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Show ALL Forums  > Single Parents  > WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY      Home login  
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 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 3
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDYPage 2 of 2    (1, 2)
i was mostly bringing up kids that are 16 to say...26,it does not seem to matter if they come from single parents or a family unite
they are needy, some do not want to drive, or take the bus even at 19, i had my car, an old and ugly one, that i paid for myself ,and was driving the first week i turned 16, i paid for it all myself
i see this all the time! no jobs, and even if they have one, the parent(s) are expected to take them out shopping
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 4
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/12/2010 7:27:40 PM
Children ARE coddled so much these days. I work in early childhood and frankly, it scares me how spoiled some children are... dvd
's in the bedrooms of every child, motorbikes for the second birthday, NO is a dirty word. Parents don't know how to set parameters it seems. It is easier to say yes than to hold firm through a tantrum, as an earlier poster pointed out. My kid grew up with totally clear guidelines, plus I teased the cr*p out of her to build a bit of resilience. She moved out this past Feb aged 18 and 3 months

There are, of course, many dedicated parents out there who realise a bit of effort in the first 7 years pays massive dividends- the biggest one being a happy, confident kid who gets that the universe does not revolve around them. Ultimately it's a sad thing as these kids will flounder when they do hit the world of work as they cannot take direction and know little about team work.
 carolann0308
Joined: 12/9/2006
Msg: 5
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/12/2010 8:23:55 PM
I spent Memorial Day weekend chauffeuring between Ballet and Baseball 2-3 times a day (4 kids). I said to my Mother "When did kids take over the world?"
I appalled me that the organizers of the sports teams and ballet school just assumed that parents were happy to waste one of their few 3 day weekends on kids activities. When exactly is someone permitted to rest? I felt like the entire family unit suffered by not being able to sleep in or share a meal together. It cannot be all about the children all the time. It leads to a sense of privilege and entitlement.
My revenge is refusing to give them any money.
 JerseyGirl2008
Joined: 12/27/2007
Msg: 6
WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/15/2010 7:47:13 AM
My old boyfriend thought NOTHING of continuing to pay his 22-year-old daughter's car payment, insurance, cell phone, blah blah blah even AFTER she got married.

He claimed he was giving her and her new husband a "leg up."

In the interim, these two kids were going out to dinner, buying new cars, getting upgraded cell phones, buying designer purses/shoes (at reduced costs), and the list goes on.

I told him he was teaching his kid NOTHING by paying her bills - all he was doing was allowing her to be even more irresponsible by freeing up her money so she could blow it on OTHER things rather than taking over the bills daddy was still paying.

He insisted it made him a "good father." I told him it made him a fool. I'd argue with him constantly that the BEST gift you can give your children is the ability to be INDEPENDENT, not spoiling them by paying their bills long after they should be paying them themselves.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 7
WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/15/2010 10:03:23 AM
Because their parents are p*ssies and treat their children like their friends as opposed to their children.

Maybe it started because women felt guilty that they had to work and began giving things to their children more so than they would have had they been stay at home Moms. I completely understand how someone would and could do this. I can't crucify them for doing this, but they shouldn't have done it.

Lately in public I've also noticed how women themselves seem to have this grandiose entitlement issue. I can't believe that most of those women have husbands or men in their lives based on the way they treat others and their lack of consideration.

There is also this trend in that every job needs a degree. In my day, this wasn't required and one could actually get a job somewhere and work up if they were smart and had common sense. Today they will hire the person with the least common sense but with the biggest university degree. When I left my previous job, I hired a high school dropout to take my place - she was bored within a month LOL.

So with the above, these kids gotta stick around the home much longer, and so naturally kids don't pay rent (I only had to pay rent if I worked), get their meals cooked, then they finish school, get a high paying job and there ya go - they just don't seem to experience tough times.

I would also support what Church said. My parents never frickin drove me anywhere. I wanted to go somewhere I took the bus or my bike - even in the winter. The excuse today is that the bus doesn't go some places. WTF!? I just said I took my bike! I had a curfew, it was up to me to figure out how to make it on time. This later helped develop a sense of responsibility for being on time for work etc.

These little things really equal big things in the end.

Then there is the fact that parents "talk" to their kids instead of just putting their foot down and telling the child that they are to listen to their parents. It's becomes an endless debate where the child eventually gets the upper hand. What my parents said went and there was no long-azzed debate about it. Some parents are afraid to raise their voice to their child.

I was yelled at as a kid because I didn't listen. We were never sworn at or called names or screamed at. With some kids talking doesn't do squat, and a sterner demeanor is required, while others talking will work.

I'd also point out that needy entitled children are not only single parent children.

