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 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 26
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?Page 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
If a guy is talking to a woman he has some sort of interest in, he'll ask a woman out on a date/meet/first meet. Whatever it is.
I have been out on quite a few dates/first meets in the past year. I never ask "Do you want to do something?" I always ask the woman "Are you busy on Friday evening (or Saturday evening, whichever I know I am free)? I was wondering if you would like to go out for dinner and drinks at______?" And 9 times out of 10 she will say yes. And if the evening out went well, which I KNOW she will feel comfortable and enjoy it, and I liked her company chances are, I will ask her out again.
Last summer I went out on 3 dinner dates with a woman I met off of here. I then asked her a few days later after the 3rd date if she would like to go to this concert, which I knew she liked the artist and I did too, and she replied "I would love to" and so I got the tickets. Mind you nothing ever came about us, and we just ended up with a friendship. But those 4 dates were fun, enjoyable, sure they were not cheap, but it was only money, the main thing was did we BOTH enjoy each time out? Yes.
I believe if a guy enjoys the evening out with the woman he asked, and it is up to him to make the evening out enjoyable for her, then he will ask again.
 HawkingJr
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 27
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History
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 5/24/2010 12:20:09 PM
WIP: Not that I'm suggesting you do this on a "first meet," but what if you end up making out with the guy? Is it still not a "date"? Speaking of which, I've never once had a second "meet" with a woman who didn't kiss me on the first "meet." Which has nothing to do with my intentions -- I try to set up second "meets" with non-kissers and they usually just don't want to do it. Meanwhile the "kissers" are far more likely to insist that the first "meet" is actually a "date." Which sort of suggests what sanyo was saying is true, to some extent.

Also, do you distinguish between a meeting for the purposes of friendship-only and a meeting for the purposes of determining if you're going to have romantic intentions? Or do you not meet members of the opposite from online for the purposes of friendship-only? Just seems the latter category would be a "date" by definition in relation to the former, where you know there is no romantic intention.

Not to say I don't agree with your last line. But apparently for some women (I doubt most men care) it is a big deal that the first "meet" not be considered a "date." (Maybe it allows them to say "I've only dated 5 guys in my life" if they can discount the 25 they just "met," I don't know.)
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 28
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 5/24/2010 1:21:46 PM

WIP: Not that I'm suggesting you do this on a "first meet," but what if you end up making out with the guy? Is it still not a "date"?

I don't do that, so no - it's still a meet. It's usually during the day in a coffee shop or something similar, so it's also not an atmosphere for it. I can't start making out with a guy I barely know - there's nothing there to spark such a thing when there's a blank slate. I'm just not inspired to.

Speaking of which, I've never once had a second "meet" with a woman who didn't kiss me on the first "meet." Which has nothing to do with my intentions -- I try to set up second "meets" with non-kissers and they usually just don't want to do it. Meanwhile the "kissers" are far more likely to insist that the first "meet" is actually a "date." Which sort of suggests what sanyo was saying is true, to some extent.

I may find a guy attractive, but that doesn't mean I'm comfortable with any of that when I just met him 10 minutes ago. *shrug*

Also, do you distinguish between a meeting for the purposes of friendship-only and a meeting for the purposes of determining if you're going to have romantic intentions? Or do you not meet members of the opposite from online for the purposes of friendship-only? Just seems the latter category would be a "date" by definition in relation to the former, where you know there is no romantic intention.

If I'm meeting someone with no intention of ever dating them, it's usually already mutually known before it's set up. There is never a romantic intention until I get there and know I have interest or not.

Not to say I don't agree with your last line. But apparently for some women (I doubt most men care) it is a big deal that the first "meet" not be considered a "date." (Maybe it allows them to say "I've only dated 5 guys in my life" if they can discount the 25 they just "met," I don't know.)

It's merely an appointment that was filled, and we moved on knowing we now like each other or not. I don't like the word date because it tends to cause people to make more out of it than it is; people tend to have a visual of dinner and movies, etc in their minds when they hear the word - as it's only a meeting of two people who want to see if there's mutual romantic interest in person, I think it's a good way to cause a misunderstanding. When you say date and then specify it only be a half hour long - you tend to get "but that's not really a date" - well, of course it isn't. Not calling it that avoids the discussion in the first place.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 29
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 5/24/2010 4:29:00 PM
Although the question also is, how many women HAVE been asked on a 2nd date or "1st date" after the initial meet and was not at all interested in the guy as opposed to being interested and he does not ask?

