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Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  > After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?      Home login  
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 DaiseyMoonshine
Joined: 8/6/2010
Msg: 45
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?Page 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
" That's not entirely true. While I enjoy sitting around drinking at home and having free sex, I hate it when she sits around at home and drinks all my hooch. Can't women just sit around and have free sex? Do they have to drink all my liquor too? "

hahaha stop talking and pour me a drink
I'll probably get twice as messed up since you didn't buy me dinner
 SpecificTruths
Joined: 9/19/2009
Msg: 46
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 2:55:13 PM
If I'm interested, the end of the first meet always ends up with me asking them on an actual date.
I pay, plan, and everything!
 matchlight
Joined: 1/31/2009
Msg: 47
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After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 3:28:02 PM

Whether it is having a quick cup of coffee for 20 minutes or spending 5 hours at a bunch of upscale places.


The first makes sense to me, but the second does not. The only way I would do anything much more than a cup of coffee is if I'd e-mailed and talked on the phone with someone so much that we felt we somewhat knew each other. The odds of hitting it off with someone you meet online are long enough that you have to plan on doing a lot of it. That makes spending $50 and hours together on every first meeting pretty silly.

Given traffic and distance in greater L.A., you often have quite a bit of time invested in each one, anyway. I also prefer to meet someone roughly halfway between where we live. (Which sometimes means that the area in between is not desirable to meet in, or even if it's OK, that neither of you knows any of the places there. So that too takes time to figure out.)

I wouldn't even think of any of this if the lady and I liked each other and were actually dating. But if someone expects the whole nine yards when we're almost strangers, she has the wrong guy. Keep it short and simple at first, and if anything clicks, then go on from there.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 48
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/4/2010 5:58:53 PM

I don't want to kiss someone I've met online on our first date.

But someone you met from the bar the other night -- that's okay? Yeah, it should be... guys from the bar aren't looking for sex... or a guy you met thru another friend -- they're never much desiring of sex either. ;)

When I meet/go out with someone I've met online I am expecting absolutely nothing more than making a friend.

BullSh!t to the nth degree. :) If you have a 'date', which is what you're calling it -- you ARE expecting more than making a friend. When that's followed thru by physical actions is beside the point.

JUST making a friend means you wouldn't be coming remotely close to 'cheating' on a jealous spouse. So by that rationale, one can tell their spouse that they're busy, because they want to meet a gal from an online dating site -- but not expecting ANYTHING more than making a friend. I'm sure the spouse would respond well to that line of thinking. :)

Someone told me that when men date online they are expecting to either get laid or have a relationship

At some point, sure. Not necessarily on the first date, and certainly not expecting that on a lunch date or anything... but yes, expecting to not just be friends. That's palin-retarded. :)

and that they want to cut to the chase quickly and not waste time.

As far as something developing, yeah. Would you want to waste your time? Maybe times our comfort zones like to waste time (sitting on the couch too much, doing particular things inefficiently, etc), but one's comfort zone doesn't automatically mean it's the wisest (and therefore any other process is warranted criticism just because of that).
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 49
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:03:56 PM

The first makes sense to me, but the second does not. The only way I would do anything much more than a cup of coffee is if I'd e-mailed and talked on the phone with someone so much that we felt we somewhat knew each other. The odds of hitting it off with someone you meet online are long enough that you have to plan on doing a lot of it. That makes spending $50 and hours together on every first meeting pretty silly


The poster you quoted wasn't advocating going to an upscale place on a first date / meeting. His/her point was that he/she would consider the first meeting with someone from a dating site to be a date. Regardless of time length or activity. Which I agree with.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 50
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 3:08:48 PM
Sure, I ask for actual dates....but that's when the ladies pull their disappearing act once they realize they have to meet face to face. LOL
 marybooksandmusic
Joined: 5/30/2010
Msg: 51
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 7:36:47 PM
My goodness, I've certainly learned a lot from reading this thread.

I've been on quite a few pleasant POF dates and I haven't kissed anyone at the end of the first date. Don't intend to start, either, regardless of what the current expectation is. That's just not for me. I want to kiss someone when it means something, not because it's the convention.

It didn't occur to me that a man wouldn't ask me out again because he got no kiss, but I suppose that just shows the effectiveness of this. I'm obviously not a woman comfortable with that, so I wouldn't be the right woman for him and he wouldn't be the right man for me anyway.

