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 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 11
Did I ruin it?Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
We have known each other for almost 3 years now...but only been romantically involved for about a year. Thing is, it was because of me that we didn't become more at the time. I honestly had a wall up and didn't give him a chance right away because I was still hurting from the last relation-shit I'd be in. Seems like now that I'm in it to win it, he's getting cold feet.
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 12
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 4:55:43 AM

The kicker...is that he hasn't officially asked me out yet!

My question is: Why would you even entertain the idea of moving in with someone you haven't even dated?
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 13
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 6:46:29 AM

I'm a firm believer of actions speak louder than words.

Really? Then why are you not doing something based on his actions instead of what he tells you?
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 14
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 7:23:34 AM
No, out of sight out of mind is what happened. He moved, talked a great story when he was lonely and was out looking for other women in his spare time.
 cap_n_mORGAN
Joined: 7/3/2009
Msg: 15
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 7:46:21 AM
Check her profile she is listed as single and looking for a man!?!?!?! If a person is to the point of moving to another state with someone shouldn't they be committed at that point?
Also the the guy doesn't seem to be in a hurry to get her out there. For the life of me I don't see a RELATIONSHIP here!!!!!
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 16
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 8:50:11 AM
Never make someone a priority that only keeps you as an option.
 Sabrosura089
Joined: 11/29/2009
Msg: 17
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:01:17 AM

I have no idea what he feels for me cuz I'm too scared to say anything more about it until he brings it up, especially since I've already laid my cards out in that email.


There is no way you should be SCARED of someone who supposedly loves you and had wanted you to move in with him. Don't think for one minute things will be different if you were to move in.

How about picking up the phone and straighting all this out vs. emailing/texting???
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 18
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 9:13:18 AM
Oh Gawd, WAKE UP!!!!

Another happy episode of "as the stomach turns!"

Your NOT in a relationship, from your OP and your subsequent posts, you never were. 3 years, you held back for a chunk of that, were involved a brief bit, haven't seen the guy in 6 months, and have a profile with hawt pics looking for guy friends with no mention of this guy. WHO ARE YOU KIDDING?

At best you are partial friends, FWB's, pen or phone pals, who spend hours talking about some dream world in text, emails or phone calls all to NO end!

To him you were some imagined something. Life ring connection from where he moved from. All he provides are endless excuses, and blame, weird interactions based on social networking sites and nothing as far as IRL goes.

Do you actually mean to tell me, there was no way for him to travel to you at least ONCE in 6 months? For that matter are you so occupied with your current life that you couldn't have made it to him in that same period? Puulllleazze!

Time for you both to drop the charade, grow up and smell the coffee. THERE AIN'T NOTHIN THERE, MOVE ON!!!
 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 19
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 2:52:15 PM
pitufina_77 : There's only one thing I disagree with in your post...and it's the part where you said I might be high-maintenance and expecting 'a diamond ring' etc....that is not the case. Also, I don't expect him to furnish everything and pay for everything, that is what I have told him all along. I do have a job I'd be able to take if I were to move there so that isn't an issue.