I used to get a bit annoyed that the women were never interested in me because of my "lack of physical attraction" but now I have a different mindset, to enjoy meeting the person and just figure oh well, onto the next, if she rejects me for a 2nd date.
Most women I have met have not been all that bad personwise and most I have asked on a 2nd date. Alot have said no, some have said yes. But even if someone does go on a 2nd, 3rd etc, still does not mean they are at all interested in you. The woman may think of you as a fun guy they enjoy being out with. We all cannot be liked or wanted the way we wish, but that does not mean you cannot enjoy the dating game/scene to some extent.
 JanieLi
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 30
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/17/2010 2:48:37 PM
On my first meeting he kept talking about he needed a date for an event coming up....never came out and asked me. Later in the week he texted me and said he decided not to go to the baskball game and that we should go to the hock game (did this me mean going with him). Then he asked me a couple days later how close I worked to the arena so I could go pick up the tickets (the majority time when you have "season" tickets you should have already gotten them in the mail. When I said no way he asked me if I could take a change of clothes and meet him at the arena district! Again NO WAY. Pick me up as your date!!!! I did him a favor by getting one of the team jerseys signed by one of owners. Arrogant, and selfish is what he is. Told him he needed to find someelse to take. He wasn't worth it in my opinion
 CMonster
Joined: 12/4/2004
Msg: 31
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:25:52 PM
^^^^^
I think his efforts could have been taken as "genuine" more easily if he didn't put so much effort into trying to make her into some type of concierge.

Just sayin'.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 32
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/17/2010 11:27:29 PM
at the end of the first date, i might not know exactly and have the 2nd date already lined up in my mind.


I will go in for a kiss if I had a good time and were attracted to you.


either at the end of the date- or on the first phone call after that date, i will let you know that I had a great time and that I would love to see you again.


i don't ask women what they want to do until we are dating each other regularly.

i'd never ask "do you want to do something?"

those are weak questions from weak men.

do you really want to continue dating an indecisive man such as this, plus one that does not want a kiss from you on the 1st date?


"you should invite me over" means of course, all I want is to see you in your birthday suit.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 33
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/18/2010 4:30:38 AM
"First meet" is not a date? When is a "first meet" itself a date? Is it ever a date? If a first meet itself isn't ever a date, then I've gone on dates with far less women than I previously thought.


Yeah, I rather did a double take here...is this a new word in the "dating" world? lol

A first "meet"...what is that? lol

Why are people are afraid to call it what it REALLY is....a date?


I don't consider a first meet a date...usually.


Thought I heard everything. lol People are calling them "first meets" now....interesting. You did throw a "usually" in there...so that means that are times when you do call it a first date? I was talking to a guy the other day, and he's always referring to his first "meets" as his date.

"Yeah, I have this date tomorrow night with a woman I met on POF". I guess little does he know that the lady he's meeting might define it as something else?

It's all the same to me, call it what you want I suppose, tomato, to-mah-to
 JanieLi
Joined: 9/18/2010
Msg: 34
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/18/2010 6:17:47 AM
It was a blunder on my part.....I meant date!
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 35
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/31/2010 10:05:20 PM

I always call it a meet. If it goes well and I like the guy, I call it a meet that went well. For me though the word date implies romantic intention, and unless/until I meet a guy I can't really technically have any romantic intention, so to me it's a meet.

I don't care what anyone else calls it tho, so long as they don't make more out of it than it is. Two people getting face to face quickly to see whether or not they should keep talking.


The likelihood of a second date is inversely proportional to how interested you are in him.

If you really like him, not a chance. If he gives you the creeps, he'll be all over it.

Oops, I think my cynicism is showing.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 36
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 10/31/2010 11:49:41 PM
What I would really like is a man with a plan.

The do have a plan, actually, but they're not looking ahead, because...

What I am hearing is "do you want to do something?"

... that is their plan. They want to know if you're interested. If you are, it doesn't matter what you end up doing. I'm not saying that's the best way to ask a girl out -- it's more of a delivery thing. They probably are assuming it'd be grabbing something to eat or meeting for a drink by default...