I call it 'meeting' when it's the first time meeting, and 'dating' once we've met, but I don't suppose it really matters what you call it, does it?
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 52
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 8:03:55 PM
To each his or her own. I find 'first meetings' counterproductive. JMO. If I have interest in someone enough to meet them- heck-let's go have fun, even if we don't hit it off. Let's date.
Coffee 'dates'-
This is my clue that a guy isn't my cup of tea...or should I say coffee?.
Going on a date allows us to be in a dating frame of mind so to speak. The dating world may have changed some with the advent of online dating and ad infinitum presuppositions, for some,,,but dating is still dating if one allows it to be.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 53
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After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 9:29:06 PM

Coffee 'dates'-


I agree. To me, if a guy says he wants to meet for coffee or a drink, he would probably be interested in having you walk up to him, shake his hand, and walk away. He'll see you coming and going... that's all he wanted, lol.

But...In all fairness though, some are not honest with their profiles/pic's, both men and women from what I've heard. So this is understandable and not as shallow as I once thought. The honest will always suffer for the sins of the dishonest, lol.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 54
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/7/2010 10:46:05 PM
I understand the reasoning for the quick coffee dates / meetings. A negative aspect about them is that many people have really high expectations. They expect an instant connection with a virtual stranger within 15-30 minutes. Otherwise they will quickly lose interest. Many times there won't be an instant connection during a quick coffee date because 2 people don't really know each other yet. Or one person may be a little shy or nervous at first. If 2 people agree to a quick coffee date, then I think the bar should be relatively low. Just make sure there aren't any clear dealbreakers.
 Nextmove
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 55
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 3:37:25 AM
I agree.... I think it would be nice for me to ask you on an actual 'date'. The first meeting isn't a date in my mind, it's just an opportunity to make sure both parties don't have two heads and actually look like their photos, cause... come on, we've all turned up for coffee or whatever at some stage, only to find out that the person in front of us was certainly not the person we saw on their profile (well at least not recently anyway). So, it doesn't matter if I liked the person or not, I doubt that I would be locking lips with them after a mere cup of coffee.... like one person on here suggested.
 umbrellaman21
Joined: 9/21/2010
Msg: 56
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 3:48:48 AM
I agree. To me, if a guy says he wants to meet for coffee or a drink, he would probably be interested in having you walk up to him, shake his hand, and walk away. He'll see you coming and going... that's all he wanted, lol.

But...In all fairness though, some are not honest with their profiles/pic's, both men and women from what I've heard. So this is understandable and not as shallow as I once thought. The honest will always suffer for the sins of the dishonest, lol


What's wrong with a coffee /drink date...as a FIRST date? That's actually pretty much the standard for an online first date. I mean, that way you can find out if this is the kind of person you'd like to see again or not, then on the 2nd date, is where you can plan a little more involved date.

At the most, I'll do a quick lunch date for a first date.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 57
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:35:56 AM
I think it would be nice for me to ask you on an actual 'date'. The first meeting isn't a date in my mind, it's just an opportunity to make sure both parties don't have two heads and actually look like their photos, cause... come on, we've all turned up for coffee or whatever at some stage, only to find out that the person in front of us was certainly not the person we saw on their profile (well at least not recently anyway).


The reason why I think the first time you go out with a person from a dating site is a date is this. As mentioned by a few other posters, a date is a prearranged meeting with another person with the intent of finding out if there is any romantic interest. Regardless of time length, activity etc. If a person wasn't completely honest with themselves or there was some other reason why you weren't interested, then it's a date that didn't work out.

I don't think this is much different than a failed date with someone that you had randomly met at a bar or a bookstore and had a conversation with for about 15-20 minutes before exchanging numbers. Yes I obviously realize you would know what that person looks like in that situation. But there are many other possible reasons why a failed first date didn't work out. I'm sure that most people had at least 1 failed first date with someone they had met at a bar or a bookstore .

Also the first date doesn't have to be a coffee or a drink. It could be a walk in a park, mini-golf, a game of pool, or even dinner at an inexpensive restaurant. My first dates ( with someone from a dating site ) were activities that lasted about 45 minutes to a hour. That way we can either naturally end the date or extend it and do something else. Depending on our schedules and how well the date is going.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 58
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:58:42 AM
I have a date (first meet) with a guy who is going to be loads of fun, but we already know it's not going anywhere. We have too many dealbreakers in the way, but we sure do get a kick out of trying to amuse each other. We decided to meet anyway as friends, just for a hoot.

