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 2Irish1
Joined: 9/1/2008
Msg: 97
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agePage 4 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
So...need, want, believe, think differently...choice, chose, choose...I think that it's forever that 2 opposing views will not agree to disagree....at least that's the way it is here in the threads....

For you...you want...for me I need...lol...whateva...none are so blind as those who will not see.
 vbstein
Joined: 8/29/2010
Msg: 98
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 6:24:20 AM
After too many years living with someone, I'm on my "own" in my own home. Other than my son, I rather enjoy doing whatever I want, when I want, and however I want I don't think it's typical of the 45+ crowd, I think it depends on the person.

Living together can make things easier for day to day things but, finding that "me" time is much harder. I use to retreat to doing yard stuff.
 GrandmaBooBoo
Joined: 12/30/2006
Msg: 100
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 7:11:18 AM

I am looking for a woman who will tell me No. Sometimes.


So, THAT'S what I was doing wrong for the last 35 YEARS!!! LOL! why didn't someone tell me that THEN.....when I still cared!?!?!?!
 ItsMargo
Joined: 4/24/2007
Msg: 102
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 6:24:36 PM
I've never seen the need to continue to be with someone once I *know* I wouldn't want to live with them.

I can 'get' how other people feel differently - and certainly whilst licking my wounds at the end of a relationship, I have embraced living alone. But in love and long term? No, it wouldn't work for me not to live with them. I *like* the ebb and flow of the dailyness of a life shared.

I *like* bringing him a coffee every morning, I *like* it when he turns the tables on me and brings me my coffee in bed, I *like* curling up against him at night, I *like* sharing all of the goofy and special bits of life. To me, the sharing of it makes the difference. Yes, yes, yes, I 'get' how one can share aspects of their lives and not live with someone. But it is a different type of sharing to me.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 103
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 7:19:51 PM
"I *like* the ebb and flow of the dailyness of a life shared."

Some want it, some don't. Put me in the don't camp. I so don't want to be toss about by the ebb and flow of someone else live 24/7. I don't want to have to watch that the ebb and flow of my life disturbs someone else.

I couldn't/wouldn't sleep properly with someone else in the same bed. Did it gladly, but look back and think, why did I give up years of a good nights sleep. How dumb of me to do that just to preserve ebb and flow.

I can have my house, and they can have theirs, or they need someone else that me.
 shakeitupbaby2012
Joined: 8/12/2010
Msg: 104
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 9:39:15 PM
There is a huge difference in need and want, of course. I like being in a relationship,
and like living with someone; however, I find that most (Americans) have standardized relationships, expectations of one another ,etc.
I will be in that okay mode of living with someone when I find the man who understands and wants us to both have the lives we have been living, and to meld those together, and still have our separate lives so to speak.
I happy now doing what I'm doing, as is some guy somewhere who I may be happy with and vice versa- then just do that under one roof, sharing as well.
I like the companionship and the sharing and would enjoy sharing with someone on a regular basis.
 Mizz Demeanor
Joined: 4/28/2008
Msg: 105
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/2/2010 10:11:55 PM
"I *like* bringing him a coffee every morning, I *like* it when he turns the tables on me and brings me my coffee in bed, I *like* curling up against him at night, I *like* sharing all of the goofy and special bits of life. To me, the sharing of it makes the difference."

I totally agree with that part Margo....I like it too ,with a man that makes my toes curl.

The difference is that i don't like it 24/7. I'm more comfortable with 24/2...maybe 3, and a couple of good trips/holidays thrown in.

I have lived alone longer than I have ever lived with anyone & it's really what I like to
call my "Natural State". Ipso Facto, I don't want someone in my space and in my face all the time. I prefer to look forward to our time together. Having him walk by me in his boxers scratching himself...all the time....that 'sharing' I can do without...

Some people find comfort in constant contact, some find it cloying. I belong in the
latter group, but understand that I am in the minority. S'ok, I'm used to it...

~mizz
 readthedamnprofile
Joined: 5/5/2010
Msg: 107
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/8/2010 7:02:05 AM
I think a lot of people of any age would be happier living alone quite frankly, they just cannot afford to or, are too afraid to try it. Most of the married or living together couples I know spend all their time complaining about one another and fighting. If they had the financial wherewithall, or initiative, to break up and go their separate ways I think they would be packing boxes right now.

