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Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 26
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
So I caved, and made a selection.
I chose what seemed to be the lesser of 2 evils...
I am now looking for a relationship, rather
than being perceived as an easy mark.

I am relieved to see that we can change our
intent whenever we want to. That was one
of my main concerns, as I have had one semi ltr
since I've been on here but stayed for the forums.

Wouldn't want to mislead anyone were it to happen
again.

Big Fish has decided it's no longer a choice,
and has made it mandatory to choose and
display our intent. As always, if we want to
swim in his pond, we have to play by his rules,
arbitrary as they may be.

~shrugs~
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 27
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:16:11 AM

As long as people don't lie about their intentions of being here
People tend to lie more often when forced to respond to something they're not comfortable with answering with the truth.
 xxmistyxx
Joined: 6/18/2009
Msg: 28
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:44:50 AM
Signed into mail

Click read mail
Taken to intent question
Answer intent question ..answered seriously looking
Taken to login page
Log in again
Taken to intent question
Answer intent question.... as above answer
Taken to log in
log in again

And so on and so on...
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 29
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:58:07 AM
There is no option for my intent - or lack of intent.

All say "looking for" when I don't look, or "doesn't want" when I'm not against. I'm social and open, but otherwise here for forums.

I'm not on mission to land a husband nor am I seriously opposed to any type of decent or serious relationship should one develop.
 *Eiledon*
Joined: 8/6/2007
Msg: 30
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 9:57:09 AM

...It's now being forced...


Whatever is next?

One day we'll log on and be expected to snap to attention, clicking our heels together and giving the Hitler salute while yelling, "SIEG HIEL!" ?!

"Forced" people have a tendency to 'stuff it to the man' anyway they can, so I wonder how 'useful' your coerced info will ultimately be?

I have swingers contacting me and my missus all the time because having 'Friends' selected doesn't preclude being married, and we're 'lumped' together with all other 'married/PNTS', regardless of what THEY are looking for.

Yet ANOTHER 'forced' feature that only serves to antagonize the masses.

One day that goose will be DEAD.

R.I.P.
 WeeeSplatt
Joined: 4/26/2008
Msg: 31
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 11:35:16 AM
Ouch, I just got caught by that myself... WTF?

I can't give an honest answer, because it really depends on the other person! I'm quite happy for a bit of slap and tickle, or some dates, or a relationship, or maybe even more, but who know until you have met the person! Relationships develop. That's how they work. How many married people actually went for that first date with the intention of it being "long term/serious"?
So I picked "relationship", as in my book that pretty much covers everything, just with a varying run time!

Personally I always find profiles that said "Long term" to sound a little desperate!

Having said all that it does amuse me that so many of the profile which have "friends/email/activity partner" as the "looking for" now show "xxxxxxx is looking for a relationship"... Is this how females operate? Entrapment? Well okay, we knew that anyway :o)

Come into my web said the spider to the fly
 angelindizguys
Joined: 9/20/2006
Msg: 34
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 1:20:43 PM
Markus implied that the whole "friends first" nonsense is confusing.

Right, ...so, the users email that I cant access, until I state my intent, from the profile that states he's looking for an 'intimate encounter'/with a relationship, as his intent, isn't confusing to me at all now!?... however, isn't this the option that most men around here want anyway! WoW! These waters are way too murky now!
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 35
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 1:34:43 PM

Or maybe I'm putting wayyyy to much thought into this...

I would not lose sleep over a new category trying to determine this or that. I personally don't believe that any novelty would help or guarantee success. Afterall, actions speak louder than words.
 Lint Spotter
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 37
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 3:07:57 PM

Nope, don't see that one as an option at all; all I get are the 5 from the O-Post in this thread.
Same with me... since I was forced to choose, I picked marriage. If that's not enough to scare off the masses, I don't know what is...
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 38
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 5:34:18 PM

I want friends - no intentions beyond that


Then the #1 option is your choice. If you select the first option, it will show up like this on your profile: MyGrandmaWasAHooker isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment.


I had to put the marriage answer just because I figure your filter will send hook-ups my way if I don't.


Select the first option and then do like a good majority of women, by putting a disclaimer in your profile clarifying that you are only in search for "friends" and not hookups...


If he wanted to avoid confusion, wouldn't it be better to just let people thoroughly describe their own intentions, rather than forcing them to try describing their intentions by selecting a brief sentence from a limited menu of choices?


