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Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 12
Are dating sites an addiction?Page 2 of 2    (1, 2)
not an addiction.
i am here for the forums.
and for communicating with those i meet on forums and also through the dating part of pof.
which, btw, has just about lost its appeal to me.
i wish the forums were how they used to be when i first noticed pof.
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 17
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How do I delete this site from my favorites?
Posted: 5/14/2010 12:51:16 AM
I think most of us started out wanting to find that SO to share those little pleasures in life and the idea that instead of our small group of acquaintances, we could tap into the thousands online and maybe find just the 'right' one for us.

Many have such busy lives with little time to make new social connections.. or live in places where meeting interesting, available people in the real world is very difficult. I do think that there are logical reasons why someone does start using this medium, that are not unhealthy in the least... and so easy from the comfort of our very own homes... you don't even have to get dressed up to do it .

What happens next is that you are met with the reality of the cyber option... that most really aren't looking for a connection, that famous 'soul mate' situation at all... or even friendship. It's a meat market plain and simple... a grand catalog of possibilities, click, move on, click, move on... just like the Sharper Image catalog... there is always another sharper image and another group of options next month.

We then find the forums and start reading and asking questions: is it just happening to us (the lies, hedges, bs) or to others as well? You find out that yes, it is... and you keep diving in because there is a wealth of information on how the system works.... hooked. So what happens next? If you can't find a real relationship you can at least discuss, analyse, consider, vent, bemoan and finally learn to laugh at our lot, you have a voice in the cyber wilderness.

Does that become an addiction? Well it certainly can be . But mostly I think it's because we have an innate need to communicate and understand ourselves and others.... to talk about more than the weather and superficial pleasantries. What comes out in the forums is our inner lives, our wishes, hopes and disappointments... the stuff you don't talk about out loud many times in real life for fear of not appearing self contained and above it all... sooo cooly politically correct... heaven forbid you should actually want someone in your life right ? Not that there isn't plenty of that online too.... as all of us have seen with the lists and justifications.

But here we are... probably in the millions world wide... a bit more jaded and cynical, with a little less star dust in our eyes.... finding out, as in most things in life, there are no easy solutions in dating either.

But forums, websites and blogs have also opened our eyes to other options; whether poetry, politics or pumpkins... there are places in this miraculous online world which open avenues of communication with other people of similar interests and philosophies... so it hasn't been a complete waste of time on a rainy day .
Joined: 4/30/2007
Msg: 23
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How do I delete this site from my favorites?
Posted: 5/17/2010 12:01:38 AM

My question is, why is there so many women on here that don't seem to find what they are looking for? Especially when they seem to be so attractive. Fake or real? Damn sure has me wondering.

Probably because 90% of the men are looking at 10% of the women they consider acceptable and think they deserve... whether they do or not .

Most have no intention of actually letting that dreaded word 'relationship' ever cross their doors again...

Or as someone said in the 60+ thread... just wants to spend a few hours with a female.

Here are some points to ponder:

"Understanding The Difference Between Men And Women
By: Michael G. Conner, Psy.D, Clinical & Medical Psychologist

At the heart of sensitivity is our capacity to form, appreciate and maintain relationships that are rewarding. Even here there are important differences. For men, what demonstrates a solid relationship is quite different from that of most women. Men feel closer and validated through shared activities. Such activities include sports, competition, outdoor activities or sexual activities that are decidedly active and physical. While both men and women can appreciate and engage in these activities they often have preferential differences. Women, on the other hand, feel closer and validated through communication, dialogue and intimate sharing of experience, emotional content and personal perspectives. Many men tend to find such sharing and involvement uncomfortable, if not, overwhelming."

... and pretty much after a divorce or two are totally off women as individuals and have opted solely for the enjoyment of the many and various golden coochies they can manage to fib and cajole into capitulating.

Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 24
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Are dating sites an addiction?
Posted: 6/2/2010 10:24:25 AM
I suppose dating sites are addictive as they accessible as soon as you hit the key on the keyboard. And with comes that alluring chance of filling void in one's life.

I have been on here for several years but down the line I learned that PoF is only an avenue ... If one is able to keep their life in balance then also PoF logging in can be kept in check.
Joined: 7/10/2009
Msg: 25
Are dating sites an addiction?
Posted: 6/20/2010 3:09:40 PM
If I could spend 15 minutes a day on here for 2 weeks and find the love of my life that would be so awesome! No, it isnt an addiction its ****ing work.

I spend my time reading through about 30 profiles a night looking for the least awful ones. Then when I do talk to someone I talk for days, weeks, sometimes months and maybe not meet them. Its like getting to know someone over and over and over, then start all over again.

People give up after messaging 3 people sometimes and say it doesnt work. Well the only way to make it work is to messate 300 people, and talk to dozens of people, with the intention of getting 1-2 dates out of it. that is the odds and theres no changing that.
Joined: 3/20/2012
Msg: 26
Are dating sites an addiction?
Posted: 5/10/2012 2:21:43 AM
There is no such thing as addiction? Well everyone is entitled to their own opinion, but I think anyone addicted to drugs,alcohol,sexngambling,food just to mention a few, would certainly not be helped by a statement like that.
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