Making too many rules up about how things are "supposed" to be sure is limiting. I honestly am not looking for more than friendship with this man. I bet we are going to have a GREAT time. He is as goofy as I am. How can that be anything but fun? I don't even care if he asks me out again, but wouldnt it be typical if we did go out again. Girl cant win, ends up dating platonic friend until he meets someone else.

I DO like to set the plans for the first date or two. I have figured out what makes me comfortable while meeting strange men from the internet and I plan to stick with it.

Anyone who invites himself over to my home is going to find himself dateless. Even if I was on fire burning with lust for you (not likely with someone I just met) that doesnt mean it is wise for me to indulge it. I must weigh my emotional, spiritual and sexual health very precisely before I enter into a physical relationship with anyone. I assume that is the main reason I am still ALIVE. Caution is a good thing, imo.

If a man can't understand why a woman needs to protect herself, then I am going to assume you are just too stupid to date me. I'll bail on a dumbazz so fast he wont even see my dustcloud.

After the first couple dates, I will know if I trust him or not and I'll be more into it, but that first meeting needs to be on my terms or it just isnt going to happen.

I'm not a "kiss on the first date" person either, but of course as soon as I say something like that, I am immediately compelled to rebel against it.

Rules just arent my thing, that's why they call me the iconoclast. The only rules that concern me are the ones I lay down for myself.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 59
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 9:08:17 AM
^^^Because it's fun. I like people in general. Attractive men in particular. Loyal girlfriends especially.

If he's not returning calls, email or texts, then I write him off immediately. Next!
If I KNOW he's really busy, he has about 24 hours to at least reply to my last communication. 24 hours annoys me. 48 hours, it's over. I don't expect anyone to chase me either. It's all about courtesy and communication.

I don't expect much, so I am never disappointed. I am usually surprised when it DOES turn into something.

The rare times I AM disappointed is only when I REALLY like him and he doesnt feel the same way. That's only human and it happens in the real world too, so I'm not going to complain about that.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 60
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 10:24:11 AM

I don't think this is much different than a failed date with someone that you had randomly met at a bar or a bookstore and had a conversation with for about 15-20 minutes before exchanging numbers.

It's very different. You've already been face to face with that person and know there's an attraction. You also aren't wondering if their pics match their persona, or if their height/weight/age are false. You can call that a date because you're actually romantically interested, whereas online you're hoping you will be, but aren't actually sure yet.

I don't expect much, so I am never disappointed. I am usually surprised when it DOES turn into something.

The rare times I AM disappointed is only when I REALLY like him and he doesnt feel the same way. That's only human and it happens in the real world too, so I'm not going to complain about that.

Exactly, girl. So simple huh? Amazing so many don't get it. Enjoy, have fun in the moment, and don't expect it to go anywhere - yet be open to it and go with it if it does. Don't take things personally or get your hopes up. Not rocket science. The minute it's not fun, why do it? It will be if you have the right mindset.

Tell yourself you're going out somewhere briefly to enjoy the atmosphere and learn about a new person, and that's it. All else is gravy.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 61
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 11:08:50 AM
In the end, we are all responsible for our own fun. I go out, I share a drink or a meal and I get to meet someone I would not otherwise have had an opportunity to meet.

That's about all I expect. That's all you can possibly expect from a stranger!

I've met some great guys, none have been a match yet. Yeah, it sucks when I really like him and he doesnt feel it, but no one ever said life was fair.

The not-so-great guys are still pretty good for sport. It's like clubbing baby seals without the guilt.
 Want_You_2010
Joined: 8/31/2009
Msg: 62
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 2:05:18 PM

Hmmm... my experience lately seems to be: have a first meet, get on really well, definitely a bit of 'spark' there, they ask for another date, suggesting lunch or cinema - then you never hear from them again! Your polite enquiry texts are ignored and some even delete their profile.

It all becomes so tiresome you think, why bother?


