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 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 26
600 emails to get 5 dates???Page 2 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)
Sorry rush, had to respond. We usually see things the same, not this time.

I keep going through things on here with the guys, frankly I don't get it, not at all.

"Some sat that getting very few responses, is better than receiving none at all."

Nuh-uh!! That's BS, I know a good number of guys, I mean like 40 or more from here, all over the country and Canada, who have a 35% response rate and have women write them first. Their all ages, heights, weights and types. They range in all ages, they are not Clooney's, Brad Pitt's or anything like that. Some have 90% response rates.

Look I get a 60% response rate, have at least 3 women write me first every month. From the 2nd to the 5th month, it was 5 a month writing me first, half the time I had no picture.(like now that admin deleted it)

Pay site, free site, this site, that site, no difference. If you can be cordial, funny and keep the flow going women will talk with you. From there it's just a matter of time till you get a date,
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 27
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:38:42 PM
Sorry Mr Evil but I don't think we are talking about response rate that is probably above 50% for many people its the number of emails that actually turn into dates and if you consider how many people consider the first time a meeting then that would be the 2nd date for some. I think many people find that they exchange a number of emails or text messages before they even get to the first meeting if it goes that far.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 28
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 8:53:50 PM
"Sorry Mr Evil but I don't think we are talking about response rate that is probably above 50% for many people it's the number of emails that actually turn into dates"

Well my friend, I can't speak for anybody but myself. My first time through here, it was fairly dismal, till the end. The second time I dated 17 women in 14 months. This time it's 12 in 7 months. I don't think my results are so uncommon, in fact I believe they are not remarkable at all.

I've emailed with a bunch of guys, from all over, they seem to have the same exact experience. Some met someone and left, other like me, continue on, looking for the right one. If your no having that exact same result, your doing something WRONG!

Read most threads, just like this, on the same subject. The women say they are dating from here, that means they are dating guys FROM HERE, ergo if your not getting dates, your doing it wrong.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 29
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:09:03 PM
Are you telling me you have only sent a total of 20 emails to women in the last 7 months to get 12 dates . Your history shows 50 posts to POF forums since May 20th I'd be surprised if you are putting that little effort into dating with this much effort into forums
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 30
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:42:02 PM
"Are you telling me you have only sent a total of 20 emails to women in the last 7 months to get 12 dates. Your history shows 50 posts to POF forums since May 20th"

Yeah, the forums have been kinda dull lately, that would have been more like 100-150 if the link still existed. I like the forums, in fact many women write me from the forums, I've even dated a few. No I didn't send 20 emails for 12 dates, I average about 5 to 7 emails a month to women, I wish to date. As I said earlier and on other forums, I'm very specific on what I seek in a woman.

In fact, I will lay it out for you. It usually takes 2 or 3 dates, until I know I want to date them. I pay for dates, I will not have sex until I know I want more(date 6 to 10 somewhere). I'm not looking for a FWB or a FB, I'm looking for a woman with specific characteristics, who has similar likes, interests. I want to find her, date her and frankly, to get the he11 outta dodge(POF, no offense markus).

Now while that may seem odd to some, it makes perfect sense to me. I don't need 14 women, just one good one, who sees things as I do, wants a good life, with a good man. Nothing more, nothing less. I didn't look how long you have been a member, but there was a time, the forums were significant to the site, not all that long ago. In fact it was a way to meet women.

Look, my answer is good for me, it may not be good for you. We all have to find our way on here. I'm telling you, IF you can identify what you want in a woman, what attracts you, similar interests, similar tastes. IF they find you attractive, and can write coherently, with a little wit and sass, they will answer and date you more times than not.

PS oh and half the people on these same threads(including this one) know me well, and know what I say is true. Including maffers, and a number of others who have seen my posts. I've no reason to lie about it, what would make sense about that? The game(hunt) is easy, the finding of the right one, is the hard part, you'll see.

VVV = PPS My bad rush, misunderstood your point. Yeah from that POV I would guess your right.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 31
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 9:47:16 PM
You're telling me something I already know. Of course, there are plenty of men here who has pretty good response rates, especially the very attractive one's. If a man has a decent response rate without even having images on his profile, good for him! That is even better than the one's with images on display because these guys have decent response rates and no photos posted which means they are getting responses based off of what is written on their profiles.

