Notice: Forums will be shutdown by June 2019

To focus on better serving our members, we've decided to shut down the POF forums.

While regular posting is now disabled, you can continue to view all threads until the end of June 2019. Event Hosts can still create and promote events while we work on a new and improved event creation service for you.

Thank you!

Plentyoffish dating forums are a place to meet singles and get dating advice or share dating experiences etc. Hopefully you will all have fun meeting singles and try out this online dating thing... Remember that we are the largest free online dating service, so you will never have to pay a dime to meet your soulmate.
     
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 145
600 emails to get 5 dates???Page 5 of 21    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19, 20, 21)

I get real tired of people thinking what I look like (in their eyes, BTW - many people don't find me attractive, just like most of us) has ANYTHING to do with my mindset

Well, indirectly he's saying that -- but he's ASSUMING (correct him if he's wrong), that you don't have a problem having the opposite sex finding you attractive. Someone always having a problem being found attractive by the masses vs someone who doesn't have a problem, are going to have different mindsets, different emotions. I think it would silly for him to call you a prom queen or assume you get guys fawning all over you, but I think it's just a general thing: One person gets attention from the opposite sex just fine, whether they may like it or not, and the other person (seems to) hardly get any attention. Humans are going to be affected too little, just like celebrities can be affected by too much. One can control the amount it affects them, but being affected? Ya can't help that.

For everyone that thinks I am attractive and can't see why I would have a problem (which again, has nothing to do with anything I did) there are at least 2 that either think I am not attractive or don't notice me either way.

I think his point is that there's a certain -threshold- of being found attractive, that he's not meeting... not about being "hot enough", or "cute" vs "hot", etc. His position is that he's not meeting a particular threshold that would affect anyone, and he's assuming you are... which I would bet money that you are -- not on your exact mindset, but that you are exposed to at least the standard threshold that he (allegedly) does not meet... hence, "You're not in my shoes, and you can't say that wouldn't affect you if you haven't been there." Now, if he DOES meet that threshold, but doesn't realize that and merely just wants more-more-more, someone should point that out to him... but I don't think that's necessarily the case.

However I do know that if you don't like being single, you're more apt to believe most people don't like it either - because it makes you feel better.

I'm all-aboard on your take in terms of being single, and being single does not mean being alone. Totally agree with you, even though some people are in -need- of having "someone".

But I think Hawking is saying that his dating value is really low -- and when it's low, that does, and is expected to hit someone. Not being to "have a girlfriend right now", but witnessing time after time, over and over again, CLEARLY NOT being attractive. He's pointing out the latter -- and yeah, that should naturally affect someone. He's not talking about specific incidents where he couldn't get a girl -- he's talking about the title of the -bigger picture- --> I'm clearly not attractive in the eyes of most mid-range-and-higher women. That's going to affect someone spouse-hunting or someone who wants to live the single life.

I don't think he's saying he's the only one who has it tough, but more of a "Hey, I am on the shorter end of the stick", and it'd be hard for someone who's clearly NOT near the end of the stick he's at, to tell him they know how he feels, that's all... UNLESS he really isn't at the shorter end of the stick and he's dilusional. :)

I would say this to Hawking:
You're looking at it worse than it is. You're human, it should affect you that women are going to find you less attractive than the next guy, as a stranger, by default. In fact, moreso than one average Joe vs a better-looking average Joe. Although not an exact judgment, it's not a subjective one, because we're defining it not by the taste in your own looks, but data-gathering on how others find you to be. You being short (like I am, but a little shorter) is your biggest red mark.

You're not dillusional, but you're seeing it in negative colored glasses. There's nothing wrong with focusing even a bit too much on the silver lining, which you should do more, at least to the fairer extent. And what you shouldn't do is be dillusional that looks don't matter to others in finding you attractive, and that it's all RANDOM (purely subjective) and all that nonsense -- it'd be hard to lie to yourself about that!

So what is the silver lining? I'd be willing to bet, just as much as WIP being more attractive than you to the opposite sex when walking into a room (by default, by strangers), that your mindset, which you have expressed, ends up doing you damage. It limits your opportunities, and affects the vibe/persona that ends up working against you when you do have one. You DO Need to understand that.

