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 12 Volt Man
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 26
Video games before RelationshipsPage 2 of 4    (1, 2, 3, 4)
there was a similar thread a while ago on this board about someone going through what you are going through: a spouse with a video game addiction.

I posted about an experience I had a few years ago with an ex GF who had the same thing. My comments were met with some skepticism, as there are many out there who do not believe anyone can be addicted as bad as some people can get.

however, it is real and can be crippling to life and to a relationship. some people have just never seen it up close and personal yet..

sorry to hear what you are going through. I can't really give any advice, as I was unable to get through to my ex and left after months of trying to get through to her.

like most addicts, she didn't think she had a problem. she was having too much fun playing world of warcraft to care..

one site that I found years ago that helped me to understand that this is actually becoming more and more common is gamerwidow.com. you may be able to talk to people on there who are in similiar situations and it may be of some help.

good luck

-12 Volt
 WorthingtonGuy
Joined: 1/22/2007
Msg: 27
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:12:04 PM
So i have found this useful for really any situation
http://psychcentral.com/netaddiction/quiz/
It really doesn't have to be for one specific thing but is does kind of make you realize how much time you wast on the things that aren't nearly as important as the people and real life relationships.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 28
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:24:41 PM
Who says it's a waste of time? You can't apply your standards of what's important to someone else and then expect them to conform or deem them as 'out of touch' if they resist conforming.

I work out up to 2 hours a day - once in the morning before work and then a run after work - to many what I do would be considered a "waste of time" - should I stop working out because of their opinion of what's important?

I'm not saying her alleged addiction is healthy, nor am I defending her - I'm just a little disturbed at the fact you're quick to judge what is and isn't important and seem to harbor animosity toward those that don't agree.
 Ronery1234
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 29
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:31:08 PM
Videogames really are just the "new tv". Like someone said earlier spending a few hours playing games really is no different then watching hours of TV or netflix. It's a double standard to think otherwise.

However, the way you described perfect world it sounds like an MMORPG (massivly multiplayer online role playing game). These games, unlike TV, commonly require hours of uninterrupted commitment depending on what you do in this game. Most other games you can "pause" but it doesn't always work that way with this game. But that's the problem, if they think spending hours a day is more important then you, then it's probably not worth it to stick around.

To whoever compared this to drugs, this is accurate. Videogame addictions work along the some of the same brain regions and neurotransmitters as drugs do. And the creators of these games design them specifically to where you have to commit hours and hours a day to actually accomplish anything. She needs to decide which is more important, and if she chooses the games, then that's that.

I was in a similar situation before. An ex of mine was doing something similar to what you described but it never got in the way of our time together. But she was "cyber cheating" and actually got guys to fall in love with her over the internet. Those games do strange things to peoples minds, so be careful.
 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 30
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 2:51:35 PM
It sounds as though it were a full-blown addiction and she needed help to prioritize... but it might have helped your relationship if you'd agreed to at least meet with this other couple (before any potential shared vacation obviously) - you may have made some new friends and would be sharing in her hobby and interests, maybe even understood the draw it had on her a little and been able to devise new ways of helping her resist or control the hours spent on the game.

However, if she was unwilling to put family before her hobby then there's nothing you could do... if priorities aren't shared it's hard to make a relationship work, imo
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 31
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 3:01:42 PM
cinsav, I applaud your devotion to your health.

Working out 2 hours, seems a small price to pay for a fit body and a healthy outlook. It would hardly seem a "waste of time" to most I think. Maybe it would be a sore point, to many who would lack your dedication.

However, let me ask this, suppose you got a call at 7:30 AM, they need you at work for an unscheduled early meeting or a relative called saying they needed your help for an emergency doctor's appointment. I'm fairly sure you would forgo your normal morning workout. You MAY make up for it later in the day, but you would answer the call of need.

Gamers "call of need" is to sign on and play. They will blow off family get togethers, appointments, jobs, school or whatever else they must to continue the fantasy, the thrill of the game, without regard for their obligations, or their significant others needs, desires or feelings. In the end, the only thing that matters is the game.
 MJ Preston
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 32
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 3:08:43 PM
the latest addiction...to escape into a world where you can be anyone you want.

it's easier than fixing what's real i suppose. create a new you....live a new life...very similar to any addiction really. gambling...sex...booze...they all change people...and kill relationships.
 Ronery1234
Joined: 8/22/2008
Msg: 33
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 3:21:33 PM
"Video games do not have the same effect, in my mind a video game addiction is only dangerous because it is an addiction. It won't add weight, kill your liver etc. It may cause you to skip meals, miss friends etc. But so could a workout addiction, book-reading addiction, dancing addiction and so on. Dangerous because you overlook everything else, but not because of what it is."

