Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 77
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?Page 6 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)

None of those fit my situation. I'm not looking for casual dating and if it's going to show up differently in my profile, then it should say so. Web Design 101.


Again. If you select the first option, it won't show up on your profile as "xxxx wants to casually date but without commitment." It will show up as, "xxxx isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment."

Perhaps after selecting the option, you can clarify in your profile that you are only here for friends (if you haven't already) and not looking to date.

Regardless, the #1 option is your best choice. Some of you folks might as well forget about options such friends and only being here for the forums because it ain't gonna happen. Either make a selection or let your in boxes remain void.
 cotter
Joined: 10/17/2005
Msg: 78
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/4/2010 1:52:31 PM


Dumbest idea EVER. Why am I being forced to choose an answer that doesn't fit my situation?

Because you are not being forced to do anything.

You are simply being asked to comply.
Seems to me it is indeed a situation of being "forced". Because it's either comply with an answer or you don't get to look at your email.

Remember when we had to comply with answering about the income or not be able to make any changes to our profile?

Seems to me those are pretty clear ... "forced" to comply or else.

No one is forcing you to do anything, you are free to do what ever you want.
Um NO!

If we want to leave it blank, we can't see our email.
If we click on an answer that does not represent our situation, we become a liar.

To me that does not represent being free to do what ever I want.

Edit ... To the post below ...
I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree.

I have been a good member here on POF for well over 5 years and do not appreciate being told I have to basically tell a lie (because none of the options is a truthful description of me) in order to read email from friends I have made over that time frame. That just doesn't feel right to me. I guess it's all in the perspective of how one views it.

If that's something that feels right to you ... so be it.


So you're suggesting those who do not want to answer should delete their profiles and leave the site?

No, just saying that they should stop saying they are being forced to do something when clearly they are not be forced to do anything.
Again ... it's all in the perspective of how one views it.

To me it feels just like the way -Iconoclast- has described it ... dutifully answer all my questions (comply and in some cases outright lie) or delete your profile and leave the site.
 wvwaterfall
Joined: 1/17/2007
Msg: 79
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/4/2010 2:21:21 PM
Has anyone noticed the irony of Marcus demanding we all state our intentions while he has declined to state his intentions related to all his recent changes to the forums and overall site?

Clearly a fair number of us find these new 'choices' to be a detriment to our ability to gain value from the site. Amusingly, a fair number of others can't seem to comprehend why we might feel that way, or ascribe inaccurate motivations to those of us who don't like the change.

The bottom line for Marcus, I would think, would be whether whatever he does to the site increases or decreases participation, and thus market share, and thus personal income. I could be wrong, but I just don't get the impression that more people will be attracted by these arbitrary choices than will choose to move on because of them.

For the record, as many others have stated, I am quite well directed in many aspects of my life. Pre-determining relationships is not one of them. I cherish my values and live my life as true to them as I possibly can. I understand that for some having a mate supercedes most other priorities in life. Apparently many of those folks can't understand that choosing NOT to make finding a mate top priority does not mean we DON't want to find a mate, only that we're more selective in who we might choose for a mate and are more content to stay single until and unless we meet such a person.

We are a diverse species with diverse goals and motivations. That's a good thing. It's a shame POF is choosing to limit that diversity in its membership.

Dave
 ~breathlesshush~
Joined: 4/25/2006
Msg: 80
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/4/2010 3:26:00 PM

So you're suggesting those who do not want to answer should delete their profiles and leave the site?



No, just saying that they should stop saying they are being forced to do something when clearly they are not be forced to do anything.


From page 1, post# 15


Its now being forced...


In the owner/creator's own words.
 lyingcheat
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 81
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/4/2010 3:28:08 PM

Seems to me it is indeed a situation of being "forced". Because it's either comply with an answer or you don't get to look at your email.

Seems to me that you do not understand what "forced" to do something means.

On the contrary, it's your understanding that's lacking.
Have you heard of the expression "A fronte praecipitium a tergo lupi"?