.... but their plan is to validate mutual interest. They should approach it better, don't get me wrong, but at the same time -- who wants to have to take a girl out who only said yes because you mentioned a great fancy place, but would have said no to something generic, right? But yes, they should at least point out something generic... but their mind is just on whether you have interest of the concept of going out.

Why make plans for something with someone if you don't even know if they're interested in spending time with ya? Or what kind of food you like or don't like... that should come after you validate w/ a "yes".

Or my most recent experience, after meeting once and planning to see each other last night, he was going to come up with a plan. He texts me: "you should invite me over". What the heck. We didn't even kiss the first meet.

Now this is an entirely different type of situation. Well, first, you not having a kiss on the first meet wouldn't change the situation at all vs having had a kiss goodnight... (or at least shouldn't).

I think that's just a weird response, especially if the guy was on a mission to come up with a plan, and you guys just recently met. I would say if it really just happened like that, then the guy lacks romantic interest in you and wants to just cut to the chase of the fun stuff.

With that said though, a gal can be just as frustrating sometimes, too in an opposite direction.... which would be expecting a guy to "court" them an old-fashioned way where the guy is to take them out here and there and prove himself to her as being a requirement of everything, and a kiss goodnight at the most during a series of hoops (masked as dates) to jump through.... Additionally (not saying you, OP, expect this) expecting a guy to have specific laid-out plans laid out on what you and he WILL do before he even asks her, and he, the contestant is awarded points for higher creativity & care put into it.

What is it today? Not either situation.... but much much less formal than what stories & tv say about generations past... to what degree depends on how you read the person, but if it skews off into some role-playing-courting-contestant situation or just "invite me over" after failing to come up with just a general basic idea -- then that's just silly. :)
 AintNoDeal
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 37
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/1/2010 12:30:20 AM
I thought the old-school dates were just sitting on a porch talking about your interests and plans (family and career) for the future....???

So this idea that some guy has to schedule a serious of fabulous adventures for his date on a weekly basis is just the product of women watching too many Elvis movies. Sorry, gals, most dates are not going to end in a bar fight, a car wreck, or a midnight ride on a motorcycle to an abandoned farm under the moonlight. There will not be a convenient quartet sitting 10 feet away to fill in the chorus as your date croons some romantic ballad.

==================================

I've only had one method: I announce what it is I'm going to do, and I ask if she is willing to accompany me:
- I like to eat at restaurant X, would you like to join me?
- I like to go to the street fair every year on the Nth of this month, would you like to come along?
- I want to see the new movie, "Action in a Strange Place". I'm going Saturday, would you like to join me?
- The circus is in town, I'm going to see it either the last week of this month or tomorrow. Would you like to go with me to the circus?

Basically, I'm doing these event whether the date shows up or not. If she likes the activity, she needs to say 'yes'; if she wants an excuse just to hang out, she needs to say 'yes'. Either way, I will have fun.

I will never say "I'm going to the Sewing and Crafts Exposition". If she suggests it, I will say "See you when you get back."

You don't have to have the plan SHE LIKES, you only need to show that you have A PLAN - be it for yourself, or everyone. She can join your lifestyle or be passed by. Women who have an interest in men will run to catch the train of events the men PLAN to attend.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 38
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/1/2010 4:31:09 AM
^^^Agreed - I am the same way. I don't plan to do anything with someone I wasn't wanting to do anyway. I plan things the same way: "here's what's going on, you're welcome to join." I don't make plans around people I've just met or hardly know. I make plans around the activity and they are an addition to that plan, should they decide they want to be.

More should do that. It's not a bad thing to do things solo - it gives you a lot of freedom. Making plans that way the person you're inviting won't bother your schedule one way or the other by their actions. You're only capable of being stood up if you're depending on someone else to have a good time.
 Fierysunlvr
Joined: 1/14/2010
Msg: 39
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History
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/3/2010 10:31:07 PM
Abelian...for real?? That's how you work it? You ask someone that you met online to kiss on the first date to see if there's a 2nd? Or what I'm really asking is that how this online dating thing works?

With guys I've met in real life, I have no problem with kissing on the first date, as we've already met and there is some chemistry assumed.

