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Show ALL Forums  > Broken Hearts  > Love is the biggest lie in the world!      Home login  
 AUTHOR
 lzhang
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 1
Love is the biggest lie in the world! Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
I don't understand why all the romantic movies out there teach us to believe there is something called love that would conquer everything and last for ever, it is a complete lie as I have discovered with time.

The reality is yeah, there is love but it doesn't last, it doesn't conquer timing, life conditions, location or anything that sets an obstacle in the cause. Then there is the fact when you are with someone for a long time, no matter how great that person is, it just gets boring and everybody else seems more attractive and interesting.

You can have a great love, but if something happens in your life that makes the relationship difficult, the chance of surviving is really slim. I guess that's why there are so many breakups and divorces or unhappy marriages.

By the age of 26, I have firmed believe till death do we apart kind of love will probably never happen to me and there is no man in the entire world that would appreciate me as who I am and love the good and bad things about me, even at the time when I'm having a hard time and not being the most pleasant person around.

What do you think?
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 2
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/13/2010 12:36:30 PM

I don't understand why all the romantic movies out there teach us to believe there is something called love that would conquer everything and last for ever, it is a complete lie as I have discovered with time.

LOL - romantic movies really do tarnish people's worldview. However, there is something called love -- but it's NOT a "highlight reel" that you'll find in the romance section of Blockbuster Video. Too many gals get damaged by that conditioning.

You can have a great love, but if something happens in your life that makes the relationship difficult, the chance of surviving is really slim. I guess that's why there are so many breakups and divorces or unhappy marriages.

Depends on how big that "something happening" is. If it means you slept with someone when drunk, yeah -- it shouldn't really survive. If it means you have to move away indefinitely -- yeah, it shouldn't really survive (LD relationships don't work). There are gray areas on other not-quite-as-big things, but that depends on the people.

I think most breakups and unhappy relationships are due to two people not meshing well. They suffer from RMS (romantic movie syndrome), and hit it off and are more into needing someone and BEING in a relationship, where there's little focus on whether they really mesh or not. Some people are great at being friends and nothing more, right? Well, some people are great at being more than friends, but can't mesh in a relationship. That's why you don't ride high on raw emotions -- you'll get burned. When one's intuition is cultivated by RMS, they can easily get burned.

By the age of 26, I have firmed believe till death do we apart kind of love will probably never happen to me and there is no man in the entire world that would appreciate me as who I am and love the good and bad things about me, even at the time when I'm having a hard time and not being the most pleasant person around.

I think you're being overly cynical about it, and understandably so after getting your heart broken.

You have to first get off RMS. Sometimes people are more in love with being in love, than an actual person. Hey, that doesn't mean you have room to be heart broken with the guy you last dealt with. But I don't know that story.

You can find love, and being too cynical will be a self-fulfilling prophecy for you to not find it. But if you're in love with being in love, and being in love with a SPECIFIC guy you ALREADY know and have dated is secondary, then you'll always run into problems.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 3
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/13/2010 9:14:47 PM

I don't understand why all the romantic movies out there teach us to believe there is something called love that would conquer everything and last for ever, it is a complete lie as I have discovered with time.

They don't make those movies to teach - they make them to sell tickets, and provide escape from reality. It tends to be taken as a lesson - but it's far from one. It's entertainment, plain and simple. Same thing with Disney and kids movies - all fantasy and marketing.

Love isn't instant, ideal or able to overcome everything. Rather it's the result of hard work, patience and acceptance, and doesn't always have to do with a long term relationship. You can love someone and not be right for them, and you can not love someone you end up with. Life's very unorganized that way.
 lzhang
Joined: 2/29/2008
Msg: 4
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/14/2010 9:09:39 AM
I do believe that if you do want love to last, you need to be with the right person and someone mature enough to understand what the word love really means. Now my next question is where on earth are the mature guys? None of the guys I have ever met, including the good ones and the old ones, seem to be remotely mature enough to understand that. Once things get a bit hard they all bail out or they have problem communicating their emotions or they just take the easy way out, that's given that they are mature enough to embrace love and give any commitment in the first place.
I would understand if only one guy I met at one place at an early age is like this, but it surprises me that all of them are like this. And it is not because they are just not that into me, since some of them would be willing to do everything until things get a bit difficult. Why is that?
 redheadruby
Joined: 11/24/2009
Msg: 5
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History
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/14/2010 9:12:20 AM
CarolAnn hit the nail on the head. I know two elderly couples who have been together for 50 plus years. Unlike my parents - who achieved the same...but without joy and affection between them.....both of these couples still play...still flirt...still compliment....she knocks his ballcap off as they share the Sunday Times.....he smiles......she smiles....they never even look up at each other. He's seen her through cancer.......he is now experiencing dementia........they've had rough years.....but always found forgiveness for each other. They accepted who the other was.....he still misses the hamper with his socks......she still picks them up. Socks weren't worth battling over. Socks weren't disrespect....because the other things were there. She's made him a pot roast once a week for 50 years.....he doesn't like her pot roast....his mother's was better. He never told her.......until I asked them about their marriage. In my marriage - the socks became a big deal.....because the things that we both needed to ground us didn't exist. So we sparred over nonsense.

