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 english lass
Joined: 11/14/2007
Msg: 26
Talking ....way too much!Page 2 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
If you're going to break up with her, then I'd say yes, tell her why - she might have no idea her blathering could be annoying and you could be sparing her (and another potential partner) more grief later
 pandusvenator
Joined: 11/17/2009
Msg: 27
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 7/7/2010 6:50:37 PM

Ever heard of ADHD?


Oh what a load of cr@p. lol

When someone says something and you don't acknowledge it...they will continue to talk about it. If you want to hear more about something...just encourage them to continue.

If a woman is talking away with me I find it charming. She wants to be heard.

Now if someone is ranting and ranting about some drama that does not interest you...you change the subject. Good communication skills will carry the day. If they continue you say to them..."I called to talk to YOU. I would like to have something nice here."
 ILoveFriedEggs
Joined: 6/13/2010
Msg: 28
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 7/8/2010 2:10:44 AM
And then I talked about myself a little bit...it was unsolicited and just felt weird.
She didn't ask me one thing.

I see a problem here. Is it weird because you need to wait for an invite? A break in convo is a chance to insert your 2 cents worth or talk about whatever to do with you. Only talking when someone asks you a question isn't what I would call being a full participant! Although you're right that she should have enquired about you, maybe she's used to assertive guys that don't hesitate and dare I say, thought you were a bit um boring?
She probably didn't realize she was being rude and thought she needed to fill the air seeing as you weren't really offering to talk. I dunno, perhaps talking over her is a good idea when it got overbearing. Develop a tactic, turn it around, it might help her see the light!
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 29
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 7/8/2010 6:22:43 AM
~OP~ 27 minutes? Geez, that's barely enough time to get the "hello"s said. Like others here, I can talk. I talk fast, topic hop and can do a myriad of things while doing so. Am I always that way? Nope. Only when I REALLY enjoy someone's company, thoughts, opinions, etc. And I don't do well with those who aren't willing to dive in and converse. There is nothing more draining (for me) than trying to puuuuuuuuuuuuuullllll someone along in the conversation.

~OT~ Why bother telling her a reason? 3 dates does not, in my opinion, require that much information. It's not happening again, that's really all that needs to be stated. JMO
 Greyfeld
Joined: 1/11/2007
Msg: 30
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 7/10/2010 10:24:03 AM

I'm a talker. I can talk about anything and everything and nothing at all... I find silences on the phone uncomfortable. I try to play nice and wait my turn, but without visual clues, it's rough... Despite all that I'm a great listener and hear more than I let on - I may choose not to pick up on it... I don't usually need to digest what is said, I compute instantly (99th percentile)... Some people misunderstand this and assume I'm not listening. I hear ya... still don't need to mull it over, chew it over or ask "what you mean by that"... I will ask questions, but I won't pry it out of you or break out a rubber hose... if you don't volunteer it, I'm not going to force you...

Conversation with me is like a ping pong game... you drop your serve and it's my turn again. I can talk about me or nothing for hours - I won't always ask "tell me what you're thinking", how you are feeling, or your innermost thoughts - that would be intrusive, but I will ask how your day went and take it from there... if you don't want to hold up your end - fine, I'll carry the conversation. You wanna spill your deepest darkess secrets? Knock yourself out, I'll listen and I can keep a secret... but truly the only times I'm really silent are a. I'm happy and relaxed or b. having sex.


lol I find this funny, because I'm kinda the opposite. I take my time to reply, I take long pauses to think, and I like to get my words just right before I say anything that I think is particularly important. I kinda take after my dad in that way... it was always frustrating for him when he was married to my step-mom and she would get pissed at him for taking his time to think of a proper response to an important question.
 Rythmn
Joined: 1/21/2006
Msg: 31
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 12:15:37 PM
women are neurologically wired to talk more and can also multitask. add to that whether the persons in question are introverts or extroverts. barbara and allan pease are a couple who write books on these differences. one of them is "why men don't have a clue and women alway need more shoes"! another is "why men don't listen and women can't read maps". they are both true and both very funny!

i talk a lot. the man i see writes a lot. the difference between him and i think you, is that he is an active listener and he knows how to interject his thoughts and bring himself into the conversation. he doesn't need a special invitation.

the above post that some people are nervous and some are just filling in the silence is accurate. however, it also depends upon what is discussed and if either person is just "self absorbed". too many people want mates based upon what can be done for them and think little about what they can do for others. talking about world affairs or social causes is a lot different than discussing a bad hair day. an active listener is a lot different than someone who is boring or has nothing to say or is socially inept or w/o communication skills.

telling her who you think she is, is not necessarily who she is. maybe you should focus on your own inventory. instead, just tell her that "you" are not much of a talker!
 Cloudcleaver
Joined: 2/18/2010
Msg: 32
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 12:40:02 PM

Shame he's gonna ditch a girl who really likes him.