Well it seems most women will meet, get thier free night out and then not bother to return my calls or even better, set up another night out, I show up at the restaurant or theatre waiting and she does not show.
Best date was a woman showed up with her friend and I ended up paying for both. They never thanked me for the evening out and as I was paying the bill, left. Gotta say us guys sure deserve that though in many women's eyes.
 1eastshore
Joined: 11/3/2010
Msg: 63
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/8/2010 6:28:48 PM
It's very different. You've already been face to face with that person and know there's an attraction. You also aren't wondering if their pics match their persona, or if their height/weight/age are false. You can call that a date because you're actually romantically interested, whereas online you're hoping you will be, but aren't actually sure yet


Looks are just 1 part of the equation. I could go out on a date with a person and not have enough romantic interest for a second date because of many other reasons besides looks. He could be arrogant, constantly complaining about his ex-girlfriend or life in general, rude to the waitstaff, make inappriorate sexual comments, has extremely poor table manners, has a girlfriend or a wife, has a drinking problem, not compatible with me etc. Those things can generally equally apply to dates with both people you had met at a bar, a bookstore, or a dating site.

Also suppose you had gone out on a literal blind date arranged by a mutual friend. I would consider that to be a failed date if you ended up not being physically attracted to the other person. Because the intent of it was to see if there was romantic interest. I think the key thing here is the intent. Not the actual result. To each their own.
 ICtheLite
Joined: 9/12/2010
Msg: 64
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After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/9/2010 9:37:40 PM

They expect an instant connection with a virtual stranger within 15-30 minutes.


Less than that..... statistically, people form an impression of anyone they meet in the first 6 seconds. That doesn't mean its accurate. If you think about it, in 6 seconds what is your mind going to evaluate .............. appearance, for the most part. Other than that.... how they greet you, what they wear, their posture, maybe their walk. All pretty superficial stuff but all things we equate with other qualities.

I knew that psych class would be good for something, lol.
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 65
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:51:01 PM
Oh I ask out for dates after the first meet, but I usually hear... uh no chemisty. Uh I've got the flu. Uh there's someone else I like more. Uh I feel so safe when I'm with you, like you're a brother. Or I don't get call backs :-) Life is good.
 Kathynaturally
Joined: 11/15/2008
Msg: 66
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After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/21/2010 10:33:23 PM
This is a good question. The first meet, isn't it a look over and establishing if there is a possible chemistry between the parties? Wouldn't it be nice if we could just give each other some positive feedback. There are so many reasons why you don't get the job, but no way to find out what it was? I like a second meeting where we can be relaxed and less stress to be real.
This year, men write and then seem to fade before even a meeting? What's that? Guess they caught a fish that fast? lol
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 67
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/22/2010 4:31:37 AM

Looks are just 1 part of the equation. I could go out on a date with a person and not have enough romantic interest for a second date because of many other reasons besides looks. He could be arrogant, constantly complaining about his ex-girlfriend or life in general, rude to the waitstaff, make inappriorate sexual comments, has extremely poor table manners, has a girlfriend or a wife, has a drinking problem, not compatible with me etc. Those things can generally equally apply to dates with both people you had met at a bar, a bookstore, or a dating site.

Uh huh.

Also suppose you had gone out on a literal blind date arranged by a mutual friend. I would consider that to be a failed date if you ended up not being physically attracted to the other person. Because the intent of it was to see if there was romantic interest. I think the key thing here is the intent. Not the actual result. To each their own.

I don't do blind dates, but if I did - I'd still call it a meet. However, I don't care what its called so long as it's understood it's not based on romantic interest since we've never met; it's only purpose is to sniff each other out and determine attraction and possible chemistry. From there the dynamic changes depending on what's determined.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 68
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/22/2010 5:13:17 AM
If two people meet and things are going well, there would be no issue when the guy says "why don't you invite me over" or something along those lines.

I've found that when I trust and am comfortable with a man, there is never a problem deciding where to go or inviting him over. However, that usually only happens with my real life meetings. Yet another downside of online dating.

When a man tries to rush the physical part and a woman is not at the same level as him, it just doesn't work. Doesn't matter if it is the 2nd date or the 5th.
 StarreGazer
Joined: 2/21/2007
Msg: 69
After the first meet, do men ever ask for actual dates?
Posted: 11/23/2010 12:24:29 PM
I can't answer to your dilemma. All I can say is how I answered to mine.

She requested a meeting through an unfamiliar POF channel which her profile warned me of certain key incompatibility elements.

In spite of the warnings, I responded. I reminded her of the fact that warnings of incompatibility should not be summarily dismissed. She insisted and my desire mounted. I later found she failed my requirements, but she insisted that I take legal counsel.

Say WHAT? Legal counsel for WHAT? I had never seen her FACE! What am I missing? Legal counsel means at minimum FACE-TO-FACE contact. No such contact EVER occurred. WHY is my LIFE delivered to the BOWELS of FAULTY justice?
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