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Joined: 5/24/2009
Msg: 23
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?Page 4 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
My ex(Daughter's Mother) has a disorder called Borderline Personality Disorder and associated with that comes Hoarding. This disorder is a very tough one to treat as they think nothing is wrong. After five years (3 of them I slept on the couch by my choice) I had to finally leave as this disorder can also manifest itself in the ones who live with the actual person that is suffering from it simply due to the frustration and anxiety of trying to understand the disease. If I am not mistaken this disorder is brought on by abuse and it isn't a genetically induced disease(My ex was sexually and physically abused by her Mother(use the term loosely) and two Uncles. I am in the process of getting my daughter out of a real bad situation, and to leave her was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. With this disorder comes abuse. I had to leave my little hero so I could fight for her(hard to explain). But back to the hoarding issue, hoarding is also a indication of more severe mental issues. I couldn't get her to let anything go, and I am a clean guy who lives within my means. My heart goes out to anyone who has had to live with this affliction. Sometimes leaving is the only answer if you want to claim your life and "space" back. I have been away from her for just over a year now and it has taken me that long to get back to being"Me" I hope everyone has a great "uncluttered day"...Vince
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 25
view profile
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/8/2010 4:25:05 PM
Definitely not a hoarder, I grew up in a house that if it was not valuable, useful or used frequently it was tossed or donated. I'm definitely not a neat freak but I hate clutter and tchotchkes with a passion as well as anything too ornate, frilly or busy. I prefer clean and classic lines.
I have agreed to keep my teenagers door shut so we get along just fine.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 26
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:27:16 AM
Yes I have.

His favorite past time was going out on garbage night and bringing what he thought was amazing junk back to our house. He would put it in the garage (the basement, the backyard, the crawlspace). In the end, I couldn't get in the garage anymore. On garbage day I would wait until he went to work and put out what I could. He caught on ... boy did I get an earful. If I sent him to the dump with 2 bags, guaranteed he's come back with 6.

We ended up moving to the country, this way his hording habit was not so obvious to the neighbours, and there was a lot more space (10 acres) to hide the junk. Now that we have divorced, and I am trying to get all this crap off the property, he's astonished at all the sh1t he's collected.

My thoughts ... ONE BIG BON FIRE!
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 27
view profile
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/10/2010 7:58:43 AM
I haven't, but I have a friend who married a woman who turned into a hoarder. She obviously suffers from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder. It ruined their marriage. You could barely walk through their house. It was crazy.

I had a neighbor who was a hoarder. It's an illness. Her house was stacked five feet high with newspapers that she refused to throw out with little pathways to walk around. And she used a wood stove for heat. It worried her son but she adamantly refused to allow him to remove the newspapers, insisted there were articles in there she wanted to save, etc.

It's definitely an illness and one that seems to come on later in life. It seems to hit a lot of elderly people. Attempts by those around them to do anything are usually fruitless.
Joined: 7/16/2007
Msg: 28
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Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/10/2010 10:52:50 PM
no i hadn't dated one.but some people might say i am.i don,t keep garbage and i do keep my house pertty clean.but i like whatnots siting around everywhere.and i kept some of my grandkids cloths from when thay was babies.and i keep alot of toys for my grand kids.and i like to get stuff other people thorow away if i like i may be a hoarder.
Joined: 10/2/2009
Msg: 32
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Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/11/2010 2:46:26 PM
Met a woman about ten years ago with this problem. One look in her place and I went running. There was crap stacked to the ceiling. I liked her and she liked me but all I could see was a avalanche of crap falling on me and being trapped under it. She should be on the show hoarders.
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 36
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/12/2010 5:13:30 AM
Dated this man several times, really liked him and thought it might go somewhere. First time to his house changed all that. We had been on his motorcycle all day and stopped at his house so that I could use the bathroom. Stepping inside, freaked me and if I didn't have to "go" so bad, I would have not dared to enter the house, much less the bathroom.

