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 E_keys
Joined: 10/3/2009
Msg: 37
Talking ....way too much!Page 3 of 3    (1, 2, 3)
It mattes what the activity is on the date. Sitting across a dinner table from each other, you will learn what people do when "somebody is supposed to talk". I dated a guy for a while who really liked to listen. I'd tell some story, he'd nod, I'd stop for a few beats, when I thought to!, and we'd both chew in silence rather than him taking a turn. It was hard for me to understand that if he didn't have stuff to share back, he was enjoying the listening.

The dates were usually concerts or dances though, with that bite to eat thrown in as an afterthought. That meant there'd be an hour or two he wouldn't be experiencing me as the chatterbox.

So the OP's been on a few dates with this girl - all coffees/meals out? What about playing a game, going to see something, putting something in the foreground of a date which isn't conversation with each other? Is she so irredeemable, you can't at least try another context?
 lostintheshufle
Joined: 11/8/2010
Msg: 38
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 11/21/2010 7:54:03 PM
I talk a lot. I'm the funny guy with stories, but I've dated one girl that I literally said nothing for an hour because the void of silence is filled by her talking. It takes SO LONG for her to say 1 story.

There was another girl that would just totally cut me off whenever I'd try to speak.
 mg188
Joined: 9/23/2010
Msg: 39
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:23:43 AM
Agreed that it's not just women, but my experience has been that Chatty Cathys FAR outnumber Chatty Chucks. Anyone agree/disagree?

I was taught that it's rude to interrupt. Makes it tough to converse with a chatterer. I've heard that interrupting is more accepted on the East Coast - especially in New York City. True?
 lilaflower912
Joined: 6/26/2011
Msg: 40
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:33:09 AM
I don't mind a chatty guy since I can be a bit chatty myself. I think chattiness is ok as long as it's tempered with a genuine interest in the other person. If it's the "me" show all the time without trying to find out about you, then she's not trying to get to know you.

I've had first dates with guys that talked so much they told me things I REALLY didn't want to know, like about the time his brother clogged his toilet, lol!! EUUUWWW!! Did NOT need to know that!!
 musical_turtle
Joined: 3/11/2011
Msg: 41
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 10:39:14 AM
lol, I've experienced people like this.
Conversation domination isn't good.
 distinct_purpose
Joined: 12/16/2008
Msg: 42
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 11:03:35 AM

First real phone call was 27 minutes ....


And your complaining about what? I've had first phone conversations that lasted for hours and she did most of the talking...

She was probably nervous, some people talk a lot when they are nervous, some people go quiet

Seems to me like your looking for justification to not see her, just don't if you don't want to there doesn't have to be a reason, if you need one for yourself, "I don't want to." Is good enough.
 egowitch
Joined: 6/5/2011
Msg: 43
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 11:24:37 AM
I decided not to see a couple people any more, based on this . Talk-talk-talk, with barely time to take a breath in between - and certainly no space for me to get a word in edgewise ! And like you say - no inquiries about me or my life - just carrying on and on about theirs.

Now for sure, I want to learn about people - that's the whole point of meeting. But conversation needs to be a back and forth event - otherwise , it's like going to a lecture !

Listening is an art that not everyone learns to master , and I am as guilty as anyone in this regard. But knowing that , I make an extra effort to shut up in between , and get the other person talking and involved. It's much more satisfying that way !

At the other end of this , I remember fondly , some of the best moments in relationships, were the times when we were both together (reading , or perhaps watching a sunset), but no words were spoken. A comfortable, peaceful , all encompassing silence - together.
 verygreeneyez
Joined: 3/15/2006
Msg: 44
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 3:27:01 PM
~OT~ I love talkers. As long as it's an exchange and not some diatribe, lecture, needless chatter about nothing and things such as that. One of the things that initially caught my attention about my ex is that he had the most incredible way of speaking. It was "talking" but it was full of substance and interesting facts and for the most part, made sense. Fast forward a few months and it all became very clear to me. He loved to talk, was good at it, but it was ALL about him. His thoughts on this/that, talking non-stop about his woes in a world where he is SO misunderstood, his irrational fears that the world is out to get him, his past, his future, his fantasies, his needs/wants/desires, his deep dark thoughts (and some of those were flat out creepy) and his his his his his his......... I think I actually stopped listening at some point because it became such a routine ramble that listening did nothing but make me recall every other time he'd said the same thing over and over and over. I don't really recall the day he finally said we should call it quits, because I probably wasn't listening but it had been over for a while before it was verbalized. There has to be some sort of exchange ~ talk/listen, listen/talk or I'm checking out. One thing I learned during my stint with him? I totally, thoroughly and will forever be grateful for the art of comfortable silences.
 joemac356
Joined: 9/22/2009
Msg: 45
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 4:12:47 PM
I think with some people, male and female, it is a manifestation of an insecurity.
Some people seem to feel that if someone isn't talking that it means something is wrong.
My ex was like that. She would waffle on and on about anything, just to avoid silence, which I guess was a discomforting thing to her.

I like some silence in life. It doesn't need to be filled with chatter.
I'm a good talker, but I know when to keep my pie hole shut and it's nice when someone else has something to say and they know how to carry on a decent conversation.

