Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ~rain~
Joined: 6/9/2007
Msg: 101
view profile
History
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??Page 5 of 12    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12)

You do realize that 9 out of 10 of you male friends would bang you if you gave them an opening, right?

It doesnt matter who wants to "bang me" if I was happy in a relationship then that is just not going to happen
Friends know where to draw the line, they know where a comfort level is. Friends care enough about a relationship not to cross certain lines.
If I was happy in a relationship and Brad Pitt threw himself at my feet. nothing sexual is never going to happen!!
I have enough love and respect for the man in my life to honour him and not betray him. I would hope the same in return.
It this suddenly becomes a problem, then we decide to end it!
I refuse to worry about who he is with and what/who he is doing 24/7.

quite frankly......Id rather be golfing! :)



This has zero to do with insecurity. It has everything to do with experience.

it has everything to do with insecurity and again..I will never make someone pay for someone elses mistakes



She is free to go and do whatever she wants with her male "friends", absolutely, but if she's spending all sorts of time with her male "friends" I'm gonna start cultivating some female "friends" of my own....

laffs...how immature of you. When a woman has a male friend for the past 15 or 20 years it is hardly comparable to just going out to find a friend of the oposite sex to piss your S.O. off..
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 102
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/22/2010 4:05:27 PM

I am with sleeping beauty on this one. i think it is socially unacceptable to keep friends of the opposite sex and I know I won't date any one that keeps friends of the opposite sex, if you want a friend stick to your own gender period.


So you just refuse the friendship outright of half the world's population simply because you happen not to have the same set of sexual organs? I find that rather sad, personally.


nope its not solely an issue of character. when we choose to maintain close opposite sex friendships, it also becomes an issue of phermones and physiology.


Sure, pheromones happen; and if you have character, you can say that it's time for you to go, or you can avoid kissing said person, or whatever. Unless your "friend" is slipping you roofies, you always have a choice. One thing only leads to another if you start with one thing, and keep going. You can say no at any point, and if you don't, that's on you (generic "you", in this context).

If you don't have the strength to say no should you feel something other than friendship with a friend while you're in another relationship, then sure, don't hang out with opposite sex friends; however, if you're capable of saying no, or of not feeling tempted in the first place and capable of maintaining actual platonic friendships, then it's not a real issue and you can hang out with opposite sex friends without any issues whatsoever.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 103
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/22/2010 8:25:56 PM
i still disagree. its not even just about affairs.....

you have an opposite sex co-worker or friend who happens to be rather attractive and a good catch. you are going thru difficult times in your relationship and this other friend begins to show romantic interest and you have already established intimacy because thats an essential ingredient in friendships.

can you be tempted to leave the relationship and its rocky period behind and go for the friend? you already have a couple of toes and maybe a foot into it already by just hanging out together as "friends". then perhaps lingering in this temptation zone while you either work things out or not. i've been there and i'll bet so have the majority of people on this site. and yes i left the s.o. for the co-worker. i was 21.

all i know is when my relationships have been rough.....co-workers and males acquaintences etc...all of a sudden start showing interest where there was none before.

no frau butcher i don't memorize sources on all the articles, papers and books i have read. i'm sure you could search "phermones" on the web and find a plethora of information about documented studies done on the subject. i thought it was common knowledge at this point.
 Capitano_Blaugh
Joined: 3/18/2008
Msg: 104
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/22/2010 8:26:36 PM

it has everything to do with insecurity and again..I will never make someone pay for someone elses mistakes


Good for you, darling.

Having learned through experience has nothing to do with insecurity. It has quite a bit to do with learning from mistakes and misplaced trust.


laffs...how immature of you.


Immature? How so? She's out there making male "friends" and I'm not supposed to do the same? She can do whatever she wants, but I'd be immature for doing the same thing?

Okey-dokey.

And, there are situations where I have no problem with a girlfriend having friends of the opposite sex. You've pointed one of those situations out.

As I said before, you are an anomaly, perhaps, but experience directly and indirectly has shown me that many women who are constantly making male "friends" often end up banging one or more of those guys. Great, excellent, good on them. I just choose not to stay involved with women like that.

