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 TedJMill
Joined: 7/6/2005
Msg: 131
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agePage 5 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
With my last girlfriend, things were going nicely until we moved in together, after about 10 months, and things rapidly went downhill from there. So now I'm looking for a non-live-in girlfriend, to get together for dates, some evenings in, trips together, etc., but keeping separate apartments.
 Annie was here
Joined: 3/12/2010
Msg: 132
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/19/2010 3:28:40 AM
No I can honestly say I don't feel the need at all.In fact I am quite opposed to the idea.I like my space and another adult in it cluttering up and getting in my way is an unappealing thought.
 longlocks
Joined: 11/12/2010
Msg: 136
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/23/2010 11:41:10 AM
I'm looking for the same in a boyfriend. Someone to spend weekends with, go on dates, have great sex, but not live together.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 137
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/23/2010 12:22:29 PM
I wouldn't mind living with someone.
Even when I was married I still had my own space and
did my own thing and he did too.
I have a roommate now (which is different than living with
a SO I think) and I can go from one weekend to the next
without seeing him. He does his thing and I do mine.

I think it's possible to continue to be yourself while living
with someone else. I sort of like having the bed to myself,
but I never minded sharing either.

I don't feel the need to live with somebody, but I'm not opposed to it.
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 138
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/23/2010 4:28:05 PM

I think it's possible to continue to be yourself while living
with someone else. I sort of like having the bed to myself,
but I never minded sharing either.I don't feel the need to live with somebody, but I'm not opposed to it.


You make a excellent point, but when you look at the ratio of people here, of men & women who are looking activity to co-hibernate together,the ratio is much greater for men then women, supposedly.
Any thoughts why?
 daffie
Joined: 5/21/2010
Msg: 139
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 1:55:35 AM
^just a guess...
could it be the loss of independence, the cleaning, the washing, the cooking, the pandering, the snoring and the eventual nursing that sometimes can occur when shacking up at our age?...
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 140
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 4:46:49 AM
^that really is a good point, daffie.


I'm in the "over 50" crowd.. and, getting close to the "over 60".
Many men in this crowd may be living their independence right now while single.
"I can do my own washing/cooking (whatever) just fine" they declare with pride.
But due to what has been instilled in them over the years they sort of sit back, once they're living with a woman again, and want to be ... taken care of.

(Notice I did not say "all men")

Some of them (and some females too) may be thinking "what? you don't WANT to do some things that translate to "taking care of" your man if you love him?"
Sure I do.
But I want my time off, also... (unless he's ill)
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 141
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 5:31:45 AM
Really, who can predict who will take care of whom? Typically, women outlive men, but that is just the average, and its relatively unusual for anyone who gets to the needs care stage lasting more than a few years.

My own observation is that women don't need to worry so much about having alone time. Whatever guy they choose to take up with will die off and leave them many years of peace and tranquility for them to enjoy. Strangely, most of the women I know who have achieved such freedom often reflect on how they miss their departed partners, snoring, cooking, cleaning and all. I really wonder what that is all about after reading all the posts here about the luxury of independent life......
 *Just Jim*
Joined: 7/6/2007
Msg: 142
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 5:41:41 AM
I know after my divorce I asked myself where did all this other stuff come from? The inside chores,cleaning & maintaining a household, etc! lol
Whether it be a man or a woman,when the work is taken for granted the desire to do it again is not too high in the want to do list. lol

So what your saying is the men, cuz of their higher rate here, are more dependent. Interesting...

ps. anyway, I paid a person to come twice a week to keep things tiddly. See, we still can cook,clean & cuddle somewhat. lol
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 143
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 6:14:34 AM
^^ Mostly I found myself utterly amazed at how easy it was for me to do all the chores and keep my place up after divorce when I was still without children. Modern conveniences made the work relatively easy, and being alone, I could easily control the amount of mess that was produced. It was more the work associated with kids that, even with the help of a partner, became overwhelming. As the kids move away, life becomes easier and easier, and when the last one goes, I anticipate that the last thing I will be looking for is someone to cater after me. I will be more interested in how messy she is, as different women can have quite different messiness characteristics.

I once knew a woman who had the habit of dropping Kleenex everywhere. Within a week of knowing her my car was awash with abandoned Kleenex, as were parts of my house. Needless to say, it just did not work out.
 browneyesboo
Joined: 5/19/2005
Msg: 144
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 6:50:27 AM
Speaking from personal experience, and speaking for myself only...
I was married young and was married for almost 30 years. While I did
have a lot of independence (I always worked, had my own hobbies and
friends, etc) I was the one that was mostly in charge of the house and
raising the two children. I did the housework, the cooking,the laundry. I was the birthday party genius, santa claus, the tooth fairy and all around good witch
glenda responsible for all entertainment year round. I was responsible for getting the
kids to school/from school/to after school activities/ I was the carpool
person, the person who was responsible for buying birthday presents for
everyone in the family, the person in charge of christmas shopping...the
list goes on. I did this while maintaining a full time job (mostly nights and
weekends) My husband was always there...he was a good dad and a good
person, he just had "his jobs" and I had mine.

