Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > my gf and her umm.. addiction...      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 fasdfesdfa
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 1
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
my girlfriend and her addiction.

im 22 and my gf is 21 and she had an addiction...
this is not your typical addiction. my girlfriend is totally addicted to world of warcraft. i know i know hear me out tho....
we have been together for about 5 months now and until 2 weeks ago things were going great. we were in love and life was good. Are relationship was so strong that she decided to move all the way to Michigan with me (where i am going to school) from our home state of California. for the first week out hear we were fine. then we got internet and our relationship went to shit. she installed "WOW" and plays every day all day and most nights till dawn. its getting worse she played from 9am yesterday till 9pm when i dragged her out of the house. then got back on at 11pm till 9am and finally went to sleep at 10am today and i don't know what to do. its been like this every day. iv expressed that im not happy with her playing all the time. i even try and set up little "dates" to get us out of the house. like bike rides or trips to the mall. i dragged her to the bar last night and we had a ball once she was done throwing her fit. but as soon as we got home boom back on wow. every time i try and get her to do something other than play wow ends up starting a fight. i love her a lot but this addiction is driving us apart. sex, affection, everything has vanished from our life. what do i do?! im all by my self out hear and iv got nobody to turn to for help. so im turning to you. please help...
 fasdfesdfa
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 2
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:02:56 AM
havent been on because i found a gf

profile is now updated.

when we started dating she didn't have a pc or internet. my pc was broken with a virus
and i had the problem fixed a week before i came out. before my pc was broken she did try to install the game but her profile got hacked. and she said she didnt trust my pc.
unfortunately now that im reformatted and have windows 7 and a brand new anti virus she tried again. it worked fine...
 fasdfesdfa
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 3
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 9:25:25 AM
ts sad. my gf ignores real life. i find myself having to pull her everywhere. i had to take her to find a job. grabbed up 10 resumes from the mall and other stores. she hasn't filled out one yet. but then again i haven't asked her.. sigh... i think it is about the comradeship. working together to achieve an imaginary goal. complete with imaginary achievements. to placate oneself with a false sense of accomplishment. is this how so many of my generation will succumb to the harshness of real life? by escaping to an avatar in a fairytale realm? its sad. the torture of it is im stuck in this for a year. because we signed a lease together. my buddy will get hear in 2 weeks with my brother. maby we can have an intervention of sorts.
my buddy is my 3rd roommate on the lease. he will see how bad it is.
 U make it entertaining
Joined: 7/17/2009
Msg: 4
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:03:45 AM
I understand your pain.

All 3 of my children play WOW. Luckily they can keep it in check, as they saw first hand how video addiction can destroy a relationship. Both my ex husbands were addicted to video games. After I did research I realized that it tied into their AD/HD behaviour. As soon as the video game was on, nothing else existed. Needless to say, I am no longer married to either of them. Video games was not the major reason for the demise of the relationships, however it was a very strong portion. If you can't live in the real world and do the tasks that are expected of you when you are in a relationship, how do you expect to survive?

You can't help her. She has to understand that she has a problem. Until that time, her problem is going to make your life a living hell. Best bet ... Get out now.

Good luck with that!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 5
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:18:17 AM
Excellent advices! Online gaming addiction is real, CAN be consuming, but it's only been TWO WEEKS. You've even had a great entry from an ex-addict!
I've also suffered various small psychological addictions, collecting things was the worst. I got over them all, so far. Two of my sons also went through long gaming addictions, but both overcame them after a while.
Were I in your position, I'd stick things out for a while longer, to be sure. You haven't described anything that indicated that her addiction is as yet causing living problems, like monetary shortages. Sometimes total immersion, with no one asking for something else from you will let you realize how much of your life you are wasting. In my addictions, that was part of what got ME out, was just getting deeply enough into them to begin to realize that what I was seeking from them, wasn't actually THERE to be found.
I actually read a study by a psychiatrist who was working with a guy who had a delusion that he was mentally in touch with advanced aliens somewhere, and was wasting his life away drafting city plans, wild machines drawings, cultural studies, and so forth. The psych knew he was not the first person to try to help the guy, and chose a different course: he put time and energy into helping the guy write it all down, and sketch everything out. After some time it worked, perhaps even a little too well...the psych got enthralled with the fun of it, and had to stop HIMSELF from continuing as the guy's interest waned. But total immersion did the trick: the guy spent enough time with no resistance from anyone to make him think "if only I could do MORE, I'd get the satisfaction I think is there to be had," that he finally saw that there really WAS nothing to be accomplished.
 LadyDancingAlone
Joined: 7/7/2006
Msg: 6
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 10:18:51 AM
I have been a gamer on and off for years, I completely understand how someone can be pulled into these games. There are a couple of things to understand here that may help you and your gf deal with this.