His "stuff" went all the way to the ceiling -- every room that I could tell where there was a door way (or should have been), with a very narrow pathway to each. Papers and electronics either broken or in some state of repair. It was disgusting!

I never went out with him again after that. I figured that any one who would chose to live that way would make a mess of anything important, including a relationship and no way would I approach his bedroom.

Not a neat freak am I, but I could never be in a relationship with a true hoarder.

Joined: 7/8/2008
Msg: 37
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Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/15/2010 9:31:36 AM
I don't think I would want to be in relationship with a hoarder, there was a guy at work (who had a crushed on me) that has a 300 + movie cds and he lent me three of his cds and I return it the next day to him ,he kept asking about the cds,I told him that I return to him,I even describe the bag and everything... As if he doesn't believe me...

I don't know if I am classified as hoarder or bipolar ,I get high on shopping spree, I have a lots of books,shoes ,purses clothes,jewelries,food,makeups ect.... and if I can't get around of my stuffs , I donated it to thrift stores or gave to some of my friends,when I cleared everything I started to buy and stored again.. And back to square one again... Now that I have no money to squandered( jbless,)I tried clothes,shoes, ect and go around and put it back on the rack where I got it and go to the cashier with minimal purchases 2 or 3 like scarfs or socks that I don't even need it... would any one kindly help me with my affliction ???? >>>> I can not afford to have physician appointment , and I am just trying my luck here in POF forum for a freebie consultation... Thanks in advance ..V.
 Discerning Virtuosa
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 38
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 5/15/2010 3:51:16 PM

I do not see anything anal in wanting to live in a clean, hygienic, clutter free home.

I agree - I really can't live in an enviroment that's not comfortable and functional.
Joined: 2/12/2012
Msg: 40
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 3/10/2012 10:11:35 PM
Ugh, my ex was borderline hoarder... at the very least an extreme packrat could not turn down ANYTHING free or offered by someone. He left all his crap here when he split and I had a broken arm (like seriously broken reconstructive surgery with plates and pins type) of course it was my dominant one. It has been almost a yr and I am STILL trying to deal with all his junk! It is so very frustrating because he wouldn't let me touch any of it when he was here, and now I am finding IMPORTANT stuff (papers,pictures, heirlooms) stuffed down in boxes with the most random crap and junk and trash. So I am having to slowly sift through every single nook and cranny, box, bag and folder. He just got remarried last month while I am still surrounded by and dealing with the past. For several months I was not to lift more than about 5 lbs.
I will be glad to start seeing more of the light at the end of the tunnel as I think it will help with the healing process a lot. I have determined to ONLY keep the stuff I use all the time I cannot afford to replace right away and the stuff I actually LIKE.
Joined: 12/20/2011
Msg: 41
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 3/11/2012 2:26:06 PM
I have had some very difficult experiences with hoarders in my immediate family. I find them very distasteful. Some of them cry, all manipulate, some are very mean. Anything to keep that hoard!

Because my mother was not a good role model, I had to learn everything on my own. For those of you who don't know, there is no solid evidence that childhood deprivation leads to hoarding. Though hoarders and their enablers will often convince themselves otherwise, this is a typical excuse they use to justify their behaviors and avoid therapy.

For five years I was with a man who was enabling his hoarding sister, who lived with him. It was rough because I loved him so much... but in five years I was never allowed to see his house. He had a totally twisted relationship with his sister and, in the end, I lost out. Now, if I meet a guy, I will ask to see his home within the first few weeks of dating. No more secrets.

Moral: Never, ever get involved with a hoarder or a hoarder enabler. If you see any signs of hoarding in your loved ones, the one medication I know of that shows promise is Topamax (under physicuan supervision, of course). But the hoarder must also desire change.
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 43
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:05:06 AM
Hello, my name is Akizzej.
I have a problem with S H I T - Surplus Harboring Incidious Tendencies

To the point of how 'bad' it is, I have 10yo Muscle & Fitness mags as well as 20 year old dressmaking fabrics that 'one day when I'm slimmer, I'll have sewn into gorgeous outfits'...