I don't want to kiss someone I've met online on our first date. I recently met someone that I met online for lunch. It was our first meet and actually the conversation was nice. After lunch he walked with me to my car and then asked to kiss me and I said No, in a shocked and horrified voice. Kissing felt too soon for someone I'd met online, but then again I am new to online dating and I'm not sure how it is supposed to play out.

When I meet/go out with someone I've met online I am expecting absolutely nothing more than making a friend. I'm not expecting any physical interaction from meeting someone online, although I am open to a relationship developing from the friendship.

Someone told me that when men date online they are expecting to either get laid or have a relationship and that they want to cut to the chase quickly and not waste time.
Men are not doing online dating just to meet people and have something to do. I guess if thats the way it is, I shouldnt be dating online.
 soicat
Joined: 3/3/2010
Msg: 40
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/3/2010 10:47:37 PM
If we don't kiss at the conclusion of the first date, I press the clear button.
 DaiseyMoonshine
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 41
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 6:21:19 AM
What the OP is saying is mostly true.... there many times guys want you to put out on the first date, or expect you to blow them on the car ride home for a enchilada dinner. How roooomantic <3

Oftentimes, I even think we may be a magnet for dirtbags, attracting the wrong guys. Sometimes you are just better off remaining single.

Don't give up. It takes awhile to find the right guy. Dating has it's highs and lows, often with a lot of lows. It's very discouraging, hard to pick yourself up again after a new low, but hopefully the right match is out there.

Generally, guys want a girlfriend, however they don't want to go out for drinks or to dinner, they just want you to sit around at their place, drink at home vs going out so they can get all the free sex they want without much contributing effort at all. Some will even offer you gas money for driving out there, and then they always 'forget' and puts the girl out financially to 'support' the relationship & having her make all the effort.

Some may combine a date with their preplanned hobby/activities so you sit there bored half the time while they do their thing. My ex husband had an affair, and he obviously put more effort into the affair than he did in the marriage. Leaving notes on her car. Taking her out. Phoning her ten times a day. It might have had a chance had he put forth half the effort into me as he did for his side piece. Sad but true.
 Captain_Wayne
Joined: 5/24/2010
Msg: 42
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 6:57:17 AM
Not sure what you are saying here. You want a man to take charge when it comes to the dating and dream up really clever stuff? I can pick places to go, but I do not want the pressure of having to plan all sorts of imaginative twists for wild and crazy dates all the time. In your area I can think of a bunch of neet things to do. Wandering around the Omsi is always fun, as is hitting the malls or riding up Mount Hood and taking the tram. I can't find my butt in Portland with both hands, but I have two kids who live in Gresham and they make great guides. Lol. For those who have dated long enough to be intimate, there is an awesomely romantic little bed and breakfast over in Scappoose.
 DudeistPriest
Joined: 3/30/2009
Msg: 43
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 11:18:21 AM
[What I am hearing is "do you want to do something?"]
I don't see the problem here. It's a yes or no question. If the answer is yes THEN I can start planning.

" What do you want to do?"
Sounds like step one in the planning process. Is there something particular you would like to do, or are you up for anything.

["you should invite me over"]
Sounds like a man with a plan. Isn't that what you are asking for?

Look, no one is asking you take make all the decisions or do all the planning. They're only asking you a couple of simple questions, to be a participant.

"Honey, were going to ball game this Saturday. I'll pick you up at at 7."
"I wish you would have asked me before making plans. You never consider my feelings about anything."
"Your right. I'm sorry. We can do something else, what would you like to do?"
"Can't you be more decisive. Have a back bone. Do I have to plan everything?"
 JRodriguez81
Joined: 2/24/2010
Msg: 44
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:05:52 PM

I thought the old-school dates were just sitting on a porch talking about your interests and plans (family and career) for the future....???

So this idea that some guy has to schedule a serious of fabulous adventures for his date on a weekly basis is just the product of women watching too many Elvis movies. Sorry, gals, most dates are not going to end in a bar fight, a car wreck, or a midnight ride on a motorcycle to an abandoned farm under the moonlight. There will not be a convenient quartet sitting 10 feet away to fill in the chorus as your date croons some romantic ballad.

==================================

I've only had one method: I announce what it is I'm going to do, and I ask if she is willing to accompany me:
- I like to eat at restaurant X, would you like to join me?
- I like to go to the street fair every year on the Nth of this month, would you like to come along?
- I want to see the new movie, "Action in a Strange Place". I'm going Saturday, would you like to join me?
- The circus is in town, I'm going to see it either the last week of this month or tomorrow. Would you like to go with me to the circus?