I don't agree with WIP how far she takes it shouldn't affect you if the opposite sex doesn't like you. I say, deal with the cards you're dealt with, and maximize your hand -- and NOT hate it! :) Shake off what's holding you back that you can -- your mentality/persona about how you see things.

If it affects you too much, as WIP pointed out, it's going to do you harm. Not directly that you can "see", but it will in ways you don't know.
For instance: The way one is changes when they have a gf they're into, vs desperately looking to get a score/date. Hence "Murphy's Law" that girls likes a guy when he has a gf, and can hardly get a girl when he's single. He's not trying to get a girl when he's got one already... he's fine, happy, content, and his persona becomes attractive vs frustrated.

You're not in a wheelchair... you don't have a deformaty on your face... nor are you stupid by any stretch... you're short (I can say that 'cause I am too). The pitcher's mound is only 10 feet from the plate, and you're at bat. Some batters get into slumps and never get out of it when things aren't set up their way. A downward spiral. One doesn't have to dillude themselves, but they can say "Yep, I just need more at-bats, and have FUN playing the game." If you hate the game, you'll lose.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 147
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/15/2010 3:17:53 PM

Well, indirectly he's saying that -- but he's ASSUMING (correct him if he's wrong), that you don't have a problem having the opposite sex finding you attractive. Someone always having a problem being found attractive by the masses vs someone who doesn't have a problem, are going to have different mindsets, different emotions. I think it would silly for him to call you a prom queen or assume you get guys fawning all over you, but I think it's just a general thing: One person gets attention from the opposite sex just fine, whether they may like it or not, and the other person (seems to) hardly get any attention. Humans are going to be affected too little, just like celebrities can be affected by too much. One can control the amount it affects them, but being affected? Ya can't help that.

It's more like I don't care either way whether or not the opposite sex finds me attractive for the most part - or rather, I don't evaluate myself based on it. I don't find it offensive or flattering, just typical - because it's not about me. I'm part of a group that men respond to. I didn't create the dynamic nor do I have much to do with it. I guess it's complacency (outside of someone I am actually dating of course). It's too subjective and too impersonal for me to draw any type of across the board conclusion about.

I think his point is that there's a certain -threshold- of being found attractive, that he's not meeting... not about being "hot enough", or "cute" vs "hot", etc. His position is that he's not meeting a particular threshold that would affect anyone, and he's assuming you are... which I would bet money that you are -- not on your exact mindset, but that you are exposed to at least the standard threshold that he (allegedly) does not meet... hence, "You're not in my shoes, and you can't say that wouldn't affect you if you haven't been there." Now, if he DOES meet that threshold, but doesn't realize that and merely just wants more-more-more, someone should point that out to him... but I don't think that's necessarily the case.

I have been in his shoes, as have we all at some point or another (youth, awkwardness, weight, whatever). My point is this "threshold" tends to be more internal than realistic and chances are that the constant monitoring of who wants you and where you fall on the chain is something people notice and find unattractive. It is possible to become too wrapped up in your dating status and it can change your results. To let it go and try to find some peace WILL ironically make you more attractive to the opposite sex - but the tricky thing is that in order to be the type who draws people to you, you have to be the type that doesn't care if you do. Some people can find this balance in life and some don't get it. But in my case (and yeah I know I'm one in a bazillion women so it doesn't matter) my attractiveness or lack of it isn't a big deal to me, and it's not because anyone finds me attractive. Men are nice, but not something to measure life by - regardless of my "value" according to them.

I'm all-aboard on your take in terms of being single, and being single does not mean being alone. Totally agree with you, even though some people are in -need- of having "someone".

But I think Hawking is saying that his dating value is really low -- and when it's low, that does, and is expected to hit someone. Not being to "have a girlfriend right now", but witnessing time after time, over and over again, CLEARLY NOT being attractive. He's pointing out the latter -- and yeah, that should naturally affect someone. He's not talking about specific incidents where he couldn't get a girl -- he's talking about the title of the -bigger picture- --> I'm clearly not attractive in the eyes of most mid-range-and-higher women. That's going to affect someone spouse-hunting or someone who wants to live the single life.