I do think the need for your own space and an appreciation of your independence becomes more highly developed as you grow older. That is part of the reason older people find it harder to date and settle down again. In your twenties the time span between relationships is usually minimal. In your thirties the breaks in between romances gets longer and so on and so forth as you go up the age bracket. You have your relationship junkies of course that just jump from one to another dysfunctional relationship but, for the most part as we get older we get more comfortable in our own skin (or set in our ways as the case may be) and learn to be content with our own company, even enjoy it.

I know that the first year I spent alone in my house after my divorce was one of the most pleasant years of my life and I know for a fact that I could live on my own if I had no partner in my life that I loved. If this marriage were to end, I am not sure I would ever marry or live with someone again either.
 az109
Joined: 7/3/2010
Msg: 108
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 9/8/2010 8:22:06 AM
Duh. After you finally get away from someone you disliked living with, being alone is better. The idea though of living with somebody else is not to replace the bad companion with another bad companion, it's to get a good companion so that living together is better than living alone.

bad companion = it's better to live alone than with a bad companion
good companion = it's better to live together with a good companion than to live alone

It depends on the company whether having it enhances or degrades your life.

For anyone who is always better off alone, no matter who they might be with, then this does not apply. For everyone else, it's just common sense. By all means do not run out and find yourself another person to move in with so you can go back to wishing they would leave. If you must run out and find someone, make sure it is someone you would want to live with.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 109
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 10/27/2010 8:44:29 PM
It's perfectly normal. I have some dogs and cats and myself and I live in my late grandmother's home. I love being alone, even when I was younger. I could not imagine coming home and having yet another annoying human being bother me after a hard day at my 2 jobs, 7 days a week schedule.
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 111
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 10/28/2010 4:30:18 AM
Pirate:

When you live alone it doesn't mean nobody knows you. You aren't screwing someone, and living with them. Other than that people who really enjoy life go out and interact with people and have jobs, friends and family. They also have employers (even if its part time), in old age, so if you wouldn't show up they'd be wondering.
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 114
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/6/2010 7:09:00 AM
To answer the question of the thread title: No, not at all. Like many posters here, I like to be able to do what I want, when I want to.

A woman I work with, whos opinion I value very much and has never lied to me, told me months and months ago "Don't get married again. Women are nothing but a pain-in-the-ass."

But then why am I on a dating site? Because I enjoy the company and companionship of women very much for many different reasons. As a friend and/or perhaps dating is not out of the question. But it if became more than friends would mean moving very, very slowly and cautiously. I have learned from my past relationships and have no desire to make any of the same mistakes again.
 Dave of Indiana
Joined: 3/18/2009
Msg: 117
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/6/2010 9:11:48 AM

I would have to fall pretty damn hard to give up the life I have now.


The falling pretty d_mn hard is, in all likelyhood, what it takes to "keep" two people together. Yes, they can see each others faults but are able to get past them.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 118
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/6/2010 9:30:38 AM
"We answer when we have no one in our lives with that perspective. Perhaps those that won't want to ever live with someone again have forgotten the joys of waking up with someone they love...every day..and going to bed with them every night. Perhaps they are fooling themselves that they LOVE living alone. Perhaps they are too damaged, too jaded, too selfish to accept another human being into their heart..and their home."

No necessarily. I had a good marriage until I was widowed. While married, I never questioned certain things, that today I would question. I spent years with little sleep each night because of snoring, talking in his sleep, sleeping while rolling around in bed. I often laugh at myself and wonder why I didn't insist on at least separate bedrooms.

He would want to get to bed when he was tired, but wanted me to go to bed at the same time. Not good.

Being older and not needing to live with someone again makes me see the whole idea differently. To be honest, I have no desire to wake up with someone. I am much happier to wake up alone, shower in peace, and when I am ready to see the man in my life, we can meet up.

I will be the first one to admit that when I married my late husband, I was needy. Needy for many reasons, so I didn't question the good things about living singally, and what I gave up.

"too selfish to accept another human being into their heart..and their home."