So now here I am at 58. I'm still working, but I get up in the morning and
only have to worry about my breakfast and my clothes and how I'm
getting myself to work and back. And I don't have to think about giving
anyone rides or being back at a particular time to make dinner or pick
someone up. I don't have to plan my evening's activities around someone
else. I can decide not to come or to come home late. I can make spur of the
moment weekend plans without worrying about who's needing what. I sort
of like not having to worry about anyone else.

On the other hand, if I had a significant other, I'd be willing to share my time
(but I'd still expect we'd both have our own time)

and PS...ewbies to the kleenix dropping vixen. That's just plain rude and
disgusting!
 Avalon96
Joined: 9/1/2006
Msg: 145
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 6:12:51 PM
.
Having maintained a household for the past 16 yrs on my own,
and minus the rugrats for the past 2 yrs, I have become very comfortable
living alone.

In the beginning I had vowed not to get involved with anyone for the first
2 years as to give me some time for find myself. After completing that phase, I did start to date again but very cautiously, the kids were with me most of time during this period, and it left very little time to being putting much consideration to a partner. My kids also could live where ever they wanted, and I did not want any outside influences causing any friction.

I did meet a nice lady during this time, we got along well, had great times together. She also had 2 kids.
One day, after we had been dating for about 6 months, I decided to put everyone together and see how it worked out. To make a long story short, It didn't go well.
Well, the writing was on the wall, this was not going to be the Brady Bunch.
I could not see myself dealing with the drama of trying to get 4 kids to get along, when each figured it was their own best interest not to. We continued to see each other but, it was not the relationship she wanted, and it ended on peaceful terms.
The next 12 years I hid behind the kids, and very rarely even brought anyone to my home, unless they were elsewhere. I never involved anyone I dated with my children.
Which brings me to now, the kids have been on their own for 2 years, and I seem to be further away from having a relationship than ever. The kids were like my shield, I could pull them out at anytime and retreat. Now I'm out in the open, nowhere to hide.
I work erratic hours, lots of evening shifts, also have a period of time every year when I work 2 jobs, 7 am, to 1 am 5 days a week. Sometimes I don't work at all.
Work or lack of it, is now my new shield, hard to date when I'm unemployed, not too many looking for jobless, no time to date when working. Both cheeks are sore from those horns. LOL.
I was dating someone for a short time, but she wanted more from a relationship than I was willing to give at that time. Wouldn't consider living with anyone until 4 seasons have passed, don't see the need to rush anything.
I enjoy my time alone, don't miss having to keep somebody else's schedule, life is
very relaxed.
Plus,
When you live alone, nobody knows how crazy you really are. LOL
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 146
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 7:29:21 PM

Wouldn't consider living with anyone until 4 seasons have passed, don't see the need to rush anything.


...Talk about "not" being in a rush...I've been on my own for almost 14 years now. But it's only been the last three or fours years that I have actually put myself "out there" Like I've said in other threads....I've had two failed relationships, not about to make that three. Besides, I figure my next relationship is going to be my last...I hope.


I enjoy my time alone, don't miss having to keep somebody else's schedule, life is very relaxed.


I can relate big time. That's why I figure I will have a very difficult time with co-habitating with someone after all this time. Got used to my independance...maybe a little too much.


Plus, When you live alone, nobody knows how crazy you really are. LOL


I prefer to call it eccentric..


...mae
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 147
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/24/2010 8:10:02 PM

Plus, When you live alone, nobody knows how crazy you really are. LOL


boy oh boy is that the truth! lol

And.. I've been saying for awhile, a really good match is when one person's crazy fits well with another person's crazy.
THEN I'd consider partial living together.
 rearguard*2
Joined: 2/8/2008
Msg: 148
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 6:01:11 AM
When you live with someone, your life is a joint endeavour based on many little compromises and personal adjustments which are, to someone who has spent any significant time alone, irritating, to say the least.

If you have reached the stage of being truly happy on your own, its going to take a great effort to reorganize your life to meld with another person, and let's face it, we are all lazy. Both of you have to be really motivated. Its just too easy to take the good and leave the inconvenience by keeping moving along from relationship to relationship.

On the other hand, it is worth the struggle to be a couple if you can make it. It actually takes years of work with many ups and downs along the road to get there, but once there, its something that has no comparison to having friends and going on dates.....
 Merrylass
Joined: 12/30/2007
Msg: 149
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 6:54:11 AM
^^^Couldn't agree more.


without the parts that make you fight all the time(who's going to do the laundry, clean the house, make dinner, etc).


Or else, you do them together rather than fighting about them. I married the ex because, when we were doing laundry together and laughing our butts off, I realized that even drudgery could be improved with someone else in your life.

I like the idea of living with someone again if it could be as much fun as it was with him. The trick is finding someone who's fun to live with. I know people hate Dr. Phil, but you gotta love his question to so many spouses: "how much fun are you to live with"?

