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 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 13
Issues with the pastPage 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
OP, you are really young.
Now is the time to decide what type of person you want to continue being
for the rest of your life.
Every thing you think about.. every decison you make..
every trip you begin to make down some stupid "issues" path...
stop and figure out if this is the way you want to think/act/be.
Get strong.
Don't let issues rule in your life!
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 14
view profile
History
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:34:51 AM
Okay, this all really all boils down to one simple, painful fact:
Everyone has to be "the first" for someone else, and rarely will it be true that it is the OTHER person's first time as well. It is very common for the one who is IS just experiencing their first time, to have the nervous response the OP has had here. Chastising him for having normal feelings is rather thoughtless and unrealistic, I think.
So, OP, you are normal in your reaction to her past, relative to yours. Because you are NOT her first, AND because your lack of experience leaves you unsure of your RELATIVE performance with her, you will tend to have trepidations about it all.
On the good side, this is an indication that you actually CARE about the girl, and that you want this to be a meaningful relationship.
But there's a common downside as well. That is, that the most common situation among us humans, is that a number of interactions like this usually happen before each person gains a sense of their position in the world, sexually. Chances are quite good, that your, albeit natural, trepidations WILL contribute to undermining and finally destroying your romance. Again, this is quite natural, just unpleasant for both of you. Good luck to you, try not to worry, but I would expect that she will NOT be your last experience, BECAUSE you need to go through this learning phase of your life.
 hipster78
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 15
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:19:38 AM
I just wanted to set a few things clear:

1. I bring this all up not to chastize her. I bring it up because I KNOW I have everything I want in my relationship with her. There is a reason that things were able to develop as fast between us as they have..

As such, I talk about this stuff with her because I would like it to not get in the way of the bigger picture and I know it shouldnt.

2. I have not gotten what I wanted out of this relationship. I did not go out looking for someone to lose my virginity to. I went out looking to find the one for me. Hence why I find the suggestions to break it off a little silly. I dont want to go out and have sex with other girls. That in my mind would not solve my issue and would leave me without the perfect match for me.

As such, Im not trying to get out of a commitment. Thats really quite the opposite. There are a numner of things I am seeing clearly despite my issues, and one of them is the 100% no regrets or being scare of commiment with her ment with her. I want my life to be with her and she wants hers with me. I am attempting to do that because in the grand scheme of things, I believe I can get over my issues to be with her, rather than having to make a mistake with her, ending things, and never finding that again. Despite sex with nobody else, I have seen what other girls have to offer, at least personality wise and such, and there was nobody that had even come close to being what I wanted as much as she has. Shes my best friend, lover and everything. Thats what i continue to strive for.

I have found the last few posts helpful because I think you guys understand what I am trying to get at. Yes, when I do think of things, I do let my imaginiation get the best of me, and I dont control myself from ending the thoughts.

To answer the last question, I probably developed my beliefs from myself. I see the way people act at the bar, and Ive just always found it fake. I have seen the embarassed look girls have when they come home in the morning in an apartment style building from a questionable night due to drinking. I saw stuff like that and realized on my own that wasnt what I wanted.

We got to know each other very well before getting into things. I didnt press sex on her early because it was something I felt I had to do. I let things take a natural progression until it felt like an appropriate time that there was love between us and we were comfortable together. From that end, I am very happy with the way things have gone.

I am indeed most bugged by the fwb thing. I think it bugs me because she was able to have sex in a less meaningful way. At the same time, that relationship broke off because she wanted more out of it, and he didnt. At this point, I am comfortable with the thought that she wanted to have sex in the same way that I wanted it, and thats why things were able to progress the way they did with neither of us wanting to rush things. I really do want to leave the past in the past, but I suppose I find it hard to picture the girl she is wanting sex in a loose way.

So I suppose, to sum up, perhaps the conclusion I would like to sit at is:

1. She did not know what she wanted out of relationships when she first got into thing. I didnt either at that age (around 18), and I think I found out without having the same types of sexual experiences. I am okay with that, she did what she had to do to learn and become the person she is today.