Your profile is well written, and has sense of humor written all over it, so I can see why receiving first contact messages wouldn't be an issue for you. But when I stated that some people say getting a few replies is better than none at all, I was actually referring to the men who get no first contact responses but struggle getting any responses at all when making first contact.
 cabanaboy65
Joined: 8/30/2009
Msg: 32
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/5/2010 11:09:15 PM
I get pretty good responises from the ladies. But also is the factor is a lot of the ladies live far away. By 2 or 3 hours. Geting emails is 1 thing. Geting dates is another.
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 33
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 9:42:49 AM
Some have 90% response rates.


I don't know anybody with a response rate nearly that high. That includes attractive women with good profile. Having said that, there are ways to try and improve your response.

1. Have good photos. Someone aren't photogenic so they are at a disadvantage.
2. Have a well written profile that contains some of your interests, what you are looking for etc.
3. Make sure you clearly match many of the things that a person is looking for when you contact him/her.
4. Email content. I don't think it is that important compared to the other things. But if the first email is blatantly rude or overaggressive. Then it can be a dealbreaker.
5. Good luck / fortune etc. Sometimes luck can play a role. For example, you could email 40 people and only get 1-2 positive replies. Then you email 10 more people and get 5 positive replies. Without changing your method.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 34
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 10:26:14 AM
"I don't know anybody with a response rate nearly that high."

Well don't look at me! lol However some of the longer term members will remember, a couple of them. One was a guy from Cally, late 30's I believe, 6 foot somethin, blonde hair, athletic build, was supposedly a CEO of his own company. When they posted such things(favorite numbers) he had something like 355 women who put him on their list! He posted in the forums quite a bit, we emailed to BS, a few times. That's what he told me, I have no reason to doubt him, why say it if it isn't true?

As for women, there were 3 I know of. Mostly in mid 30's early 40's, they looked 20 something and had interesting pics, profiles and were in that rating thingy, near the top of the list. I spoke with 2, one from Rhode Isl. and the other from Cally as well. Now remember, they rarely sent many emails, they received on average close to 100 a day. Given that, how many guys would you think WOULDN'T answer them?

Look all I'm saying is getting responses is not all that hard. For that matter, getting dates isn't either. The trouble comes when their not what you thought, or there is no attraction. The worst is when they leave out some details that make a match, difficult if not impossible. Again most of this is trial and error, what is a important thing to you, maybe trivial to someone else, but ends up being a dealbreaker.

As to the rest of your points, I agree for the most part. Again things are subjective. If all you look at is the pic, well that won't work, at least for long, if all you have is looks. In the larger scheme of things, it's a combination of attraction IRL, interests shared, and personalities that blend. Of course you need to be looking for the same thing (ie: relationship, FWB, dating or whatever).

Just what I think anyway.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 35
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 10:40:15 AM
Honestly I hate dating, I hate the whole concept of getting myself worked up and have it always end in failure, either I or them are uninterested in continuing further.

Then don't get yourself worked up. Talking to people, being social and learning about someone new with no expectations eliminates disappointing yourself and online dating more tolerable. Numbers are not in anyone's favor dating - if they were everyone would be involved most of the time. Something like 80% of all people you like don't like you back - from that 20%, probably over half those people aren't dating material, from there, only a couple if any will be long term material, and from there you still have to worry about maintaining a relationship over time with all new problems and obstacles.

Truth be told there are probably only two or three people in a lifetime tops that we can go the distance with - if we run into those people. So it's a continual weeding out and narrowing down process from first conversation to the very end. Very seldom can we put our feet up and say the process is over. So why get all worked up before a first meet? Seems quite premature, no?
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 36
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 11:08:00 AM
is good timing. Certain times of the year 'seem' to be better than others for online, probably real life too. Yeah, this shows how long I've been doing this online thing. This is for USA, don't know if anybody has noticed any similar patterns in rest of Britain or used to be Britain. In the time frame from after Halloween until after Christmas, I don't see too many new profiles....theory--people are busy enjoying family and gatherings for Thanksgiving/Christmas. New year's eve gets a flurry of activity--new members and older, returning members. After about 2-3 weeks it seems to die down....theory--new members are emailing/talking with someone already. Next big flurry seems to come right after Valentine's Day and lasts almost until St Patrick's Day. Then it appears steady inflow/outflow with a little bit of activity at the beginning of summer and then at the end of summer

I've noticed this as well, I once started a thread on Halloweenies, but I think it got deleted. A Halloweenie is a man who will date a woman & dump her prior to the Holiday Season, cuz he doesn't wanna give her a gift & have to do family get-togethers. etc, w/ his GF, cuz he really isn't into her, just there 4 the booty call!
Another poster told me there was the polar opposite A Weenie-Hallow- someone who wants another for the Holiday Season, to have a date for family & office parties, etc.