I have to agree that being raised 'without much', my 'property/possessions' then becomes my 'security'... I am slowly trying to tell myself that 'I can buy it again if I need it' but then it becomes 'and also when are you going to get the time, energy and inclination to buy it again when you need it? {often I am housebound by an Autism Spectrum child who won't work 'with' me when we go out, no I have no-one I can leave him with} I agree definitely that it's an 'outer' manifestation of what's happening with one's internal mind behaviours too. {I find it hard to discard some strong memories, often giving rent free space in my mind to things that really are not important in the grand scheme of things - but I dare believe part of that is also life long clinical depression}

I try to justify 'holding' as an environmental benefit that I don't have to use fuel to go buy new items, and that by storing here until I can use - I'm doing my part to avoid landfill and waste at the dump. This I 'am' trying to overcome.

I do recognise improvements in my life though... for a while I was involved with a hoarder who had modified his one bedroomed apartment to make it 'two' bedroomed so that he could ' take in' his broken {adult} child... and then they could not turn down anything 'free'. When their apartment was 'filled'... they began storing in my basement... after nearly two years of no access into the space, and many of the things were getting wet and damaged I HAD to make an ultimatum of out by 'this' date or to the dump it goes. Funnily enough, it removed more S H I T than I expected because the fellow never contacted me again.
Joined: 10/8/2011
Msg: 44
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 3/12/2012 4:59:12 AM
Thats why I say...

God bless any of those who have somebody they know and love going through that.

And I know God blessed me with a family that we never had to go through that with
Joined: 8/26/2011
Msg: 45
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 3/12/2012 9:17:29 AM
I dated a man for a little while (8 months) whose mother was a border-line hoarder. Her problem was food; she shopped as if she was still feeding a family of 6, but lived alone.
I didn't comprehend the underlying mental conditions, and was convinced that she was just overwhelmed and needed a kickstart.
One day while she was out, we tackled the kitchen. 3 hours of labour and buckets of sweat later, from both of us, and we only managed to do the dishes, clean out the fridge and wash the floor. I threw out five rotten bunches of celery alone; she accused him of turning the temperature of the fridge down because it was suddenly colder (amazing what happens when the air can move!). It wasn't a large kitchen, and within two days, it was back to full.
I couldn't handle going over there. Even in the dead of winter, there were so many fruit flies that clouds would get you. It always smelled and she couldn't tell. It was a major factor of not wanting to get closer to her son; i have no regrets.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 46
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 7:09:19 AM
This thread brought back to life eh? Food was my biggest pet peeve about hoarding. My fridge was small but the fact that I had left overs going bad. I had enough and cleaned the entire fridge just throwing out anything gone bad. I just watch how much I cook and I much I buy of food these days.
Joined: 4/26/2012
Msg: 47
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 8:24:48 AM
I believe there is a reason behind a person's need to 'hoard' at least there is in my mother's case.
She was 16 when the war broke out and Poland (her home) was invaded. The family scrimped and salvaged whatever they could. NOTHING would be discarded including eating a chicken's brain and feet.
My mother's house is loaded with 'junk', but as soon as we clear it, it get's replaced with more junk!
She comes to my house and tell's me she has a cupboard that would 'fit nicely' in that corner.....I like space and not clutter, but she doesn't see it as clutter.....I do!
You have to ask yourself "Does the hoarding really affect you or does it embarrass you around family and friends?"
Joined: 8/18/2012
Msg: 48
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 2:35:48 PM
Yup, she hoarded light bulbs off all things... boxes and boxes of them filled the living room... in every shape size and color.. Not to mention a storage place full, and her mothers basement.. That was the first time I went to her place.. and the last..
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 49
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 3:27:11 PM
No....I seriously...would not be able to be in a relationship with any type of hoarder...especially,like the ones they show on the T.V. show!
I like organization and neatness...I am not compulsive..just normal.
I could not live in filth....been in a few homes where my eyes started watering...gagging...ugh!!
I know, they say it is a "disorder" but sometimes I wonder if laziness factors in a lot!!!
Joined: 7/31/2011
Msg: 50
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Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 7:24:22 PM
MDHtuesday, you said " Could you do like my little pre-schooler? He would buy things from garage sales and resell them sitting at his little tike plastic table on the corner. lol You know what they say "One mans' junk is another mans' treasure". Get into the resale business.
Most hoarders I've met tell themselves this, that they're buying up all this junk so they can resell and make money. They never do, it just piles up.
Dated a borderline hoarder (Don't ever call a hoarder a hoarder, they'll deny it and get angry). He was also a shopping addict which most seem to be. He also stole from everywhere, thrift stores, Diabetes donation bins, friends, stores, etc. Stuff ruled his life.
I watch Hoarders with a disbelieving fascination and have heard every excuse under the sun for their hoarding. Most say a death triggered it or a divorce.
Met another man from here, went out a couple of times. Stopped at his house which seemed normal enough. Then looked out the window into the back yard, about an acre or more. Two or three pole barns which he said were full, junk all over the yard. He then said all the bedrooms were full, he kept the bathroom and living area fairly clean for company. He also bought tons of stuff at auctions with plans on selling it.
I've noticed a lot of retired people (men for me) whose profiles in here mention that they love thrift stores/auctions. Has this become a hobby for retired people? Never encountered this until the last few years, makes me wonder how this obsession with stuff starts.
Joined: 3/21/2011
Msg: 51
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/15/2012 11:39:27 PM was really weird because I didn't know that was what was going on.