You may be prefect. All your friends may be perfect. All the women in the fora may be perfect, but lots of women end up banging their male "friends"....

.... and 9 out of 10 of your male friends would bang you given the opportunity...

Like I said before, women's naivete is excellent....

... it' a way for the sneaky, patient, less assertive guys to get laid....

 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 105
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 12:18:03 AM
Sigh.

Okay, I'll ask the question I ask every single darn time this topic comes up.

How many long term relationships +15 years (even less in some cases) does anyone know of where either person has an exclusive very close opposite sex friend? I have several friends who have been in relationships this long.

Personally I know none. One woman on these forums answered this question once. She said that she used to.

She was divorced, so it obviously wasn't relevant as it wasn't a long term relationship at that point and I truly wonder what her husband thought of her having those male friends.

Let's hear it folks. How many do you know of?

Maybe things are changing and opposite sex friends are now the norm, but I haven't met anyone where this applies yet.....

And my experience has also been that when a relationship is rocky and an opposite sex friend is "there" to lean on - there has been a lot more than leaning that eventually happens.

Now perhaps this is a good thing because it proves the relationship never had merit. But with the propensity of people up and running out of commitment and divorcing at the drop of a hat, I'd say that it is a very attractive offer because in today's society, putting effort into trying to make a relationship work is not the norm unfortunately.
 452
Joined: 11/1/2009
Msg: 106
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 12:30:32 AM

Another fine example (not]. A porn star as an example of a person with high character with male friends who requested some of the action. She has questionable character, so it stands to reason her male friends lack character as well. Do you imagine if she was doing a talk circuit teaching abstinance that her male friends would be asking for some of the action? This type of example is definitely not proving your point - to the contrary, you are proving people tend to surround themselves with others of the same character. Thanks for proving my earlier point.



She was not always a porn star.She was previously just a regular actress,did a porno and then all of this happened.When she made all of her friends she was not doing porn.

Your extremely immature if you actually believe that most of your male friends would not have sex with you if you gave them a chance.That's being extremely naive.
 Ailliss
Joined: 3/16/2010
Msg: 107
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 1:33:30 AM
There is nothing sexual in a true friendship! Friends have no gender..

Some persons have not been taught social decorum.
Of course our friends have gender….and those who appreciate good manners and are respectful of our differences know, acknowledge and respect this fact.


They are in your life because you care for each other and you dont ever cross that sexual line!!
Anyone that thinks otherwise should perhaps seek professional help

Perhaps it is the person who believes that persons of different sex do not exist between friends, and therefore will not respect this difference, is the one who is in need of help….socially….and professionally.

Persons that care for one another make certain, or at least attempt to,
behave in ways that will never give pause or cause for concern to others.
We do not just behave in your fashion which is indicative of expecting others to trust blindly.
It is why we behave in certain fashions.
We do not throw ourselves into bed with friends of the opposite sex and then exclaim, as you have,

“It’s ok……..we are friends….no friends have ever been known to cross the line"……..pfffttt.

Ignorant, Pollyannaish rants.


no one wants to be around someone who is nagging, ****ing and trying to control.


The day my husband or lover wants to vacation with another woman color me anything but stupidly agreeable.


I dont see where you can classify that " ignorant and self conseeded" ~rain~

I think she meant conceited; look it up, here I’ll do it for you

con·ceit·ed adj
1. too proud: having or showing an excessively high opinion of your own qualities or abilities

Encarta ® World English Dictionary

If you are taken, as you have conceitedly exclaimed, then why are you listed here as Single?
And why the vulgar opening line: SEXY AS F*C* truck on your profile.

