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 Confident-Realist
Joined: 2/8/2004
Msg: 46
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?Page 2 of 7    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7)
Now, Ive had several women that ive met from here, insist that I was being petty for dropping them after they have flaked out on me, with lame excuses as to why they wouldnt make it days AFTER not respond to calls of the set time, and date....

The only way I could see a sane woman react that way is if you sparingly emailed, and what was taken by one person as a set-in-stone Date, was to the other a tentative "let's aim for that" date for the future requiring a confirmation shortly beforehand, before any thoughts of going.

Am I insane, or are these women ridiculously stupid? Is flaking a socially acceptable behavior at ANY time for ANY of you?

The only way you're insane is if you're reading a "Yeah, we should hit up Cheers after work next Thursday" to a gal you've hardly emailed as a set-in-stone date, never heard from her after that, but still went anyway. I wouldn't call you insane even then, just reading things wrong. :) In that case, no, she wasn't a no-show -- you just took something as a Date when it wasn't. She flaked out on making something tentative to an actual Date.

Unless it's something like that, I totally agree -- don't mess with someone who's flaked even once. 9 out of 10 times, you're going to be 'dissed again or blown off by them in a more appropriate manner.
 DallasSBF
Joined: 8/30/2007
Msg: 47
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/2/2011 6:39:35 PM
She is just not that into you. The wrote a whole book on the subject gear towards women but it seems men need their own book.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 48
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/3/2011 5:16:22 PM
^^^So true. Karma can be quite cruel when it needs to be. (And this is why I try to never leave someone guessing why I don't do things I don't want done to me.)

~OP~ The POF Poofers. Sigh!! I will never understand why it's so difficult to send an email or even a text to just say, "I'm sorry, this isn't working for me." What's the worst that can happen with that? They won't like what they read and try to argue or they ignore it? That's a lot better than no words whatsoever. At least I think so.
 weirdotool
Joined: 12/29/2011
Msg: 49
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:23:27 PM
If I was desperate and/or just trying to get in the sack with them, I'd probably keep giving them chances.

But because I'm looking for a potential long-term relationship, I agree with you about dropping them after one flake out. The type of person who does this (without good reason) is not the type of person I want to be friends with.
 ravenhair4u
Joined: 8/13/2011
Msg: 50
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/7/2012 3:23:40 PM
It's bad manners, period. It takes 5 seconds to send a text message stating that you can't make the date.
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 51
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/7/2012 9:30:22 PM
I don't care if the person is anxious or just completely self-absorbed. Either way it is equally rude in its impact, and that is all that matters.

Like WIP, I make sure my meet and greets are explicit in detail (when, where) and something I will do anyway--like going to bookstores and coffee shops.

Now, if someone I was dating just blew me off and disappeared . . . hmm. I don't know. Guess I'll figure it out if/when it happens.
 RIPTIDE59
Joined: 11/9/2011
Msg: 52
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/8/2012 8:24:09 AM
Hey JR: That's about on par for this site. It's happened to the best and worst of us. POF Plenty of Flakes. Folks on here are constantly trying to upgrade. Always. Sounds like she got a better deal elsewhere. Get used to it. Not meant to be a cut to POF; again, just a mirror image of where our society is headed.
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 53
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:12:19 AM

They did ya a favor flaking... Everytime...

I do agree with this. Chances are if they didn't show - you're having a better time with them not there. Believe it.

I think there are people who want to know someone will meet them but don't really want to actually put the effort in (or can't due to marriage, involvement, or them otherwise not being who they're selling).

I think there are people who make plans to meet but don't show because they're quite certain you won't like them if they do show.

I think there are people who feel that meeting someone they don't know is less important than plans that come up with someone they do know, or who are talking to more than one person and pick someone else. *shrug*
 c_deacon
Joined: 3/13/2005
Msg: 54
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:24:53 AM
There are way to many times that they show up and I wonder why after I met them, why did I???............

To many, to often, are not as they portray in their profile, and are either much heavier, or pictures are 10 to 20 years old, or not even theirs, or they say they are self sufficient and have a good job, and they look like they are on welfare and not doing a good job at that either........

