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 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 2
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Orgasm frustrationPage 3 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
Here's a thought.....
Tell him the truth!!

Communicate...........communicate...........communicate!!

Amazes me that people will put a penis/vagina in their mouth......but not have the guts
to say what they need in bed.

Tell him what you need........if he isn't willing to give you what you need then consider it a huge red flag and move on.
 myrgth
Joined: 8/15/2009
Msg: 5
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 3:34:33 PM

How do I get more foreplay from my boyfriend?


Ask for it. Straight up and to the point. Explain exactly how he can tell when you are ready. Tell him long before you ever get to the bed. Tell him in a casual setting, like over dinner or some other time it is just you two but you aren't in the bed. Most men really, really like it when you give them direct and distinct instructions on what makes you hot.

Quit faking it. Again, tell him. It's great you tell him what feels good, now tell him what doesn't. If that fails then take your O into your own hands. If he doesn't give you one, then take over and make it happen. When he changes his technique move in such a way he has to change it back. Use your own hands and rub it out while he is doing his thing. He will catch on eventually or he just doesn't care and sees you as a willing hole to stick it in.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 7
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 4:08:27 PM

I know this is bad, but I've been faking orgasms lately so therefore he doesn't realize there's a problem.

You lose the game.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 10
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 4:32:49 PM

Tell him that if he doesn't slow down,
and consider your needs important,
you will be forced to continue faking it.

Paraphrase:

If you don't do something about this, I'm gonna continue not making you do anything about it!
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 19
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 9:33:51 PM
You know, it should be pointed out, and I point you to the old joke "why do women fake orgasms? -- because they think we care".

While it's a joke, it does raise a point in that women really think that them not getting off is going to hurt our feelings. We'll notice and think "ah, well I suppose I have a little more work to do", but it's REALLY not going to hurt our self esteem, and any guy who says otherwise is probably either a little feminine, or he's lying to look more sensitive.

We'll notice, and if we care we'll take the steps to reciprocate, but you're not dealing us a blow to our ego by not getting off. Faking it doesn't avoid hurting our feelings, it just makes the sex suck for YOU.
 MsMicki
Joined: 10/2/2006
Msg: 21
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 10:04:22 PM

We'll notice, and if we care we'll take the steps to reciprocate, but you're not dealing us a blow to our ego by not getting off. Faking it doesn't avoid hurting our feelings, it just makes the sex suck for YOU.


I agree that faking it "just makes the sex suck for women"
But I'm afraid you're mistaken about some men in your general assumptions.
Some men can get all bent out of shape if they can't get a woman off.
Just the same as some women freak out if their men don't cum every time.

It still all boils down to the same thing..........communication.
 .dej
Joined: 11/6/2007
Msg: 22
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/7/2010 10:10:23 PM
But I'm afraid you're mistaken about some men in your general assumptions.

Do you know what the phrase "general assumption" means?

It's a general assumption, and not a universal one, because it doesn't apply universally, it applies generally. It's supposed to have cases it doesn't apply to, which I did allow for in what I said.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 25
Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/8/2010 4:54:49 AM

I know this is bad, but I've been faking orgasms lately so therefore he doesn't realize there's a problem.

That's the worst thing you can do. That makes a guy think he's doing things right when he clearly isn't. You'll NEVER get any improvement out of him doing that. Sheesh.

Is this guy brand new to sex? You would expect this nonsense "wham, bam, thank you ma'am" out of a 17 year old boy, not a young man in his mid-20's. He's clearly selfish and lazy, and more than likely uneducated about sex, as well.

He needs to be trained. Future women will thank you.
 OutMind
Joined: 2/13/2007
Msg: 28
Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/8/2010 9:02:43 AM
Never, never, never, EVER, fake an orgasm. It is the worst thing you can do to your guy. It is the worst thing you can do to yourself. When you fake it, he will not realize that he needs to get better at pleasing you. He will not think he needs to go out of his way to please you. So start by not faking it. Second, tell him to slow down. Talk about what he likes and what you like. Also, if he comes before you are done, then masturbate in front of him and do to yourself what will take you to orgasm. Maybe while he watches he will learn something.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 35
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/9/2010 4:04:17 AM
always be open and honest, if he is your boyfriend and lover, it should be really simple to talk with him, communication is key, its very important
 windloverr
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 43
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/10/2010 2:55:57 PM
As usual, MsMicki nailed it.

Darlin', you HAVE to tell him what you like. Also, if you're getting close, and he changes his technique, try saying something like, "Don't change", or "Go back", etc. Also, when you feel yourself getting close, and you know that whatever he's doing is going to get you there, say something like, "That's it...don't stop..." etc.

As far as more foreplay goes, again, you MUST tell him; and make him LISTEN! Buy a book that describes, in detail, the prolonged type of foreplay you are fantasizing about. Show him. Point, and say, "THIS is what I'm talking about." Another possibility is to go to an "Adult Boutique". They always have little "games", books, etc. that, by playing, will guide you through foreplay that is as extended as you care about having. I.E. you can stop the game whenever. The neat thing is that everybody wins.

As far as those guys/gals who get pissy whenever someone doesn't come every time; they miss one of the most important prerequisites to being a good lover – everyone MUST be comfortable and relaxed; and “pressuring” someone, or “whining”, is NOT the way to comfort and relax someone.


There is NO excuse to not come when you know your own body and don't
feel uncomfortable with your lover.
I’m going to disagree with you on this one Closer. There are times when you’re simply too stressed out, too tired, or possibly too intoxicated, to have an orgasm. There are also times that things just don’t click. If he/she wants to roll over and “rub one out” fine; but if they don’t, that’s fine too. If this begins to happen frequently, it’s time for a talk.

Also, OP…my two bits…NEVER FAKE AN ORGASM!!!