It looks like too many people didn't end up having fun together and that's turned them off to living with someone ever again. I guess I was lucky; I hope it's not too much to hope for to get lucky (in that regard LOL) once again.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 150
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 8:52:31 AM

Its just too easy to take the good and leave the inconvenience by keeping moving along from relationship to relationship

BUT.. there are men AND women our age who would be very content/happy to have an ongoing long term relationship with a 'love of their life' and not live 24/7 together.
It does not have to translate into moving along from relationship to relationship.

On the other hand, it is worth the struggle to be a couple if you can make it. It actually takes years of work with many ups and downs along the road to get there, but once there, its something that has no comparison to having friends and going on dates.....
Agree.
But again I point out, this could be accomplished/maintained without a 24/7 live together.
It doesn't have to translate into just being "friends and going on dates".
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 151
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 9:11:20 AM
^^^My goodness Old, but you look so familiar to me.

As for the topic at hand we all want to meet "the love of our lives" but as we grow into who we are and have discarded relationship after relationship we begin to realize a pattern if you will..that white knight is shining armour just isn't out there. And that's okay for those of us whom have been able to know the secret that loving who you are is all the love you'll ever need and finding someone that is 100% compatible down the road is just the icing on the cake that tastes just fine the way it is.
 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 152
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 9:28:42 AM
Oh, now I can place you Old..you were the old "Robin4wheels" awhile back and went after me for every post and thread I ever started. LOL..omg..too funny!! Hope you get to Myrtle beach hon, as it will do your bitter attitude a world of difference but don't count on finding that special guy unless you change a few things within yourself. Just sayin'.

On topic: Life at my age is about choices and I've made some good ones and I've made some bad ones. Do I want to live with someone else at my age?? Right now, no. In a year, who knows? Maybe and maybe not but either way I'll be just fine. I make good money and I have friends and family that adore me so anything else that happens to stroll my way that wants to love me and my 6 cats and 45 fish for who we are will be considered..and ONLY considered for a long term relationship.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 153
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 9:31:40 AM

...the secret that loving who you are is all the love you'll ever need and finding someone that is 100% compatible down the road is just the icing on the cake that tastes just fine the way it is.

I love how you put that!
And that's my feelings, too, to the title question of this thread: "do you feel the need...."



Edit: I see what you wrote above.
it will do your bitter attitude a world of difference but don't count on finding that special guy unless you change a few things within yourself. Just sayin'.
I'm not going to let that stuff bother me, from you, anymore.
See, it's just YOUR interpretation of who I am.


 Seakytten
Joined: 10/2/2010
Msg: 154
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/25/2010 9:54:34 AM
^^^Thank you. And at one time I felt the need to live with someone and now I'm inundated with unconditional love from my cats and fish and I'm just fine with that. (Want em'?? I have 6 cats and 45 fish. lol)

I do hope you can move to Myrtle Beach and wish the best for you.

Edit to your edit: Honey, I never once put you down nor criticized you for anything you ever posted. I just defended myself and hoped you would understand my side of the story. You didn't and went after me like a vulture on a carcass. oh, well.
 StevieCashmere
Joined: 4/22/2009
Msg: 155
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/27/2010 2:49:01 PM
Taken in a differnet context, I'm not against it
~Stevie
 countrymiss52
Joined: 11/15/2010
Msg: 156
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/28/2010 10:45:01 AM
At this point in my life I would love to meet someone but would want to live under separate roofs. I wouldn't be against spending weekends together and trips, but just not live together.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 157
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/28/2010 8:08:22 PM
Well I lived alone for the first time last summer. My youngest had moved out and I found myself alone in a very quiet house in the woods.
I tell you what, I never got so much done in my whole life in those 6 weeks.
I think I was trying to fill the time or the make noise in the silence.
Mind you I am never, I mean absolutely never bored.
But the silence was deafening.
My dog Lucy and I became better aquainted, we had our routine.

My daughter realized after 6 weeks that the grass was greener on this side of the street.
So now we are both here once again, the only difference now is sometimes she pretends to be a grown up and has supper on the table. hmmmm
I know this will end soon and I will be alone again, and I will remodel again until the next chapter unfolds.
I would like a person that has some of their own hobbies that is secure enough, to be okay with having different schedules sometimes.
I am a person who needs processing time about, 2 nights of puttering is good for me.
So Like I said hopefully they have hobbies.lol
 shaggalicious
Joined: 11/26/2010
Msg: 158
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/29/2010 9:44:28 PM
Maybe, but I am not doing his laundry! Come to think of it, not doing his dishes either, or cleaning up after him, or want to be expected to be the one always cooking dinner, or give up my own bathroom, or share the remote or closet space....
Uh, guess I DON'T want to live with someone at this age!
Unless there is a maid, cook, laundress, and gardener, AND I have my own bathroom and closets.
Doubt that situation will ever present itself, so I guess my answer is NO.
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