2. I should make an effort to prevent myself from thinking deeply about her sexual past, as it does no good, and makes me picture her in a less than complimentary way, and instead focus on what we have now. If those thoughts come up, I should try to think about the positives instead.
 MJ Preston
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 16
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History
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:41:20 AM
unless you hook up with a virgin....everyone you meet is going to have a sexual past. but judging by what i just read...it seems like you gave yourself the advice you were looking for.

good luck...and try not to obsess.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 17
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History
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:54:29 AM
You don't want to hear it but it is called immaturity. You were a late bloomer and she was not so do not hold it against her. You have moved very quickly in this relationship and have convinced yourself due to lack of experience that she is 'the one'. Trust me she isn't and by the time you are 30 you probably will have half a dozen of not more relationships and this girl will be just a memory from your past. The issue is YOU and you cannot assume other people will ever share your history or past and it is best not to pry into past relationships if you cannot handle the truth. She has nothing to apologize for or pay penance for, be happy you have her in your life now.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 18
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Issues with the past
Posted: 6/5/2010 12:49:04 PM
The third conclusion you should come to is: Never, ever bring it up to her again. It's your issue, you deal with it. Stop foisting it off on her. Whether you intend it or not, every time you bring up this issue that she is at the root of then odds are very high that she is going to feel badly about it. Doesn't matter that there is nothing she can do to change it. Doesn't matter if you recognize that it is your problem and not hers. What matters is how this makes her feel when you bring it up. Bring it up again. Talk about it more. Bring it up again.. and again.. and again. All she will likely be left with after the many talks is that she feels bad that you feel bad and she is the cause of you feeling bad. Eventually she will either end it because no one wants to feel bad or because she is tired of waiting for you to get over it.

You aren't that late of a bloomer. Quite using that as an excuse for what is now your unhealthy relationship behavior. You are sabotaging your relationship. You say this relationship, this girl is what you want but your behavior suggests otherwise. She is going to see it that same way, eventually. You won't have to end it because she will. Deep down, is that what you really want? No? Then figure out what you need to do to put the past in the past and let it die so you can focus on the present and potential future or you will find that your future will not have her in it.
 MsYesterday
Joined: 10/30/2008
Msg: 19
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/6/2010 4:18:05 AM
The only way you can get over it is by moving on ,(give her this much)You are the type of a guy who must have something negative to say about your partner...if it wasn't her past, trust me it would be something else. I was married to one of them.
You need to focus on you and be honest to yourself -insecurity can ruin a good thing.
When I was young and married, my ex used to call me stupid until one day I realized that if I am so stupid and he is so" smart"-why does he stay with me then?
I moved on.......got tired of it............20 years later I can actually thank him .My life without him turned out great and he keeps on looking for someone to support him and take care of him....he never grew up.
 hipster78
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 20
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/6/2010 9:01:52 AM
God, some of this advice is just horrible. When giving advice on here, there is no way you can know all of the facts to say I should be moving on or breaking up. Unless there was a myriad of flaws in a relationship I would not be able to say such things to others without , its other facts.

Look its easy to say suck it up and be a man, but at the same time, thats what I am trying to do. I came on here looking for advice on HOW to do that. So the recent posts arent helping much at all. Im the type of guy who will try very very hard to get what he wants. Eventually I think I will get over this to the point that I can continue to have a very strong relationship. I understand my weaknesses, and that this is MY problem, so with enough work, I think I can get over my issues.

Im learning one thing though, that is that some of you need to try harder in your relationships. If in my situation you would have taken your own advice, then you would have potentially just ended a relationship with perhaps someone who has a great chance to be your life partner. Is it possible that maybe a little extra work wont cure things? That's what Im trying to do. Issues come up in relationships that require work. Considering my personality and such, this is something that will continue to require work from my end, but is not by any means in insurmountable task. She is very supportive and understands why such things might bug me, and I honestly believe she is not going to react as badly as the majority here thinks, unless its an ongoing problem that i continue to have a problem with.

So instead of telling me to just move on, I was looking for advice on how to work on things from my end. Its all in between my ears, Im just looking for away to get some closure in my head, and honestly, I think it might just require time.
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 21
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Issues with the past
Posted: 6/6/2010 1:04:23 PM

Op, why do's it say looking for' intimate encounter'? on your profile?