I guess Admin got fed up with the false advertising And if some of you would like to thoroughly describe your intentions for being here, the description section was created for that exact purpose.


"wants to date but does not want anything serious"


Speaking of which, I think this one should be modified a bit. Instead of the blatant, "xxxx wants to date but nothing serious," I think the option should be modified to "xxxx wants to date but would like to be in a relationship eventually." I think "date but wants nothing serious" comes off a bit too straightforward.


Nope, don't see that one as an option at all; all I get are the 5 from the O-Post in this thread.


You will not see the option on the drop down list. You'll have to select the first option, which is, "1. I'm looking for casual dating, no commitment.. It will show up as the following on your profile, "sweetness-one isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment."
 scottey63
Joined: 3/8/2008
Msg: 39
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 7:06:58 PM
The original selections were quite adequate. Forcing everyone to declare their "intent" is redundant and could lead to being misunderstood.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 40
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 7:47:01 PM
My God, this is getting to be a pain. I just edited my profile to include what is now my second caveat before you ever get to hear about me. Here's how it opens now...


SAVE THE POF FORUMS! Up until a short time ago there was a link here directing you to a great forum section where we all discuss the issues of the day, relationship and dating challenges, sexuality, science, philosophy, or whatever is on our mind. It's a great way to get to know each other beyond whatever our profiles reveal. They still exist, but you have to know how to find them. Go to http://forums.plentyoffish.com/ for the overall forums, or check out recent posts of mine by starting here: http://forums.plentyoffish.com/user/wvwaterfall.aspx , to see my entire forum posting history.

And heck, if I don't stand up to closer scrutiny, there are plenty of other fishies there baring their souls for you to check out. But do give me a close look first, of course!

And now for my next caveat...

A recent change here is that we're now forced to declare our dating intentions before being allowed to read or send messages. I don't know about you, but I don't initiate a conversation with someone having already determined whether she will be a friend, fun date, or future spouse. So please know that whatever category I clicked just to retain the ability to read messages (I honestly don't remember) I'm not one to try to force a new relationship into any particular category. I don't reject someone because I don't think I'd ever want to marry them, nor am I willing to give up on the idea that I just might find that one special someone here. I live my life as full as I can, savor a committed relationship with the right person, but refuse to pine away until and unless I find the woman I'd like to grow old with.

So with that said, we now return you to your regularly scheduled profile. If the big fish would have just left well enough alone, we could have started there in the first place!


Probably won't get me any dates, but at least in my own small way I'm trying to undo recent damage done here,

Dave
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 41
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 5/31/2010 8:25:32 PM
You've got a good point about potential turn off, but it so happens right now I'm feeling pretty laid back about the whole online dating concept anyway. If someone interesting writes to me I'm glad to see where it goes, which could be pretty much ANY of the options I'm being forced to choose from, but I'm not actively SEEKING anything in particular.

A good conversation, a nice hike, a FWB, or something that rapidly progresses into a committed relationship are all potential situations with my current mindset, and if none of that happens and I just do the things I like to do with the people I already know that's fine too.

At other times I've been actively seeking a mate, and I might well again, but at least in my world, I've found that the worst way to find a mate is to go looking for one. My best relationships have happened when I was in exactly the state of mind I'm in now, so I'm quite comfortable presenting myself that way.

And yes, I'm complaining. Rather pissed, matter of fact, that a site that I've enjoyed and made regular use of for years, referred many friends to enthusiastically, has turned bad in recent months.

I know, I'm free to leave, but it's not in my nature to just slink away. I'm one who first tries to encourage positive change before giving up, and that's what I'm doing here, however futile the effort might be. At least I'll feel better about myself for the effort. When the time is right if the site doesn't improve I'll move along. Marcus certainly doesn't hesitate to make changes when he wants to. Here's hoping the next ones will be good ones.