I worked for him for a few months and one day decided to clean up the office...mainly because the dust was bad and I am allergic and because I was embarrased that the customers commented often on his "build" up behind the counter.

Though he knew I was going to clean, he said nothing as he left that morning. I proudly worked hard all day to surprise him when he returned.....yea that didn't go the way I expected.


Went to the trash and pulled out the majority of the unopened mail (all were ads) and up to three year old magazines that were filty and dust ridden. He was frantic. I was only given permission to straighten up not throw anything, ANYTHING away.

Empty pickle glass containers were used for food storage. Empty yogurt containers were also used for storage. I had dared to throw them away.

He broke up with me.

That turned out to be a good thing.
Joined: 6/4/2012
Msg: 52
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 10/16/2012 5:05:57 AM
Oh, goodness gracious, I am watching the show Hoarders now brought on from reading this thread. I've watch a few episodes of this show before and it's just crazy. Now watching it, I think that I am getting a headache.

I am a minimalist and a neat freak. My mom has resented me for throwing a lot of her stuffs. She's not an extreme hoarder whose stuffs pile up to the ceiling but she's like most people who have a lot of stuffs. I did this to my aunt. She got real angry. I got flack from my relatives. I stopped for a while. But every now and then, without their knowledge, I throw their stuffs out. Man, if you can look inside my mom's 2010 Rav4, it's full of her stuffs. The only seat available is the driver's seat and the seat beside her. You can squeeze it at the back amongst her pile of crap.

I guess I became a neat freak because my mom is such a hoarder. I remember that our little house was just full of stuffs around. And I never got out of that house until I left for college. When I was in college, my bed and my locker is always neat and arranged. Even until this very second. I live with my aunt so I use her son's bedroom. I threw a lot of his stuffs without her knowledge. She always suggests to me to put his stuffs up in a box so she can put it in a garage. I tell her that I do not have a lot of stuffs so his stuffs are OK in their respective places. Little did she know that I have been throwing this and that of his stuffs.