Basically, I'm doing these event whether the date shows up or not. If she likes the activity, she needs to say 'yes'; if she wants an excuse just to hang out, she needs to say 'yes'. Either way, I will have fun.

I will never say "I'm going to the Sewing and Crafts Exposition". If she suggests it, I will say "See you when you get back."

You don't have to have the plan SHE LIKES, you only need to show that you have A PLAN - be it for yourself, or everyone. She can join your lifestyle or be passed by. Women who have an interest in men will run to catch the train of events the men PLAN to attend.




You got it buddy. Simple.
 DaiseyMoonshine
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 45
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:09:19 PM
" That's not entirely true. While I enjoy sitting around drinking at home and having free sex, I hate it when she sits around at home and drinks all my hooch. Can't women just sit around and have free sex? Do they have to drink all my liquor too? "

hahaha stop talking and pour me a drink
I'll probably get twice as messed up since you didn't buy me dinner
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 46
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:55:13 PM
If I'm interested, the end of the first meet always ends up with me asking them on an actual date.
I pay, plan, and everything!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 47
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History
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 3:28:02 PM

Whether it is having a quick cup of coffee for 20 minutes or spending 5 hours at a bunch of upscale places.


The first makes sense to me, but the second does not. The only way I would do anything much more than a cup of coffee is if I'd e-mailed and talked on the phone with someone so much that we felt we somewhat knew each other. The odds of hitting it off with someone you meet online are long enough that you have to plan on doing a lot of it. That makes spending $50 and hours together on every first meeting pretty silly.

Given traffic and distance in greater L.A., you often have quite a bit of time invested in each one, anyway. I also prefer to meet someone roughly halfway between where we live. (Which sometimes means that the area in between is not desirable to meet in, or even if it's OK, that neither of you knows any of the places there. So that too takes time to figure out.)

I wouldn't even think of any of this if the lady and I liked each other and were actually dating. But if someone expects the whole nine yards when we're almost strangers, she has the wrong guy. Keep it short and simple at first, and if anything clicks, then go on from there.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:58:53 PM

I don't want to kiss someone I've met online on our first date.

But someone you met from the bar the other night -- that's okay? Yeah, it should be... guys from the bar aren't looking for sex... or a guy you met thru another friend -- they're never much desiring of sex either. ;)

When I meet/go out with someone I've met online I am expecting absolutely nothing more than making a friend.

BullSh!t to the nth degree. :) If you have a 'date', which is what you're calling it -- you ARE expecting more than making a friend. When that's followed thru by physical actions is beside the point.

JUST making a friend means you wouldn't be coming remotely close to 'cheating' on a jealous spouse. So by that rationale, one can tell their spouse that they're busy, because they want to meet a gal from an online dating site -- but not expecting ANYTHING more than making a friend. I'm sure the spouse would respond well to that line of thinking. :)

Someone told me that when men date online they are expecting to either get laid or have a relationship

At some point, sure. Not necessarily on the first date, and certainly not expecting that on a lunch date or anything... but yes, expecting to not just be friends. That's palin-retarded. :)

and that they want to cut to the chase quickly and not waste time.

As far as something developing, yeah. Would you want to waste your time? Maybe times our comfort zones like to waste time (sitting on the couch too much, doing particular things inefficiently, etc), but one's comfort zone doesn't automatically mean it's the wisest (and therefore any other process is warranted criticism just because of that).
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 49
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:03:56 PM

The first makes sense to me, but the second does not. The only way I would do anything much more than a cup of coffee is if I'd e-mailed and talked on the phone with someone so much that we felt we somewhat knew each other. The odds of hitting it off with someone you meet online are long enough that you have to plan on doing a lot of it. That makes spending $50 and hours together on every first meeting pretty silly


The poster you quoted wasn't advocating going to an upscale place on a first date / meeting. His/her point was that he/she would consider the first meeting with someone from a dating site to be a date. Regardless of time length or activity. Which I agree with.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 50
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:08:48 PM
Sure, I ask for actual dates....but that's when the ladies pull their disappearing act once they realize they have to meet face to face. LOL
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