Translated, it says - A precipice in front, wolves behind.

Obviously, one has a free choice. The options are to be eaten by a wolf, or jump off a cliff.
Why would anyone complain hey?
 lyingcheat
Joined: 9/13/2009
Msg: 82
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/4/2010 4:21:13 PM

You see a sign. "Huge Singles Party, No Cover, All Welcome"
At some point the owner of the house decides to change the house rules.
New rule "all people must remove shoes" if not you will have to stand over in the corner and not be allow to talk to anyone.

Are those people being forced to remove their shoes and do they have a right to be outraged?

Ahhh... I see the problem. Your definition of 'forced' involves grappling with two bulky guys in dark clothing. Anything short of that you label 'choice'.

Let me ask you a question. Imagine yourself as a child again, struggling to eat your broccoli or brussels sprouts. Your father says, "Eat the damn vegetables, or I'll beat you to death."
You'd be appreciative of your fathers consideration in offering you such excellent choices would you?

Have you ever heard anyone express their happiness at being caught between a rock and a hard place?
Bet you're surprised you haven't hey? Given the rich multiplicity of choice that phrase describes.
 Kelso
Joined: 3/11/2007
Msg: 83
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:46:14 AM
Our choices are: (something to the effect of:)
A.) Remain a member of pof with the ability to read and send email, plus contribute to the forums.
B.) Remain a member of pof, contribute to the forums, but do not have the ability to send or read email.
C.) Do nothing within pof, but maintain an account.
D.) Delete pof profile.

If we choose A, we're presented with a series of sub-choices, many of which are required (forced), one of those sub-choices being our need to answer the question of intents. This thread is dealing with the question of how best to answer those five choices of “intent,” but I agree that it is often helpful to remind ourselves that we do have other choices, as unsavory to us they may be. Please remember, for those of you seeking some kind of relationship, that the relationship is your objective, pof is simply one of several tools you can use to achieve that objective.

Moving on...

For clarity OP, I'll repeat what's been presented to us, the five “intents” questions, and the corresponding display on our profiles:

1. I'm looking for casual dating, no commitment = username isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment

2. I want to date but nothing serious = username wants to date but nothing serious

3. I want a relationship = username is looking for a relationship

4. I am putting in serious effort to find someone = username is actively seeking a relationship

5. I am serious and want to find someone to marry = username is actively seeking a relationship

There seems to be two general concerns to these choices,
1.) Choosing the one that I would like to choose, results in my inbox filling with mail I don't wish to receive, because, experience has indicated, the men (mostly) will view me as “an easy mark.”
2.) There doesn't seem to be a “best fit” choice for me. The questions either aren't specific enough, or they simply fall short of what I would describe as my real intention here.

Re “Concern #1”: (directed mostly at the OP, as she made the “easy mark” comment.)
It hasn't been that long since you made your intents choice, but have you (or others) experimented to see if choosing one answer over the other results in more or less “easy mark” type mail? You've made your choice out of fear - fear of having your inbox filled up with “wanna fvck” messages, instead of what you really would like to choose. You are in affect placing a higher value on not being bothered with “inappropriate mail,” versus choosing and pursuing your real intent, hence your feeling of “caving.” I personally would rather you choose the one you really want, and “stand your ground” against the mail you feel you'll be receiving. At least then, you won't be compromising your (positive) values.

Re “Concern #2”: Is it helpful, to at least some of you, if you respond to the intents question by taking the long view (as apposed to the near term) in mind. Some of you have mentioned that you would choose a long term monogamous relationship if that came along, but you're only wishing to date for now. And my question is, yes, but where do you really wish to be in five or ten years? (God forbid we're all still here, right?) If, in that time, you'd really prefer to be in a long term monogamous relationship, then make your decisions and choices today with that in mind. (As an aside: please see the work of Dr Edward Banfield regarding “long time perspective” http://theleadership.wordpress.com/2006/06/19/long-time-perspective/ )

If you don't ever wish to be married or in a long term monogamous relationship, I don't think I can offer any suggestions. In this case the genders have very different concerns (I've yet to hear of any man on pof complain about all the 'inappropriate' mail he receives).
Good luck to all with however you choose.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 84
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:36:15 PM

LMFAO ... wouldn't it be funny if ADMIN actually gave people the option to say:
**Just in here for a fast fvck.
**Just in here gold digging.
**Just in here to find some leg pictures or boob pictures to look at while I get my business done.