My aunt is also hoarding stuffs. She and her husband's garage is full of stuffs. They tried sorting it out last Sunday. They couldn't throw a goddamned thing. I told them to throw all of it away. They were aghast at my suggestion. There were this old speakers on the shelves. Books everywhere. Empty boxes. Gift wrappers. Plant containers. Man, just a bunch of stuffs. And my uncle was like he was going to bring it back to the Philippines when he retires. And my aunt was like she was going to bring these stuffs for a garage sale SOON. Yeah, right. All these stuffs sitting for years.

I do not EVER want to be like my family. They are such hoarders although not the ones on the show. I am just the extreme opposite.

When I was living with other people, the place was just usually clean because I always clean up as much as I can. But sometimes I get fed up because they don't care and I get exhausted fighting them about it.

When me and my ex husband lived together, he had all his stuff that looked like junk. When he saw how minimal and arranged my stuffs were, I guess he was put in his place. He was encouraged to clean his act up because my end was neat and his weren't. I didn't have to say anything. He just had to see it with his own eyes how his stuffs are messing the place up.
Joined: 9/5/2012
Msg: 53
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 11/24/2012 8:51:33 AM
My exwife was a closeted horder - get it, closeted! - anyway. After living with her for 10 years in a big house I ended up with one tiny closet and one 2 drawer bedside table as the only place for my things.
Joined: 11/6/2009
Msg: 54
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Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 11/24/2012 4:45:31 PM
Even worse, I have one for a father. Do not voluntarily enter into a relationship with a hoarder. You cannot change them and you will go through h*ll trying to stop them. These people are not like drug addicts. You can' t just have an intervention and send them off to rehab. If it were only that easy. They don't 'bottom' out in that way. Most like my father have jobs and therefore can keep underwriting their compulsions. Even those TV shows don't portray the full reality of it because it's extremely rare that a hoarder will acknowledge their problem and accept the help offered to them. Most would rather die before relinquishing their hoard.
Joined: 7/8/2013
Msg: 55
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 12/9/2013 11:45:05 AM
I think that my bf is a hoarder. I have been dating him for more than 4 months now. The first time that I have been inside his house was yesterday. And his place is full of stuffs. His mom lives with him. His mom told me excuses on why their place is messy. You can only walk around pathways.

His car is full of junk. I can not even put my feet down on his car because it's full of old, dirty receipts, empty cups of coffee and soda, fast-food containers, paperworks, electronics. The trunk is full and you can not sit on the back passenger seats because it's full of his crap.

I think he learned this behavior from his mom. Every time we go to the hotel, the place becomes littered with his used up tissues, popcorn on the bed and on the floor. I am contemplating on what to do. Because aside from this very disturbing behavior, he is such a nice bf. He's very caring, he mostly pays for everything, he wants to see me more than twice a week, we eat out a lot, go to the movie theatre a lot, walk around the park, he's not shy to display his affections for me. He works as an electrical engineer and he's cute. And I am losing weight fast because he's my motivation and he does pester me about it as well but only out of concern.

I read that hoarders never change, if they do, they usually revert back to their old ways. I thought my family were such normal hoarders but my bf and his mom look like they should be on the Hoarders' TV show. I tried to throw the garbage from his car but he gets angry each time. Yesterday, I offered to help him and his mom clean up their house but his mom made excuses. I think that I'd go crazy if I live in their house.

If he never changes and I can't stand hoarders, considering the wonderful qualities that he has aside from this affliction, I am in the middle on how to go about this relationship of mine with him.

I am such a neat freak that I fold even my dirty laundry. I don't like clutter. I have very minimal stuffs and clothing. Since I lost a lot of weight, I donated 95% of my old clothes. I am so opposite him in this matter. Although I really like him and I can tell that he feels the same way.
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 56
Has anyone ever been in a relationship with a Hoarder?
Posted: 12/9/2013 4:37:47 PM
Hoarders need a LOT of counseling and them counselors need to learn to have patience with them. It's not easy dealing with Hoarders. Like one poster said is it affecting you or is it an embarrassment to your fam and friends? If it affects you get out of that relationship or work it out with the Hoarder.
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