It's just nonsense: suspect he is making himself unattractive to discourage contact... his profile says he's 7 ft tall, is divorced, does drugs, and seeks an intimate encounter.
 _TALL_IQ2_
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 22
Issues with the past- seems just another common lonely no-pic troll
Posted: 6/6/2010 1:19:14 PM
Amazing that some don't even read the profile before posting- 22 with kids over 18, and nonsense text. Lonely trolls seek attention, despite any disclaimers on their profile, and revel in others frustration and confusion. S
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 23
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History
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/6/2010 1:43:50 PM

Wouldn't it be funny if someone thought that sounded like the perfect match?

Yanno, I had that thought, LMAO. In the gibberish that is his "About me", he says he likes hockey, but spelled hockey wrong. I can't see a Canadian woman accepting that, even just for a one night stand!
Plus the OP is from Alberta, where they take hockey seriously. *grins*

OP, although you've criticized people for suggesting 'ending it' is the bottom line. Your choice really is let go of the "nonsense" in your head or let go of her in your life.

It is hard for me to give you advice because the only spot I've been in, is the same one your gf is in. And there, I did break up with him because 1. I needed someone who would accept (distinct from agree with) my past rather than 'make me wrong' for it and 2. He needed to be with someone he could respect, and that wasn't ever going to be me sans virginity.

I have changed thinking that I realized wasn't serving me. You are, or so it seems to me, a victim of the decisions you made about life, how it works and how it should work. It's the 'shoulds' that are getting in your way.

There's many ways to approach this, but a few I think have merit are:

Spend time looking inwards at why you have to be right about the only way to live. Hopefully, that will help lessen the grip your 'shoulds" have on you. They are things you invented, not absolutes.

Suck it up. Every time the thought enters your head, throw it away. Throw it away in a way that works for you. Sometimes people have a phrase that helps them throw it out of their head: "Put the past in the past" "Shoulda, woulda, coulda", "Yeah, be nice if it was different, but this is how it is", "Go away", "Stop that". Immediately and consciously spend time thinking about what you do like, value or appreciate in her. Dwelling on the negative expands it, dwelling on the positive expands it. What do you want to grow?

The other thing that might be helpful is to spend a day thinking every hateful thought you can imagine. Really get inside the thoughts you are resisting. Decide after that if you are willing to be with her in spite of all that. Now be that. And whenever the thoughts come up, ask yourself if this is a new thought. If it isn't a new thought, remind yourself you know all that and have chosen to be ok with it. Most times we get in churn on a loop, no new thoughts, nothing valuable, just repeating, repeating, repeating with no conclusion. Time to reach a conclusion and actually live out of that choice.

Consider what pay off you are getting from this churn.

Consider meditating. In meditating you learn to still your mind which gives you some control over the crappy thoughts.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 24
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History
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 3:06:19 AM
its simple , you are not an alpha male, and chances are you never will be
you are weak, and ignorant, and you are hurting the woman that you should be loving
she sounds like a healthy normal woman, you sound like a sad little boy
one thing is for sure, you keep throwing her past in her face , you are going to be by yourself
god, she is a good girl, she hardly has any experience herself, and you are treating her as if she was a prostitute, and i dare sat a prostitute should have more respect then you have shown this poor woman
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 25
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 5:06:40 AM
Op, one of the reasons you are getting slammed a bit here, is because women finally got to get out of that antiquated, rediculous mold they were put in for centuries, put on them by society, that if a woman experiments like men do, they will not be a good girl, loyal and etc...So, finally they can just be natural humans and enjoy sex without all those things thrust upon them....and along comes this question, reminding them of why these things ever existed in the first place....

So show some understanding!!!...on the same token maybe some should show some understanding to you....you are a virgin, head over heals in love, brought up with antiquated beliefs, and a young man to boot....and in a world where women in the movie's, and etc...are not always portrayed in the best light, not too mention all the porn, and what image that might imprint on a young, inexperienced mind.

At least you recognise you are the one with the problem, and its a problem...and you are asking how to overcome it and got frustrated with the answers...again try to realise this mold women had to live up to all those years....and I think if more men would admit it, some had similar issues with this when young, especially if they were a virgin falling for a girl who had similar experiences. Men in general are less secure when it comes to love, and many realise its so much easier for women to get sex....this isn't so much an issue with more mature men, but, we have to realise your age and in experience and etc.......this wasn't an issue so much with me, in my first love....but I wasn't a virgin either, she was, and I was young in a much different world with a different portrayel of women, but its not like she didn't have some experience....so, I had to put myself in your shoe's.