I second that. If she's putting that much effort into, then she obviously thinks he's worth hanging out with. Perhaps if he didn't just sit there and let her talk, perhaps even throwing in something every now and then to direct conversation flow, it might not be so bad.
 forumfishie
Joined: 9/17/2009
Msg: 33
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 1:02:00 PM
You can always tell her:
Have your heard of decaf coffe?
Why don't you give it a try?

I know someone who would talk for 5 people
then I found out he drank 4 redbulls before 2pm
Funny thing, when I took him for lunch and TOLD him
he talked too much and too fast, in so many (nicer) words
He couldn't believe his ears, he made a face like I had just punked him
by telling him that, he had no idea.
He said" but I hardly say anything"
I said " why do you think I had to ask you when we sat down, "Do you mind if
I talk to you about something REALLY important for the next 10 minutes?
WITHOUT you interrupting me??
Well, he did listen and once he stopped drinking red bulls he starting talking like a normal guy
 *army mom*
Joined: 6/9/2009
Msg: 34
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 1:03:10 PM
Yes. I think I met her brother. Usually women are the chatty ones, but this guy I met could talk circles around any woman I know. Like you, I had to end it pretty quick. He just made me tired listening to him yammer. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if he'd ever asked anything about me. In the end, I knew way too much about him and he knew zero about me.
 2fuzy
Joined: 3/12/2006
Msg: 35
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 2:59:49 PM
you just need a motorcycle with straight pipes
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 36
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 4:43:59 PM
I went on a date ( first meet ) with a guy and honestly, all he did was talk about himself! I never got a word in edgewise and was truly looking for the 'exit' sign within the restaurant.

Never once did he ask me a question about myself..I was glad when I went home.

Of course, there was never a second date with said guy.
 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 37
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/27/2010 9:37:10 PM
It mattes what the activity is on the date. Sitting across a dinner table from each other, you will learn what people do when "somebody is supposed to talk". I dated a guy for a while who really liked to listen. I'd tell some story, he'd nod, I'd stop for a few beats, when I thought to!, and we'd both chew in silence rather than him taking a turn. It was hard for me to understand that if he didn't have stuff to share back, he was enjoying the listening.

The dates were usually concerts or dances though, with that bite to eat thrown in as an afterthought. That meant there'd be an hour or two he wouldn't be experiencing me as the chatterbox.

So the OP's been on a few dates with this girl - all coffees/meals out? What about playing a game, going to see something, putting something in the foreground of a date which isn't conversation with each other? Is she so irredeemable, you can't at least try another context?
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 38
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:54:03 PM
I talk a lot. I'm the funny guy with stories, but I've dated one girl that I literally said nothing for an hour because the void of silence is filled by her talking. It takes SO LONG for her to say 1 story.

There was another girl that would just totally cut me off whenever I'd try to speak.
 mg188
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 39
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:23:43 AM
Agreed that it's not just women, but my experience has been that Chatty Cathys FAR outnumber Chatty Chucks. Anyone agree/disagree?

I was taught that it's rude to interrupt. Makes it tough to converse with a chatterer. I've heard that interrupting is more accepted on the East Coast - especially in New York City. True?
 lilaflower912
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 40
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:33:09 AM
I don't mind a chatty guy since I can be a bit chatty myself. I think chattiness is ok as long as it's tempered with a genuine interest in the other person. If it's the "me" show all the time without trying to find out about you, then she's not trying to get to know you.

I've had first dates with guys that talked so much they told me things I REALLY didn't want to know, like about the time his brother clogged his toilet, lol!! EUUUWWW!! Did NOT need to know that!!
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 41
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:39:14 AM
lol, I've experienced people like this.
Conversation domination isn't good.
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 42
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 11:03:35 AM

First real phone call was 27 minutes ....


