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 slybandit
Joined: 7/10/2006
Msg: 52
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.Page 3 of 8    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8)
More drama than Stratford. And a lot less entertaining.

Here's a few rhetorical questions to ponder.

1. If you trust him so little that you're setting up petty little Internet entrapment games, why are you seeing him at all?

2. Do you ever wonder if being underhanded and manipulative attracts people who are also underhanded and manipulative? Or is there too little room for that insight, because you spend all your time worrying about whether others are being as manipulative as you try to be?

3. Do you wonder if all of us are wondering whether you just happened upon your boyfriend while you were online looking for a replacement boyfriend, just as he was online looking for a replacement girlfriend?

4. Does anyone else smell TROLL?
 anonymouslyme
Joined: 12/23/2008
Msg: 53
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/10/2010 2:53:05 PM

Does anyone else smell TROLL?
Not really... I'm seeing a young girl, who was unsure how to address the gut level feeling that her boyfriend wasn't as committed to her as he was leading her to believe. Entrapment... technically, yes, but how else can you tell for certain whether someone is lying to you or not? Sure, as we get older, more experienced, more discerning, it comes a little easier. (or at least it should, if we've been paying attention along the journey)


Do you ever wonder if being underhanded and manipulative attracts people who are also underhanded and manipulative? Or is there too little room for that insight, because you spend all your time worrying about whether others are being as manipulative as you try to be?
Which came first, the chicken or the egg? Reminds me of the old saying "Battle not with monsters, lest ye become one"
Sometimes we fall into playing the same games others are playing with us, in order to find out, or protect ourselves, from having games played with us. It's such a catch 22, because if we do fall into that vicious cycle, then we DO end up behaving in underhanded ways, just like they are... If we don't, we end up with our pants around our knees, gripping our ankles , practically begging to be taken advantage of some more....

At some point, we learn to trust our instincts and just move away from those kinds of situations without needing to compromise our integrity to verify what we already 'know' instinctively, but there is a learning curve to get to that point.

The OP did what she needed to do to get the information she required to make an intelligent informed decision as to the best way to proceed with this relationship. The method was less than savory, but that doesn't negate the less than savory behavior on the part of the boyfreind. It's highly unlikely he would have been truthful had she asked directly for an honest answer.
 JP1111
Joined: 4/13/2008
Msg: 54
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/10/2010 9:45:46 PM
Tell me honestly, what is getting you more upset, the fact you felt that you needed to do what you did to find out what you found out or, now that you did you do not know what to do about it or even know how to react to it?

Had I been in your shoes, I simply would of spoken to him directly from the heart. I would have told him how I felt in the relationship and towards him and also, if that was to change, I would have needed to do/feel X, Y and Z things.

But now that you have done it, you can either realize that he is not the right guy for you and end end the relationship after telling him why you are ending it and leave or, you can of course simply egg him on on-line and make a date with him knowing he'll be expecting her and of course, he'll be stood up.
 Minau
Joined: 9/2/2007
Msg: 55
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/10/2010 11:42:10 PM
You feel sick because you just caught him cheating...it's not a very good feeling and I'm sorry you had to go through that. Alternatively thank your lucky stars you found out the truth...so you can move on. I'm always very thankful and appreciative when the truth comes out. I would probably let him know what you did...so he can't deny it because you pretty much found out the truth first hand and then end that relationship...there's no trust...and he can't be trusted.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 56
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 1:33:00 AM
OP ... aren't you the same chick who started a thread ... at about the same time ... asking if you should go to the wedding of your BF's good friend ... whom you don't know from a hole in the ground?? Well, do go to the wedding all deck out to upstage the bride. Since it doesn't sound like your relationship is gonna last with the current S/O ... it won't make much difference.
 ProcolHarem
Joined: 8/29/2008
Msg: 57
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 5:46:27 AM
Oh for CRIPES SAKES! They were only "DATING" a month.
Hardly a long term comitted relationship. Yet somehow HE'S slime after SHE tricked him?

It was ONE MONTH. What? They saw eachother maybe three 0r 4 times? Maybe 6 even. Still...just because she considered him her BF after such a SHORT period of time does not mean HE considered her his GF.

Her profile lists her seeking
I am Seeking a Man Who is Looking for Talk/E-mail


YES, She's SEEKING A MAN for Talk/E-Mail

But when he tries to do the same he gets blasted? WTF?
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 58
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 6:31:22 AM
^^^^^Shhhhhh!!!! you should have waited for the next post where they got back together, then sent her some hot emails and seen if she took the bait.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 59
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 9:23:02 AM
Are you kidding me? Setting up a sting operation for a guy you barely know? How exactly does someone you've known for a hardly a month become your BF?
Relationships that move this quickly burn out just as fast. Get to know a man before you consider him yours.
 Padawan61
Joined: 3/1/2008
Msg: 60
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 9:42:52 AM
How exactly does someone you've known for a hardly a month become your BF?

Not only is that her BF after hardly a month ... he is also her regular fock. Her other thread is "Orgasm Frustration".
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 61
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 10:27:27 AM
Wow, I just can't believe that people actually have people in their lives who do this sh*t.