Physical passion is certainly part of love......the early time in a relationship of meaning forges bonds that provide structure for later. But you know that love is maturing when the other person's needs begin to match your own in importance to you. I didn't get any of this at your age. I didn't really get any of it until I buried some people I loved. I didn't get it completely until I was ill enough to know that my own life wouldn't go on forever and I had to make an effort to extend myself and take chances. Be accepting. forgiving.....and open to it in all the forms life presents. The love of romance novels and hollywood is just one slice.......fleeting and transient and intoxicating. The other forms love takes can be far richer and sustaining.
 curlygrl
Joined: 11/8/2006
Msg: 6
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/16/2010 9:55:35 AM
Love is not a lie - the lie is that you have been
brainwashed into thinking every day is a new day and a new
adventure and your hair is going to blow just right in the wind
and your lips are just the right juicy, plumpiness for kisses.

The truth is - we all get up in the morning with that nasty breath - we
all look like hell before a shower - we all smell.

So - once you accept that we are imperfect and love us for our
imperfections- then love is like a fairy tale.

I love my dog even when he backs up and farts at me - I love my mom
even when she tells me I should be taking something for my menopause and
I love my significant other even when he makes a food mess of my bedroom.

The difference is that he is who he is - and I still have that fairy
tale love for him but I also know in reality he is just a guy, doing guy things.

If they made romantic movies where the guy actually farted in bed or burped
or the girl farted - you would not think it was so romantic - its called selling a
product and brainwashing you into believing this is the be all to end all -
but in reality - we all know the truth.

Your fairy tale is the script YOU write. Not someone elses script.
 IgorFrankensteen
Joined: 6/29/2009
Msg: 7
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History
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/17/2010 3:20:27 PM
Love is NOT a lie, the trouble is, it's never been adequately DEFINED. You are in your twenties, so you are bound to have a series of "Love Sux!" epiphanies, now and in the future.
The trouble is, LOVE is a very vaguely described thing. It's something that is most often defined, not objectively, but by the results achieved. That's a favorite trick for religion pushers too: if things come out well, its said that LOVE was true, and made things happen so well. You can substitute God into those kinds of statements, and get the same kind of thing going.
The fact is, in NEITHER case does the success or failure of a relationship, or of a world view have anything to do with either proof of deities, or with whether or not LOVE has a real power or a single meaning.
I started a thread here a little while back, with exactly THIS kind of thought and complaint in mind. I started a list of all the things LOVE does NOT mean, not to be a sourpuss, but to shine a thought light on how people often hear "I love you, " and then ASSUME a huge list of things is going to happen as a result of that love. I had no intention of putting love down, to the contrary, I want to unburden it of all the BAGGAGE people keep hanging on it, and blaming it for when things go wrong.
Finding that you lose interest in your partner? If you still care about what happens to them, whether you want to hang around with them anymore, then by most definitions, that would mean you still love them. You just don't want to DO anything with them any more. That doesn't prove there's anything wrong with love, or that love is bunk, it just means (like in my list ) that love ISN'T a guarantee of non-stop emotional high times.
At your age, you are probably MOST upset with the fact that the wonderful, intoxicating LUST part of a relationship invariably wears off, and that you always have to cope with basic realities of human nature (we all emit gasses, get grumpy sometimes, get old, forget to do stuff sometimes, and so on). That's not a testimony against LOVE, that's a testimony against FANTASY. What you have to learn, is the much more interesting and involving challenge of life with someone, which is to care about them, help them, and give them your love, in SPITE of all that stuff, and in spite of the fact that that damn lottery ticket never seems to pay off. You wont learn about this much more fun version of love, though, until AFTER you finish your anger period about the fact that Walt Disney didn't really mean to do anything more than tell a nice story, as a DIVERSION from real life: not a promissory prediction about it.
 want to travel
Joined: 7/29/2006
Msg: 8
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History
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/19/2010 6:43:17 AM
your culture may very well have to do with your views on love,30 years ago china was at least 200 years behind the west.... and now it is just a developing country, mostly only industry, the culture needs to catch up to the developed world
in my western culture, love does conquer all......
 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 9
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/19/2010 10:49:13 AM

Once things get a bit hard they all bail out or they have problem communicating their emotions or they just take the easy way out, that's given that they are mature enough to embrace love and give any commitment in the first place.