Again, that's likely a conclusion someone makes based on some false sense of having to hit a post they learned somewhere they needed to hit along the way in life. Bottom line is your value can't be determined by stuff you can't control - not if you want any type of healthy attitude.

I don't think he's saying he's the only one who has it tough, but more of a "Hey, I am on the shorter end of the stick", and it'd be hard for someone who's clearly NOT near the end of the stick he's at, to tell him they know how he feels, that's all... UNLESS he really isn't at the shorter end of the stick and he's dilusional. :)

People who say "you don't know what it's like to be me" likely do think they are the only ones who have it rough, or like to make an extreme case to justify whatever's not happening right in their lives. The whole end of the stick thing is also subjective - and likely a matter of one's personal opinion and experience. There are women who will consider a guy unless/until they catch wind of his perception of himself. Who's to say any guy isn't considerable if he's positive about himself no matter what the outside circumstances are? I agree with what you said to Hawking - there are men who are shorter, in wheelchairs, blind, deaf, obese, have health issues and a number of other things considered to be unattractive by some - and they have no problem in the dating department. Why? Their view of themselves is positive and draws people to them, and they don't define themselves by their flaws.

I read an article about a kid with no arms who was determined to be on the wrestling team, and succeeded and is respected by his peers and actually wins matches, and a guy with no arms or legs who goes around to a ton of places nationwide and gives speeches. To me if those people can do that, then most of us don't really have much to complain about.
 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 148
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/15/2010 4:06:13 PM

I read an article about a kid with no arms who was determined to be on the wrestling team, and succeeded and is respected by his peers and actually wins matches, and a guy with no arms or legs who goes around to a ton of places nationwide and gives speeches. To me if those people can do that, then most of us don't really have much to complain about


Yes it is people like that and there are many other fine examples of those that make most of us realize how little we have to complain about. But getting back at least close to topic - if the above mentioned people were on POF how many emails do you think it would take for them to get a 5 dates. The answer is probably they would not care.
 woobytoodsday
Joined: 12/13/2006
Msg: 149
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/15/2010 4:13:14 PM
I just got an email that I spect was one of whatever limit Markus sets here. Nice, generic, not even gonna answer it. If I DID answer it it would be to tell him that mass mailings don't work. He soooooooooo liked my profile (the one that begins:
~~ There is an amazing man in my life and I'm out of circulation. Just here for the poetry and other fora. And of course, old friends. Those of you who love me I know will rejoice. For the rest of ya'll, good It's a fine pond. ~~).

Some guys are gonna better at it than others. I think the average runs about 3 dates out of a hundred first contacts. And ya, I think it'd be harder for the sci/fi crew.


 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 150
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/15/2010 4:51:49 PM
If you think most men on this site are only looking for sex, then you should be searching for and contacting men who are not. (...) You should be pro-active and trying to find men who are interesting, attractive, and at least appear to sincerely want a relationship.


and how do you propose we do this?

mind reading?

as you say yourself, the players aren't going to be honest.

we only have the words in a profile to go on until we either talk extensively on the phone or in person.


Every woman here has an excuse as to why she doesn't want to make first contact


*every* woman???

i send out way more first contact messages than i ever get and as Blonde Nicole pointed out up above, i have way less than a 10% rate of return.

and, for the record, i DON'T block those who have messaged others for intimate encounters and i STILL get few initial contacts. which suggests to me that the IE crowd is probably looking for the Barbie Dolls!

 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 151
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/15/2010 9:57:34 PM

It's more like I don't care either way whether or not the opposite sex finds me attractive for the most part - or rather, I don't evaluate myself based on it.

I don't think he's evaluating on how he sees himself -- but how, in reality, he sees himself not being attracted to by hardly anyone of the opposite sex. Some people certainly can take that as "I AM a loser", but not necessarily everyone... they can be too frustrated about it, which lessens their marketable dating value even more (which I believe is in his case). His focus should be -- how accurate is my assessment on my attraction with the opposite sex, and where may it be being skewed? What are the good points that should be in my line of sight, as opposed to the disadvantages I may be too apt to dwell on?