Not to really fully shoot down what you said , but endless staring at a computer screen has long term effects on eyesight, sitting for hours can have long term effects on health, and if done over the case of years has seen to cause things as bad as bloodclots. Plus, long gaming sessions are typically associated with junk food and pop as snacks for long gaming grinds, which can cause problems in cholesterol, diabetes, and dental problems.

These things take longer to develop then drug/alcohol problems and probably 99% of the time aren't as bad. But I lost a friend I knew since 9th grade to videogames. He dropped out of college, threw away all his friends, gained at least 35 pounds, destroyed his eyesight, and who knows what else. He did all of this to play world of warcraft. You cant really help someone who's unwilling to admit they have a problem.
 12 Volt Man
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 34
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 5:50:55 PM
I totally agree that playing 1 or 2 hours a day is no big deal.

if thats all you are dealing with, I would drop it and not give it a second thought.

as far as this couple goes, well, you might be surprised that if all 4 of you go on a trip you might have a great time.

just be careful that 1 to 2 hours a day does not turn into:

come home from work at 5.
play until 1 am at night...5 days a week..

and all day and most of the night on saturday and sunday..

so 1 to 2 hours per week slowly turns into 60 hours per week..

yes, some people seriously addicted to massive multiplayer online role playing games follow this sort of schedule. (eg. my EX lol).

when they start to call in sick to work just to play the game..well, that is a major red flag haha

thats when it is a big big problem.

but from what you say, your spouse doesn't sound like she has a real problem at all.

just be on the lookout if it starts to develop further.
 minako79
Joined: 1/15/2009
Msg: 35
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:13:33 PM
I played video games though I would never spend that amount of time... I hardly even have any time to play nowadays. But I can understand your frustration though. I had an ex once who is a complete gamer. Not that I don't mind but most of the time I hang out with him, he's more interested in the game not actually spending sometime with me.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 36
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 6:22:50 PM
Working out 2 hours, seems a small price to pay for a fit body and a healthy outlook. It would hardly seem a "waste of time" to most I think. Maybe it would be a sore point, to many who would lack your dedication.

However, let me ask this, suppose you got a call at 7:30 AM, they need you at work for an unscheduled early meeting or a relative called saying they needed your help for an emergency doctor's appointment. I'm fairly sure you would forgo your normal morning workout. You MAY make up for it later in the day, but you would answer the call of need.

Gamers "call of need" is to sign on and play. They will blow off family get togethers, appointments, jobs, school or whatever else they must to continue the fantasy, the thrill of the game, without regard for their obligations, or their significant others needs, desires or feelings. In the end, the only thing that matters is the game


Oh I don't completely disagree with you. While a lot of people do call in sick to do other things - once in a while isn't a big deal - but you're right if it becomes a habit a problem does exist - or if a loved one is put on hold (using your example of a doctor's visit) that is also a problem. I don't argue that.

But, the OP stated that his SO was playing 15 to 20 hours a week - and that's nothing. That's a mere couple of hours a night - hardly an addiction. Perhaps he meant to post she actually played more along the lines of 50 to 60 hours per week - but has yet offer a correction to such.

I am curious to know what her real play time is - if she is really blowing off family and friends for "the game" or if the OP is simply embellishing his story due to his jealousy of the "other man."

I don't disagree people can and do get so addicted to MMO's which adversely affects their lives. But, I get the feeling that some people (the OP included) are misguided in their anger and blame. You can't blame the game for a person's addictive nature or behavior - not saying you are - just making a point.
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 37
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 7:23:11 PM
I have a friend who's boyfriend was addicted to Everquest, an online game, so deeply that he ignored his son (who he had custody of...it wasn't my friend's kid), and he would turn down sex with my friend even if she appeared naked in front of him!

Now it gets better. I mentioned he has custody of his son. Wonder why? Its fairly rare, as we know, for men to have full custody of their kid(s). He was married, and his ex-wife is the little boy's mother. His wife was also an Everquest player. She met a man on the game and one day dropped her son in her husband's lap (was a little baby at the time) and dissappeared. He never saw or heard from her again...she didn't even come to the divorce hearing...the state couldn't find her so the judge granted him a divorce without her being there!

After all that, losing his wife to this game, he KEEPS playing it, ignoring the kid, who was about 6 yrs old when I knew this guy, and he lost the girl he was with, my friend, because she got tired of it and left him. He is probably still playing the game. His kid had gone to live with his parents last I heard.
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 38
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 7:27:38 PM

I have a friend who's boyfriend was addicted to Everquest, an online game, so deeply that he ignored his son (who he had custody of...it wasn't my friend's kid), and he would turn down sex with my friend even if she appeared naked in front of him!