I do see dating online as seasonal. Many dating relationships last from 6 weeks to 3 mos, so youget "waves"- daters who start in the early spring, it takes them 2-3 weeks to find someone, then after 6-12 weeks, they break up & go for the 2nd wave. Usually AFTER Valentines DAY thru Labor Day is dating season. Aftern that it seems like weenie-Hallows, leftovers & losers for the most part. Of course there is always the exception to the rule.
So now, I won't start a new relationship b4 the holidays. A few years ago, I went out dancing & in early December met a decent guy in real life. I told him it was awkward to start dating before the holidays, etc. He was so digging me when I told him that, he said the women he dated in the past would be looking to put their hand in his pocket. I let him slip away because of being burned in the past.
i was stupid, i admit it. here it is i met a nice guy in real life & based on some not so stellar online experiences, i didn't give him a chance
PS- the sci fi guy met a beautiful professional woman in a pay site & they are in a serious relationship, maybe he learned as he went how to navigate online dating. I don't think he meant he had only 5 dates, but 5 relationships from online, not all of them may have been serious. He also had a real life thing too. I am glad he shared w/ me about his stuff as it helped me to understand men a bit better.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 37
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 11:30:31 AM
600 e mails?
Copy paste for sure..No one is going to personalize 600 e mails pulease.
I would say 595 of those women must have caught that.

The other 5 were just probably really bored or to stew-pit not to catch it.
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 38
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 11:51:57 AM
Hmmm, yeah that one always gets me!

"Either they have been putting on an act, or someone else comes along"

Well nothing you can do about others, I mean ALL of us are looking, so it's the luck of the draw, that you meet at the right time, WITH enough time, that things progress to where you have traction and they stop looking, as do you!!

Now on the other thing, yeah that's the ticket of which I spoke earlier. Everyone seems to be on their best behavior, or not really themselves(mostly but not altogether) for 6 weeks. Then you get to see the real person, those little things you didn't see at first. The not returned calls, the "it's OK they'll understand", and personal favorite "I would never have thought to ask you first, I just azzumed you'd be OK with it"!

Now your in it, their not. Or they go from Mr/ms jeckle to Mr/ms hyde and you go "what happened?"

That's why you have to see them for 15 dates and 60 days before you REALLY have an idea of who they are.

By the way, this applies to IRL as well as online.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 39
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 1:54:25 PM
What! 600 emails! Someone get an "A" for effort and a "D" for execution.
For me that would be about 100- 150 hours worth of work- that's close to a months effort at a typical job. All I can say is there are tons of people in that fellows area or he isn't very selective.

In my area, I think I have about 400 women in my age bracket, +- 5years, within a reasonable distance- 50 miles that smoke. In reality, I may only find about 1 in 10 interesting- intelligent fun and in reasonable shape. Over time probably try to write something interesting, humourous, relevant to their profile taking 10- 15 minutes. I might have got a 20 percent response rate. That pretty much takes it down to 7-8 gals. But after being here a while that's pretty much it, gained a pen pal and had one relationship for 6 months.

I basically just check in for the forums now and see if anything new pops up. It seems lately to just be repeat offenders locally, so I thinking of doing a little recycling-lol.

I makes me wonder about about juicing up the profile, but where do you reach the point of losing reality and honesty, and venturing into overselling or misrepresenting yourself? It s a murky line and one I think many cross way over in an attempt to make a sale. I guess you just have to go with what feels right.
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 40
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 2:53:01 PM
As for women, there were 3 I know of. Mostly in mid 30's early 40's, they looked 20 something and had interesting pics, profiles and were in that rating thingy, near the top of the list. I spoke with 2, one from Rhode Isl. and the other from Cally as well. Now remember, they rarely sent many emails, they received on average close to 100 a day. Given that, how many guys would you think WOULDN'T answer them?


The attractive women I was referring to got about 60-70% positive reply rate. Which made sense to me. Even if most men are attracted to a woman, there still could be 15%-20 of men who aren't attracted to her. There could be another 15%-20% of men who aren't interested in her for other reasons besides looks. I'm not saying the people you talked to are lying. Just that I haven't met anyone who claimed to have a 90% positive reply rate.



