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Show ALL Forums  > Off Topic  > Lying about simple things      Home login  
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 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 10
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Lying about simple thingsPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
I don't tolerate any kind of lying whatsoever. If I catch a man lying to me, then I want to know why he found it necessary to lie to me. I'm not such an unreasonable person that I can't handle the truth ... any time.

I think the only lie I would tolerate is if he has lied to me in order to give me a pleasant surprise, otherwise I won't tolerate lies and for me it's not a one-way street. I would never lie to my partner either and so I do not expect anything I can't promise myself. Life is too short to go around creating mistrust.
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 11
Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/21/2010 1:07:16 PM
I admit I do lie sometimes, but only for very small things that wouldn't really influence anything else in my life or anyone else's. The only things I don't lie about are big things like qualifications, job experience etc. Cos with big lies, you'll get caught out soon enough. Sometimes I kinda wish I had the balls to lie about certain things though, cos there are just times when honesty hinders you....

See? This is EXACTLY what I was talking about. Some people actually think it's a lot of TROUBLE to tell the truth--even if it's a little thing (or in this case, especially if it's a little thing?!). I will NEVER understand dishonorable human beings. (PS--I used "men" in my answer to OP since she was asking about a specific instance and a specific guy)


I really don't understand lying about small things which make no difference. A woman I know is constantly lying about the most trivial things and I just let it all go.
I don't know if she realizes that her lack of honesty in these things reflects on how much I trust her about big things

Chocwaf, you might take THIS statement to heart. If you lie out of convenience over little things, we just naturaly assume you lie ALL the time.
 ^^Batgirl^^
Joined: 4/4/2010
Msg: 12
Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/23/2010 10:34:37 AM
We learn to lie (fib) as youngsters, don't we?

"Give Auntie Julie a kiss and tell her that you love her new blouse". Truth is, you can't stand Auntie Julie and her blouse is horrid. Regardless, you've been instructed to fib, so you do.

One day, two years later, you drop a gallon of milk on the floor, try to clean it up, panic, run and grab your younger sibling, place them in the middle of the mess and get out of Dodge, knowing you will lie to your parent when they discover the mess (I actually did this, placing one of the 18 month old twins in the milk, forgetting they were unable to even lift the jug....so dumb!!!).

Fast forward to high school. Jessica just got a new haircut and she knows it's horrible. All of her friends tell her it's lovely and you have a choice............be honest and tell her it's a great cut, but does not highlight her beauty, or do you tell her that it's great?

First marriage: you overdraw the account and your spouse finds out. You are embarrassed, feel like a failure and lie about some payment coming out ahead of time or that the bank made an error. That lie saves face temporarily. Then again, money can equate to power in a relationship, which is a whole different forum topic.

Divorced now and into the dating pool: boy, there's a lot of competition out there! How do I differentiate myself from the others? Feelings of insecurity can cause a person to lie or brag about themselves.....it happens.

These are just simple examples most of us have experienced.

Pathological liars construct a reality around themselves and will often 'one-up' others, trying to appear better than others. They don't value honesty, so one must ask the question: what else do they not value?

There may be an underlying mental disorder, manifesting itself with lying as well.

On average though, most people will lie at one time or another. To those who feel they never, ever lie, I would challenge that.

Yes, even I lie (I prefer the word fib, as it minimizes it......so I KNOW I AM LYING). What do I lie about? For the most part, it's to do with how much I studied for class...............that sort of thing. Those are lies/fibs that are benign to me. Would I lie about spending a lot of our joint money without checking first with my spouse? Hardly. That's an argument waiting to happen.

Those are my rambling thoughts (when I should be studying of course).

^^BG^^
 GeneralizingNow
Joined: 10/10/2007
Msg: 13
Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/23/2010 10:46:46 AM

We learn to lie (fib) as youngsters, don't we?

Actually, there is evidence that babies have an INNATE ability to "lie"--even before they can speak. I don't believe it's learned behavior, it's natural manipulation in order to survive. However, once you're a grown-up, it's assumed that ALL people are playing by the same rules. When you lie, basically you are not playing by the rules, and cheating society.

I think when you "white lie", you DO know you are lying, but you think that lying is more acceptable than hurting someone's feelings. I'm not good at white lies/fibs, anyway. So I usually answer with a non-committal answer rather than a lie. BTW--for the record--my mom NEVER asked me to lie to anyone. One time when my aunt sent me TWO checks for birthday, my mom asked me not to mention it lest Aunt Joan think she's going senile. Is THAT a "lie"?
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
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Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/23/2010 3:55:35 PM
I just got out of a twenty year marriage to someone who thought that occasionally lying to "make things go more smoothly" was okay. Had I known she believed in lying as a way of getting through life, I would never have married her in the first place.
I'm with those who have said here that there's no such thing as an innocent lie, when it comes to close relationships. I draw that last distinction, because there are things I would lie for, such as to protect my family and friends from bad guys, or persecution, etc. But within what is SUPPOSED to be either a close friendship, or a love relationship, lies are RIGHT OUT.
The particular lie of the OP's friend is rather weird, though. Is the guy gay? Or bisexual? Why would he fantasize and lie about a different GUY helping him? Why lie about who helps you move, unless you fear that the person you are telling will think badly of you somehow for being helped by that person?
Again, the main time I see people drawing a distinction between "okay lies", or "bull$hitting", as the OP had it, and REAL EGREGIOUS lying, is when THEY think lying is fine when THEY do it, but not when someone does it TO THEM. And to those folks I say, you live in your world, and I'll live in mine.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 15
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Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/24/2010 6:11:27 PM
Batgirl, I admire your answer. This guy likes to brag, because of feeling insecurity. Like "all my ex-girlfriends were beautiful" and he is not a pretty face. Or saying things that make no sense. As I figured it out, he fantasizes a lot and tells his fantasies as if it really happened.
 treselle
Joined: 6/16/2005
Msg: 16
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Lying about simple things
Posted: 4/24/2010 6:32:23 PM
The particular lie of the OP's friend is rather weird, though. Is the guy gay? Or bisexual? Why would he fantasize and lie about a different GUY helping him? Why lie about who helps you move, unless you fear that the person you are telling will think badly of you somehow for being helped by that person?

That's the thing Igor, like you I can not understand why would someone lie about it. To me both those men are the same. I met them and I liked both of them. It does not matter to me who would help him to move and I would never asked them about it. One was kind enough to help, another got the credit for it. No, the guy is not gay. He lusts after women, but he loves men. To him a man is a potential friend for life, but a woman is just for a short period of time. Because when women got to know him better they left him. He calls himself "damaged goods". He told me that every woman he was with cheated on him. And that he is like a magnet to women with problems. I even thought that he was "braindamaged". No, he is not mental.
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