleaze to do it.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 77
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/15/2010 5:28:01 PM
fun: You're all over the place with your comments. Very hard to tell what you're getting at. It is rather hilarious that you think it's "harsh" to dump someone for sneaking love notes and kisses behind their partners back but make no mention of the complete cruelty it takes to cheat on a loved one like that. Where's your sympathy for the person who's being torn apart and made a fool of in this situation? (because that's what's happening). That's very "telling" of your character. You have obviously never had to deal with a manipulative and deceitful person. They always have excuses. It won't happen again. It was a one time thing. Blah, blah, blah. You forgive them and before you know it they're laying in bed cheating again, laughing at you behind your back for being so gullible. Evil people don't stop behavior they know they can get away with and the behavior always escalates. Personally I'll do without the humiliation and possible deadly diseases someone like that can eventually bring back. I have a zero tolerance policy for sneaking around and cheating. It IS black and white. Someone in love with you doesn't need to turn to anybody else at ANY point for physical intimacy. EVER. They DO NOT LOVE YOU IF THEY DO.
 kiwistuff
Joined: 7/18/2008
Msg: 79
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/15/2010 10:30:20 PM
I agree with packagedealx3 but I wouldn't quite put it so melodramatically (no offence there package :P). Tell her you're uncomfortable with the way the relationship is and mention tangible items, such as her cheating in the past, and her odd behavior. Stress that what you see at the surface makes you suspect that there are things going on. Conclude with your intention to break the relationship because you don't trust her with your feelings.

Be prepared for a retaliation so cover your loose ends. Sounds like this person is a manipulator (would do very well in sales and politics). She will accuse you of 'spying' and make it seem that it was such a 'wrong thing to do'.

At that point, walk away from her life. You've broken up with her and now you're both strangers.
 cw35
Joined: 4/8/2005
Msg: 82
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i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 4/16/2010 8:00:37 AM
Fun: I do get what you are talking about and in an ideal world I would agree with your reasoning 100%. Unfortunately, the people that do this type of thing to a partner are the same type of people who will take advantage of a nice/forgiving person in almost EVERY instance. They will see someone's easy going attitude and usually continue to hurt you and use you for a doormat. I've experienced it and talked to others whose experiences have been identical as well. Rarely, do you forgive someone for this sort of behavior and they see the light and don't do it again. All it ends up with is wasted time which could have been used to find someone who won't mentally torture you. Best to cut someone like that loose right away in my opinion.

This woman was given a chance. After being given a second chance she still chose to sneak around texting and flirting for a second time. This tells me where this is going. There will be a third incident, then a fourth and so on torturing and hurting this guy mentally until it drives him crazy. Not ending it now is something he will REALLY regret later.
 Floramac
Joined: 7/7/2011
Msg: 84
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:06:47 PM
It's not a serious relationship until she carries your credit card,lol. .....that's trust.
Her pu$$y doesn't have your name on it. ......it's got a mind of it own & two legs to take it where it wants to go.
 Merdave
Joined: 9/30/2007
Msg: 85
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 7/13/2011 1:44:36 PM
"Her pu$$y doesn't have your name on it. ......it's got a mind of it own & two legs to take it where it wants to go."

Now that there is some funny stuff!
 cashleys
Joined: 7/5/2011
Msg: 86
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 7/13/2011 11:05:57 PM
I am sorry, but she does not have a moral compass and only cares about herself.
You sound like a real caring guy and should accept this will not change.
If someone lies and cheats or you feel she is, it usually is how you are feeling.

Find someone that will treat you with love and make you feel great.

Kick her to the curb, she does not deserve you.
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 87
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 7/13/2011 11:18:11 PM
kick her to the curb dude, she clearly shows an interest in someone else and is only lying to you now...

and its not like her lies are going to get any smaller... If she won't be honest to you, walk away from it. And if she really wants you like she says she does, she'll stop talking to the other dude. If not, you know where heart really lies. Its not an ultimatuum as much as it you setting your boundaries of what you will and won't put up with.. Not only is it respectable, women do like it.

I'm not going to tell you what to do, I can only tell you what I'd do.

I'd confront her about it, and question her - see if she lies or denys it. If I don't believe it, I let her know and even pop your info that you have. See what she says then. In the end, its up to you.. But theres something obviously suspicious going on,and go with what your gut tells you. Try and even remove your emotions from the situation,and look at it objectively or from a 3rd person's poin of view. That will help you..And definitely think before you speak when you talk to her, how you come across is key. Try not to come off as too attacking or aggressive. If you don't know if is, ask yourself the question in your mind.

good luck
 Josh_H_83
Joined: 6/22/2011
Msg: 88
i know my girlfriend is being unfaithful but i dont know how to approach her about it
Posted: 7/13/2011 11:44:54 PM
You are a complete moron to stay with this girl. Plain and simple.

She made a mistake and cheated. People make mistakes, however cheating is a major mistake thats not often forgiven. It's your choice if you can live with that and try to work through it.

Moving on to she still wants contact with the guy.. WOW REALLY.. Even argues with you over it after you say what it means to you. Clearly shes got some feeling going on for this guy and no matter what she says she will be in touch with him.

Now you find her being protective of phone, email, etc. out of no where after the fact and not before. Well no shiz, Its because shes talking to him and doesnt want you to find out.

If you stay with this girl you deserve whatever happens next. Because you could have prevented the torture by leaving her.

Never could stand people who get in relationships and cant be loyal. These type clearly do not need to be in relationships. They have no clue what a relationship is about.
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