But I think you do you care about whether the opposite sex finds you attractive. You may not care virtually at all when it comes to isolated incidences of Greg, Bobby, and Peter... but I'm talking about the % of the masses who do. Didn't you say in a recent post that you don't like it if you're without sex for too long? Well, if in general, the opposite sex didn't find you attractive -- and not just lack of attraction, but dis-attraction, you would be without it for a very long time (barring hookers). And it IS easier for girls, when they are in "whatever" mode or even depressed mode, about the opposite sex finding them at all attractive, comparatively speaking... guys tend to approach girls whether they like it or not. If a guy's in the same boat as said girl, he will not have gals coming up to him anyway to any degree.

To let it go and try to find some peace WILL ironically make you more attractive to the opposite sex - but the tricky thing is that in order to be the type who draws people to you, you have to be the type that doesn't care if you do.

Oh, I agree. He needs to EMOTIONALLY accept that he's not found as attractive as many guys would like, by default by strangers walking into a room, but more importantly also UNDERSTAND that he's human, and his mind is exaggerating the repulsion he thinks he brings to the table, which actually is just a snowball effect.

Bottom line is your value can't be determined by stuff you can't control - not if you want any type of healthy attitude.

I strongly disagree with that, in terms of one's value out on the dating market. What you're saying is, "Who cares what your value is on the 'dating' market? You shouldn't!" Well, IMO, every healthy person does, when it comes to major shifts (very high, very low).

As far as the dating value of one is concerned, it will go down if you get hit by a truck and maimed. It will go down if there's nothing you can do about something, but yeah, you're low in that attraction value all-around. I don't think it's healthy to dillude someself of falsehoods -- then you're trading one poison for another, IMO. And you can't ask someone to "not care".

In fact, he should care, right? Just like you said, his mentality is bringing him (his value) down!

Who's to say any guy isn't considerable if he's positive about himself no matter what the outside circumstances are?

As far as one's attractive-value to the opposite sex in general, very few guys aren't considerable. I think he sees his value lower than it is, because he's assessing it by his results which include him seeing himself really low (self-fulfilling prophecy).

But him refusing to come out of denial that his value is unlikeably low is not what I have a problem with. Despite me not wishing for anyone to put inaccurately-positive glasses on for their own sake, I will say I think his problem is that he needs to accept that it is OKAY to not be in a league of a "hottie", or even that most gals won't find you attractive when passing down the hallway... the more ya let that beat you down, the worse you'll perform when you get to know gals who can come to like ya (who otherwise didn't give it much of a thought either way before, or who had some attraction initially).
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 152
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 7:45:28 AM

I don't think he's evaluating on how he sees himself -- but how, in reality, he sees himself not being attracted to by hardly anyone of the opposite sex. Some people certainly can take that as "I AM a loser", but not necessarily everyone... they can be too frustrated about it, which lessens their marketable dating value even more (which I believe is in his case). His focus should be -- how accurate is my assessment on my attraction with the opposite sex, and where may it be being skewed? What are the good points that should be in my line of sight, as opposed to the disadvantages I may be too apt to dwell on?

Sounds like way too much thinking to me. If you put that much effort into building a business you'd be a millionaire, but business plans don't work well with dating. That's just me though - I wouldn't date if it were that much work. It's not nearly that much work for me and I still don't care to.

But I think you do you care about whether the opposite sex finds you attractive. You may not care virtually at all when it comes to isolated incidences of Greg, Bobby, and Peter... but I'm talking about the % of the masses who do. Didn't you say in a recent post that you don't like it if you're without sex for too long? Well, if in general, the opposite sex didn't find you attractive -- and not just lack of attraction, but dis-attraction, you would be without it for a very long time (barring hookers). And it IS easier for girls, when they are in "whatever" mode or even depressed mode, about the opposite sex finding them at all attractive, comparatively speaking... guys tend to approach girls whether they like it or not. If a guy's in the same boat as said girl, he will not have gals coming up to him anyway to any degree.