Geez. Are you trying to get people in trouble? Though I do like your selections, and you do have a sense of humor intact. But you see, the gold digging option fits me to a tee and I wouldn't want to give off the wrong impression.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 85
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/6/2010 8:59:18 AM
I think the nuttiest thing is having separate (and often conflicting) I AM SEEKING and INTENT selections. Better would be having one pick-list and then a descriptive add-on for our own view of things in our own words.

But, of all information fields that may be made compulsory, NONE is ever as offensive (and good at putting people on the DEfensive) as demanding details of our income.
ED BEAR
Well, except perhaps our Social Security Number...
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 86
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/6/2010 3:21:58 PM
Never, since the advent of the drop down menu has my life fit nicely into the little boxes. The only one that is always total truth is my birthday, lol! All I can figure out is that programmers simply have limited imaginations. Or want stats, regardless of the truth of those stats. So I'll keep truckin', hopin' someday to just get a blank field to fill in. Which will be at least a bit closer to the truth.

 Jonathan85
Joined: 4/16/2007
Msg: 87
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/8/2010 11:46:58 PM
The point Markus was trying to make was that placing "Friends" could mean:
1. I only want to make friends.
2. I want to be friends first, then date.
3. I want to be friends first, then date, then long term.

I happen to be looking for the 3rd option, so I put "long term" because that is my "goal condition." But then, I acknowledge that I want to get married and have children (be it via traditional, adoption, or whatever new way science thinks up*).

Now I think Markus could have instead just put a notation next to "I am Looking For" stating that people should select the option they want an interaction to "plateau" or "cap" at and that probably would've been fine.

*I'm hoping for real cabbage patch kids. (Kidding... mostly)
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 88
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/9/2010 1:20:08 PM
First, my suggestion is to combine "Looking For" and "Intent". I saw one woman with "Long Term" and "isn't seeking a relationship or any kind of commitment." -- that alone tells the story how it opens up for unnecessary conflict.

Second, I think the Intent should broaden. However, broadening it makes answers similar to others (but the 'best' option), where if you have few answers, it distinctly classifies people simply (which is nice, but also opens up for the wrong idea).

2. I want to date but nothing serious.

That can give off the message as "I don't take dating seriously", although off the top of my head I can't think of a better replacement for that specifically, the way things are laid out.

3. I want a relationship.

This is the one I have a problem with, and no problem with #4. "I want a relationship" -- when you're not in cahoots with anybody? Shouldn't you be looking for a relationship with someone you've already got to know -- not strangers online? That makes it sound like you're more lonely & in need of a relationship than the person. But I know, I know -- "I want a relationship", even when it doesn't pertain to anybody, is (an unfortunate) mainstream expression/desire.

My thoughts:
- I'm just looking for platonic friends
- I'm just looking to hang out, not really dating
- I'm looking for casual dating
- I'm only looking for serious dating
- I'm marriage-minded and only want to find my soul-mate
- I'm looking for intimate encounters
 tjliddell
Joined: 10/13/2008
Msg: 89
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/10/2010 9:13:37 AM
I was forced to choose in order to see any mail I had in my box.. Bad Idea, very bad.
as others have stated, this seems to change every now and then..

guess I can do what I deem is necessary on this site. Which at the moment I am contemplating just deleting, as I am forced to choose between things that are actually N/A at the moment.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 90
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/10/2010 10:37:18 AM
Markus doesn't often change his mind once he's made it up - but perhaps a one-word descriptive change would help -

Say, changing "Intent" to "Long-Term Intent?"