As you are well aware, it only digs a deeper hole to dig out of.

From the beginning I’m already concerned about the caliber of lover your BF is if he isn’t into foreplay. Foreplay is such a critical part of making love, having sex, etc. If he isn’t willing to listen, that’s strike two. If he gets pissy with you…strike three. At that point you have the option of continuing a relationship with sh1tty sex, or cutting your losses.

Good luck.
 Cat*Eyes
Joined: 9/13/2006
Msg: 46
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/11/2010 3:54:48 AM
I still don't know how to tecnically do quotes, so I will just say, MsMicki's advice says it exactly, just right, as to what I would say. See her post 6/7/10 5 15 PM
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 49
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/20/2011 1:52:22 PM
Give your boyfriend a blowjob, like you gave your co-worker in the car after work.
That should do it.

OP..you are one messed up person.

Who are you..male, female..what's your game here? You've posted you have a boyfriend in some posts, you don't, you gave a co-worker a blow job, but that wasn't sex, and you're worried you blew it..yeah, snicker..you sure did blow it.

But, seriously..what's your game here..who are you, really?
 Island home
Joined: 7/5/2009
Msg: 50
Orgasm frustration
Posted: 6/20/2011 11:41:14 PM
^^^

I need some advice. I did lots of thread searching and couldn't find a situation similar to mine.

Op after looking at your posting history I figure you have a good enough imagination to come up with your own answer.
Hope you appreciate this reply
 Broadway_Bess
Joined: 11/14/2011
Msg: 52
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/23/2012 10:46:47 PM
Women who fake orgasms deserve what they don't get.

Great line.... I'm definately going to pass that one on....


I'm gonna put it on a Tee shirt !

Thanks to abelian
msg #6

BB
 riuser
Joined: 8/31/2010
Msg: 54
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/23/2012 11:52:57 PM
First of all, your boyfriend really does not know that he is not satisfying you. You are faking orgasms and so he thinks everything is ok. By you faking orgasms he thinks his amount of foreplay is just fine. So I would not totally bash the boyfriend on this. This is definitely partly your fault. So, NO MORE FAKING ORGASMS.

Second, as everyone has said, you need to communicate with him. There are many ways to communicate. The best is if you can directly tell him exactly what you want. But you can also cue him in as he is doing things, "yes, yes, keep doing that". Or, "go back, do the other thing, yes, yes", etc.

Also, you can also direct him. "kiss me again", "kiss my neck, yes, oh yes," "lick my nipples", now my stomach , come back to my breasts, some more, etc.

Also, positive reinforcement after the fact can also help. "Honey, I love how you spend so much time on kissing me on my lips and neck. I loved how you caressed me (be specific as to where). etc. But you need to be specific. General terms will not work nearly as well.

A book, which could be very helpful, may not be read.

Bottom line, you need to communicate. If he cares about you he should be receptive.
 codemiester2006
Joined: 5/28/2009
Msg: 68
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/27/2012 12:21:53 PM
I will never understand this lol... girl meets guy, girl goes all the way with guy, guy obviously sucks at his manly duties... girl sticks with guy, guy keeps manly image and manly benifits but isnt "paying" for them... uhhhhh well its important to say what you want... i mean worst case scenerio you can be all childish and girly about it like... *bat lashes* and say well I was thinking we could do something different tonight... anyways if homeboy dont know how to do it right... first off we arnt all natural born sex monsters... so you gotta at least try to school him... or you will prob end up looking for someone else. Its a whole lot easier to fix sex problems than life issues so speak up or forever hold your peace but like idk what u mean but who does that? yea let me just get it right on in there lmao. seriously either speak up or dont but if u move to the next guy he prob not gonna know what u want either. I try to be intune with what she wants... I can do this without her saying a word since I am very observant (I focus on things like her heart rate her pupils contractions etc muscle spasms) there may be a bazillion people who look a 1000 times better than me but least I know how to do tha do lol
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 69
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/27/2012 12:37:46 PM
26, years old..... and you can not figure it something as simple as this out.....
tell him!!!
faking orgasms, well too bad for you, your a woman, not a child, stop acting like some teen
know what you like, learn to be a good lover (it is part of life), and most importantly grow up!!!!
 lionheart101364
Joined: 4/14/2007
Msg: 72
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/30/2012 2:35:04 PM
I would have to say, either find someone that does it for you or make it fun for him to do it your way. I'm mostly about a little forplay before i do anything , but that's just me. It might be because I'm affectionate and enjoy sex in general. lol So it part of who I am.
 HughJacok
Joined: 3/17/2011
Msg: 76
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 1/31/2012 8:04:29 PM
Get a better boyfriend.
Why women stay with lame ass lovers who care for only themselves in bed is beyond me.
He is the stereotypical testosterone driver douchbag that I hear about all the time.
Foreplay consists of rubbing you long enough to spread your lips and then sticking it in for 2 minutes of robotic pounding.

There are guys out there who know how to make a female cum right, but I guarantee he isn't some muscle bound testosterone driven mook. Its usually a trade off... if the guy looks like he spends way to much time caring about himself, he more than likely does.
 BlueDogMa
Joined: 1/20/2012
Msg: 84
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Orgasm frustration
Posted: 2/3/2012 1:26:15 PM
Handcuff him (or make him sit/stay) across the room and get yourself excited through foreplay. Tell him he can't have sex with you 'til you're ready. Eg: your body is ready. Tell him that female excitement it's the equivalend of a male hard-on. He can't have sex without one, si? Watching you get excited will turn him on; he wants that in a lover. If he comes to bed without being commanded, get up and make yourself a sandwich. Try again once. Leave for the day if he doesn't play by the rules. Or, buy him the book, "The Clitoral Truth" so he can read about how women's sexual organs work.
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