Just some thoughts on the matter.
 jojoaus
Joined: 10/28/2007
Msg: 8
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/15/2010 3:42:07 PM
I also think kids need to be pushed to do things, to achieve and to conquer fear. I know there is a fine line there but I do have an example from my own kid's past. She was 8 years old and school camp was coming up (2 nights away). My daughter did NOT want to go, she said she would miss me too much. I knew she needed to get over that, and also that she would have a blast. I told her she was going, to sry it out of her system now and then focus on the fun things she might get to do. She went, she loved it and said thanks after she got back. She ended up the kind of kid who was organising and booking her own travels by age 15

It is possible I will get told I was cruel for doing this, but it helped my otherwise confident child over a small hurdle that could have become a giant obstacle if not nipped in the bud.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 9
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/17/2010 6:57:54 PM

some do not want to drive

My oldest has told me he has no intention of getting a driver's licence... due to his desire to protect the environment. He doesn't want to drive. That might change over the next few years... we'll see.

There are many kids his age that share the same concerns for the environment and feel by not driving, they are doing what they can to help conserve it. I don't see that as being needy. At all.

And just because YOU had something at a certain age, doesn't mean we all have to have the same things. Frankly, I'm glad mine aren't following in my footsteps. I want them to live their life, not redo mine.
 happybunny8
Joined: 4/16/2010
Msg: 10
WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/18/2010 5:54:26 AM
^^^And I'm cool with that, just don't expect mom and dad to start driving you around.

I'm from Montreal and the public transit is great there. In Ottawa it kinda sucks in comparison and most parents give this excuse as to why they pick their kids up. In some ways I can understand, in others I'm thinking that allowing your kids to find their own arrangements teaches them something.

As I said, some of the things that most don't recognize as learning behaviours really are.
 no_1_bby
Joined: 5/3/2006
Msg: 11
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:49:47 AM

I'm from Montreal and the public transit is great there. In Ottawa it kinda sucks in comparison and most parents give this excuse as to why they pick their kids up. In some ways I can understand, in others I'm thinking that allowing your kids to find their own arrangements teaches them something.

My parents never let me take the bus anywhere. They always drove us where we needed to go. I got my first job at 15 I think, but lived within walking distance, so it was never an issue. I got my first car at 16 (actually, I was closer to 17), so I got myself from point A to point B on my own. Ok.. now that I think of it, my parents didn't give me an allowance, but I was expected to do things at home. For that I could ask for money from them, within reason. Now that I think about it I think that first job was at 17... and my parents did not want me to get it because they wanted me to focus on school. Same thing when I went away to college... they gave me *pin money* so that I didn't have to work, and that way I could focus on my education. Did I have to be responsible with that money? Hell yes! I had to account for it monthly, and did end up having my budget reduced after a few months.

There's a fine line to balance on... as a parent I want my spawn to have a great life. I want them to learn how to take care of themselves and be responsible for their own actions. I have basic expectations of what they need to be doing. There are punishments if they don't meet those expectations.

And yes. I'd rather drive them to where they need to go. That does't make them needy. That makes me over-protective. Which I freely admit I can be. I'm learning to let go.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 12
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 7/4/2010 8:39:36 AM
My oldest has told me he has no intention of getting a driver's licence... due to his desire to protect the environment. He doesn't want to drive. That might change over the next few years... we'll see.



Nice conviction to have until there is an emergency.

Had a GF accidently swallow a bone and was chocking badly at 11pm at night. I ran every red light in town, but got her to emergency in less than 5 minutes.

My ex-wife was washing a glass and it broke around her arm. Glass sliced her wrist and she was bleeding severely. I wrapped her arm and drove her straight to emergency.

I can't believe I know several single parents that don't have drivers licence. What would they do if their child was hurt and they needed to take them somewhere in an emergency?

Not criticizing, just saying NOT getting a drivers license may be a dangerous thing to do.
 bmore_goat
Joined: 4/8/2009
Msg: 13
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WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 7/4/2010 1:01:17 PM
Ummm.
It wasn't like I drove straight thru lights during busy traffic. It was 11pm, and I stopped look both ways and proceeded when I didn't see any cars.
Not saying it was the best thing to do, but when you see someone you care about in distress and you know the hospital is 2 miles down the road, didn't feel like sitting on my thunbs and waiting for an ambulance.

But, not going to hijack the thread on the dangers of running red lights. I just think not getting a drivers licence is extremely short-sighted.
 NarcissusTemple
Joined: 4/23/2009
Msg: 15
WHY ARE KIDS SO NEEDY
Posted: 7/11/2010 2:19:01 AM
One thing not mentioned yet is the over-scheduling of children's lives.
Employers/managers of the age range you indicate say that many kids & young adults can't make basic decisions in the work place.
They attribute this to the sports & activity laden schedules in that all rules and decisions have been made for them.
They can't make a move without someone else dictating the minutia.
Maybe that's a contributing factor--they don't have the skills to take over the reins.
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