First off...I think this became an issue with you, because you fell in love, otherwise, I doubt it would be. I bet you are having a case of the "what if's"...what if she gets drunk and is in a certain situation? what if because she had a fwb, she gets to wanting someone with more experience...etc, etc, etc....this is the insecurity part of this...the rest I suppose is some antiquated beliefs you were taught.

I can't tell you how to get over it, but that you must, because if not...likely you will lose this girl...everyone who is sincere to another wants and deserves "trust", a little wondering is okay, but to be consumed by this will ruin things, not only that but you will cease to act and do the things that got her to fall for you in the first place...and you being consummed by this will appear weak, not an attractive feature to women, especially since young girls can tend to put men in an image.

Here's food for thought....people who are virgins or in experienced tend to wonder about sex with others especially in a long relation or marriage then those who had experience..meaning they might be more prone to being falible to the natural temptations we all have in life.

People who are going to cheat or stray will do so, whether they had experience or not....or were virgins in their first love...you are who you are, and a few sexual experiences isn't going to change that.

Yes, technically in general, its easier for women to get sex than men...but in general women won't have sex with just anyone just to get it...in some senses men are more likely to do that...lol.

If men can have some free sex and still be loyal, respectable people...why can't women too?

Its not wrong to experiment in sex outside a relationship, sex is a natural, human desire in itself, if truth be known about most of the population had some experiences outside a relation at one time or another.....so, in a sense..its a natural human thing, and doesn't mean a person will have bad charactor or be more likely to cheat or whatever.

So, you should look at her as a person, how she is in general, not if she had a couple of experiences and how that could effect things...what if you had the couple of experiences, should you be shun off from relations for that? labeled something your not? ....These days people finally realise "all" humans have sexual desires and its not wrong to have had sex even if casual, thats its the person themselves that matters.

It seems like you are going o have to deal with your insecurities and get over them, and learn to put trust in her, or the next one....then to overcome these antiquated idea's towards sex and people...and whats wrong or right.

Or find a virgin such as yourself with these same notions towards sex and people, etc....but don't be surprised if one day, after the long relation and becoming more at ease towards sex, that they start getting real curious about sex with others, because they never experienced it.....in fact, you might too.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 26
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 9:10:14 AM

But at the end of the day, I have had trouble getting over numbers one and three. I have always believed in waiting until your in love for that, and that was not there for two of these.

I really don't think the problem is why she had sex with those guys. It's just that she had sex. If numbers 1 and 3 didn't exist, you'd have a problem with how many boyfriends she's had. If the numbers bother you, then you'll find a way to justify your problem. Personally, I'd think that the casual sex would be less of a big deal. At least she (apparently) likes sex, but doesn't fall in love to excuse it.

In the end, I just dont know what to do.

Either decide to get over it or move on. If you move on, try getting laid a few times without falling in love so you know the difference.

So if I understand all of this stuff, then why cant I get over it?

Because you can't just instantly decide to feel a certain way regardless of what you know to be rational. On the other hand, you're pretty much sol unless you get over it, since your relationship won't last if you don't.
 hipster78
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 27
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 4:50:15 PM
1. In regards to my "fake profile". I have so far gotten zero emails since I threw this on here. Im going to say mission accomplished to what I was trying to do lol.


2. I appreciate the last few responses. That is a lot of what I had been thinking about. I agree, if the roles were reversed, I would think of those experiences as nothing more than finding out about sex and relationships and stuff and probably have no regrets. And thats exactly how she sees things.

Your right, I think a lot of my problems is all the frustration I have had in the past. I am a late bloomer and had trouble attracting girls I liked at all. I dont believe in waiting for marriage (obviously), and I think she much the same has the same beliefs of waiting for love. I think she was mostly just very curious of things.. I mean she didnt start until college which is not young by today's standards. I think if I was more able to attract girls I liked, I likely would have made similar decisions in all honesty.