600 e mails?
Copy paste for sure..No one is going to personalize 600 e mails pulease.
I would say 595 of those women must have caught that.
The other 5 were just probably really bored or to stew-pit not to catch it.


That could depend on how long he was on a dating site. Suppose he was on a dating site for 3 years, that would be 200 emails a year or about 4 emails a week. Not unreasonable to send 600 reasonably well written emails in that period of time. Even if he was on a dating site for 2 years, that would be 300 emails a year or about 6 emails a week. Still not unreasonable.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 41
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 3:04:01 PM

600 e mails?
Copy paste for sure..No one is going to personalize 600 e mails pulease.

I wouldn't assume that all 600 are copy and paste. Some people do indeed use copy and paste emails, but I bet a lot of men actually do take the time to send out a number of emails that they haven't sent to 100 other chicks.

I also agree with the message right above, because I was getting ready to type a response very similar.

If some of those men have indeed been on a certain dating site for a number of years (lets say 5) then of course the number of emails will continue to grow depending on how many are sent out per day and week.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 42
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 4:31:15 PM

That could depend on how long he was on a dating site. Suppose he was on a dating site for 3 years, that would be 200 emails a year or about 4 emails a week. Not unreasonable to send 600 reasonably well written emails in that period of time. Even if he was on a dating site for 2 years, that would be 300 emails a year or about 6 emails a week. Still not unreasonable.


I was being a bit flippant, but since the op did not state how long and went on about his relationships it sounded like a short time.

Plus I get so many copy paste it is ridiculous.

600 e mails to 5 dates? SOMETHING is going wrong for sure and content is often the problem. Not taking time to personalize the message.
 QUIET WHISPERS
Joined: 3/22/2010
Msg: 43
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 5:28:57 PM

He was so digging me when I told him that, he said the women he dated in the past would be looking to put their hand in his pocket. I let him slip away because of being burned in the past.
i was stupid, i admit it. here it is i met a nice guy in real life & based on some not so stellar online experiences, i didn't give him a chance


Ok why did you do it? Honestly? I have been told the same thing, not because of the holidays or anything. You didn't give the guy a chance even though he was digging ya.. Were ya not feeling it? I guess on that part I'm looking for insight..

insight- i allowed my past to bite me in the a$$ when the present showed up.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 44
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 6:46:12 PM

I can definitely believe that. Any time I've sent emails on here I've rarely gotten a response. There are times when I suddenly get a bunch of women emailing me first though. Very strange. I don't really bother making first contact anymore. If a woman finds you appealing I think she has no problem emailing first. I do find that when a woman emails me it's a maximum of about 4 words though. I find this very ironic since the short email is what 99% of the women on here complain about. Pay sites yield MUCH better results

I disagree. It doesn't matter if you're in free or paid sites, I get the same results.
 vertical95
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 45
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 8:53:16 PM
I was being a bit flippant, but since the op did not state how long and went on about his relationships it sounded like a short time.
Plus I get so many copy paste it is ridiculous.
600 e mails to 5 dates? SOMETHING is going wrong for sure and content is often the problem. Not taking time to personalize the message.


Personally I think there are other things that are more likely to be problem. Bad photos or profile. Emailing women even when he clearly doesn't match what they are looking for. Like I said earlier, unless the content of the first email is blatantly rude or overagressive, I don't consider it to be as important as the other things I mentioned.
 S.O.U.L
Joined: 11/23/2009
Msg: 46
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 9:01:52 PM

Plus I get so many copy paste it is ridiculous.

600 e mails to 5 dates? SOMETHING is going wrong for sure and content is often the problem. Not taking time to personalize the message.


Personally I dont copy and paste but my question is how often do you reply when the guy does take the time to write a personalize message. If the answer is rarely then does it matter if it's copy and paste?

It's June and I think Ive only June and I think only Ive only sent a message to only 7-8 women to date. For me it's an issue of quality instead of quantity.