You know whenever I get a request like that, I email the person and tell them they are attached and they should know better. Sometimes, I even feel like emailing their SO, but I don't as it is NOB.

Most people don't deserve what they have.

I would break up with him and tell him that you no longer love or like him.

Personally I've caught many people in lies and deception and I don't tell them that I know, I simply remove them from my life. I mean seriously, these people MUST know why someone removes them from their life or are they that daft? Either way, I don't usually wish to start a dialogue with people like that.

Oh, I just read that you've only been together for a month. Have you both actually said to each other that you are commited to each other? Have you said the words out loud?

If not, then it is simply assumption and what he did was NOT wrong then.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 62
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 10:54:29 AM

How exactly does someone you've known for a hardly a month become your BF?


Again. It is possible. As I stated in an earlier post, I know people in my circle, who became a couple after only knowing each other a month or less. Some people need more time and others don't. Dating works differently for each individual.

Some people don't need 3-6 months to determine rather they would like a relationship with the opposite sex. Sometimes, all it takes is a month, less than a month or a bit longer.

Since OP haven't made her way back to explain any of the unanswered questions, I guess all can keep guessing.


Does anyone else smell TROLL?


I'm starting to. OP hasn't been back to this thread, since creating it two days ago, and if she doesn't show up (which is considered a hit & run according to a forum rule), I will certainly write her off as a pathetic troll with too much time on her hands.
 daynadaze
Joined: 2/11/2008
Msg: 63
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 11:09:13 AM
Don't we all, I know I do, get tired...sick & tired of these phony posts by trolls.
, I enjoy the forums and yes it's nice to have discussions to join,
but not if they are some fake shit posted
by those who are either unbelievably bored or ridiculously thinking they are funny. *yawn*



Then again, I'm really tired of remembering
to post in short lines because admin. won't
fix this site.

 Consigliori
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 64
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/11/2010 12:13:55 PM
Maybe your fake profile is nicer. You know, more easy going, friendly and less suspicious.
 CodeNameKitty
Joined: 1/9/2010
Msg: 65
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 8:24:11 AM
Another strike for Facebook!

Boy, you've learned a good lesson.
Trust is a two way street.
You cannot control anyone except yourself, and sometimes, not even then.

You are young. So is he.
But the ultimate question is: Who do YOU want to be? Because in the end, that's the only thing you will ever have any hope of choosing for.
Do you want to be that kind of girl who devises schemes to CATCH people lying?

In relationships, it's underhanded. Understandable, maybe...maybe not. A much harder thing to do is to rely on your intuition. If you indeed did feel that something wasn"t quite right to begin with, you just learned, in a round about way, that your intuition was correct. And next time, you may not have to create a scenario but believe what your gut is telling you in regard to who is right for you. It takes practice and with practicing, we learn.
But a rule of thumb is to always protect YOUR own soul in your actions in dealing with people who have little or no morals. lest you become just like they are.

However, perhaps a career in criminal justice would be good for you.
They also hire people to create false profiles to nab preditors on the net.
And I would think we all agree, they deserve it.
And it does make one sick, so perhaps your physical reaction to the darker side of the internet indicates you should stay away from it.

Do you tell him? Yep, no turning back now. IMO.
I mean, whatcha gonna do? Pretend it didn't happen and walk down the 'I don't trust you" street forever in your own mind?
Ach, no way to live.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 66
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 8:38:13 AM
Facebook again shows its true face...
 arwen52
Joined: 3/13/2008
Msg: 67
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 4:53:03 PM
What do you do? Admit you've been dishonest and tell him you obviously aren't yet mature enough for a relationship.

In law enforcement this is called "entrapment" and it is illegal, the reason being that if you try to lure someone into bad behavior, even some people who were not doing anything wrong to begin with will succomb to temptation and end up being punished for something they might not normally do.

You are young. That was an immature and stupid thing to do. Learn from your mistake. And don't ever do it again. If you are having problems in your relationship, deal with them openly and honestly.

p.s. I missed that they were only dating a month. Sheesh! Makes it even worse! Give the guy a break and cut loose of him. Let him find a girl with her head screwed on straight.
 hyoid
Joined: 5/12/2009
Msg: 68
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 6:48:20 PM
You know, if I found out my SO was "testing" me this way, I'd probably respond like he has.

So he may be slime. Or he may simply be aware that you are.
 brandished
Joined: 9/25/2009
Msg: 69
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 7:07:05 PM

What do I do?


Study how your thoughts become things, as in actions??


How do I tell him I caught him?


By telling him you were deceitful, sneaky, and being a brat. If you want to feel better, you need to be straight up honest about your actions!!



I'm so upset I'm shaking and i'm feeling physically ill.


That's just the result of coming off the adrenaline high of "so being me" and finding yourself in the situation that you had a "gut instinct" about.......in other words, perhaps you have trust issues?? You give yourself in love but you truly don't trust so your thoughts go nutty part way into the relationship?! Then you play out these thoughts (whatever they may be, only you know) by "just being me" and you manifest "my man is a slime" which is what you most fear??