Your boyfriend is either a fool or into……..very close friendships.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 108
view profile
History
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 1:56:24 AM
I would draw the line on anything that was a 'date' between them, and there's no reason for them having to share a bed or any of that sitcom nonsense. I don't screw my friends, I don't have sexual fantasies about them and I don't end up in inappropriate positions with them. I'm not stupid and I'm not needy for sexual attention from anyone but someone I was having sex with, the whole thing is a dumb game people who like sexual tension play. I have no interest in that sort of thing nor am I stupid enough to think it's all innocent when opposite gender friends play that game. I won't be dating a man who crosses the boundaries or teases the boundaries. It isn't so much that I have a list of do's & don'ts, it's that I know BS when I hear/see it and I won't be sticking around a man who crosses lines with friends.
 happyhappydays
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 109
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:27:44 AM
I don't think there is anything wrong with having dinner with a friend of the opposite gender. I catch up with a mate about once a month for dinner. He has a girlfriend, I respect that, he has many female friends, as long as the line is not crossed there is nothing wrong with that.
Sharing a bed is not on, that is very intimate. I would not be impressed if my boyfriend shared a bed with a female.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 110
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 4:39:50 AM

can you be tempted to leave the relationship and its rocky period behind and go for the friend? you already have a couple of toes and maybe a foot into it already by just hanging out together as "friends".


So this is where some of the disagreement comes from. In my view, I don't have "a couple of toes into it" by being friends with someone. I almost never date friends--once a purely friends dynamic is established, that's how I tend to view my friends. And no, I've never hit a rough spot, talked with a male friend, and left an SO for that friend.

I'll also point out that anyone who wanted me to leave someone for them couldn't be a hugely ethical person, really, and I wouldn't trust him not to do the same thing and leave if I hit a rough spot with him. So the idea that he was being my "friend" with other motives would turn me off enough right there.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 111
view profile
History
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 6:02:40 AM
Msg 2 is my thoughts.

A friend is a friend.

While I do speak/act differently around females, then males (male thing..swearing, scratching where it itches..hey, we're guys..we do that sorta stuff), and am mindful of the difference in our sex..a friend is still a friend.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 112
view profile
History
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 6:03:46 AM
dorfus..I suspect you don't have many friends, with this attitude..if it's real.

Pity.
 Arlo_Troutman
Joined: 9/26/2009
Msg: 113
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 11:36:54 AM

(CB) This has zero to do with insecurity. It has everything to do with experience.


(~rain~) it has everything to do with insecurity ...


Fine. We get it: you think that not liking your SO chumming around with his/her exes MUST stem from insecurity.

I think that anyone who expects his/her SO to be fine with this, is an inconsiderate clod. So, it's a stalemate: you can call US names, we can call YOU names. What it all boils down to, is we're PROBABLY not compatible dating material.

Phil's Barometer of Acceptable Behaviour:

My SO wanting to have lunch with an ex: yeah, sure, whatever.
Dinner: Minor trigger that something ain't right...
Sleep in the same domicile (to say nothing of the same bed): What is WRONG with y0u, that you even THINK that this is appropriate to ASK, let alone DO? Here's your walking papers...

Sure is fun!

Phil...
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 114
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 12:39:58 PM
(note to Phil: this is not the thread about exes as friends.)

happy bunny asks:


How many long term relationships +15 years (even less in some cases) does anyone know of where either person has an exclusive very close opposite sex friend? I have several friends who have been in relationships this long.

Personally I know none.


Two close friends of mine are in long term relationships of more than 15 years and both have very close male friends. Over the years, the male friends have also become friends with the women's partners. I have lots of friends in ltr, including long marriages, who have opposite sex friends. I couldn't say how close those friendships are, but they certainly exist.

To share a bed with an opposite friend would, it seems to me, be quite unusual. I'd have questions for a partner who wanted to do this and I would expect to be asked questions if it ever seemed to an SO that I might share a bed with a male friend.

