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 Secondhand_Lion
Joined: 11/10/2008
Msg: 159
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our agePage 6 of 9    (1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9)
^^^^Lord have mercy....where have you been all my life?
 *mae* flowers
Joined: 1/15/2006
Msg: 160
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 11/30/2010 6:01:02 PM
or give up my own bathroom, or share the remote or closet space....



...Share closet space!!!!! I will share almost anything... but not that. And oh yeah, dresser drawers too.

Ya know....come to think of it, why even co habitate.... sleepovers would be so much better.

...mae
 lilmopeep
Joined: 1/7/2008
Msg: 161
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 12/1/2010 5:05:08 PM
I have absolutely, positively NO DESIRE for a human living companion. My 2 cats and I are just fine and happy on our own, thank you!
 hemanmachostudlovegod
Joined: 11/28/2010
Msg: 162
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 12/4/2010 11:06:59 AM
I had good experiences living together so I expect to enjoy the same again. The need I feel that would make living together the obvious choice is to avoid the problem of forgetting her name from the coming and going of not living together. Evidently the sound of the doorbell has the effect of momentarily erasing my memory in that way. If she is always around and especially upon waking then I should be likely to know who she is, one time to the next. It follows naturally that absent any defect of affection the desire that would arise from intimacy is to live together. I understand the preference to protect against repeating past miseries, in the case of having had a bad experience living together, seeing that as a prison sentence and not as a lucky circumstance. When I like being with a woman I want to be with her. I do not want her only occasionally for brief episodic encounters. This is assuming she does not snore very loudly.
 *topchef*
Joined: 8/2/2008
Msg: 164
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 12/4/2010 12:27:46 PM
I am happy in my home and with my life and have been for many years, so I wouldnt call it a need? However.....I look forward to sharing my life with a partner, to once again experience the depth of a committed and loving relationship. I guess I remain a "hopeful romantic".
 peppermint petunias
Joined: 9/2/2009
Msg: 166
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/11/2011 3:50:51 AM

Casual relationships suit me fine really. Dont mind having a boyfriend or a friend with benefits.


Hope you got the results you were looking for with THAT statement!!


Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age

Age has nothing to do with it unless you are afraid to fall and don't have Life alert.

I have a desire to share my life and live with the right man.
Waking up and going to bed with a good man?

Priceless.
 altotermite
Joined: 4/11/2009
Msg: 167
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/11/2011 4:40:45 AM
How convenient ," I don't mind having a boyfriend or a friend with benefits." I don't get it. So you don't want to be in love!!!...
 thetrick123
Joined: 7/16/2010
Msg: 168
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/12/2011 4:05:25 AM
I agree with Peppermint petunias, I've been living alone for a very long time. And sure its nice not having to answer to anyone, pick-up after someone, ect. ect. If I found the right man, I would certainly entertain the notion about sharing my cherished space with him. Its more fun cooking for 2, its waaaay more fun go to bed and waking up with someone you like laying next to you. I'll keep my options open on this one.
 Life_Is_Better
Joined: 1/8/2011
Msg: 169
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/26/2011 5:23:08 PM
MTCW on this... there are many considerations that would affect whether or not one "lived" with another when one is older. When one is young and has nothing, there is little to lose. However, as one advances in time, the possessions accrue. As well as good habits and bad. When it comes to a relationship, as many here have stated, there can be love. But the practicatilities of life preclude living together. A couple can get together every day, and in fact can share one another's life, including sleeping together. But... when one moves in with another, the challenges start. For example. After a given length of time, a common-law relationship is deemed to exist and separation of assets can be a challenge - not necessarily because of a break-up, but by bad luck, in case of death. If one has gotten married, this issue is moot, but if one is not married... what the kids think of the relationship, the challenge of getting along, the idea of not being able to "do one's own thing". Life is easier when a couple do not live together.

I think many do not see this as a monagamous relationship - but rather the lifestyle of a swinger. I believe that a couple can get along very well together WITHOUT living together. They can enjoy the benefits of being a "couple" with the freedom of staying single. They can plan their time together - be it evenings, weekends, trips, but still have their own living space. A big advantage is that one can live as one likes without having to conform to someone else's idea of what is right (for example, I keep the living room, guest room and bathroom neat and tidy, but the rest of the house has a lived in look - I live in a home, not a magazine fashion place.) One could say it is all about comfort level.