ED BEAR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 91
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:16:16 PM

It's not that I don't want a relationship. It's that all I've done so far in my life has been long term relationships. Right now I am casually dating, but I am totally open to one of those casual (sometimes sexual) relationships becoming a committed monogamous relationship.

Yeah... when I saw the options and one said "I want a relationship" -- I thought, "Hmmmm... that doesn't best describe me. That'd pertain to someone specific, not scanning a line of people I don't know."

I think your suggestion would do it well.
 SETI9
Joined: 1/19/2010
Msg: 92
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/12/2010 4:37:36 PM
thank you, my thoughts exactly. this is getting ridiculous. and in my opinion, most choices still lack the most important option - Open to whatever! or/ see how it goes?... I don't believe it is possible to predetermine the relationship you will want to have with a person until you are in that relationship.
it doesn't seem like anyone is really looking after this site anymore; just the occasional random, useless upgrade.
 happygal_28
Joined: 9/25/2005
Msg: 93
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/12/2010 9:59:03 PM
I agree 100% with boringal!

I just wanted to get my message (from the mod about a question I asked, no less). My profile already states in my marital status "not single/not looking". SO based on my status, in the drop down box for my intent, nothing is accurate! I guess I am looking for dating with no commitment now. DUMB!
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 94
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/13/2010 2:04:08 PM
I've declined to state my intent, which now means I can't access my mail

I'm sure admin will eventually close the loop on this one ... but in the meantime ... you can still read your messages (without having to accept the intent feature) by selecting View All Messages from the specific user pull down menu. Sending a message still works too.
 Ed Bear
Joined: 5/19/2007
Msg: 95
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/23/2010 11:45:23 PM
ac05jn: You may have something there - after all, popular wisdom about dating sites is that the majority of users fall into the "Desperate/I'll take whatever I can get" category!

ED BEAR
 Montreal_Guy
Joined: 3/8/2004
Msg: 96
view profile
History
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/24/2010 10:04:42 AM
Well, well... so much for "choice".
 Irish_Moon
Joined: 8/10/2009
Msg: 97
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 6/25/2010 7:19:29 AM
I really hate these option and the fact it is forced. I have learned however that most men who put "dating" are really just looking for "friends with benefits". I wonder how many would choose that if it were a true option...
 ForumFilly
Joined: 5/14/2008
Msg: 98
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 7/11/2010 12:35:33 AM
None of your dating intents accurately describe why I am on this site. Again, your insufficient knowledge of what adult relationships may entail is causing you to severely limit users replies. And as for the need of such information, I see absolutely no useful purpose as it pertains to membership satisfaction.
 OTTO BONN
Joined: 4/20/2006
Msg: 99
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 2/5/2011 12:02:03 PM
Today I noticed Intent has been added to Basic Search.
 cajun50
Joined: 2/17/2009
Msg: 100
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 12/1/2011 4:41:50 AM
I cannot choose any option. the drop down field is blank.
Clicking anywhere leads to no change. i cannot receive/read mail until this is resolved .
Help.
K
 nicdes
Joined: 7/5/2012
Msg: 101
When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?
Posted: 1/31/2013 5:26:16 PM
More choices, more options are certainly in order.

My intent is to find the best relationship match possible... but some times after enduring several "bad" dates, my feelings change and all I really want is to get laid already.

My intent... well;

When we meet up for a date, and you talk and chew with your mouth open, my intent will most likely change to "not ready to date, fresh out of relationship".

When I realise you are only 5' 4 and not 6'2 as posted on your profile, my intent will most likely change to "looking for friends".

When you look much hotter than any of your profile pictures, my intent will most likely change to "f-buddies".

So depending on the "connection" or "attraction" level after meeting, I believe our "intent" is used to get us IN or get us OUT.
Show ALL Forums  > Plentyoffish Site/Suggestions/Help  > When it comes to dating what best describes your intent?