To visit a friend in another city, to have dinner, lunch, snacks, go golfing, fishing, etc., etc., including one-on-one alone time - - all fine -- I would expect a partner would have some kind of social life with friends of the opposite sex just as I'd expect he'd socialize with male friends.
 canadianguy976
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 115
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 12:43:21 PM
this is a really interesting one. i will read it

my girlfriend goes out with guy friends and I'm never really invited along, they tend to buy her lots of crap and pay for everything, it makes me a bit uncomfortable, but i dont think she's cheating. i find it kind of annoying that she'd do that. i dont care about guy friends, but to me, i should be de-facto invited along (although not come every time) and the gifts and food and expenses should be pay-your-own-way or mutually shared. having a guy take a girl out and pay for everything just seems too much like a date to me, at least that's probably what the other guy is thinking anyways
 canadianguy976
Joined: 9/14/2009
Msg: 116
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 1:02:21 PM
k i read everything

i think as long as the friendship is open to the partner a friend of the opposite sex is fine. caveat that: as long as it is open to the partner. A private friendship with the opposite sex has got to go. Maybe the friend is a dork and I wont like the guy, and I wont hang out with the two of them very often; but I want to be invited along to whatever by default.

as for the women, they arent going to like this but the men will understand it (dont bother flaming me over it ladies)

women and men have different versions of 'telling the truth'. To a man, once something comes out of his lips, if he's not intentionally lying at that very point, he holds himself to that throughout the past, present and future. To a man, a 'truth' is linked to his 'honor' and a truth is set in stone, any woman who asks a man to change something about himself or the way his house looks or the types of clothes that he wears will have encountered this. this is the guy fighting back; "this is who I am. I will not change who I am". Guys will hold onto old shoes and old hats and baseballs and sports equipment and also statements of truth they make.

to a woman, telling the truth just means she is telling how she feels right now. as in, 'well we were friends then but now we are in love, i wasnt lying, things have changed'. I know thats going to come across as a bit loaded but its really topical. This is why the guys on these boards over 30 are so jaded about the whole "he's just a friend" statement. To women, the 'truth' is adaptable, malleable, and changeable given the current circumstances. I had a girlfriend for a long time who wrote 'always and forever' on every card, note, inscription on a ring, and after every major romantic moment. One day, she decided she wanted to sleep around, and the whole concept of compromise was a waste of time. When I prodded her about that, she said, "i wasnt lying, I really meant that - at the time, now things are different".

This is the differences in concept for a mans truth and a woman's truth.

So whatever the case is between a particular male friend and a woman friend, the statment that 9 out of 10 of those guys would bang the girl if given the opening, is totally true. In fact, 8 out of those 10 guys are only there because they're waiting for the opening, there might be one out of those 10 guys who actually is seriously there for the friendship; if only the women actually knew about that one.

I cant count how many times I've gotten together with a girl who recently "befriended" me, who wasnt single when I met her. Once the guard was down and she felt comfortable with me, she would dump the boyfriend and start sleeping with me. Call it bawdy choices in women or whatever you want; I'm sure to her boyfriend I was just "a friend", that is I was just "a friend" until I was banging her regularly and she started calling me her knight in shining armour.

If the relationship is open to the partner, then you can see the innuendo between the two. If they talk for hours but have nothing to talk about when you're around, it's time to tell the guy to take a hike. Or if you go out with them and they're blabbering away about some work bullsh.t or some sport or shared interest and you're yawning and falling asleep, they probably do have good friendship worth maintaining and you've got nothing to be worried about.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 117
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 1:27:45 PM
principles of magic,

didn't i read in another thread that you are into a polyamorous lifestyle? if i remember correctly namrael is into it also.

in the polyamorous community its would be expected to have zero gender boundaries. polyamory is not the normal.....why do you bring these values into a discussion in a monogamous society?
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 118
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 1:31:29 PM
canadian guy,

please......we know that integrity is not gender specific. thats your own private reality and no one is going to buy it. you may want to get a grip on your negative attitude towards women or come out of the closet. one or the other.
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 119
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:15:47 PM
^^ no sleeping beauty, you did not read that in another thread, at least not in anything I wrote (unless there's some kind of huge typo!!). I am not now nor have I ever been into a polyamorous lifestyle. I am pretty sure actually that I am emotionally incapable of maintaining more than one sexual relationship at the same time and as far as I know, this is what is meant by polyamorous. I guess I was too vague in the relevant part of my one post in this thread: I would not be comfortable with a partner's wish to share a bed with an opposite sex friend. And I would not be comfortable -- whether in a relationship or not actually, to share a bed platonically with a male "friend." I would find such a scenario highly unusual, probably inappropriate and unnecessary and so would have questions for a partner who wanted to do that. Questions like, "why?"