Actually I've said I prefer not going long without sex if I can help it - I haven't said I won't or can't or that it's detrimental to me if it's not happening. But if it's there then yeah I don't knock it. Obviously to the person I'm sleeping with I'd have to be attractive in order for sex to be taking place (I'd hope so anyway) - but do I worry about it or give it a lot of thought or make it an ongoing process of bait and reel? Not really. I just enjoy the fact that it's available to me. If no one found me attractive, I probably wouldn't know what sex was, so I'd be unable to miss it or pay attention to the fact that it didn't exist. I hate missing out on chocolate cake. Before I had any I didn't know what that was either - I only like it based on past experience.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 154
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 9:23:38 AM
^^^Agreed that it's a great business plan if you want to profit from people who want to date and try to meet people. However the actual dater him or herself doesn't benefit from lists, charts, graphs, and going after dating like it is a business plan because there's a human element to it, and because it takes two to make it succeed - so no matter how bad one person wants it or how much effort they throw into it, it still takes another person to make it happen.

You've all heard the woman who at 22 years of age says with determination, "ok so I want a husband and kids by 30, so if I meet someone in the next year, and we get within in two years and save up and buy a house I should be able to be pregnant by the time I'm 28..." I mean it's great to have organizational skills, but if the guy she's hoping for doesn't show (and she doesn't replace him with some random guy on a time table) in that time frame, her plan isn't gonna pan out.

Agreed that a similar plan that focuses on your best qualities, keeps you optimistic and thick skinned and proposes that you follow the good pic/good profile/good message formula is a good thing to follow.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 156
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 3:14:15 PM

The more profiles you click on, the more ads that pop up,


Firefox and AdBlock - a wonderful combination!

 Paddy_o_Lantern
Joined: 12/9/2009
Msg: 158
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 4:37:22 PM

Read my profile and posts(specially the political ones) I should be a leper here! These others seem relatively normal when compared to me. It's that part that does NOT make sense.


Seems quite simple to me.....they are drawn to your evil ways... maybe they think of you as the alpha bad boy
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 160
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 4:50:48 PM

Sounds like way too much thinking to me.

Well a lot of people who are hit hard by being unattractive (as they see it), including him, can't help but to think a lot about it. My point was, IF you are (because it's affecting you), THAT is what ya should think -- not so much "chicks don't dig me, chicks don't dig me" over and over again... or more complex thoughts that only focus on what you don't have that the next guy does.

Actually I've said I prefer not going long without sex if I can help it - I haven't said I won't or can't or that it's detrimental to me if it's not happening.

Yeah... my point is not that you are bothered a lot less than a average Jane next to you about the opposite sex... but if the opposite sex doesn't seem to like you at all -- it will affect you in some way. We can't try and be "nothing phases me!" when -- you'd have to be a robot and that would defeat the purpose of being happy (or like being on drugs-type-of-happy).

but do I worry about it or give it a lot of thought or make it an ongoing process of bait and reel? Not really.

Yeah... now change your life's situations where it'd be harder -- in fact, frustrating. Not that you got less sex or whatnot, but that you aren't marketable at ALL. A not-really becomes a yeah-sometimes to a yeah-it-does to even more to most normalized people... I'm not advocating Hawking letting that reel out into something really bad -- but my point is that there's nothing wrong with being affected by it, and the "just don't let it bother you" sort of thing is asking far too much. It's more of a "you're taking it too far; you need to think less about it, and when you do, think in this direction, much less in that direction" sort of thing.

The reason I make that distinction is because a lot of people try the angle of just "not thinking about it", and it doesn't work, if they've been worked up and it is an important thing they can't Deny. Our feasibility of interacting with the opposite sex is a staple of who we are... not like chocolate cake or ice cream. So I do think it's a good thing to be affected by that if they feel they're REALLY low in that dept. However, I don't think it's good to let one's own worries contribute to it either.

I think it's easy for someone who has a decent or better dating value to merely say to someone like Hawking, "Phhht, get over it. It's all how you feel about it," because they don't know what that's like -- unless in their adulthood spent years in that WITHOUT having it affect them, and NOT feeling any better when they did become a more marketable catch.
 abelian
Joined: 1/12/2008
Msg: 161
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 6:12:45 PM

Read my profile and posts(specially the political ones) I should be a leper here! These others seem relatively normal when compared to me. It's that part that does NOT make sense.