It all boils down to the individual. Not everyone sees this as a good thing, but I, for one, do. Having lived with a SO for many years, I have had the experience - which was both good and bad. I would never do it again. While I believe it is nice to have a special person in one's life, having one's own haven to return to is special as well. The concept of "living together" is up to the couple, but when one is older, the "need" to live together is not always there.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 171
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/26/2011 9:32:17 PM
^^^Nice post.

I don't want a boyfriend that lives across town, or a FWB or a FW-anything....I want a relationship/partner/companion/lover in "our" home. To me, two people make a home. I don't care how many cats or dogs or grandkids or kids you have living with you, it does not make up for a relationship. There is a huge difference.

Being two is way more fun than being one.
 whatevs_meh
Joined: 1/4/2011
Msg: 172
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/27/2011 4:44:48 AM
Living alone is nice - you answer only to yourself, can come and go as you please and everything that comes with it.

But - joining with someone to build something together is amazing. A home, a life, everything done as a team. There is nothing better than that.
 Meeting_At_The_Crossroads
Joined: 2/23/2010
Msg: 174
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/27/2011 11:45:31 AM
Why do two people have to live together to love each other?? I know of several couples who each own their separate homes, but get together for dates, dinner, parties, holiday trips and so on... all the things couples do - except live together.

The big issue at this time of our lives (say over 50), is the issue of assets. As long as a relationship is rosy, things are great. But not all relationships are meant to last (for whatever reason, and there are many I think you all would agree). The bottom line is that marriage (or the equivalent common-law relationship) brings challenges when there is a break-up. And sometimes one person loses a lot - financially speaking. If one is contemplating moving in with someone, the best advice one can give is to get a pre-nuptial agreement - done up by lawyers representing each party. There is no "shame" in doing this. As the rich gal from Germany recently stated, the pre-nup agreement simply indicates to the world that the two people are marrying for love, not money. (So have an air-tight agreement in place, just in case.)

A good friend (age 65) stated it well: never marry a person who has less to lose than you do. Wise words !

Either that, or keep your own place and avoid the hassles of financial and possession co-mingling and simply enjoy one another's company in a monagmous relationship.
 karma1160
Joined: 6/10/2008
Msg: 176
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 12:19:26 PM
Well I don't feel the need, but I definitly miss things that I can't have without living with someone .
So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................
Yes I guess I do want to live with someone.
 Pingshooter
Joined: 3/15/2009
Msg: 177
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 2:54:05 PM

So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................


Nope..I miss the same things..sigh..
 Irish Eyez
Joined: 12/30/2008
Msg: 178
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 3:03:21 PM
Not a chance!

I am very busy with my own, personal world and that comes first!
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 179
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 3:24:32 PM
I'm with Karma and Pingshooter on this one.
 DrummingNut
Joined: 4/26/2010
Msg: 180
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/28/2011 7:11:20 PM

a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................

Welllllllll...... maybe you should "go on" to thinking about how life doesn't usually flow on sweet and wonderful like that.
I mean, that's a lovely memory.. or a lovely fantasy.
Happens to a few. Dreams of many.
There's a whole lot of other realities that are involved.
And at this age, I've come to realize that a very good relationship can be had without the total living together.
There still can be lots of what you wrote about going on.
AND there can be times of just coming home to my own little nest, while he goes home to his. I don't know, at this stage I think that helps preserve the relationship.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 181
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 12:36:16 PM
Welsh wrote:

I'm with Karma and Pingshooter on this one.

Hmmm Karma, Welsh & Ping, widows and a widower miss the simple things that a relation can provide they know happy relationships do and can exist..hope for those who failed to maintain that happiness..
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 182
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:07:07 PM
A widower friend said to me "you know, I have friends to go for a beer with, friends to golf with, family and friends to have meals with - what I miss is someone to do nothing with". To me this spoke volumes. I miss that as well, the "he's in the den and I'm in the living room but I know he's there and loves me". I once had in my old profile that I wanted someone to touch toes with in the middle of the night....I miss those seemingly silly things and I want it again. Yes, I know they do and can exist.
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 183
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:31:10 PM
"So if I had to weigh my peace and tranquility against a buddy to cook with, drink coffee with, wake up next to, chat about our day at the end of the day, hold each others hands when things get rough, laugh with because we know each others funny bone, see the beauty of this country and others with, buy groceries with, watch movies snuggled up in a blanket with the dog on sunday afternoons with, shall I go on................"