And your complaining about what? I've had first phone conversations that lasted for hours and she did most of the talking...

She was probably nervous, some people talk a lot when they are nervous, some people go quiet

Seems to me like your looking for justification to not see her, just don't if you don't want to there doesn't have to be a reason, if you need one for yourself, "I don't want to." Is good enough.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 43
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 11:24:37 AM
I decided not to see a couple people any more, based on this . Talk-talk-talk, with barely time to take a breath in between - and certainly no space for me to get a word in edgewise ! And like you say - no inquiries about me or my life - just carrying on and on about theirs.

Now for sure, I want to learn about people - that's the whole point of meeting. But conversation needs to be a back and forth event - otherwise , it's like going to a lecture !

Listening is an art that not everyone learns to master , and I am as guilty as anyone in this regard. But knowing that , I make an extra effort to shut up in between , and get the other person talking and involved. It's much more satisfying that way !

At the other end of this , I remember fondly , some of the best moments in relationships, were the times when we were both together (reading , or perhaps watching a sunset), but no words were spoken. A comfortable, peaceful , all encompassing silence - together.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 3:27:01 PM
~OT~ I love talkers. As long as it's an exchange and not some diatribe, lecture, needless chatter about nothing and things such as that. One of the things that initially caught my attention about my ex is that he had the most incredible way of speaking. It was "talking" but it was full of substance and interesting facts and for the most part, made sense. Fast forward a few months and it all became very clear to me. He loved to talk, was good at it, but it was ALL about him. His thoughts on this/that, talking non-stop about his woes in a world where he is SO misunderstood, his irrational fears that the world is out to get him, his past, his future, his fantasies, his needs/wants/desires, his deep dark thoughts (and some of those were flat out creepy) and his his his his his his......... I think I actually stopped listening at some point because it became such a routine ramble that listening did nothing but make me recall every other time he'd said the same thing over and over and over. I don't really recall the day he finally said we should call it quits, because I probably wasn't listening but it had been over for a while before it was verbalized. There has to be some sort of exchange ~ talk/listen, listen/talk or I'm checking out. One thing I learned during my stint with him? I totally, thoroughly and will forever be grateful for the art of comfortable silences.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 45
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:12:47 PM
I think with some people, male and female, it is a manifestation of an insecurity.
Some people seem to feel that if someone isn't talking that it means something is wrong.
My ex was like that. She would waffle on and on about anything, just to avoid silence, which I guess was a discomforting thing to her.

I like some silence in life. It doesn't need to be filled with chatter.
I'm a good talker, but I know when to keep my pie hole shut and it's nice when someone else has something to say and they know how to carry on a decent conversation.

It's like with most things in life, where it's not intrinsically wrong to talk, it's just annoying when there's too much/
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 46
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 6:37:51 PM
I talked to a man on the phone and I swear it was an hour and a half and the whole time he only talked about himself and I did not get a word in edgewise it turned me completely off. it was for the best for i found out he was married to 2 women. The second marriage was illegal for he never divorced his first wife. Too much drama for me
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 47
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:50:04 PM
I like the chatty types, they get me outta my shell when I'm nervous at times.

As for telling her why you're not compatible with her, don't say say that you don't feel chemistry with her and leave it at that.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 48
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:29:27 PM
I had the same sort of experience, but from a man. A couple of weeks ago I met this guy for the first time and all he did was talk about his inventions and the so-called science behind them (somewhat dubious, I might add). I asked a few pertinent questions about him and his ideas, but he should no interest whatsoever in me. Like you, I lost interest quickly and we decided it really wasn't going to work and we went our separate ways.
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 49
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:49:42 PM

Seriously, though. If any man has ever had a problem getting a word in edgewise, this should prove to be a lifesaver...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E


a) thank you {even though this poster is now off POF}

b) uh oh... {Yeah, I'm a talker but I do genuinely ask after others and give them verbal space too}
 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 50
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:34:57 PM
I went to meet a guy this past week-end that is a talker. Not only a talker but a pessimistic talker..Putting people down that would walk by and etc...
the thing about him is that if he would shut up he would be almost perfect to me and my needs..I know you can't change anyone so I will move on....but so sad that he just can't stop talking...
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