Sure it makes sense. What would go into a good profile? It has to be memorable, so it has to make some impression on everyone who reads it (positive or negative). If it's going to make a strong, positive impression on some people, it will surely make a strong negative impression on others. Attracting some people (preferably the ones you would get along with) is just the flip side of alienating others (the ones you wouldn't get along with). Being normal is synonymous with being unmemorable and boring.
 DivineBovine
Joined: 5/13/2005
Msg: 162
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/16/2010 6:54:40 PM
^^^no, the main thing is to be honest in your profile first.

i'm blunt about being fat. that means i get few responses and few emails.

that's my problem... not some random man's.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 167
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/20/2010 12:39:58 PM

IMO he had a decent profile and photos. He emailed 50 women, received positive replies from 5 women, and went out on a date with 1 woman. Suppose he had the same percentage of success with emailing 600 women. That would lead to dates with 12 women. Granted his odds would be better than the OP. But not significantly better.

What's just as important as his looks & profile, is the type of gals he's emailing. Everyone's results will vary. I often find it odd that:
(a) A lot of people know they're not a hottie when they're clearly not
(b) A lot of people will a majority of the time email folks who they see as (roughly speaking) a hottie, then go "WTF?" when they get once-in-a-blue-moon responses

An example along the same lines:
a) Shorter guys complaining women are superficial about height (which is a facet in looks).... and then complain that good looking women aren't interested in them and they're superficial.

b) Obese/Fat/Pretty-Chubby women complaining that guys are superficial about bodies and only want Barbies... and then say that they aren't interested in guys who are skinny or short.
 CoolBreezez
Joined: 8/20/2006
Msg: 168
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/22/2010 9:44:18 PM

As for how attraction(physical) is perceived:
When given a sampling of photos from an online dating site, men were consistent in their findings. The men were to assign a number value to a female's perceived physical attractiveness. The result was an almost perfect 'normal' bell curve, with the highest number of females (average) at the median value. When the females were given male pictures, things were very different. The females rated 80% of the males as below median. The most males were put in the 2-3 range.

When it came to messaging...the male pattern looked like an exponential function--as very few emails were sent to the lowest ranking women, 'average' women got 5X's the emails, but the hotties got 28X's. They found that 2/3 of men's messages go to the top 1/3 of women. Women's messages had a large spike around median attractiveness--the 5 and 6's.


See this little finding tells most of the story in general- folks of both genders see themselves as highly attractive and deserving of top notch partners. Women and men just rate it differently.

Men rate women's average as a "5" and many shoot for "8-9".
Women rate men's average as a "2-3" and many shoot for "5-6"

It's just same game stated differently. I believe the women reserve the higher numbers for

8- male models
9- God
10- Brad Pitt ( who's initials are BP- just like those guys in the Gulf- coincidence?")


Many one here are not finding their ideal in real life and hope to find it on here. With nothing more than pics and a few words to go on, much of the game is about appearances and marketing.

Also the mantra "Never settle" here on the forums- depending how far you take that -from "good enough" to "must be ecstatical happy forever" - can lead to meeting someone who makes your life good- or not. IMHO
 platypus_man
Joined: 8/29/2007
Msg: 169
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 6/27/2010 10:46:16 PM
What's also odd is the even though I have no photo, I get emails from women who don't read my profile! It's obvious in my profile that I'm a crossdresser; so, seeming as there's no pic, what are they doing, just randomly emailing without reading the written information?? So yes, women do it too. Then they get upset when the find out about the crossdressing thing.
 Tallcool14U
Joined: 1/8/2008
Msg: 170
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 7/21/2010 11:10:32 PM
This is the problem. Why do you think he is aiming too high?
I am sorry to say but he probably has come across a woman with an attitude like yours, and that is the real issue.
Do you think you are "above" someone just because you aren't attracted to him physically?
many women here are NOT as attractive as the THINK they are, but yet seem to want to only date Brad Pitt types. These women are the problem.
I look at it this way, if a man is interested in a woman for whatever the reasons are, and takes the time to write her, she should be kind and mature enough to say " thanks, but i am not interested". i think it is very rude, immature and childish to just ignore someone who thought you might be worth the time to write you, and you not respond because you think you are "too good for him"
 HappierAbroad
Joined: 6/30/2010
Msg: 175
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 7/22/2010 6:03:41 PM

Well, I'm done with this place. I send out messages to women my age
and get NO REPLIES. I'm smart funny good looking in shape have all my hair
and teeth no beer belly I make $100,000 a year and can't get a date or
meet anyone not even a hey thanks for the message but i'm busy.......