It's like with most things in life, where it's not intrinsically wrong to talk, it's just annoying when there's too much/
 kcladyz
Joined: 8/7/2009
Msg: 46
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 6:37:51 PM
I talked to a man on the phone and I swear it was an hour and a half and the whole time he only talked about himself and I did not get a word in edgewise it turned me completely off. it was for the best for i found out he was married to 2 women. The second marriage was illegal for he never divorced his first wife. Too much drama for me
 Archangel_07
Joined: 6/21/2010
Msg: 47
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 7:50:04 PM
I like the chatty types, they get me outta my shell when I'm nervous at times.

As for telling her why you're not compatible with her, don't say say that you don't feel chemistry with her and leave it at that.
 SeaCatcher
Joined: 9/11/2011
Msg: 48
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:29:27 PM
I had the same sort of experience, but from a man. A couple of weeks ago I met this guy for the first time and all he did was talk about his inventions and the so-called science behind them (somewhat dubious, I might add). I asked a few pertinent questions about him and his ideas, but he should no interest whatsoever in me. Like you, I lost interest quickly and we decided it really wasn't going to work and we went our separate ways.
 Akizzej
Joined: 5/1/2009
Msg: 49
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 10/7/2011 9:49:42 PM

Seriously, though. If any man has ever had a problem getting a word in edgewise, this should prove to be a lifesaver...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KHoJ26Gcp_E


a) thank you {even though this poster is now off POF}

b) uh oh... {Yeah, I'm a talker but I do genuinely ask after others and give them verbal space too}
 Becinala
Joined: 6/9/2008
Msg: 50
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History
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:34:57 PM
I went to meet a guy this past week-end that is a talker. Not only a talker but a pessimistic talker..Putting people down that would walk by and etc...
the thing about him is that if he would shut up he would be almost perfect to me and my needs..I know you can't change anyone so I will move on....but so sad that he just can't stop talking...
 kailania
Joined: 4/10/2008
Msg: 51
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 1:47:49 PM
two dates, lots of phone calls, a few e mails...
I know all about his ex wife, her job, her problems, why they arent married anymore.
dont even know if he knows if I was married or not.
I know some about his past, where his parents live, where he grew up, how he grew up,...
I would have shared with him about myself but he did not ask nor stop talking to where I could have.
I listened and listened and listened to detail after boring detail about his job.
the last time he called me I wanted to throw my phone down.
He was again telling me the details of his job and complaining about it.
NOT a good way to begin a relationship.

I think he is a genuinely good man. How can we make people like him aware of what they are doing? of how they are jeapordizing things? I really do not think he is aware of the problem. any suggestions on how to kindly let these talkers know what they are doing without hurting their feelings?

a person can tell another about their job without going into intricate details.
 astrosky
Joined: 2/6/2005
Msg: 52
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Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 3:08:10 PM
Agreed that it's not just women, but my experience has been that Chatty Cathys FAR outnumber Chatty Chucks. Anyone agree/disagree?


Compulsive talkers I have known (the kind that cause people to sneak out the back door when they come in the front door): 4 - 3 women and 1 man. My grandma was one of 'em, her own son would just get up and walk out on dinner when he'd had enough, and he was the only one who was able to "train" her to control herself. Grandpa just sat there silent and ignored her 90% of the time.


two dates, lots of phone calls, a few e mails...
I know all about his ex wife, her job, her problems, why they arent married anymore.
dont even know if he knows if I was married or not.
I know some about his past, where his parents live, where he grew up, how he grew up,...
I would have shared with him about myself but he did not ask nor stop talking to where I could have.
I listened and listened and listened to detail after boring detail about his job.
the last time he called me I wanted to throw my phone down.
He was again telling me the details of his job and complaining about it.
NOT a good way to begin a relationship.


I believe there is a difference between the egoist kailania dated and compulsive talkers. I've dated some egoists too and they ARE perfectly capable of self-control if someone they respect is in the room.


I think he is a genuinely good man. How can we make people like him aware of what they are doing? of how they are jeapordizing things? I really do not think he is aware of the problem. any suggestions on how to kindly let these talkers know what they are doing without hurting their feelings?


I honestly think that compulsive talkers can't help it, and feel sorry for them. They occasionally ask questions about you, but their desperate need to talk overrides the time it takes for you to answer. They are aware of what they are doing, and that most people run away from them, but they seem powerless to stop.

Egoists, on the other hand, are all about control and being the center of attention. They are aware of what they are doing and are trying to portray that they are the important one, hence they will not ask any questions about you, as you are not so important. They can fairly easily be trained out of it when you call them on their behavior and demand some respect.

Either type is not the type for me.
 AngelofHonesty
Joined: 1/4/2012
Msg: 53
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 4:29:37 PM
Just give her the explaination that your feelings aren't mutual and it's best we end it now. THE END! Why go on about details, short and sweet and to the point is my motto!
 SpittyKitty
Joined: 5/2/2011
Msg: 54
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/22/2012 4:56:05 PM
Oh My God.
I am chatty
and my name is Cathy.
Crap! (zipping lip)
 WinterIsComing80
Joined: 11/21/2011
Msg: 55
Talking ....way too much!
Posted: 2/24/2012 6:05:54 AM
I dated a girl like this once. She talked a mile a minute. When I wanted her to shut up I kissed her. As soon as we stopped kissing she would start talking again. Turns out she was a pill popper and was always stoned on pain killers and that's why she never shut up.
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