The one thing that happens sometimes, is that they are as they claim, show up on time, neat, presentable, cordial, and my mind says......."YES"...........and after 10 minutes with them, I realize that there is no chemistry, and there you have it. It is so hard to find others that meet your standards and you theirs, and are attractive, what you are looking for, and makes your body tingle because the chemistry is there.

Most times I end up having another friend to get to know and enjoy, share stories, and hopefully stay in touch enough to at least have that grow....

cd...........
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 55
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/8/2012 11:36:28 AM
I realize in my life its completely normal, and not just on dating sites; some of my oldest friends have flaked on me (and about important stuff unfortunately), my own mother even has flaked out on me so often that I can't believe any plans she makes with me until I see her with my own eyes. I hate this behavior in others and do not practice it myself, but few live by the golden rule anymore. So I'm with the OP on this - why give someone another chance and bring another flake into your life? I've got enough of 'em, I don't need more.
 mrcs84
Joined: 12/9/2008
Msg: 57
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/8/2012 6:13:57 PM
I personally don't think it's acceptable, but considering the fact that people don't seem to have backbones anymore, I would definitely say that it's normal.
 lobo65
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 58
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/9/2012 4:49:49 AM
Oh yeah, I've had it happen more than once. One lady I was supposed to meet at a bookstore for coffee. She messaged me after I had already left with some BS story about her nephew being in a traffic accident. Never heard from her again.

Another flaked on me, and admitted it was because another guy she wanted to go out with asked her after I did. Thus I was her backup plan. Yet another kept putting off meeting me because she had posted fake pics, and knew she couldn't fake it anymore if we finally met. Then she had the nerve to make it seem like I was the bad guy when I wouldn't talk to her anymore after I found out.

No wonder I gave up trying.
 Rhythm Nation
Joined: 4/20/2009
Msg: 59
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/9/2012 7:27:14 AM
Watch out for Magnum563!!!!
 tomtpapa
Joined: 10/7/2008
Msg: 63
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/11/2012 9:46:20 PM
and they call this a dating site, a person must be one sick person to pull crape like this, if i ever was treated like this, i would make eer effortto trace the indivual down and report them, in this day and time of high gas we sure don't need crape like this.
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 64
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/12/2012 5:39:51 AM
Well, not to try and make excuses for rudeness, I do have a similar story that might help?

When I was in school, I met one of the most beautiful women I had ever laid eyes on in one class. The day I met her she had just bought seventy pounds of meat...whoa, that's a woman!
I asked her out on a date some time later, fully expecting her have some other plans or whatever and she said yes. I said I'd meet her at a certain place at a certain time but didn't really believe it would happen. I was hanging out a pub with friends, the weather was horrible outside and I figured there was no way she would be meeting up with me, so I blew it off and ordered another round of pints...

She stood in the rain getting soaked to the bone waiting for me for about an hour. She was also totally pissed at me and although we remained friends, I never got a second chance.
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 66
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/12/2012 8:15:48 AM

I said I'd meet her at a certain place at a certain time but didn't really believe it would happen. I was hanging out a pub with friends, the weather was horrible outside and I figured there was no way she would be meeting up with me, so I blew it off and ordered another round of pints...


Jerk!!! LOL

I have to ask you...WHY didn't you think to pick up the phone and call anyway?!

I was once stood up to my face. I walked into the bar, looked right at him - he locked eyes, shook his head and turned away. I guess I wasn't his type...which is fine (he wasn't mine either and looked nothing like his pictures), but for the love of all things holy - treat me to a $5.00 pint and don't be an a-hole! I wear my big girl panties every day and can take a let down if you're not feeling it!
 AddHomonym
Joined: 12/26/2011
Msg: 67
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/12/2012 8:28:19 AM
^^^I know, I know, I was a total jerk. That was a learning point for sure. I merely wanted to point out one possible explanation for why someone would do such a thing. Oh and the phone thing, well cell phones weren't quite as common back then...you know, when years started with ones...lol
 KatWing123
Joined: 3/6/2011
Msg: 69
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/12/2012 9:53:25 AM

^^^I know, I know, I was a total jerk. That was a learning point for sure. I merely wanted to point out one possible explanation for why someone would do such a thing. Oh and the phone thing, well cell phones weren't quite as common back then...you know, when years started with ones...lol


Sadly, I remember those years fondly. Also sadly...I had the same hairstyle that I have today.
 charlie_girl_2
Joined: 1/2/2010
Msg: 71
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/15/2012 10:33:16 AM
Welcome to the world of the Grass Is ALWAYS going be greener on the other side!
The sooner we all learn this the easier "meeting" will become.