Seems the only messages I get are from fat women who smoke with a car load
of kids... sorry no.

I'm not hanging out in bars hoping to pick up someone. I'm honest and
genuine. It must be payback for all those years when I had girls chasing
me around school and I could'nt run fast enough to get away.


BINGO! Finally, someone besides myself has figured it out!!

Most men come on here and admit they have absolutley no luck on any internet dating sites. Attractive woman in the US generally dont do internet dating and the few who do get 30 emails a day. Ive seen numerous studies where some say there are 10 men to every 4 woman on internet dating sites and other studies say its closer to even. My guess is that based on how many men complain about no responses , its more likely that there are way more men than woman on dating sites.

The answer is to think outside of the box by joining international oriented (or a mix of local and int'l members) dating sites . POF doesnt qualify because its membership is mostly Western countries (canada , US , England, Aussies) so its all the same in that its mostly fuglies with baggage who will respond to your emails (if any at all). I realize that most of the guys here complaining wont even consider other options outside the US but some of you will be willing to try it if you are truly sincere and serious about meeting someone for a life partner. The difference is mind boggling. The tables are completely turned and you will get responses almost 100% of the time. Most ladies at these International sites are thin and sexy (not like the West where 70% are overweight with baggage) and what I find especially refreshing is that even the hottest babes who would qualify as models here in the states are humble, and appreciative of your interest in them, and have no GPS attitudes. (I think most guys know what GPS stand for right?) There are loads of sexy beautiful ladies in their early to mid 30's with aboslutely no baggage. Its amazing. Furthermore, most do speak english and many are educated professionals such as accountants, nurses, teachers, engineers etc ). And they dont care about your career status or income , but only concerned about your character and values as it relates to being a potential good father and husband, which as most of you guys already know wont get you very far with most (not all, just most) local ladies. For many of you, it will be a permananet life changing discovery. Those who arent willing to check it out or who wish to remain brainwashed by buying into the US media fed stereotypes (how they just want a greencard) can stay lonley, miserable, and dateless all your life or settle for a fugly. Its your misery. For guys who are serious about finding a partner (not just foolin around) you need to consider my advice. We are all responsible for our own happiness and we do have choices in our lives. I just wish someone steered me in that direction years ago but thank goodness someoen did before I got too old .

Those of you on POF who continue to whine and complain about the lack of
success here or in real life can continue to deal with the horrible
dating scene in the US, especially for 35+ guys.Good luck with that
fellas. But until you think outside the box, and dip your toes into
something outside the US matrix, it wont get any better. My advice is to
dont knock it till ya try it.

We all tend to stay in our comfort
zones, and we really miss out when we do that. There are alot of
desperate lonely guys on these sites. Its completely unnecessary and
especially not necessary to settle!!! If you will simply broaden your
options and explore a little but, you will see . Good luck!
 MichaelD1974
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 178
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/24/2010 5:56:10 PM
Yes, it is true. I just e-mailed a couple women this week. Both read my messages, and did not bother to respond. I'll just keep trying. It stinks to have to e-mail literally hundreds or even thousands, but that's the way it is.
 grizzelda
Joined: 6/25/2006
Msg: 179
view profile
History
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/25/2010 10:17:40 AM

Yes, it is true. I just e-mailed a couple women this week. Both read my messages, and did not bother to respond. I'll just keep trying. It stinks to have to e-mail literally hundreds or even thousands, but that's the way it is.


So because 2 women didnt reply, you have now jumped to sending hundreds of emails? Bit of a leap there wouldnt you say? Did it ever occur to you that you may have a hard time attracting women because of who you are and what your lifestyle is? Not every woman likes men with long hair, not every woman wants to be involved with someone who is heavily political and not every woman is attracted to men with relatively severe diet parameters. 2 out of the 3 I have listed are major deal breakers for both sexes. I wish you luck but you may want to accept that the person you are is not going to be attractive to the mass market....
 whytwater
Joined: 8/7/2008
Msg: 180
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/26/2010 1:18:41 PM
Lol. Hey, OP, mass-advertisers (junk mail) would probably admire your success rate.


the women you are messaging. . . .They are out of your league and you are aiming way too high.
. . . .
So if you keep failing this badly then it's not the women fault,It's yours for chasing
unattainable women.