What I find selfish is having relation after relation that isn't going to work in the long term simply so we aren't alone.
 seasonsheart56
Joined: 10/11/2010
Msg: 120
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/6/2010 11:28:33 AM
yes yes yes omg yes. I will go to your place and have sleep overs and you can come to mine but omg lets not muddy the waters.
 MJ Preston
Joined: 2/10/2010
Msg: 121
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/6/2010 3:39:15 PM

bad companion = it's better to live alone than with a bad companion
good companion = it's better to live together with a good companion than to live alone


yep...i agree.
 tinselribbonwind
Joined: 10/3/2010
Msg: 122
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/7/2010 7:45:31 AM
I only recently (last 3 years) have been single. At the age of 65 I divorced my second wife. At the time the math on this was : 65-39. I was married a total of 39 years between the two marriages. This resulted in 26 years of single life. Now subtract the first 18 years of childhood and it results in an astounding puny 8 years of single life at the age of 65. Believe me, in 39 years of being married you develop a lot of dependency and damn little in the way of finding out who you really are.

These last 3 years of being single were tough on me, but (and this is the important part) I actually learned to enjoy life without being married. I now have the opportunity to enjoy a freedom of my own ‘will’. And that for me is the major PRO of being single. I am on a single site to date and enjoy women. I am not here looking for an illusionary ‘soul mate', or marriage. I really like women (can’t say this enough). They are fantastic creations of the Universe that make a dismal world much brighter and certainly much more tolerable. Without women, there would be no point to my own existence. However, with that said: I really enjoy the freedom of being single.
 Lucy1122
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 123
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/8/2010 7:31:41 AM
I could not of said that better! I am finally alone, no husbands, kids are gone. Woo Hoo...now this is living
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 124
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/8/2010 8:43:29 AM
....I have a very precious two year old grandaughter who spent the night while her parents went out. Got her all tucked into my bed, read her a story and in no time she was out like a light.

Ya know, for a little person, she sure gave off a lot of heat....I could feel the warmth radiating from her little body....I had to push her away from me several times during the night. And then there was the breathing...not snoring, just deep breathing. I honestly could not get to sleep.

Finally, after hours of tossing and turning, I quietly slipped out of bed and made my way to the spare room. Soon after fell I fell into an exhausted sleep.

It occured to me the following day that "if ever" I co-habitate with someone again, we're gonna need separate beds.

...mae
 jezebellpgh
Joined: 2/3/2010
Msg: 125
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/8/2010 9:54:10 PM
Mae:

I always found it silly that two adults of the opposite gender even have to share a bed. We are grown ups and need all of the bed stretching, I don't need a man snoring next to me. As the widow stated above, she mentioned her husband was tired so she was expected to follow him upstrairs. What a smothering concept.
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 126
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/9/2010 8:26:20 AM

Mae:

I always found it silly that two adults of the opposite gender even have to share a bed. We are grown ups and need all of the bed stretching, I don't need a man snoring next to me.


...If I couldn't tolerate the sounds of a two year old, I'm never gonna sleep next to someone who snores..lol

Another thing...I do so love all that stretching room.

I'm digging myself deeper aren't I?

...mae
 frienddougie
Joined: 10/10/2010
Msg: 127
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/9/2010 2:28:22 PM

I'm digging myself deeper aren't I?


You don't have to justify yourself to anyone. Beside you have the shovel which you can use to hit people with in the head.

Nothing says love more than the person in the bed next to you passing gas and feeling the need to share it with you.
 aarons916
Joined: 1/31/2010
Msg: 128
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/12/2010 9:55:53 AM

I've never seen the need to continue to be with someone once I *know* I wouldn't want to live with them.


Most people here including me aren't saying their significant other is someone they wouldn't want to live with, we're saying that we want our own space and to be able to do what we want without getting nagged for it. Living alone basically lets you have the fun of a relationship (going out, vacations, sex) without the parts that make you fight all the time(who's going to do the laundry, clean the house, make dinner, etc).
 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 129
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/16/2010 10:38:49 AM
I couldn't imagine it, I actually get annoyed when company hangs around too long. When a man and woman divorce , she usually gets the kids and stays accustomed to social interaction. On the other hand, many men live a more solitary life and become accustomed to it. If he stays single long enough, even dating becomes an unwelcome intrusion to his privacy.
 thechee
Joined: 6/20/2010
Msg: 130
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/16/2010 2:13:50 PM
This may be selfish, but I don't want to live with anyone as I want to be able to come and go as I please and not feel like someone is up my azz all the time.

If I get lonely or want to be with him I'll spend the day/night or sometimes even both, but after that I look forward to my home sweet home and alone time.
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