Just some of my thoughts from what you wrote!!

I would suggest you find other visions of what you want in a relationship and manifest that vision?!

Good Luck!
 vicavictor
Joined: 3/9/2010
Msg: 70
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 8:57:13 PM
This is BS. This young woman had a gut feeling that her boyfriend was cheating. Guess what, turns out he was. Upon reading these thoughtless posts scolding this girl I realized how ridiculous it is to do so. There is such a lack of common sense sometimes I can't believe it. Think about this, what did she really do wrong? Making a fake profile didn't hurt the guy in any way. It wasn't malicious, it was self-protection. But what the guy was doing was hurting her. He was lying to her, trying to cheat, which is bad enough, but it could even result in the transmission of a std. Not to mention making a fool of her.

What she did wouldn't hurt him, what he did was hurting her. What about the woman who had the post about her husband cheating on her while she was pregnant. Was she also wrong for finding out? Is she a bad sneaky person. I don't think so.

It's called self-protection.

Would it be better for these two women to go on indefinately being cheated on and sitting there like dopes. If they asked, you know the husband and boyfriend are going to deny it. So they can either break up a marriage or relationship without knowing for sure, or they can find out if they're being cheated on. In both cases, and many others, the guys are cheating and the women have the right to know. Same thing applies, of course, if the woman is a cheater and the guy finds out. In the old days men and women would hire detectives to find out if they're spouse was a cheat. And if it turned out their SO was cheating, everybody would be mad at the cheater, not the victim.

Since it's well known that cheaters frequent such dating sites, I guess that accounts for the posts blaming the victim. Bottom line is you have to watch out for yourself and protect yourself. The girl didn't do anything to hurt the guy, but he was hurting her and she had the right to know.

What if it was your kid being cheated on?
 ellena.
Joined: 3/20/2009
Msg: 71
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 9:18:20 PM
My dear give yourself a hug and a kiss for being so smart and intuitive.
I suggest you plan a date w/ him using the fake profile, then show up as yourself.
See what happens from there. That's from one who has dealt w/ a slime.
 Dumpling-Girl
Joined: 7/20/2005
Msg: 72
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/12/2010 11:26:55 PM
Just dump him. Things don't always work out. You probably had enough information before doing this to know that you two shouldn't be together, but it's hard to let go sometimes, so this confirmed it you. Do you need to explain in detail why when you break up with someone? Not really. It either works or it doesn't.

I don't get why people are assuming that she hasn't had an exclusive talk with him yet. It is possible to decide to be a couple (and refer to each other as boyfriend and girlfriend) inside of a month and focus on just dating each other. I personally prefer just dating one guy at a time, and have him date just me, even early on. And a hint for guys, if you are being intimate with a woman, and it hasn't been discussed, and you are actively being intimate with other women at the same time, bring the subject up yourself! Don't just sit there knowing that you could be misleading the girl. Clear it up! Better to be upfront with these things. If she feels the same way (that it's too early for her to be exclusive too), then everything is out in the open, and no one is skulking around. If she doesn't feel that way about it, don't waste her time.
 RobertKoi
Joined: 11/9/2008
Msg: 73
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/13/2010 6:10:33 AM
As for intuition, a lot of trash in female clothing start yelling "insecure" all over the place the minute a guy for instance starts listening to his intuition rather than the "brain" between his legs. Depending on how highly developed one's intuition is, it rarely picks up ghosts on its radar so to speak. I went through something similar earlier this year. Although I never created fake accounts, etc., I started listening more to my inner voice (intuition) and she and I started arguing because of that. That woman was just full of it. I smoked her out of her lies and she didn't get away with anything.

As for this case, if somebody goes through all that only to prove to him/herself something that she basically ALREADY knew, then the relationship was doomed from day one. He gave her a reason and she wanted to find out if her hunch was correct. Again, intuition is the easiest way and allows nobody to pass its radar undetected. So, develop it and it'll make life a lot easier.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 74
I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/13/2010 7:22:54 PM
It doesn't really bother me that people start these things
and then leave.

I like reading what everyone else has to say and seeing the
different viewpoints which may change my opinion on
something.

This is why I'm here.

PS: Dayndaze: thanks for the idea of hard returns
so that I don't have to scroll across the bottom.
Spread the word!!
 Sunshine-99
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 75
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/13/2010 8:04:05 PM
You did nothing wrong with the fake profile. You felt like your relationship was in jeopardy and validated your gut instint. Just get out of there quickly and move on. There are nice, honest, faithful guys out there who will appreciate you and communicate with you if something is wrong (like if the relationship is getting dull).
You need to take your losses and move foward with your life,....without him.
 Sunshine-99
Joined: 7/14/2006
Msg: 76
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I busted my boyfriend in a lie.
Posted: 6/13/2010 9:42:58 PM
However, if you confront him, he may somehow convince you to stay with him. The whole argument is that men are genetically programed to be hunters. You as the woman need to keep his attention contained or focused. If you are not doing your job, the man's brain wanders to more desireable mates. So you need to try harder. Forget about my intial post. You should just try harder. Do your job and stop complaining.
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