I KNOW there are hundreds of other girls down there and that he keeps choosing me, I guess I never looked at it that way before...that he keeps choosing me. BUT...VERBALLY...choosing me. That's the issue. He can talk all about it but he hasn't taken an actual step by making us official or setting some kind of date for moving...it's all been 'in the future we could' type of thing. '3 or 4 months down the line'...etc...just feels like he is putting it off, and that's what is bothering me. Maybe it's just me but knowing that we are official would make me feel a heck of a lot better, my doubts would go away and I'd be able to trust things will happen. But since at this point he hasn't made it official, and he is so far away, and there are other girls down there, YEAH, I'm worried, I'm panicking. The hard part is trying not to let it show.
 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 20
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:07:27 PM
carolann0308: First I wanna say, I always love reading what you have to say! :) Secondly,...I totally agree with you! As a matter of fact, he has even TOLD me in the past, when he still lived in the area, that same sort of phrase. He said when he's with me he feels 'happy to be with me, everything feels right' etc,...but when we are apart he's not sure. IDK what makes him not sure but that's what he said in the past. So I've offered to fly down even if it's for a day to have this conversation with him, and hope that seeing me again will give him whatever affirmation he's looking for, but he never responded to that. It was in a voicemail I left him after the argument so I don't know if he thought I was blowing smoke or what.
 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 21
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 3:14:57 PM
Urban_candy: That was definitely something that concerned me. I even brought that to HIS attention, saying that I think we should spend more time together first. But that's really hard when you live in different states now :/. Maybe that's what he thought, that I'd never really act on it..but that's stupid cuz what would be the point of him repeatedly saying it all if he didn't want it or meant it?
 desert rat 2010
Joined: 12/11/2009
Msg: 22
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/26/2010 6:56:41 PM
You're only 25! Get rid of the idiot and move on, you have your whole life ahead of you!
 Helen0426
Joined: 6/2/2009
Msg: 23
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/27/2010 1:32:18 PM
This isn't sudden, it's been going on for months. First, you were never exclusive, apparently. So it wasn't a serious involvement from the get-go. Then, he asked you to move in with him, and be exclusive then, but neither of you ever took any action on it. The two of you have been drifting further apart ever since - naturally - because you both decided not to take the next step after all.

This has been over for quite a while. I'm not sure why you're trying to hang on to it because it doesn't look like you're getting anything out of it except miserable. You do know how he feels about you... in your words, "distant, wishy washy, doubtful, unsure." Surely you can do better than that.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 24
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/27/2010 1:54:18 PM
Wow. Just wow.
He puts you off for "three to four"months and you think you
ruined it. Wow. Just wow.

When a man wants to be with you- he moves montains. He
doesn't make the bed for fear of wasting time to
be with you.

Get it yet? Those actions he is displaying- you know,the ones
that you are ignoring over his WORDS- believe them.

Stop wasting your time and your breath. The guy either has
something else going on or just does not want the commitment.

Hell, if I lived far away and was chatting you UP- I would lead
you on too because you Are that pretty to have around.

Remember one thing in life
if nothing else- when a man
wants you- he will move mountains. Period.

Forget this guy.
 REDDRAGON.
Joined: 10/9/2008
Msg: 25
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/27/2010 3:52:29 PM

Im not sure what you think you ruined? but it sounds like he did you a favor, if you were smart you would of relegated this hump to the past tense.

I agree with Curlygrl on this one


she's trying to save him.


he keeps spinning his tortured past in the hopes his self loathing will actually get him some where with her.
 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 26
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/28/2010 9:56:58 PM
zeke , first of all I didn't 'poof' on you, it wouldn't let me submit my response because it said I had replied twice within 10 posts, so don't make me out to be something I'm not. You don't know me personally, all you know is one tiny little story I asked advice on, so to say I need 'maturing' and all this bs...save it. I didn't ask for life advice I asked for relationship advice.

To everyone who keeps repeating the question, 'have we met'....YES, I've stated we've known each other for 3 years...have hung out many many times. :) Hope that clears it up.
 jesscarmen4
Joined: 12/1/2007
Msg: 27
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/28/2010 10:02:06 PM
oh p.s. Zeke. I'm pretty sure YOU have maturing to do. You sound pretty salty to me, sitting there saying you think my 'looks' get me where I want to be in life and saying more or less, it's all I have going for me? What kind of bs statement is that to say? Forums are here to help people, not insult them & accuse unrelated false statements for you to feel better about yourself.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 28
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 4/28/2010 10:15:47 PM
No hope here folks, she only responds to the ones who feed her delusion, or give her hope. Then she gets snarky with the others, or ignores them altogether!
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 29
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/1/2010 12:53:16 AM
i agree with what wyndowlycker said....the 2nd post.
and what zeke said.