These games are truly addictive. They establish a sense of "being needed" in a person; a series of goals, rewards for achieving those goals, other people to socialize with and assist in their goals. These are all very real, basic human needs. We all have these needs, and usually they are being addressed in our lives. But sometimes they aren't, then people look to fill these needs in other ways.

Using myself as an example, when I look back at the times when I gamed more intensely, I see that the things going on in my real life were not properly addressing these needs (unhappy at work, feelings of no control over issues, etc). However, as I get these needs fulfilled in real life, my desire to game decreases (it's actually been months since I've logged on - simply do not have the desire). So there is hope for you and your girlfriend.

You say she just moved there from CA - well, she has no social network in place there (besides you) and that is one thing that can affect a person's sense of control and security. She may not even understand why she feels driven to be on there so much. I would not force her to stop cold turkey, instead I would get her to recognize that she is over the top with the gaming, let her know you are feeling ignored and neglected, and jointly work out a way where you both are happy (for a start). For example, gaming throughout the night is unacceptable, you two need to share the same sleeping/waking pattern to help with your relationship. Tell her that YOU need her, let her know that she is valuable to you and begin there. A little positive reinforcement works MUCH better than arguing and negativity in this case. Build her up, not down, and you should begin to see a change. Real life is always better than the games; it just is difficult to recognize sometimes that the reason for the gaming is that your real life isn't giving you what you need. As she gets established there, meets new people, starts working or taking classes or whatever, you should see her gaming activity decrease.

Good luck, remember you're not the only one who has dealt with this.
 DragNFlyBuzzez
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 7
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/1/2010 3:13:15 PM
WOW...............mine logged 3542hours in 16 months................she stopped cooking, cleaning, played WOW and took pills.........ohhh man,
the horror of it all!!!!
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 8
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/2/2010 7:34:53 AM
The problem with games, is that the moment that you achieve something, then there's another level, and then another level, and in then end, all you have achieved is to sit in front of a computer for an incredible number of hours. Those are hours that are physically wasted. Those are hours of mental thought, that count have been used writing, thinking, creating things, thinking stuff. Long time ago I had bought a X-box and after six months of this wasteland, I gave the box to a friend and went back to doing real things, like mountain biking, road cycling, running. things that keep you in shape and allow your mind to expand.
 PirateJohn09
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 9
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:44:49 AM

On the internet there is no such thing as a female. There are only g.i.r.l.(s) guy(s) in real life. I am sorry to have tell you this, but it is reality. No women play wow....

Interesting you say that, considering I met my last girlfriend playing WoW... And yes, we did spend a lot of time together *outside* the game.

Gaming addiction is like a lot of other addictions. In small doses, online gaming can be perfectly healthy and fun. Heck, the same could be said about the PoF forums! I only quit playing WoW recently but I never let it get out of control. Even on weekends I just couldn't sit still long enough to play all day like some people do.

But the reason I quit, though, is because the game rewards addiction a little too much. It got to the point where I wasn't even having fun in the game anymore because the people who were better "geared" than me (read: played much more than I) would get frustrated with me and even boot me out of groups because I was slowing them down. And, of course, if you can't find groups to be with you can't get better geared. It all just became so frustrating that I finally decided it wasn't worth it anymore.

However, even with that it's been kind of bittersweet. I really don't miss the game at all, but I do miss the very real friendships that I have formed there. I even invited one to come spend last Thanksgiving with me -- she flew out from Virginia to California and we had a great time. A few of them I still keep in touch with outside the game, but the most fun I had was just BS'ing with the people I had gotten to know.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 10
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/2/2010 8:31:51 PM
Get rid of the Internet connection, give her 30 days to find another place to live and go cold turkey yourself on this relationship. If you find excuses to stay in this mess, plus paying for the thing that makes her a zombie, then you are equally participating in this insanity. Cut it off, just as you would if she were having you buy her crack, don't be the source of her addiction and don't be a willing participant while whining that you are a victim.
 fasdfesdfa
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 11
view profile
History
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/4/2010 10:28:03 PM
first off id like to say thanks for all the advice its been helpful in some of my decision making over the last few days. ill see what happens over the next couple of weeks and if things get better ill be much happier and have a stronger relationship. if not then i guess ill be short a gf. either way it will go how it will go and ill do my best to influence the better outcome. Much love POF
-blake
 VacationGuy234
Joined: 8/1/2008
Msg: 12
my gf and her umm.. addiction...
Posted: 5/10/2010 6:15:47 AM
Dude, WTF relax! Two weeks is nothing. Games can be addictive, but lets not fly off the handle here. I don't think you can classify two weeks as a hard core addiction. Plenty of people have done this and it has worn off. Have you tried playing the game with her? You have to show a little effort. And, stop being for freaking clingy!

Give it some time and for craps sake and try to get involved with things she likes.

I don't play WOW myself but I understand what she is going through and for most people that playing level doesn't last forever... trust me.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > my gf and her umm.. addiction...