Dave
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 42
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/1/2010 5:45:23 AM
My problem with this new thing, is simply that the choices are both redundant and a bit insultingly phrased. I feel I have a choice between "I want a long term relationship" and "I'm just here to mess around." I understand the reasoning behind the addition of this, and I even understand why it's being forced (Because it is the kind of thing that would have been required at sign up had it been in place back then). But it needs to be done with more thought and grace.
I see NO difference at all between "I'm looking for casual dating/no commitment" and "I want to date but nothing serious." Further, "I'm putting in a serious effort to find someone" doesn't really mean ANYTHING AT ALL. Find someone for what? If the originator of this was thinking "find someone to settle down with," that would be the same as "I'm serious and want to find someone to marry."
And it completely leaves out people looking for friendships altogether. The implications of "I'm here for a relationship" MIGHT include "a friendship relationship," but then you'd have to admit that it could ALSO include "I'm here for a Master?Slave relationship" or "I'm here for a relationship wherein I insult everyone."
So my vote would be (if this were a democracy)...sure, keep this in, but do a bloody better job of it than you have.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 43
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/1/2010 7:08:53 AM
As much as I don't like "prefer not to say" on profiles, I think THIS feature should include it. For those who don't want to choose a cut and dry option the message on the profile could let the interested party know they should ask the profile owner personally.
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 46
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 2:50:19 AM
Since I have updated my profile with requested INTENT category I found quite amusing finding on some profiles contradictions as to their recently updated intent & what they are looking for. Sometimes two opposite intentions on one's profile:LONGTERM, yet isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment. One just has to wonder what lies beneath ...

 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 47
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 5:29:28 AM

One just has to wonder what lies beneath ...


Quite possibly someone like me, less focused on seeking what we don't have and more intent on living a full life open to all the directions a relationship could go without forcing it into some predetermined form.

We don't all fit into cookie cutter categories.

Dave
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 48
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 7:54:55 AM
Seems that many here can use more TOLERANCE for other people's variable and uncertain intentions, as we have learned to do IRL.
We are not writing a thesis here that has to be free of any apparent contradictions. Human nature and the brain do seek to critique, by default. It allows us to feel we have more control in our life, to find flaws in others and be able to express our opinions about them.

That self-expression and searching for others with similar viewpoints and perspective can become an end to itself, over-riding our initial reason for being here on POF. For most people, finding a compatible partner for a long-term SO relationship IS the second greatest challenge in life! Deep down that is what most people seek, despite their disclaimers.

If we can maintain that PERSPECTIVE, we may be more successful IRL when we actually go out meet and mingle in our social circles. That is the most likely way to find our match, in PERSON not typing to strangers on any website.

Mindset and INTENT matters in how it influences our behavior IRL, not so much in our variable need for self-expression in our profiles online. We can sometimes feel so isolated, lonely and safe to say pretty much anything online that some try to provoke others into needless debates by trolling and playing devil's advocate. Don't feed those people by emotionally responding immediately. Count to ten before you respond, if at all. Be kind to each other, TOLERATE differences and imperfections we all have. S
 *buzz*
Joined: 6/1/2006
Msg: 49
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 9:40:46 AM

We don't all fit into cookie cutter categories.

I agree with the above statement but if one HAS to choose an option regarding the intent, one would tend to think it would relate to also what one is looking for rather than create a confusion. At least, a reader could see some palatable focus of one's distant future/desire.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 50
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 10:28:33 AM
~OT~ Geezus!!! This is just another spot on the profile that forces people to WAY over-think things, lie, and yet again ~ confuse something that should be simple. Income, familial stuff, chemistry/need tests, do you have a car?, blah blah blah blah. What's next? Resumes, SS#s, college transcripts, home address and verifiable telephone number?? FFS ~ it's a free dating site. You like the pics, you send some emails, you move to the phone, you meet, you date or you start all over again. Pretty basic stuff.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 51
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When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/2/2010 2:46:48 PM

a reader could see some palatable focus of one's distant future/desire.


Oh, if THAT'S what you want to know, I want to win the lottery and spend the rest of my life combining adventure travel with donating to worthy causes. I want the weather to be always perfect for whatever I'm doing. I want everyone I care about to never have a sad day. I want everyone in the world to stop fighting and focus on caring for the planet and each other.

Oh, and of course I want the perfect mate, who always understands me and give me attention or space exactly at the right times. She should enjoy all the same activities I do, never be unhappy or dissatisfied with me, be the world's best lover and my own best friend. And of course every time I look at her my breath will be taken away by her unblemished, no-makeup-needed beauty, and her eyes will light up every time she sees me.

Here I thought the purpose here was to meet people we'd like to get to know better. I didn't realize it was really just a matter of fantasy fulfillment.

There are plenty of filters available here for those who only want to communicate with someone 'looking for a serious relationship' or within 10 miles, or whatever limiting factors they choose. There's no need to force us to describe our complex selves based on a handful of arbitrary descriptions.

Dave
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