 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 72
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:08:56 AM
I guess I am guilty of this, as I did this today to someone, well sorta, I told him last night at MN.
Why?
I have been talking to this guy for about a month on the phone. At first he was sweet, kind, made me laugh and made me feel so good about myself..then in the last 2 conversations, he became rude, talked down to me, would not let me finish a sentaence without interrupting me and just became an a-hole.
I talked to him about 9 pm with the idea that we were going to meet today about lunch. I was awake til MN thinking about the way that he talked to me...I sent him an email stating the reason why I would not be there...I have not heard back from him..guess he got the message....
So is this being flaky?
 dmzvisitor
Joined: 3/25/2011
Msg: 73
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/15/2012 11:24:36 AM

Posted By: Becinala on 1/15/2012 1:08:56 PM
Subject: Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Message: I guess I am guilty of this, as I did this today to someone, well sorta, I told him last night at MN.
Why?
I have been talking to this guy for about a month on the phone. At first he was sweet, kind, made me laugh and made me feel so good about myself..then in the last 2 conversations, he became rude, talked down to me, would not let me finish a sentaence without interrupting me and just became an a-hole.
I talked to him about 9 pm with the idea that we were going to meet today about lunch. I was awake til MN thinking about the way that he talked to me...I sent him an email stating the reason why I would not be there...I have not heard back from him..guess he got the message....
So is this being flaky?


No, this is being observant and communicative. Not that you owed him an explanation, but it's fine that you felt comfortable giving him the reason. Do you have a plan in mind for if he does contact you again? Would you agree to meet him if he apologized and asked for another chance? I'm just curious. Not sure what I would do (I tend toward "no 2nd chance" if I haven't invested time and they have screwed up pretty quickly, but I don't know the particulars of your exchanges).
 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 74
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Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/16/2012 3:36:10 PM
dmzvisitor,
No, I wwill not give him a second chance....I believe that he let his real person show and I am glad he did..I think I was smart..
He does not know where I live, he has been blocked where ever I could block him..
thanks for responding
Becky
 St3v31188
Joined: 1/8/2012
Msg: 75
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/16/2012 3:40:38 PM
I have only been on this site a little while... Getting old already. Women who post they want to meet people.. and then never reply.. or reply and disappear.... I agree.. I am an honest guy... and get either no response... or a response and then nothing... bleh... better off asking my friends if they know someone
 WomanInProgress
Joined: 10/16/2005
Msg: 76
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/16/2012 4:40:12 PM
^^I have no idea why people think someone not being interested or losing interest is a new thing.

People who don't respond aren't interested. It happens to you everyday offline but you don't know it cause you don't ask. Instead of blowing you off face to face, many sidestep you to avoid a conversation starting. Online they have to deal with contact because they can't prevent messages from being sent to them by people they aren't interested in...so some don't respond (which by the way they usually learn from getting blasted a few times when they do respond from people who can't handle "no").

People who disappear have lost interest. That also happens offline when you're dating, not just here. People decide to go with someone else, or find out through conversation that you're not for them, or whatever. It's common sense that someone who's still interested continues to interact with you, so obviously someone who doesn't stops interacting. This is not new, it's been part of dating forever.

Meet people anywhere you want, you can't escape the fact that not everyone will want to talk to you and/or date you.
 LisaBrooks
Joined: 1/13/2012
Msg: 77
Flaking - the NO call, NO show ....Who the hell thinks this is normal ?
Posted: 1/17/2012 11:54:43 AM
I am new to this and just had this happen last night...We arranged to meet at a local coffee shop and he did not show up. I waited half an hour, and messaged him hoping everything was okay. That is just bad manners. No reply as yet today!
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