Now it gets better. I mentioned he has custody of his son. Wonder why? Its fairly rare, as we know, for men to have full custody of their kid(s). He was married, and his ex-wife is the little boy's mother. His wife was also an Everquest player. She met a man on the game and one day dropped her son in her husband's lap (was a little baby at the time) and dissappeared. He never saw or heard from her again...she didn't even come to the divorce hearing...the state couldn't find her so the judge granted him a divorce without her being there!

After all that, losing his wife to this game, he KEEPS playing it, ignoring the kid, who was about 6 yrs old when I knew this guy, and he lost the girl he was with, my friend, because she got tired of it and left him. He is probably still playing the game. His kid had gone to live with his parents last I heard.


Aaannnndddd, that's Everquest's fault?
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 39
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 8:01:49 PM
Over on the video game forum we are having a discussion about losers who use internet dating websites.


I'm double-dipping over here.
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 40
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 9:08:32 PM

Aaannnndddd, that's Everquest's fault?


Yes! There was something so great about Everquest, that it was better than sex to that guy! If a man's naked woman is standing right in front of him trying to garner his attention, but mind his is severely occupied by a game, there is something extremely wrong with that picture!
 cinsav
Joined: 6/10/2009
Msg: 41
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 9:15:48 PM
Yes! There was something so great about Everquest, that it was better than sex to that guy! If a man's naked woman is standing right in front of him trying to garner his attention, but mind his is severely occupied by a game, there is something extremely wrong with that picture!


Yes, my dear - but that's not the game's fault - that's the guy's fault. I mean can't we say the same about a good football game? How many men have turned down their SO for sex because the game of the week was on and they just couldn't miss it? The distraction of the football game may be more limited due to the season only lasting a few months - while the game can be played all year - but isn't the same?

I agree with you - there is definitely something wrong with that picture - but that's on HIM not Everquest.

It's like a fat person blaming McDonalds for their obesity because the company makes Egg McMuffins taste "too good."
 mr.evil
Joined: 11/14/2009
Msg: 42
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/18/2010 10:05:24 PM
"How many men have turned down their SO for sex because the game of the week was on"

What's the matter, never heard of TIVO, or whatever other service like it? Gee a game or a naked woman, Yeah right, that'd be a tough choice for me! Hahahahaha!
 xlr8ingmargo
Joined: 7/28/2009
Msg: 43
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 6:23:11 AM
Well the couch can be positioned for a proper bending to where both parties can partake and watch managing to enjoy both. This is me how ever and of course I think like that.
 luckyhot777s
Joined: 12/26/2008
Msg: 44
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 6:46:07 AM

Over on the video game forum we are having a discussion about losers who use internet dating websites.


I'm double-dipping over here.
...lol, I thought the same thing too in a way.

People do get addicted to video games, forums and etc...but, if it becomes a problem to where it effects a relationship or responcibilities, its gone to far. If communicating its a problem doesn't solve it, then a person has to decide to leave or stay.

The op made his choice. I remember once thinking about creating a video game where it mimicked a dating site, you start at the beginning, post a profile and answer responces to it, emails, etc. ...and proceed ahead, depending on what you do, you may get slapped, sent back to the beginning , or get the prize in the end, of course it would be a maze of losers, compromising situations and etc.

But, I guess that would be compounding the problem of addiction a bit...lol
 ilovehistory
Joined: 8/12/2009
Msg: 45
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Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 8:11:15 AM

Aaannnndddd, that's Everquest's fault?


Where did I ever say it was the game's fault. I wish I could run our educational system. Basic literacy; they used to teach that!
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 46
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 10:14:47 AM
The football season comes and goes. Video games do not. In that case, I don't think using the football season was a good example.

As someone else pointed out, there is also tape recorders and TiVo.
 _Icon_
Joined: 5/18/2008
Msg: 47
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 10:19:48 AM
Rush, you're being sarcastic right?

You're not blaming a product for human irresponsibility are you?
 12 Volt Man
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 48
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 10:44:46 AM
anyone who picks a video game or sports game over their naked significant other ready and willing has more serious issues than what we are discussing this thread!
 RushLuv
Joined: 4/16/2009
Msg: 49
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 10:56:23 AM
I am not putting the blame entirely on products, but I don't think the blame should be placed entirely on humans, either. That would like an angry woman putting the blame entirely on a man because she became pregnant, knowing that it takes two.
 12 Volt Man
Joined: 1/1/2010
Msg: 50
Video games before Relationships
Posted: 6/19/2010 1:15:48 PM
"Just like that big tub o’ Ben & Jerry’s Chocolate Chub Chunk does NOT seduce obese people into eating it."

true. it seduces non obese people to eat it too.

like me.
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