Even so, I do not regard people who are polyamorous as alien or immoral beings . . . and I would imagine that they too would have need for boundaries and of course have friends who are not necessarily polyamorous and so I would assume that they too would have something to contribute to a thread like this one. Are you suggesting that those who do not fit your definition of "normal" should not be allowed to speak?

As for Namrael, she'll speak for herself if she chooses to.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 120
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:38:31 PM
Two close friends of mine are in long term relationships of more than 15 years and both have very close male friends. Over the years, the male friends have also become friends with the women's partners. I have lots of friends in ltr, including long marriages, who have opposite sex friends. I couldn't say how close those friendships are, but they certainly exist.


Thank you!

Note the key sentence in this paragraph, which is also how I do things with my friends:
Over the years, the male friends have also become friends with the women's partners.

This is the sentence where we see the respect being given. As I said, I hang out with my male friends but once they have a SO, the SO has always accompanied him and if not, the situations were group events.

Do your friends hang out ALONE with their male friends often?

Since you do not know how close the other ones are, they are a moot group.

Define "very close" please.

I also agree that polyamourous doesn't mean someone will sleep with their friends any more or less.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 121
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 2:39:50 PM
sleepingbeauty:


in the polyamorous community its would be expected to have zero gender boundaries. polyamory is not the normal.....why do you bring these values into a discussion in a monogamous society?


Wow, there are a number of incorrect assumptions.

1) There are definitely boundaries within poly relationships. Poly is not a free-for-all; there are agreed-upon rules and boundaries, based on what the people in a given relationship want, and how they want that relationship to function. There are tons of different polyamorous relationship structures, very few of which are free-for-alls where people are open to their partners sleeping with anyone they please, whenever they like.

As to gender boundaries: It depends upon the poly relationship. Some couples have what's referred to as a One Penis Policy, where a woman can sleep with other women but not other men; in that case, her friendships with other men might run the gamut and be treated differently from friendships with women. It might not, but that's also true of monogamy, that many couples don't distinguish based on gender even if the relationship is closed.

I'm extremely picky in my choice of partners, so it's worth noting that despite my being poly, I *still* don't sleep with my male friends.

2) Polyamory is not the societal norm, but it's perfectly normal for those who are polyamorous.

3) I've maintained monogamous relationships (and no, I've never cheated when I was in them). I was looking for a monogamous relationship for a while, and my feelings on these things were exactly as they are now; that people can and should negotiate the boundaries that work for them, trust each other, and work out insecurities. And that it's perfectly acceptable to have friends of the opposite sex, to spend time with them like you would any friend.

My thoughts on this topic aren't any less valid because my relationships are structured somewhat differently, and I've maintained healthy monogamous relationships while having plenty of platonic male friends as well. I don't see how this makes a big difference; my feelings on this don't change regardless.
 chameleonf
Joined: 12/22/2008
Msg: 122
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 3:13:03 PM
It's pretty much a given that the majority (the majority being somewhere around 60%, depending on a number of variables) of people are uncomortable with opposite sex friendships - either uncomfortable having one or uncomfortable with their partner having one. The topic interested me enough that I did a google search using the words "psychology - opposite sex friendships" . There's some interesting reading if one cares to take the time to read it instead of falling short of calling those with the opposing viewpoint derogatory names. From what I've read, a lot of the feeling comes from social stigmas (much like when divorce was considered taboo and it's evolved now to not being as much of one), as well as temptations with respect to the opposite sex and the "fear" of crossing boundaries. The majority (read not all) of men do view "friendships" differently for the most part than women do, but it's suggested a lot of that has to also do with social conditioning. We have been segregated in one form or another - women had their place, men had there's in society. All of this is changing and people are having to redefine their views on friendship and sexuality, as well as adjusting their boundaries and their own abilities to stay within those boudaries, as well as trusting the ability of their partners to do likewise. It's a pretty tall order for most people as the percentages would indicate, however, the percentage of those who can and do maintain friendships with the opposite sex is no miniscule number either.