That's why I really dont think I have a problem with her past, but instead, MINE. I agree, if it wasnt sex, I probably would have found something else to bug me. I had to live everyday of my life for 5 years wondering where the right girl was. Im not an unnatrictive person or personality, but I probably was for the first 3 years of that, and had trouble coming out of my shell. In the end, I wouldnt wish it on her to have the same difficulties, and because she had the opportunities, I certainly dont blame her for finding out what she wants. Its not like I am scared I dont match up with the others, or that she is going to cheat. Not at all. I am what she wants, and that and the various other reasons why we're together is badly what I want to focus on.

3. I do think that because I love her so much, and because she is my first, I just have a number of new thoughts that come into my head because of the importance of our relatonship. Before I found out about her past, I really wouldnt think I would care, especially when I would describe her past as pretty tame, and just normal type of young behaviour. In the end, she found out pretty fast what she wanted, she just had trouble finding the right match.

4. If I seriously just judged things on our relationship... just ignoring the past, I would have no issues like ever. I understand what I have, and will work hard to make it work. i dont put her down. I am very respectful of her, and I make sure she feels wanted and such. When I bring this up, she absolutely knows where my intentions are, which is the most important thing. I have told her I dont think she did anything wrong, but its just something that because of my history I have had trouble with.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 28
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 11:03:16 PM

Funny thing though, Men are always thought to be the ones who are used to having more sex before settling down than women. And men are always thought to be the ones most likely to cheat in a relationship....


That might be true if you believe other people or surveys..though recent surveys show more women are cheating more often these days...the supposed numbers are near even.

Thought to be and actuality are two different things, these days women get about as much sex before marriage as men....and who's to say what the real truth in the past was? I know people who said they had more sex in the fifties than any other decade, despite the image projected of that era.

Besides these men that had sex before marriage? Didn't they have this sex with women?

Some men tend to exaggerate their sexual adventures, some women do the opposite...so you do the math.

I was on a site where some men boasted, and a bit of it was bullshit....some women gave this squeeky clean, looking for Mr. Right image...I found out thru their own admission...many were having fun with up to 5 different guys while waiting for Mr right....again...do the math.
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 29
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 11:46:52 PM

I think a lot of my problems is all the frustration I have had in the past. I am a late bloomer and had trouble attracting girls I liked at all.


Did you enjoy the frustration of the past? If not, then why drag it along into the future? I'm sure it was hurtful not being able to attract the type of girl you wanted, isn't it great that those days are over? All those dues you paid have finally paid off, and you've attracted EXACTLY the girl you wanted all along....

Its not like I am scared I dont match up with the others, or that she is going to cheat. Not at all. I am what she wants,
Ahh, now that's a great feeling, no? So many, many people here, searching for exactly what you have. Be still and just enjoy that.

If I seriously just judged things on our relationship... just ignoring the past, I would have no issues like ever.
Well then, you're in luck.... your relationship is the only part of her life that has any relevence today.

I'll be honest.... I don't care for your attitude regarding her "sordid past"... regardless of the intention behind it, it still comes across as harshly judgemental, self rightseous, and even hypocritical, since you've acknowledged that you'd have done the same, had you had the opportunity. But that's for you to sort out. Just be aware that everytime you bring it up, no matter how 'respectful' you think you're being, or how altruistic you think your intentions are, you're sending her the message that you view her as "damaged goods", and that's a very disparaging message to be sending. I hope you appreciate her patience and tolerance as you're working through your issue... Most women I know would never have even entertained that conversation more than once. I suggest a little research into changing negative or obsessive thought patterns. With a little diligence and effort on your part, you CAN get rid of this destructive habit, and doing so will serve you well in every facet of your life. Best of luck.
 hipster78
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 30
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/8/2010 7:56:14 PM
Thanks for the replies again guys, really appreciate it.

I knew I was going to take quite a lot of criticism for my stance, because quite honestly, I dont agree with what has been going on in my head either. I dont disagree with a lot of the criticisms. Thats why it has been so difficult for me, because I really am trying.