"A widower friend said to me "you know, I have friends to go for a beer with, friends to golf with, family and friends to have meals with - what I miss is someone to do nothing with".

I am a widow too, but I long since got over feeling like this. I never needed/wanted someone to do nothing with. I never did want someone to shop with..........never did understand the point of that.........but then I am a power shopper. I used to think that I need someone to see the beauty of the country with, thankfully I learned to appreciate nature without company.

I wouldn't change a thing about the marriage I had, but that way then, and this is now. I have changed and wouldn't consider living with someone 24/7. Men contact me, and I inform them right away that I don't do live in if they have relationship marked on their profile. The answer I get from them is "yes, but when you fall in love that all changes". They just haven't got to the point where they understand having a relationship where two people don't want to live together.
 URXO2
Joined: 8/27/2009
Msg: 184
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 1:59:12 PM
Well moraima you had a relationship that was good and lasted maybe that's all you needed, maybe sub-consciously you're preserving that relationship that's why your not looking for another, who knows maybe you've found the true path to happiness in your case..
Personally I'd like to try again, one person, one lover, one best friend to enjoy the journey, true you have to deal with someone else's wants and needs but the advantages outweigh the disadvantages IMO...
 moraima
Joined: 6/26/2005
Msg: 185
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 3:32:07 PM
"you had a relationship that was good and lasted maybe that's all you needed"

That is the conclusion I have come to.

"maybe sub-consciously you're preserving that relationship that's why your not looking for another,"

No, after 17 years of looking around at what is available, it is availability that is the issue. We were young, no ex's, no kids, no issues. All these years later, I haven't met one person that I could now be comfortable living with. No one's fault that years have passed and most have piled up unhappy relationships with ex(s), kids etc. IMO, as people age all the unhappiness they have had is never far from their minds. I don't want to have to live with that. I am content. I won't be living with someone who isn't content. Just the luck of it all, but I don't meet anyone who fits the bill. Now, even if I did, I don't want to loose any sleep due to snoring. Don't want one min. of my life to have a dark cloud because the person in my life is annoyed/bored whatever.

"who knows maybe you've found the true path to happiness in your case.."

So true.

I can't think of one advantage of living with someone. I can think of every advantage of having separate homes.
 Welsh474
Joined: 9/13/2010
Msg: 186
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 1/29/2011 6:38:07 PM
^^^All of us have found the ones interesting to us but they have no interest in us. We have the ones that are interested in us but we're not interested in them. The hard part is getting to where both are interested.

Some will want a livein relationship, others don't. One way is not better than the other - it's what ever works for us. And some don't want a partner at all as they are content with their world of travel or hobbies or work or dogs or grandkids - it fills them up adequately. Me, I have hope that I will find another perfect for me to spend the rest of my life with in a shared home. To me it has more advantages than disadvantages - thank goodness we're all different.
 Lucy1122
Joined: 1/18/2010
Msg: 187
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Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 2/1/2011 8:32:40 AM
I am hearing you!! I love living alone now, pretty certain I could not live with someone again! This is the best time of my life. I am not stressed over a husband not doing anything around the house. Kids leaving their things all over the house...and every light on. I can actually sit on the sofa and hear the clock tick....never heard that before.it's a beautiful sound.
 Laha Math
Joined: 7/15/2010
Msg: 189
Do you feel the need to live with somebody at our age
Posted: 2/9/2011 5:20:19 PM
I've lived alone since 1978 and do not feel a need to live with someone. Starting i n 1987 I shared the house with a dog for 12 years and enjoyed the company but would not want to have to go through the training and daily walks now. Modern household appliances make it easy to live alone. The biological imperative is no longer as strong as it was in my 20's and 30's.

However, even if I did feel the need it would not be advisable because the law here states after you've lived together for one year you're married common law with tax, estate, and benefits implications. Also if you both own a house, one of you has to give up the tax free capital gain as a couple can only claim for one "principal residence". That means a reduction in the inheritance for one's children. People around here tend to have a house and a pension and not much savings.
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