I think there's a huge difference as well with respect to the type of friendships people are envisioning in this post. When I, for instance, talk about opposite sex friendships I may have, it's not going out and finding new friendships - I'm talking about those I've had for a number of years prior to meeting my SO. I'm also not talking about keeping an SO in the dark and excluding them, even though there may be times where the SO is not interested in doing something with the friend or isn't available at the same time to do something with the friend. For instance, I've gone to the farmers market with a male friend, then a meal while my SO had to work, and paid my own way just as I would if I went out with a female friend - it's not any more a date with the male than it is with the female - it's a social outing, not a romantic outing. I'm certainly not talking about sharing a bed with a male friend - I wouldn't do that with a female friend. As POM says, there's no need to. When my brother comes to visit, for instance, I wouldn't think of sharing a bed with him any more than I would with anyone else I'm not in a relationship with - there are very few who would share a bed with a friend, male or female, even though I understand there are those very few who have this type of friendship dynamic.

There are those who can and those who can't have opposite sex friendships. It's all good. What it says for both types of people is that you each know your own strengths, weaknesses, boundaries, and yes, that word that so many people seem to think is a four letter word, insecurities. I'm not telling people they have to have opposite sex friendships and expect it to work for them; I'm saying that I can and do because of the type of person I am and the type of people my friends are and I respect that you don't have them because you can't.
 principles of magic
Joined: 1/7/2009
Msg: 123
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 3:22:23 PM
happy bunny:


Do your friends hang out ALONE with their male friends often?


One of them does, yes, constantly. He is frequently at her house for dinner with her and her daughter and they both consider him as part of the family. My friend relies on this male friend for help around her home, for help with her daughter, for friendship. The husband and father of the child is often away from home for extended periods (and before any of you begin to speculate as to why this would be - we live on an island and in both the fishery and the oil business in the North Atlantic there are many who are away from home for long periods of time, mostly men. It is a fact of life here for many couples and families.). When he is home, yes, the three of them socialize together or the two men go off for lunch or a beer or a round of golf.


Define "very close" please.


That is how I define very close. The example above.

In the case of the other friend and her male friend, they do not see each other nearly as often because he lives in a different city. But the friendship between the male friend and her partner did not materialize instantly. Obviously there was a period during which she and her partner successfully negotiated whatever they needed to in order for her friendship to continue. How close is that friendship? Close. The kind of close friendship that exists between friends who used to live in the same city but now no longer do. The kind of close friendship I have with her where when we do see each other or talk on the phone we are perfectly comfortable to talk about personal stuff, to pour our hearts out to each other if necessary about life, our children, our work, our love lives.

Yes, I call that very close also.
 sleeping beauty
Joined: 6/19/2008
Msg: 124
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 6:09:45 PM
namrael and p o m,

the western culture is primarily monogamous. seems like common sense to me that it would be less confusing if you(namrael) were to clarify that you are polyamorous as you give your opinons in threads such as this because the rules are all different.

also p o m, you live an in an unusual subculture and that is worth clarifying as you give your opinons as well.
 namrael
Joined: 8/10/2008
Msg: 125
Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??
Posted: 5/23/2010 6:23:14 PM
sb: I'm posting here from a perspective of how I would conduct monogamous relationships as well. I don't see how my being poly affects my ability to talk about monogamous relationships, which I've had and sought, and which I understand fairly well. If I were speaking out of a more poly perspective, I would have clarified; however, it wasn't particularly relevant here.

Western culture is nominally monogamous, primarily, but if you look at the rates of cheating, that's not nearly as widely practiced as many people might like to think. And the idea that western culture is primarily monogamous doesn't mean I don't have valuable things to say that might even apply to monogamous relationships.
Show ALL Forums  > Relationships  > Opposite sex friends...where do you draw the line??