And to the guy who commented about women who write him with 4 words. I agree with you, my first thoughts is what I'm suppose to do with you 4 words. At least put some effort into contacting me.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 47
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/6/2010 9:29:00 PM
I have to applaud that guy. He didn't give up like half the guys that come to places like this. That after 15 emails they start to complaint about the women. Or they resort to the mass email tactic, so they send out 500 emails saying the same crap and they get 500 rejections saying "go to hell". But this guy stuck it out. I hope that the guy also tried to work on a learning curve of sorts, because this is what CAN happen. When I started internet dating, I wrote about 100 emails a week. And for the first month I probably got Zero response, other than an ewww, or delete. Then I tried weird things, from being kind of rude, to being kind of nice, to commenting on something. I began to get responses, but no dates. Then I tried to start conversations in the middle, as if we had been talking about something (usually in her profile) and moved it forward. Hmmm. Then women began to respond. And they also began to disappear, or keep talking or do the usual things that go in these sites.
The whole point is that there was a learning curve. I went from 100 emails to get one rejection, to 100 emails to start talking to 9 women, and out of that get at least 3 dates a week. Eventually I got very picky and was sending about 12 emails a week and speaking to at least 4 of them. So what changed? Did I get somehow good looking? I don't think so.
Connect, connect, connect. That is the only thing that changed. When I split with my gf the last time, I went back to dating, but I didn't have it in me. I was careless, I was annoying, I even asked stupid questions, yet somehow I got about 4 dates a week. I had to cut that off quickly, because I realize that I was not ready to date again. How many emails was I sending a week? Maybe 10, maybe 15.

So my advice to guys is, do not mass email. Get a feel of what the woman is all about. YOur perception. And on that gut feeling send her an email that comments or asks about something non related to her looks. Finish with a question. Be as blunt as possible. BE Different.
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 48
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/7/2010 3:46:49 AM


Personally I think there are other things that are more likely to be problem. Bad photos or profile.


I AGREE photos are the number one thing, profile then content of messages.
I thought this was more about e mails.

You are absolutely right.
I did not want to point out my first thought if this person has a photo..He has to be butt azz ugly or no photo. probably a lot of "I don't know what to write but I'm writing xxxoooo" to fill space.

What boob counts his out going mail? Certainly that in itself if done over a period of a year or more as some suggest is sta* range to say the least.
What a maroon...........LOL




If the answer is rarely then does it matter if it's copy and paste?


Yes it matters..a guy going around clicking on pics he finds appealing or somewhat appealing with out reading ANY thing from a profile or mentioning something specific in your pic..hat, dog, whatever.

Won't find anyone with half a brain or a bit of self esteem. 5 out of 600..would you bother? No didn't think so.

At least originality can have a chance.


I may at least acknowledge e mails if the profile pic is average and profile and message are thought out as long as it isn't offensive or copy paste.

But come on. TYPICAL copy paste is something like this..
I'm being very generous here as most are border line commitable.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

" Hi there,

How are you doing? My name is Stipid and i'm from CA/Los angeles..I was just surfing through the site when your profile caught my attention. It probably goes without saying but you look great in your photo. Just wondering what a cutie like you could be looking for on here! I don't have any Prue-conceived notions about your looks, age, etc.I imagine that you're being inundated with flirts msgs, Just wondering what someone as beautiful like you is looking for on here? I am much more concerned with the chemistry between us. I believe in romance, passion, connections, and sexy magnetism.Anyway, I wouldn't like to talk much on here but i would love to get intouch with you privately if you wouldn't mind.I would love to get to know you better by chatting with you on yahoo, thats if you wouldn't mind. You could add me to your messenger's list. My yahoo screen name is( nonutsca63@yahoo.com ) Pls send yours to me so i can also add you up to my list too. Who knows if this might be the start of a great friendship. Anyway, till then, you take good care of yourself and have a wonderful day! I hope to hear from you soon. But If not, then i hope you have best of luck in your search!..."



Get in touch privately???WTH?? Can't mention one interest?I know when a man has really looked at my pic..He is hitting the thumbnails and pasting.

I will respond to.

I think Yoko and her walrus is hilarious..first.
At least he took time to read.

Or I really love the -----------pic.

Hey throw us a bone..something to work with even if just one sentence that is yours .



He is lazy and just throwing sh1t against the wall hoping some sticks and isn't picky where. Gathering a fan base for his ego club..
Another K**- bo bo head.

I have no idea how many e mails I have received over a periods of a year/2 years or sent..I can look and see total blocked though.

Who counts that sh1t?????
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 49
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/7/2010 5:23:25 AM
^^^^very entertaining and I would have to say you are being generous. Who knows you may find someone cutting and pasting your example of an initial contact message for it's originality it may just improve their odds. And most of the initial contact messages I get from women are more like "Hi there liked your profile" . But then again we don't expect women to put in alot of effort into the initial contact in real life either.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 50
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/7/2010 5:31:35 AM
Sounds like he is not very particular about who he contacts and that does show in your emails. If a woman can tell its a form letter she won't reply.
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