and....you are only in yr 20's...
forget it..
meet someone who lives closer
and someone whose actions are the same as his words.
 mysteriosa
Joined: 5/19/2006
Msg: 30
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/1/2010 12:10:50 PM
It seems he got carried away at the beginning before he even knew you. I would be wary of that from the start. If you were only talking to him, not seeing him, then him asking you to move in with him is sheer madness. He was telling you things about bragging to his friends, etc., but what had he followed through in practice - meeting you, spending time with you, maintaining contact, caring for you? Have you ever met him?

It sounds like he was being possessive remotely. This doesn't mean a thing. Most men are sexually possessive, even if they haven't met the girl they like the look of or if they have met her but aren't interested in a serious relationship. He was trying to control you with his comments. I can't see anything more in it than that.

He's expecting lots from you, contact and all that but not following through on his promises. He wondered if the relationship was fading because your pattern of behaviour changed. It probably changed because you were, quite rightly, thinking it was all about him.

If he's ignoring your calls, he's not interested. A man who was interested would still talk to you even if you were upset. A man who was interested would care enough to do that. He wouldn't put up with emotional trauma for ever but he would care enough to be there for you.

How were you getting on OK when he wasn't doing what you wanted? I don't see that at all. He sounded all talk to me. When you confronted him about it, he opted out in a coward's way and then he thought maybe there's still something. It is all about him. What about your feelings? Shouldn't he care for you and what matters to you too?

One very important thing to learn about relationships is that if you reach a point with someone where you are afraid to talk to them about what matters to you, maybe because they've refused to, then you need to get out. You shouldn't have to grovel; this man is controlling you and you are letting him.

I'm sorry you've met someone like this. He doesn't really want to be there for you or he wouldn't be making such hard work of it all. He's blaming you for his lack of involvement - you are too demanding, difficult, need too much, etc. Honestly, you could meet a man who will treat you well, why bother with this non-committal character who never follows through?
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 31
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/1/2010 7:41:26 PM

I honestly had a wall up and didn't give him a chance right away because I was still hurting from the last relation-shit I'd be in


Stop chasing "hawt guyz" and actually find someone with some depth and substance.... ohh never mind... I'm talking to someone who an ass load of glamour shots posted on her profile. Deaf ears...

BTW... add me to your Facebook when you get a chance!
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 32
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/1/2010 7:59:57 PM

Ah, I remember being 25...


As if it was yesterday, right? Judging by the brilliance of your post I'd say mentally you're still about 25.

What the hell does her being "pretty" have to do with deserving ANYTHING? So, less than pretty women deserve to be strung along, while the prettier than average only deserve to be treated with respect?

What a dolt.
 lostcause321
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 33
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Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/6/2010 11:34:12 PM
this guys a loser. wow
 Ms_6Cs_QT
Joined: 3/4/2010
Msg: 34
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/9/2010 9:35:49 PM
I agree with the above of him playing you and only leading you on.

There's this book "He's Just Not That Into You." yeah I know there's a movie. This came out before the movie. Read the book. It opens up a lot of things you never would realize.
As someone pointed out, a guy that is interested will go out of his way to get all your contact info just to get to know you, whether it's Facebook, MSN, other IM's info, your #, your address, your other email addresses.

Also, if you're gut feeling tells you something isn't right, it probably isn't.
And if you have a bad feeling you're being played you probably are.

And have to point out one of the things that really pisses me off is people that make up excuses just to keep you "interested" in them even though you're on their back burner.
 cheeriness
Joined: 8/23/2009
Msg: 35
Did I ruin it?
Posted: 5/9/2010 10:04:20 PM
No you did nothing wrong.

He wants the best of both worlds.....I'm afriad you are the back up plan.

Move on, he is using you.

Actions always speak louder than words.

Good Luck, you deserve better.
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