Dream realistically.


If each recipient of mail on this site carries this attitude, and apparently many do, almost anyone reaching out will probably get stepped on, or at least, his/her message will. I've had what seemed to be more than my share of "read/deleted", "unread deleted", or simply "read", without response. There could, of course, be any number of reasons for the non-responsiveness. Smugness, inflated self-image, seems to be a too frequent cause. Read a post by a lady who goes by Chill recently, to the (similar) effect that it is the fault of the male pofers for reaching out too frequently/earnestly/fervidly to what she thought might be the sparser population of women pofers. But isn't that the whole point of being on this site- reaching out? I see nothing blameworthy in that sort of effort.
When your bullets don't even make a dent, and just drop to the feet of your Wonder Woman target(s), yeah, time to leave Marcus to his own devices and try your luck on the street, or grocery store, or whatever. Or take a dance class! I hear some will assign you a partner.
 BoonDockSaint73
Joined: 3/29/2010
Msg: 181
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/26/2010 1:56:30 PM

the women you are messaging. . . .They are out of your league and you are aiming way too high.



I hear ya and I know the basic role of online dating...however - I don't lower my standards of women that I want to date just because of the perception and higher possibility of women being choosier online based on looks alone.

I still go after the same women I would go after IRL ...

I do not send out mass mailings to tons of women here and really have not sent out 600 emails.

I am choosier on who I email and typically feel like I am more focused on the quality of my approach to the women I would show interest to.

Even still, I know not all women are going to read my messages or even be interested...so what...


I say guys- keep to your standards and don't blanket the site desparately sending out the same email to 600 different women. because maybe the message you are sending out sux and you could send out 10,000 different women and get the same result.

forget about this idea that a woman is not in your league. that comment is for losers and guys who get women that are less desireable, because they are less desireable men.

just saying.
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 183
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/26/2010 8:05:44 PM
I sent off nine messages two days ago and all but two were deleted 'unread' ... That said the women who I was messaging weren't all that attractive

Wow... yeah, I wouldn't expect that. 7/9 unread/deleted? Seriously?

I would suggest not having in your profile "If I see your face repeatedly on here, constantly online, then you're probably not for me". I mean, wouldn't your face have to be on there a lot to see theirs online a lot? That may help the cause...

.. but wow, 7/9 unread/deleted, and the other two read/deleted. Unread/deleted means they hate your profile OR they're pretty much taken and just cleaning up their email. Even with ultra-hotties I couldn't see that ratio.. or even extremely-young ones (curiosity killed the cat to even read a msg, right?).

I think extremes just go to show -- things happen in strings of good & bad. As long as one doesn't "count" on finding "the one" on here, it shouldn't be too bad. I don't have the greatest stats, pics, or profile -- and don't attention to it in recent history, but that seems outlandish.

Here, if someone is truly realistic & aware of their league & demographic & geographic feasibility, and write JUST within those boundaries, I'd say at WORST:
1 out of 5 would get a reply (JUST a reply)
1 out of those 5 would get a date (JUST a meeting)
So, 1 out of 25 different gals he gets a date with. 4 out of 100, or 24 out of 600.

One can't test that by sending 5 or even 10 emails. You could go 0-for-5, then 3-for-5, then 0-5, 0-5, 5-5, etc.
 ChancesRMD
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 185
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/26/2010 8:48:59 PM
The main reason these statistics are skewed in favor of the women is because men feel they need to take the initiative to chase after the women.

If we didn't collectively fill their mailboxes with emails, they might have time to look around and maybe email a guy they found interesting. They don't have time to be proactive. They are too busy being reactive.

Letting us guys down without bruising our egos can be exhausting I'm sure.
 FunkTheMillenium
Joined: 7/11/2010
Msg: 187
600 emails to get 5 dates???
Posted: 10/27/2010 12:17:16 AM
^^^^
then ladies gives us a great big smile on the count of three hahaha!
Show ALL Forums  > Dating Experiences  >