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Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 28
Issues with the pastPage 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)

Funny thing though, Men are always thought to be the ones who are used to having more sex before settling down than women. And men are always thought to be the ones most likely to cheat in a relationship....

That might be true if you believe other people or surveys..though recent surveys show more women are cheating more often these days...the supposed numbers are near even.

Thought to be and actuality are two different things, these days women get about as much sex before marriage as men....and who's to say what the real truth in the past was? I know people who said they had more sex in the fifties than any other decade, despite the image projected of that era.

Besides these men that had sex before marriage? Didn't they have this sex with women?

Some men tend to exaggerate their sexual adventures, some women do the you do the math.

I was on a site where some men boasted, and a bit of it was bullshit....some women gave this squeeky clean, looking for Mr. Right image...I found out thru their own admission...many were having fun with up to 5 different guys while waiting for Mr the math.
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 29
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/7/2010 11:46:52 PM

I think a lot of my problems is all the frustration I have had in the past. I am a late bloomer and had trouble attracting girls I liked at all.

Did you enjoy the frustration of the past? If not, then why drag it along into the future? I'm sure it was hurtful not being able to attract the type of girl you wanted, isn't it great that those days are over? All those dues you paid have finally paid off, and you've attracted EXACTLY the girl you wanted all along....

Its not like I am scared I dont match up with the others, or that she is going to cheat. Not at all. I am what she wants,
Ahh, now that's a great feeling, no? So many, many people here, searching for exactly what you have. Be still and just enjoy that.

If I seriously just judged things on our relationship... just ignoring the past, I would have no issues like ever.
Well then, you're in luck.... your relationship is the only part of her life that has any relevence today.

I'll be honest.... I don't care for your attitude regarding her "sordid past"... regardless of the intention behind it, it still comes across as harshly judgemental, self rightseous, and even hypocritical, since you've acknowledged that you'd have done the same, had you had the opportunity. But that's for you to sort out. Just be aware that everytime you bring it up, no matter how 'respectful' you think you're being, or how altruistic you think your intentions are, you're sending her the message that you view her as "damaged goods", and that's a very disparaging message to be sending. I hope you appreciate her patience and tolerance as you're working through your issue... Most women I know would never have even entertained that conversation more than once. I suggest a little research into changing negative or obsessive thought patterns. With a little diligence and effort on your part, you CAN get rid of this destructive habit, and doing so will serve you well in every facet of your life. Best of luck.
Joined: 1/30/2010
Msg: 30
Issues with the past
Posted: 6/8/2010 7:56:14 PM
Thanks for the replies again guys, really appreciate it.

I knew I was going to take quite a lot of criticism for my stance, because quite honestly, I dont agree with what has been going on in my head either. I dont disagree with a lot of the criticisms. Thats why it has been so difficult for me, because I really am trying.

This has helped. Lots of different perspectives, and its been noticeably better in the last few days. One thing Im confident in: I will get over this. I fully know what I have here. We fell in love before we got physical. I have never met someone like her, which is why I've been able to move so fast with moving in and such without having a doubt anywhere along the way. I think this whole experience is giving me quite a bit of perspective in life in general. Just talking about and seeing other people's thoughts has got a lot off my mind in trying to find the root of my issues and such. Thanks for your 2 cents.
Joined: 5/1/2011
Msg: 31
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 4:41:34 AM
This should only be an issue if the OP thinks her past behavior might have implications to his present relationship with her. It doesn't mean she can't be committed now in her present situation, but I'm sure it draws concern as to her detachment and standards.
Given both your ages, most people have to grow up and learn the difference between sex and making love. Young people will make those choices and mistakes to sleep with people without the emotional ties or passion for their partner until they learn the emptiness in sex and joy of making love to someone you care for. Even many older people still don't get the difference between' sex ' and 'making love' and we should feel sorry for those who don't know, but it is a process for younger folks to learn the hard way (no pun intended).
You can have this discussion with her to point blank ask her if she has realized the difference yet and has grown out of it. See if she gets it now and thus relieve your anxiety over this issue of her past behavior.
Joined: 3/10/2009
Msg: 32
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:34:48 PM
feel better, she could have worked her way through the varsity line up from the homecoming game
or maybe she indeed did and thinks that three is an appropriate number to fib about
doesnt really matter, your paranoia is your reality.
you are gonna run her off, and in two years you will be back here whining about your nice guy hopelessness.

Get tested, wear a condom, get over it, or get out.
Joined: 7/2/2011
Msg: 33
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 12:41:57 PM
I'll keep this real simple:

Why do you waste your time and energy worrying about something you can't control? Especially if its already been done... You can't change it,and upping your # isn't going to do anything for her.

Sounds like you've got a good one (4 guys at 22 is commendable imo).. Stop stressing yourself out - embrace her.

If she slept 2, 5,or 10 guys - would that change any of things that made you two fall in love in the first place? If not knowing her prior # before didn't bother you, then really why should it now?

"For every minute you spend upset,you waste 60 seconds of happiness."
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 34
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 1:59:12 PM
bro if numbers 1-3 where her only experiences quit trippin and get secure in your self shes a human being just like every one on this site unless jesus has a POF but any ways we all have baggage past and all that other crap if you really like her take a deep breathe and just for get about it all and in this world there are much much worse things to worry about than her being with 3 other men and if you cant get past all 3 (zomg small number) then you need to go back to church and find a virgin and let this poor girl move on and stop being judged by you
Joined: 10/8/2009
Msg: 35
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 2:13:02 PM
Here's a thought for the OP.....if you keep beating her up over her numbers.....they will get larger, either while with you or after you!

I don't even see what she has to be sorry about...she didn't get pregnant or an STD right? So, hopefully she ENJOYED experimenting and feels good about actually doing things that she was curious about instead of always wishing/wondering.

Now, YOU need to get secure with YOU! If she had had 100 men but chose to drop them for YOU, it should be a compliment to YOU that a hundred men couldn't do it for her....but you can! Dude, it's all a matter of perspective!
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 36
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Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 2:14:58 PM
Your feelings are not her fault or her problem. She is pandering to your insecurity and righteous indignation because she has typical young girl low self esteem. Honestly 10 years from now she will not apologize to anyone for being sexually active in college. No one deserves to be questioned or made to feel guilty because you weren't the first man on earth to show her interest.
My guess is that they have probably broken up already. Logic says that once she realises how clingy insecure and self righteous this guy is, she walks. He presents himself as the type of partner that will limit contact with friends from the past and question every phone call and email she gets.
22 year and a virgin usually means the opportunity did not present itself before. Rarely is it because of some high ideal or desire to wait for your soul-mate. You met her 6 months ago, she drops her drawers and presto she's your soulmate?
You took the first opportunity you got to hit it, so stop beating her up for doing the same.
Joined: 6/6/2011
Msg: 37
Issues with the past
Posted: 7/17/2011 8:33:42 PM
Have to chime in with the majority of posters here in their replies. She has no issue and quite frankly from what you described she seems to be perfectly normal. You on the other hand come off as sounding like a insecure little boy who is obviously not ready to date a women least of all live you one. Well other then your mommie of course.
You claim you do not hold it against her. Well congratulations Ozzie. Guess what? It is not for you to judge anyone especially given that you did not know her then. Get the hell over it and do her a favor and break it off. Or get the hell over it and ask her if you measure up to her other lovers because that is more then likely what you are insecure about.
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