This has helped. Lots of different perspectives, and its been noticeably better in the last few days. One thing Im confident in: I will get over this. I fully know what I have here. We fell in love before we got physical. I have never met someone like her, which is why I've been able to move so fast with moving in and such without having a doubt anywhere along the way. I think this whole experience is giving me quite a bit of perspective in life in general. Just talking about and seeing other people's thoughts has got a lot off my mind in trying to find the root of my issues and such. Thanks for your 2 cents.
 ThatClassicRomance
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 31
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 4:41:34 AM
This should only be an issue if the OP thinks her past behavior might have implications to his present relationship with her. It doesn't mean she can't be committed now in her present situation, but I'm sure it draws concern as to her detachment and standards.
Given both your ages, most people have to grow up and learn the difference between sex and making love. Young people will make those choices and mistakes to sleep with people without the emotional ties or passion for their partner until they learn the emptiness in sex and joy of making love to someone you care for. Even many older people still don't get the difference between' sex ' and 'making love' and we should feel sorry for those who don't know, but it is a process for younger folks to learn the hard way (no pun intended).
You can have this discussion with her to point blank ask her if she has realized the difference yet and has grown out of it. See if she gets it now and thus relieve your anxiety over this issue of her past behavior.
 valenciacityx
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 32
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:34:48 PM
feel better, she could have worked her way through the varsity line up from the homecoming game
or maybe she indeed did and thinks that three is an appropriate number to fib about
doesnt really matter, your paranoia is your reality.
you are gonna run her off, and in two years you will be back here whining about your nice guy hopelessness.

Get tested, wear a condom, get over it, or get out.
 Iced1071
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 33
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:41:57 PM
I'll keep this real simple:

Why do you waste your time and energy worrying about something you can't control? Especially if its already been done... You can't change it,and upping your # isn't going to do anything for her.

Sounds like you've got a good one (4 guys at 22 is commendable imo).. Stop stressing yourself out - embrace her.

If she slept 2, 5,or 10 guys - would that change any of things that made you two fall in love in the first place? If not knowing her prior # before didn't bother you, then really why should it now?

"For every minute you spend upset,you waste 60 seconds of happiness."
 brtena
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 34
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:59:12 PM
bro if numbers 1-3 where her only experiences quit trippin and get secure in your self shes a human being just like every one on this site unless jesus has a POF but any ways we all have baggage past and all that other crap if you really like her take a deep breathe and just for get about it all and in this world there are much much worse things to worry about than her being with 3 other men and if you cant get past all 3 (zomg small number) then you need to go back to church and find a virgin and let this poor girl move on and stop being judged by you
 1234deleted1234
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 35
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 2:13:02 PM
Here's a thought for the OP.....if you keep beating her up over her numbers.....they will get larger, either while with you or after you!

I don't even see what she has to be sorry about...she didn't get pregnant or an STD right? So, hopefully she ENJOYED experimenting and feels good about actually doing things that she was curious about instead of always wishing/wondering.

Now, YOU need to get secure with YOU! If she had had 100 men but chose to drop them for YOU, it should be a compliment to YOU that a hundred men couldn't do it for her....but you can! Dude, it's all a matter of perspective!
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
view profile
History
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 2:14:58 PM
Your feelings are not her fault or her problem. She is pandering to your insecurity and righteous indignation because she has typical young girl low self esteem. Honestly 10 years from now she will not apologize to anyone for being sexually active in college. No one deserves to be questioned or made to feel guilty because you weren't the first man on earth to show her interest.
My guess is that they have probably broken up already. Logic says that once she realises how clingy insecure and self righteous this guy is, she walks. He presents himself as the type of partner that will limit contact with friends from the past and question every phone call and email she gets.
22 year and a virgin usually means the opportunity did not present itself before. Rarely is it because of some high ideal or desire to wait for your soul-mate. You met her 6 months ago, she drops her drawers and presto she's your soulmate?
You took the first opportunity you got to hit it, so stop beating her up for doing the same.
 garvey14
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 37
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 8:33:42 PM
Have to chime in with the majority of posters here in their replies. She has no issue and quite frankly from what you described she seems to be perfectly normal. You on the other hand come off as sounding like a insecure little boy who is obviously not ready to date a women least of all live you one. Well other then your mommie of course.
You claim you do not hold it against her. Well congratulations Ozzie. Guess what? It is not for you to judge anyone especially given that you did not know her then. Get the hell over it and do her a favor and break it off. Or get the hell over it and ask her if you measure up to her other lovers because that is more then likely what you are insecure about.
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