... or maybe they aren't interested in you. You can't assume that when guys are turned off by you going down relationship-alley, it's that they "don't understand love". They can be like "yeah, this isn't going to work with her".

I would understand if only one guy I met at one place at an early age is like this, but it surprises me that all of them are like this.

Well, maybe look at yourself -- it's possibly not just them... or your choices, too, who knows. I'm not there, I couldn't tell ya. But don't fall fast -- and if you do, understand you are, and don't think nobody "understands love", just because you fell for them quick.

And it is not because they are just not that into me, since some of them would be willing to do everything until things get a bit difficult.

LOL - What do you mean by "a bit difficult"? So they're willing to take you out, compliment you, and go out for a while, but when they get to know you pretty well and find that you guys don't mesh (ie "it's a bit difficult"), they part ways?

I don't think it's wise to "make things work" with someone you're still getting established with (which takes MONTHS, not weeks). If you find out they aren't your type, or it'd be a part-time job to "make things work" -- screw that! Nobody needs things to that extent, as if you were married.

When you have the relationship established for a good long time, sure, you strive to make things work if you've made it that far already without having to "work" much.

But OP, you're not describing things -- you've just said things over-generically that could mean anything!
 rainbowbridge35
Joined: 4/14/2010
Msg: 10
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/19/2010 11:06:12 AM
Love is totally overrated. Biochemically no different than consuming mass quantities of chocolate. But at least chocolate won't get you ass-raped in divorce court.
 Wise_Monk
Joined: 7/21/2005
Msg: 11
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History
Love is the biggest lie in the world!
Posted: 6/29/2010 1:32:51 PM
It's common for people to assert that age matters in this at all, but it definitely doesn't. A person can find love at 13 years old, get married at some point (or not married) to that person and be with them for the rest of their life. It's happened countless times before, not as much as it used to but it happens.

There are people who at 85 years old and nearing descension into the ground that have never found what loves means to them, nor have they found someone who they truly loved or had someone truly love them back. Love and the realization of it is not simply a matter of aging or experience for everyone, as everyone arrives at this in different ways and at different times. I myself didn't even know what it meant to love another person male or female until my Dad was diagnosed with a disease many years ago, and I blew my top at him for not taking care of himself properly. It was the first time in my life that I realized that I cared about another human being as much as I cared about myself, and I was much younger than 26 then. So it's much more complex than just age or experience, but simple in the sense that when it happens for sure, you know.

As for movies... as others have said, they have certainly done more harm than good, and quite frankly it's affected women far more than men. While there are some men who watch them, men are not the target market nor by any stretch the largest consumer of them... it's women. A lot of women are certainly holding out for fantasies that they've either seen in movies, or have conjured up original ones themselves after having been exposed to so many fantasies.

The OP is incorrect that loves is not real. The fact that you exist is an expression of love. The entire world exists on it. But the type of love I speak of is not the type that modern society defines. I'm talking about the type of love that does for the benefit of another and the elevation, the evolution of another, and/or the existence of another. Modern society sells a product style of love and most of us have been duped by it and we're paying the price.

The internet and the dating sites that have popped up over the years, simply amplify a problem that has existed for a long time since romantic love began to take shape in western civilization. There are always going to be a few people who get "lucky" in the dice roll, and a countless group of others rolling a loss. One would've thought that dating sites would've gone a longer way to curing the problem since exposure is worldwide and not just within a neighborhood. But all it's really done is made the act more expensive. That's not to say that there aren't a number of success stories, but the average online dater is not having any more success than they had when they were strictly offline. Sure, you can consider going on a series of dates leading nowhere as more success, but if the ultimate goal is to find a mate and it hasn't happened through this venue over a long period of time, it's at least worth the time to sit down and evaluate how the course has gone and where it's going, and if you're any closer today than you were prior to coming online.

Anyway, the type of love the OP described is a charade to begin with. The question is, do you want Hollywood's phony concept? Or do you want something real? I believe you do want the real, and the last paragraph of your post suggests that you understand that a real love is not roses all the time. You've already got one of the most important component down. Now, you just have to find someone who understands this as well and is willing to stick around, which of course is the hard part. There are plenty of mature guys out there, perhaps you've run into a number of them who aren't your types, or just haven't met some because they don't move in the same circles as you do so you could just be missing them by a lack of association.
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